Here’s Jessica Simpson performing at Madison Square Garden last night in a skort. Since I have a penis, I have no idea what the hell a skort is, but this is Jessica’s explanation for wearing one, according to Us Magazine:
“I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note,” the singer told fans, laughing. “That’s why I’m wearing a skort – not a skirt, not a short – just so they wouldn’t split.”
There’s only two acceptable reasons why a person’s clothes should rip off his/her body:
1. You’re the Incredible Hulk.
2. You’re one of those losers who wear Baby Gap tees.
*RIPPP*
Uh. RARGH! Hulk Smash! …. Can someone drive me to the mall?
Photos: Splash News
greghouse | February 13, 2009 at 12:40 pm
FIRST!
fat
tommy | February 13, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I would still eat her pussy for 45 minutes.
Max Planck | February 13, 2009 at 12:44 pm
People actually paid to see this bimbo and a banjo player? What am I missing?
me | February 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm
fat
JPRichardson | February 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm
She looks very cute. Admitting her fat ass would break some jeans is also a nice touch of humbleness.
Her calves are formidable.
UK_Matt | February 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm
@2 Seconded.
But “bending down to reach a note”…I’d so love to be her singing coach, because thats clearly something they did for giggles.
Next she’ll be telling us she has to think about polar bears for really sad songs, or the intonation won’t be right.
havoc | February 13, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Madison Square Garden?
Jessica Simpson?
I don’t understand…..
.
dk | February 13, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Madison Square Garden?
New York Knicks?
I don’t understand…..
.
hacksaw | February 13, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I’d hit her fat ass.
Vince Lombardi | February 13, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Whos that knocking on my door
Its gotta be a quarter to four
Is it you again coming round for more
Well you can love me tonight if you want
But in the morning make sure youre gone
Im talkin to you
Hot legs, wearing me out
Hot legs, you can scream and shout
Hot legs, are you still in school
I love you honey
Gotta most persuasive tongue
You promise all kinds of fun
But what you dont understand
Im a working man
Gonna need a shot of vitamin e
By the time youre finished with me
Im talking to you
Hot legs, youre an alley cat
Hot legs, you scratch my back
Hot legs, bring your mother too
I love you honey
Imagine how my daddy felt
In your jet black suspender belt
Seventeen years old
Hes touching sixty four
You got legs right up to your neck
Youre making me a physical wreck
Im talking to you
Hot legs, in your satin shoes
Hot legs, are you still in school
Hot legs, youre making me a fool
I love you honey
Hot legs, making your mark
Hot legs, keep my pencil sharp
Hot legs, keep your hands to yourself
I love you honey
Hot legs, youre wearing me out
Hot legs, you can scream and shout
Hot legs, youre still in school
I love you honey
Mr. Jones | February 13, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Pic #3 – bear in the woods
Jordan | February 13, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I would def. still give her the ol’ howdy doody….. she’d love it too.
RichPort's Ghost | February 13, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Someone give this cow a fucking salad.
#2 – HAHAHAHAHA
Parker | February 13, 2009 at 1:15 pm
It looks in one of those pix like she’s squatting down to take my cock in her ass. Fat or not, I am all for that.
Vixerz | February 13, 2009 at 1:18 pm
#3…She’s opening for Rascal Flatts which is why she’s at big arenas and whatnot. That’s who her audiences are really paying to see.
God, this woman represents every stereotype associated w/this country. In fact, she represents everything wrong w/this country. When will the insanity end.
Deacon Jones | February 13, 2009 at 1:18 pm
mmm mmm.
Nothing hotter than a pair of legs in high heels.
Unless, the legs belong to a passed out sorority girl bent over my couch.
NY Ted | February 13, 2009 at 1:22 pm
I have only two questions on the comment.
Who would pay to see her?
and
Why would you?
Maybe someone can enlighten me?
___ | February 13, 2009 at 1:24 pm
THICKIE!!!
Nichole | February 13, 2009 at 1:25 pm
As a fellow woman, I don’t know how she can stand in those heels. I could barely stand in 2.5″ heels for two hours at my wedding without my feet hurting to death. Those are ridiculous.
RichPort's Ghost's Ghost | February 13, 2009 at 1:33 pm
#13 RichPort’s Ghost – I thought you were more a fan of the cockmeat sandwich.
Or maybe you meant “tossed salad” since that’s what you get from your boyfriend. Or are you the bottom bitch?
Either way, you sound like an effeminate fatty. Frosted tips? Go suck a dick & throw yourself in front of a freight train, you miserable prick.
Jeezy | February 13, 2009 at 1:39 pm
NOBODY CARES!
Happy Hiker | February 13, 2009 at 1:40 pm
She is so pregnant! Bet you all she is preggo.
groan | February 13, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Looks like she’s playing to a cellulite-out crowd.
Gross! | February 13, 2009 at 1:42 pm
She’s so fat!!
Papa Joe | February 13, 2009 at 1:44 pm
“I’ve had times when my pants split right down the middle when I bent down to reach a note”
For the record, that was HER nickname (“reach a note”) for what we did when nobody else was around.
Beth | February 13, 2009 at 1:46 pm
It’d be so much more credible if she had ever actually reached a note.
RichPort's Ghost | February 13, 2009 at 1:47 pm
#20 – YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN
steve | February 13, 2009 at 1:48 pm
She’s such a ham on stage. Well, at least her thighs are.
Worried | February 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm
She’s lost a lot of weight lately. Could she becoming ANOREXIC???
Billy Graham | February 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I love the picture with the banjo player. He’s thinking “my god, if she raises her arms any higher I’m going to see her gunt…”
I spy something round... | February 13, 2009 at 1:51 pm
at #22
I totally agree
Look at her picture #1…totally preggo pooch
She’s just trying to keep up with the Hollywood Jones’s which now happens to be the Wentz’s
Scary!
No wonder Tony dumped her….he’s been duped!
I spy something round... | February 13, 2009 at 1:51 pm
at #22
I totally agree
Look at her picture #1…totally preggo pooch
She’s just trying to keep up with the Hollywood Jones’s which now happens to be the Wentz’s
Scary!
No wonder Tony dumped her….he’s been duped!
sunshine | February 13, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Does she not have a full-length, 3-way-mirror in her dressing room?
Disgusting! | February 13, 2009 at 1:54 pm
She’s an enormous disgusting WHALE! Why do they let such a fattie on the stage, even?
Scott | February 13, 2009 at 1:56 pm
So in that one picture she’s supposedly “reaching a note”? Looks more like she’s taking a huge fissure-producing dump. Doesn’t help that she’s holding a giant crappuccino in her other hand. Makes me think she chose the skort because she can line it with ham slices.
Deacon Jones | February 13, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Shit. You so much as breathe on these Simpson girls and they get pregnant.
freejose | February 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm
she looks like her water is ready to break any second. gross.
Calm down | February 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm
She’s just right!
Jennyjenjen | February 13, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@20 You seem a little jealous, Rich Port’s Ghost has comments that are always amusing and he’s clearly straight. You on the other hand are a troll.
america's fucking stupid | February 13, 2009 at 1:59 pm
oh man! she is morbidly obese! how can we even lay eyes on a woman that is so huge! how can she walk with all the blubber?? just shoot her and put her out of her fat-induced misery!
Sexecutioner | February 13, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Its great for a little mid afternoon heffer sodomy.
she is not really fat as just a little fluffy.
Screw you | February 13, 2009 at 2:04 pm
She isn’t fat. Kate Moss is out. She is real looking girl. She looks normal and just fine. I bet half of the people that leave negative comments on here are either ugly or fat themselves.
Vince | February 13, 2009 at 2:10 pm
(#42) “I’ll take completely unoriginal thoughts for $500 please, Alex.”
Parker | February 13, 2009 at 2:12 pm
With all this talk of ham I’m now thinking how cool it’d be to buttfuck her while she’s eating a ham sandwich. I bet she’d be down with that plan. Give me a call Jess. I don’t care how fat you are.
joel | February 13, 2009 at 2:20 pm
ok
so now she´s not fat
she´s a gothic country singer.
have u seen her in anything NOT BLACK since her XXXXXX pounds became news?
i think she should change business
lose the blond
and the tan
and look like a real nice plus size goth girl in corsets. with her tits hitin the chin.
that´d make her look slim
and pretty normal.
not
required (it said that's my name) | February 13, 2009 at 2:25 pm
She’s not fat. Her arms, legs, and stomach have ballooned out, and in some pictures you can see a lot of cellulite, especially on the backs of her thighs. I don’t see how that has anything to do with being fat.
Jen | February 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm
#43… you are cracking me up! You dumbass! Your thought is so original that you got it from a game show.
Deacon Jones | February 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@41 Great name! Welcome aboard.
@44 There’s Parker! I hear you, I’d butt fuck her in a second, hands down.
annie | February 13, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Life needs passion.
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Jessica | February 13, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I think she looks good… This shoes are sexy as fuck….