Jessica Simpson is convinced people are “out to get” her and blasted the press for linking her to Johnny Knoxville last year. She spoke out for the first time about the press reports about Knoxville, saying “It’s so cruel and I just try not to let it affect me, whatever everybody was thinking about me. If I did, I don’t think I’d be here now. I can’t save anything from being talked about because then it becomes this game, and it’s not a fun game. I feel like everybody’s always out to get me, and that’s a weird feeling.”
People are only trying to get one thing from Jessica Simpson, and it rhymes with scoobs. Because that’s all there is to her. Nobody wants to listen to a girl to whom intelligent debate means arguing which is the best letter on Sesame Street (“I dunno, five is pretty good.” Pause. “Jess, five is a number”). The only one who wants to listen to her is my pillow, because that’s where I’d smoosh her head during sex.
Lala | March 3, 2006 at 9:59 am
Jessica darling, two words:
Your daddy
UCSD | March 3, 2006 at 9:59 am
I want to feel her scoobs.
jugsgirl | March 3, 2006 at 10:08 am
Hey Mr. Superfish or Mrs. Superfish,
Please stop using this cute photos of Jessica. Haven’t you heard that she has gained like 30 pounds? Shes not this pretty anymore either.
Thanks and Good Job on slowing down on the stories about that butt whore paris.
If you ever need anything, don’t be afraid to ask!
Have a Great Weekend!
Love,
Jugsgirl
DrDanny | March 3, 2006 at 10:13 am
Yeah, isn’t there a nip-slip photo you could use instead? At least give us some cleavage.
And when can we expect the Jess&Nick (with or without Knoxville) sex tape? I’d pay to see that one!
PURPLE_GURL | March 3, 2006 at 10:19 am
i cant help to notice her statement sounds like a 5 yr old child ranting. next thing she’ll have “weird feelings” about is cooties…..or crabs whichever
BarbadoSlim | March 3, 2006 at 10:29 am
Jessica, I know how you canget rid of those who are trying to get, you stop all the voices. Now go go to daddys closet, yeah look up, yes the box, next to the strap on…yes you got it now grab the gun now get the bullets put them in yeeeees now put up to your head, finger the trigger SQEEEEEZE!!!
kuennen sux | March 3, 2006 at 10:49 am
and if suddenly she was no longer in the press, would she cry about that?
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 3, 2006 at 11:03 am
I wish I could hit her. I’m talking as hard as I can, right in her mouth.
HollyJ | March 3, 2006 at 11:08 am
I think it’s impressive that she survives on only a brainstem.
sqongo | March 3, 2006 at 11:28 am
Jealous or gay,all of ya!!Shes a babelicious honey from heaven!
HollyJ | March 3, 2006 at 11:33 am
Do I have to be either-or? Can’t I be jealous AND gay?
chelleann66 | March 3, 2006 at 11:34 am
Shut up Sqongo.
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 3, 2006 at 11:34 am
#10 The fact that you actually typed the words “babelicious honey from heaven!”, tells me one thing…You suck.
rds0811 | March 3, 2006 at 11:35 am
If she would just show her knockers then everyone would finally be satisfied and leave her alone lol
bjpack | March 3, 2006 at 11:41 am
Jessica, don’t fret. There are blessings all around us just waiting to be noticed. Find the simple things we all take for granted. Listen to the voice of your heart, not the voice in your head. Be wise and steadfast. Pay attention to the direction of the wind so that your steps will seem to walk lighter, making your journey through life a bit easier. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’ Always remember that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a gift to be enjoyed.
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 3, 2006 at 11:43 am
I think I want to punch bjpack (nice name) in the chin too.
Spindoc | March 3, 2006 at 11:47 am
Oh Boo Hoo, people are MEAN, wahhhhhh!! I guess you’ll have to take the millions you get paid for being stupid and showing the occaisional flash of side-boob and buy yourself a big pity party.
BarbadoSlim | March 3, 2006 at 12:05 pm
That’s some funny material bjpack, at least I hope you’re doing material…if not, then it’s really sad and I feel sorry for you.
sqongo | March 3, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Fatso boom boom,in the chin?Punch ON the chin will be easier retardoid,D’oh!!
DuckBoy | March 3, 2006 at 12:28 pm
Britney Spears > Jessica Simpson
always has been, always will be
when Britney comes back Jesscia will fade away once again
rori | March 3, 2006 at 12:32 pm
Okay people pay attention to the old posts. Bjpack is just quoting from one of J.Simp’s wonderfully inspiring letters. Don’t make me smack a bitch or two.
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 3, 2006 at 12:36 pm
No…I meant “IN” the chin…Like, from the inside of his face to the outside. Jerk-off.
BarbadoSlim | March 3, 2006 at 12:36 pm
oops my bad , please don’t smack me, you’d have to break thru my monitor and I just bought this laptop.:)
Fatty Boom-Batty | March 3, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Rori, you’re right. BJPACK I appologize. Punch to the chin retracted.
Miss Diamond | March 3, 2006 at 12:51 pm
Now she’s commenting on her thing with him
now she knows it could affect her divorce
she girl is an idiot
Devil Is Chrome | March 3, 2006 at 1:14 pm
Darlin’ – of course people are out to get you.
Now, remember that when you’re driving in your new Mercedes, looking at million dollar mansions and getting felt up by your dad.
Isn’t being a celebrity FUN?
maiira | March 3, 2006 at 1:22 pm
All I’m hearing of this story is “blah blah blah Jessica Simpson is dumb blah blah blibbity.” Boring, boring, boring. This shit is no longer interesting.
And for the record, I, for one, knew that bjpack was quoting Jessica’s stuff. So HAH.
bjpack | March 3, 2006 at 1:38 pm
After I typed those Jessica quotes I started to really think about them…I mean really, deeply think about them. Then I passed out and I just woke up. All of my hair is laying on the ground where my head had hit and I no longer know who I am or why I’m typing this. Mommy?
sikofdis | March 3, 2006 at 1:54 pm
People are “out to get her”? I wish I could go “out to get her” one of those little DIY tool sheds and lock her up in it in the middle of nowhere with an old funky tube sock stuffed in her mouth so this dumb-as-a-board twat would just shut the fuck up!!!
For fuck’s sake!
ESQ | March 3, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Oh Jess just shut-up and pose for Playboy already before your career goes south.
A2Bcom | March 3, 2006 at 2:22 pm
I have to agree with #2 and the weight gain will only make her scoobs fuller. Must feel great!
gogoboots | March 3, 2006 at 2:25 pm
She doesn’t like Johnny Knoxville, does she? So her paranoia is because people are talking about her and (put male celeb name here). Uhm, if she had eyes she’d notice that she’s on almost EVERY stupid tabloid magazine in the world. This means stop being a slut and getting more silicone lip implants. Boo-hoo, Baby Jessica, this must be great publicity for you!
MeganHarris | March 3, 2006 at 6:00 pm
Jessica Simpson, where has your love gone?
meli | March 3, 2006 at 9:33 pm
fucking or not, a friend saw the two of them over at insurrection (sex shop) here in GA while they were here filming DoH. Seems pretty straightforward to me.
hafaball | March 3, 2006 at 10:43 pm
I want one thing from her and it rythmes with sex! Wait…no, sex is the thing i want from her. Then it rythmes with…sex. But Knoxville must be a fucking bad guy to know if it causes traumatic psychological problems to the person who might know him…
ButtSnack | March 4, 2006 at 1:02 am
She should be paranoid about this hot little number getting out:
http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/jessica_simpson/vintage_simpson_20060302.php
Tetsuo | March 4, 2006 at 5:58 am
Shoosh sqongo.
Buffy Holt | March 4, 2006 at 8:05 am
Course she’s gonna slam the Knoxville/Bam rumours. Lachey’s chasing her for spousal support.
tide | March 4, 2006 at 10:36 am
I never understood why the media picked up on this Knoxville thing with Jessica. Dukes of Hazard and Just my Luck were both filming in New Orleans at the same exact time. Lindsey Lohan and Knoxville were seen together at bars numerous times. She was chasing him all around town. That’s what was really going on, not Jessica.
slinkhard | March 4, 2006 at 11:38 am
I’ve never got why the media picked up on Jess/Knoxville/Bam; and Nick getting sucked off by strippers every weekend pretty much got ignored.
Otto | March 4, 2006 at 12:42 pm
I was briefly linked to Johnny Knoxville in the press and it wasn’t fun, believe me. Actually it was a living hell. It almost tore Steve-O and I apart.
happy_bunny | March 4, 2006 at 10:54 pm
This blog used to be funny. What happened?
mamacita | March 5, 2006 at 11:08 am
I think it’s funny that the writer used the words ‘scoobs’ and ‘smoosh’. That’s not even going into the genius of his comedic talent.
“Nobody wants to listen to a girl to whom intelligent debate means arguing which is the best letter on Sesame Street (“I dunno, five is pretty good.” Pause. “Jess, five is a number”).”
Seriously, what’s not funny about that?
LaydeeBug | March 5, 2006 at 11:58 am
Boy, she sure is making a big deal about something that supposedly (THAT’s how is spelled) did not happen. Methinks Jess doth protest too much.
Jessica honey, you’re not a virgin anymore. Get a brain transplant or something but please step into the real world of concrete and shit and out of the marshmallow and unicorn fantasy world you live in. Or go live with Michael Jackson and the giraffe in Neverland. OH and one more thing, girl you have a great voice, USE IT and stop singing those stupid Britney Spears-type songs meant for the less talented. GOSH!!!
mamacita | March 5, 2006 at 6:27 pm
Oooooh LaydeeBug, was that a Napoleon reference? Geez Napoleon get off and make yourself a dang quesadilla!!! That’s hysterical! Hopefully you were actually making a Napoleon reference or else this entire post is completely pointless and stupid. Wait. Maybe it’s completely pointless and stupid anyway. Oh well.
Becky | March 6, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Poor Jess, who will make her feel beautiful in just her Tshirt now?
HughJorganthethird | March 6, 2006 at 7:01 pm
If Jessica died would her organs be used for transplants or would doctors be worried about a possible rejection based on stupidity?
LaydeeBug | March 10, 2006 at 11:32 pm
Yes Mamacita, It was. Now go make yourself a fa-jy-ta.
LaydeeBug | March 10, 2006 at 11:32 pm
Yes Mamacita, It was. Now go make yourself a fa-jy-ta and feed the llama.
mamacita | March 12, 2006 at 9:52 am
Tina, come get some ham!