Jessica Simpson has composed another encouragement-crammed, proverb-packed message to her fans. “You guys, there are blessings all around us just waiting to be noticed,” she writes from Santa Fe, N.M., where she’s filming Employee of the Month. “Today, find the simple things we all take for granted. Listen to the voice of your heart, not the voice in your head. Be wise and steadfast. Pay attention to the direction of the wind so that your steps will seem to walk lighter, making your journey through life a bit easier.” Jessica also quotes from the Bible again, referencing Isaiah 30:21, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’” She concludes by saying “Always remember that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a gift to be enjoyed.”
Well, the voice in my heart says that if Jessica’s brain was a television, the only show on would be Teletubbies. The voice in my head pretty much agrees, but also helpfully adds that if her boobs were a television I would’ve electrocuted myself long ago.
BollyWould | February 28, 2006 at 10:20 am
So you can sneeze WITH your eyes open!…Narf!
sugarbuzz | February 28, 2006 at 10:30 am
I can’t believe this chick is even still around. Average looks, cosmetic who knows what, no talent and an i.q. equal to my shoe!?!? This is who people want to entertain them? I can’t wait to see her wind up in a trailer, drunk and fat in 5 yrs. and a ‘Where are they now’ special about her current drug addictions…Go away
ESQ | February 28, 2006 at 10:32 am
I can just picture the setting in which she wrote this: Sitting in an extra large tub filled with her brand of bath bubbles, (you know the ones she was hocking a while ago) with her hair wrapped up in a turban, with scented vanilla candles lit all over the place, and a box of Kleenex on hand. While her dog sitting next to the tub looking up at her with his eyes, making her think he understands her….
She is hott, I would have to bang the ridiculous out of her, but then I would make enroll in college or at least 5th grade.
CheekyChops | February 28, 2006 at 10:33 am
I found a non-anagram of Jessica Simpson’s name: BIG TITS NO TALENT.
ESQ | February 28, 2006 at 10:34 am
I meant to add “her”
minnesotacharm | February 28, 2006 at 10:38 am
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
SMF121490 | February 28, 2006 at 10:39 am
Poor Jessica, no brains and no talent. What is she go to do when her looks are gone?
uncommonamerican | February 28, 2006 at 10:42 am
This bitch is totally the new fucking Dalai Lama. I’m going to start following all her teachings.
CT_girl | February 28, 2006 at 10:46 am
Is it just me or does Jessica’s hair look like Barbara Walters?
Sheva | February 28, 2006 at 10:50 am
Jessica, listen for the right path. Here, this way to divorce court. And bring your checkbook biyatch. Make it out to Nickey Lachey.
Baroness | February 28, 2006 at 10:58 am
Haha! I agree, #9.
That picture is just nuts.
Arjuno | February 28, 2006 at 10:59 am
She’s clearly an idiot. To all those people who say “She only acts dumb..”, I say this: Jessica Simpson is brilliant at acting dumb in the same way that a dwarf is brilliant at being short.
Gerald Tarrant | February 28, 2006 at 11:02 am
For #2, she is still around because it is easy and enjoyable to make fun of retards.
Spindoc | February 28, 2006 at 11:03 am
AWESOME!!!! Advice on Life From Jessica Simpson! That is SO COOL!! I hope that next time she writes her advice on MARRIAGE for the rest of us idiots.
God I hope this movie bombs so I won’t have to hear her speak again. Jessica, take some advice, shut up and wear something tight, you’re like a politicion who’s ratings drop everytime they open their mouths.
justforkicks | February 28, 2006 at 11:04 am
Hey, don’t be dissin the Teletubbies!
Don'tPanic | February 28, 2006 at 11:07 am
She is a complete moron, but the people saying she is average looking are insane. She is beautiful, I mean I wouldn’t trade my brain to look like her, but she is certainly not average.
suzy | February 28, 2006 at 11:10 am
Um… Superficial? Haven’t you posted this before? Maybe, like a month or two ago??
suzy | February 28, 2006 at 11:12 am
um… lol well you stated another and i kinda skipped over that, sorry lol… but still if Jess wants to give encouragement, let her do so, doesn’t mean we have to listen
oh, and that picture is hilarious lol
playahater101 | February 28, 2006 at 11:21 am
I love how these celebs feel it necessary to quote the bible. Just b/c her dad WAS a preacher at one point in his life. I wonder what God would say about whoring your daughters out to the entertainment industry? Cause as far as I can tell, Jessica and Ashlee aren’t nuns in training.
And are people seriously THAT concerned about her that she feels she needs to leave these little messages? She’s an idiot for not getting a prenup and that’s her own fault.
playahater101 | February 28, 2006 at 11:22 am
I love how these celebs feel it necessary to quote the bible. Just b/c her dad WAS a preacher at one point in his life. I wonder what God would say about whoring your daughters out to the entertainment industry? Cause as far as I can tell, Jessica and Ashlee aren’t nuns in training.
And are people seriously THAT concerned about her that she feels she needs to leave these little messages? She’s an idiot for not getting a prenup and that’s her own fault.
CoJo | February 28, 2006 at 11:46 am
Barbra Walters??? Funny, but my first thought this morning was,
“What the fuck is Joan Rivers doing on the Superficial!?!”
Seriously – her ugly, empty soul is seeping out of her skin.
I hate her and I hate her fans even more. I hate her so much I would rather read a story about Britney Spears.
senin | February 28, 2006 at 11:54 am
How in God’s name did she get her face contorted that way? She looks like Joan Rivers!!!
Regarding her spiritual BS – VOMIT!
LoneWolf | February 28, 2006 at 12:15 pm
“Always remember that life is not a problem to be solved, it is a gift to be enjoyed.” and may I add, “Jessica Simpson is not a celebrity to be taken seriously, she is a dancing monkey to be ridiculed.”
Best picture of her I’ve ever seen.
PostAcidYouth | February 28, 2006 at 12:20 pm
Am I the only one who doesn’t think Jessica Simpson has nice breasts? Unless the dictionary definition of ‘nice’ has been altered to mean ‘perfectly spherical and shiny’….
DonLes91 | February 28, 2006 at 12:21 pm
I’d hit it. That rack would make me forget the fact she has the IQ of [any inanimate object].
Mary45 | February 28, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Me thinks daddy Joe is hitting it again, and using the bible to tell her “it’s ok and it’s natural”… ;-D
happy_bunny | February 28, 2006 at 12:38 pm
#6 “I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”
Over what? Or are you under the mistaken impression that that hackneyed line was ever funny even in the correct context?
gogoboots | February 28, 2006 at 12:42 pm
She’s a fucking genius and you guys all know it! Where is that picture from anyway, she looks mentally retarded…
otteaux | February 28, 2006 at 12:48 pm
Those cans of hers exonerates her of all sins… I’d band the Jeebus right out of her.
otteaux | February 28, 2006 at 12:49 pm
I meant “bang” of course…
Mr. Fritz | February 28, 2006 at 12:52 pm
I love how the tramp goes from minister’s virgin daughter to pop idol to sex symbol to Daisy Duke to separated from a douche bag and back to a devout Christian. This girl needs a therapist and ECT.
gogoboots | February 28, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Jessica’s gettin’ weirder like Michael Jackson, soon her boobs will explode, hopefully no one will be around when that happens, except maybe Paris, Nicole, Misha and all those other lollipop headed bimbos.
lloydyboy | February 28, 2006 at 1:06 pm
According to the Bible, she’s spoiled goods because she had another man’s dick in her. If it weren’t for that, I’d bust a load in her.
lomies | February 28, 2006 at 1:06 pm
oh WOW! it’s not every day that we get a preview of what a hot young starlet will look like when she’s old, withered and beyond the beyond in face lifts!
smartass | February 28, 2006 at 1:12 pm
Scary. There are so many atupid people in this world who want to see, hear & actually take seriously anything stupid celebrities say, that we have endless pics & stories about them. Are there any intelligent ones left?? I hope the movie flops like the last one did.
guest1234567 | February 28, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Does anybody believe she actually made up those deep thoughts herself? How can anyone who thinks buffalos have wings use the words ‘be wise and steadfast’?
Zed | February 28, 2006 at 1:50 pm
That picture’s a scream.
Of course if I were she, I’d sue you for millions for posting it, but, good news, I’m not, so ha-ha! Great picture!
Nick sent it over, right?
bjpack | February 28, 2006 at 2:01 pm
She looks and sounds like someone who just finished Rejected Hallmark Card Quote therapy.
Tania | February 28, 2006 at 2:08 pm
Is that chicken or fish that I smell?
Yep. It’s fish.
that-dog-is-shifty-eyed | February 28, 2006 at 2:41 pm
If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast. So does this bitch and her souless musings.
She looks like that old sneezy turtle from “The Never Ending Story”.
Grphdesi23 | February 28, 2006 at 2:41 pm
There’s absolutely no way Jessica ever said that.
tits_on_snack | February 28, 2006 at 2:43 pm
“…but she has booobiieeees”…
It’s amazing how much people will put up with, simply because of two dangling skin-bags of chest lard and blood vessels.
From now on, I’m using my big boobs as a licence to be a totally annoying retard.
hahaboo6 | February 28, 2006 at 2:47 pm
She looks like she’s 40. And she has the weirdest nose ever!
Grphdesi23 | February 28, 2006 at 2:47 pm
And this is the same woman who wondered if Chicken of the Sea was either Fish or Chicken?
Madonna | February 28, 2006 at 2:49 pm
She’s always sending out those idiotic chain emails and they eventually get around to me. What she does is copy and paste them, and pretends she wrote it herself. I really try to encourage all these young girls to read more books, but they don’t.
Devil Is Chrome | February 28, 2006 at 2:50 pm
If she could even begin to understand any aspect of the bible or its history I think her head would explode.
and I don’t care if she has boobs – my grandma has boobs but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let her get away with being a feckking tard.
Joe Mamma | February 28, 2006 at 3:35 pm
Hey, Tits_on_snack, glad to hear you are no longer driving without a license.
tits_on_snack | February 28, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Thanks Joe Mamma. My baby can still ride in my lap though, right?
Tha-Flash | February 28, 2006 at 3:56 pm
Firstly, I think the bible and religion is a load of bollocks. I do agree life should be enjoyed and it is not a problem.
The funny thing is…
It reminds me like if there’s a newspost about a celebrity – let’s all flame them because we are jealous and insecure within ourselves…
Roderick | February 28, 2006 at 4:22 pm
After writing this, I bet she yelled “Run’s House!” and tried to cut to commercial, only to fail under the harsh circumstances of reality; the reality that her life isn’t actually a TV show.