Jessica Simpson has penned a rambling, stream-of-consciousness, punctuation-free letter to her fans. It may make you kinda dizzy:
“I just wanted to let ya’ll know that with everything we go through in life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad, the right, the wrong, the-think-we-don’t-belong, we all have to allow our hearts to remain open to create who we are,” Simpson says. “Find that for yourself no matter what. Take the advice from the wisdom of those we love.” Simpson then goes on to quote from Corinthians 15:33, saying, “Remember that bad company corrupts good character.” Nor does she stop there. ” … Breathe to allow yourself the freedom to just be. Getting to know yourself is so important. Spend time alone with your thoughts for this creates a world of true serenity. Do not be afraid. Inner beauty, outward charm — greet everyone we meet with a smile (unless it is paparazzi — haha), a smile is contagious.” She concludes this love manifesto with the following: “I love you guys so much and appreciate the support through all the unfortunate pain of loss. What doesn’t kill us makes stronger. Carry on. Soar. Glide. Fly. This is a wonderful life.”
I don’t even know where to start. It’s like she got lost in a Hallmark shop. This is something an eleven-year-old girl writes after a 7th Heaven marathon. And the sick thing is that undoubtedly after Jessica completed this, she silently nodded to herself, with tears in her eyes, and whispered “Yes. This is my best work yet.” And then her sister tells her “Jess, sweetie, you were typing on the piano.”
Thanks to Angie for the tip.
clearly this walking abortion is knee deep in self help books. highlighting the uplifting passages while secretly wishing nick were there to bone her.
why are we all so hard on nick? he obviously couldn’t put up with her stupid questions i.e. why the sky is blue, where the doo doo goes when you flush the toilet etc.
Jessica Simpson is inspiring… inspiring me to kill myself.
The hardships of Jessica’s life:
living in Britney’s shadow for years, becoming famous for being dumb, allowing hollywood to ruin her marriage, allowing her creepy father to turn her into a whore
I’d go crazy too
Good Lord!
In the name of Jesus, GET THEE BEHIND ME!! (one sec…let me move to the edge of a cliff…with my back to it)
My God! I wrote better than this in 6th grade. She must have been drunk on Jesus juice or something, which, if I was there, I’d be forced to slap the annoyingness out of her.
“Breathe to allow yourself the freedom to just be” — I’m amused that she needs to remind herself to breathe! lol that’s great.
We know who the newest writer for Halmark is.
We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view Jess-
This observer is not at all surprised by the lugubrious level of literary illumination Miss Simpson has attainted in her lifetime. The fact is that most of the world’s population cannot construct a sentence and/or is not conversant with even the most basic grammatical constructions. (Another fact is that most do not place any value on this type of knowledge and cannot understand why a minority actually cares.)
This is the fault of technology and the society that worships it. When “u r 2 funny ROTFLMAO,” etc. passes as legitimate communication in everyday life and virtually everybody involved in the media, including high-profile journalists, makes mistakes in their speech or is simply a lazy, contrived orator, languate takes body blow after body blow. Count how many times you hear “like” used when there’s no need for a simile or a comparison.
Miss Simpson — not to mention many people who choose to post their ideas online — is a trail-blazing inspiration in the discipline of The New English. She is an opinion-leader. Aging gatekeepers such as myself, though we let our freak flags fly, are on the way out. The diction of Anderson Cooper* is the new way; news reports set to music are a logical tendril spreading from the MTV family tree; and the coffee mugs are getting bigger on “GMA,” “Today” and the other morning variety shows.
But this observer also believes in New Traditions. So I say to Miss Simpson, Keep up the good work!
*A major component on a revolutionary sociological novel underway in my Beltway-based hidey-hole.
==============
Like a fish in the water
You don’t know where you’ve been
Till you jump out
And take a look around
At the big picture
When you have a pretty face and/or a great figure you can get away with writing like this. And doesn’t the saying go….
“What doesn’t kill you only puts off the inevitable.”
Devo,
Your eulogy to the lost art of grammar and syntax might be more convincing if it were not filled with typos such as “Miss Simpson has attainted”, “languate takes body blow after body blow”; and misplaced modifiers, “a minority” – like one person of color, or do you mean a minority of people? Additionally, your lament supports the idea of some prelapsarian version of English that actually never was- English has always been an aggregate of many languages; historically viewed as too base for the court, and always already morphing via location (Australian English, UK English, American English) and usage. Languages that don’t change die which is also an interesting link with your embodiment of English taking a “body” blow. Perhaps you should join the Alliance Francaise who is fighting the linguistic war against “le big mac” and “le weekend sexy”. What is also strange is that American English, the lingua franca of international business and Internet is seen much like her national parent- bossy and squeezing out native languages abroad. The irony of this post on language and usage could only be funnier if it was posted by Jessica Simpson or Bush.
Come on, this about it…. are we actually assuming that Trashlee knew the difference between the keyboard and the piano?
sorry typo *think
As a joke, I read her, um, words out loud. First there was a long silence in the house. Then my cat dropped dead. The power went out, and in the darkenss, my boyfriend had a seizure. The power of this woman’s words cannot be underestimated.
Thank you, Jessica, for saying something your fans would obviously not understand.
In every phots I ever see she’s got her enormous trap open exposing her cum-lapping tongue.
Maybe her whole career is supposed to be a joke…for those with a grand sense of humor.
I also heard she doesn’t believe in shaving her pubic hair. She’s probably wondering why they don’t make a razor for women.