Jessica Simpson is paranoid

*jessica_simpson_thumb5.jpgJessica Simpson is convinced people are “out to get” her and blasted the press for linking her to Johnny Knoxville last year. She spoke out for the first time about the press reports about Knoxville, saying “It’s so cruel and I just try not to let it affect me, whatever everybody was thinking about me. If I did, I don’t think I’d be here now. I can’t save anything from being talked about because then it becomes this game, and it’s not a fun game. I feel like everybody’s always out to get me, and that’s a weird feeling.”

People are only trying to get one thing from Jessica Simpson, and it rhymes with scoobs. Because that’s all there is to her. Nobody wants to listen to a girl to whom intelligent debate means arguing which is the best letter on Sesame Street (“I dunno, five is pretty good.” Pause. “Jess, five is a number”). The only one who wants to listen to her is my pillow, because that’s where I’d smoosh her head during sex.