Jessica Simpson wears a ‘skort’

February 13th, 2009 // 119 Comments

Here’s Jessica Simpson performing at Madison Square Garden last night in a skort. Since I have a penis, I have no idea what the hell a skort is, but this is Jessica’s explanation for wearing one, according to Us Magazine:

“I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note,” the singer told fans, laughing. “That’s why I’m wearing a skort – not a skirt, not a short – just so they wouldn’t split.”

There’s only two acceptable reasons why a person’s clothes should rip off his/her body:

1. You’re the Incredible Hulk.
2. You’re one of those losers who wear Baby Gap tees.

*RIPPP*

Uh. RARGH! Hulk Smash! …. Can someone drive me to the mall?

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. tommy

    I would still eat her pussy for 45 minutes.

  2. Max Planck

    People actually paid to see this bimbo and a banjo player? What am I missing?

  3. JPRichardson

    She looks very cute. Admitting her fat ass would break some jeans is also a nice touch of humbleness.

    Her calves are formidable.

  4. UK_Matt

    @2 Seconded.

    But “bending down to reach a note”…I’d so love to be her singing coach, because thats clearly something they did for giggles.

    Next she’ll be telling us she has to think about polar bears for really sad songs, or the intonation won’t be right.

  5. havoc

    Madison Square Garden?

    Jessica Simpson?

    I don’t understand…..

    .

  6. dk

    Madison Square Garden?

    New York Knicks?

    I don’t understand…..

    .

  7. hacksaw

    I’d hit her fat ass.

  8. Vince Lombardi

    Whos that knocking on my door
    Its gotta be a quarter to four
    Is it you again coming round for more
    Well you can love me tonight if you want
    But in the morning make sure youre gone
    Im talkin to you
    Hot legs, wearing me out
    Hot legs, you can scream and shout
    Hot legs, are you still in school
    I love you honey

    Gotta most persuasive tongue
    You promise all kinds of fun
    But what you dont understand
    Im a working man
    Gonna need a shot of vitamin e
    By the time youre finished with me
    Im talking to you
    Hot legs, youre an alley cat
    Hot legs, you scratch my back
    Hot legs, bring your mother too
    I love you honey

    Imagine how my daddy felt
    In your jet black suspender belt
    Seventeen years old
    Hes touching sixty four

    You got legs right up to your neck
    Youre making me a physical wreck
    Im talking to you
    Hot legs, in your satin shoes
    Hot legs, are you still in school
    Hot legs, youre making me a fool
    I love you honey

    Hot legs, making your mark
    Hot legs, keep my pencil sharp
    Hot legs, keep your hands to yourself
    I love you honey
    Hot legs, youre wearing me out
    Hot legs, you can scream and shout
    Hot legs, youre still in school
    I love you honey

  9. Mr. Jones

    Pic #3 – bear in the woods

  10. I would def. still give her the ol’ howdy doody….. she’d love it too.

  11. Someone give this cow a fucking salad.

    #2 – HAHAHAHAHA

  12. Parker

    It looks in one of those pix like she’s squatting down to take my cock in her ass. Fat or not, I am all for that.

  13. Vixerz

    #3…She’s opening for Rascal Flatts which is why she’s at big arenas and whatnot. That’s who her audiences are really paying to see.

    God, this woman represents every stereotype associated w/this country. In fact, she represents everything wrong w/this country. When will the insanity end.

  14. Deacon Jones

    mmm mmm.

    Nothing hotter than a pair of legs in high heels.
    Unless, the legs belong to a passed out sorority girl bent over my couch.

  15. NY Ted

    I have only two questions on the comment.

    Who would pay to see her?

    and

    Why would you?

    Maybe someone can enlighten me?

  16. ___

    THICKIE!!!

  17. Nichole

    As a fellow woman, I don’t know how she can stand in those heels. I could barely stand in 2.5″ heels for two hours at my wedding without my feet hurting to death. Those are ridiculous.

  18. RichPort's Ghost's Ghost

    #13 RichPort’s Ghost – I thought you were more a fan of the cockmeat sandwich.

    Or maybe you meant “tossed salad” since that’s what you get from your boyfriend. Or are you the bottom bitch?

    Either way, you sound like an effeminate fatty. Frosted tips? Go suck a dick & throw yourself in front of a freight train, you miserable prick.

  19. Jeezy

    NOBODY CARES!

  20. Happy Hiker

    She is so pregnant! Bet you all she is preggo.

  21. groan

    Looks like she’s playing to a cellulite-out crowd.

  22. Gross!

    She’s so fat!!

  23. Papa Joe

    “I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note”

    For the record, that was HER nickname (“reach a note”) for what we did when nobody else was around.

  24. Beth

    It’d be so much more credible if she had ever actually reached a note.

  25. #20 – YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN

  26. steve

    She’s such a ham on stage. Well, at least her thighs are.

  27. Worried

    She’s lost a lot of weight lately. Could she becoming ANOREXIC???

  28. Billy Graham

    I love the picture with the banjo player. He’s thinking “my god, if she raises her arms any higher I’m going to see her gunt…”

  29. I spy something round...

    at #22

    I totally agree

    Look at her picture #1…totally preggo pooch

    She’s just trying to keep up with the Hollywood Jones’s which now happens to be the Wentz’s

    Scary!

    No wonder Tony dumped her….he’s been duped!

  30. I spy something round...

    at #22

    I totally agree

    Look at her picture #1…totally preggo pooch

    She’s just trying to keep up with the Hollywood Jones’s which now happens to be the Wentz’s

    Scary!

    No wonder Tony dumped her….he’s been duped!

  31. sunshine

    Does she not have a full-length, 3-way-mirror in her dressing room?

  32. Disgusting!

    She’s an enormous disgusting WHALE! Why do they let such a fattie on the stage, even?

  33. Scott

    So in that one picture she’s supposedly “reaching a note”? Looks more like she’s taking a huge fissure-producing dump. Doesn’t help that she’s holding a giant crappuccino in her other hand. Makes me think she chose the skort because she can line it with ham slices.

  34. Deacon Jones

    Shit. You so much as breathe on these Simpson girls and they get pregnant.

  35. she looks like her water is ready to break any second. gross.

  36. Calm down

    She’s just right!

  37. Jennyjenjen

    @20 You seem a little jealous, Rich Port’s Ghost has comments that are always amusing and he’s clearly straight. You on the other hand are a troll.

  38. america's fucking stupid

    oh man! she is morbidly obese! how can we even lay eyes on a woman that is so huge! how can she walk with all the blubber?? just shoot her and put her out of her fat-induced misery!

  39. Sexecutioner

    Its great for a little mid afternoon heffer sodomy.
    she is not really fat as just a little fluffy.

  40. Screw you

    She isn’t fat. Kate Moss is out. She is real looking girl. She looks normal and just fine. I bet half of the people that leave negative comments on here are either ugly or fat themselves.

  41. Vince

    (#42) “I’ll take completely unoriginal thoughts for $500 please, Alex.”

  42. Parker

    With all this talk of ham I’m now thinking how cool it’d be to buttfuck her while she’s eating a ham sandwich. I bet she’d be down with that plan. Give me a call Jess. I don’t care how fat you are.

  43. joel

    ok

    so now she´s not fat

    she´s a gothic country singer.
    have u seen her in anything NOT BLACK since her XXXXXX pounds became news?

    i think she should change business
    lose the blond
    and the tan
    and look like a real nice plus size goth girl in corsets. with her tits hitin the chin.
    that´d make her look slim
    and pretty normal.

    not

  44. required (it said that's my name)

    She’s not fat. Her arms, legs, and stomach have ballooned out, and in some pictures you can see a lot of cellulite, especially on the backs of her thighs. I don’t see how that has anything to do with being fat.

  45. Jen

    #43… you are cracking me up! You dumbass! Your thought is so original that you got it from a game show.

  46. Deacon Jones

    @41 Great name! Welcome aboard.

    @44 There’s Parker! I hear you, I’d butt fuck her in a second, hands down.

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  48. Jessica

    I think she looks good… This shoes are sexy as fuck….

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