Jessica Simpson has the weirdest posture ever

June 6th, 2006 // 466 Comments
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Comments (466)

  1. Rochford | June 6, 2006 at 11:08 am

    It’s like she’s trying to be a human Barbie.

    Reply
  2. SpecialAgentWind | June 6, 2006 at 11:11 am

    That’s cuz Papa Simpson can’t get rock hard with slouchy boobie belly.

    Reply
  3. Vas Deferens | June 6, 2006 at 11:15 am

    I think the Superficial is really reaching here. I do not see what is wrong with her posture in these photos. I mean, cmon, she looks really fucking hot in these photos!

    Tom Cruise might even forget the cock for a moment if he saw Jessica looking like this.

    Reply
  4. griffmills | June 6, 2006 at 11:15 am

    I’d eat her with a spoon

    Reply
  5. waterranger | June 6, 2006 at 11:17 am

    Her skirt is so short I can tell what her fallopian tubes are doing.

    Classy, Jess, very classy.

    Reply
  6. purplepuppy | June 6, 2006 at 11:18 am

    Why is this chick such a loser? Someone PLEEEEASE make her go away!! She looks like a Femmebot.

    Reply
  7. Dr.Rokter | June 6, 2006 at 11:18 am

    I’d gouge her eyes out with a spoon. Then push her down a flight of stairs and watch her try to cry.

    Reply
  8. IFuckingHateYou | June 6, 2006 at 11:20 am

    I’d fuck her 8 ways from Sunday, even if I would have to paper-bag her head since she looks a little manyl lately. Must be all the testosterone she pumping into her body.
    And by that, I mean all of Papa Joe’s cum she’s been swallowing.

    TCLTC, in case anybody has forgotten.

    Reply
  9. Spindoc | June 6, 2006 at 11:21 am

    Good thing the CSI guys aren’t there with the black light. Some of Mr. Simpson might show up.

    Reply
  10. Agatha | June 6, 2006 at 11:21 am

    Someone told her that the first sign of being a retard was being able to touch your elbows behind your back. She keeps on trying, just in case…

    Reply
  11. HarryNipples | June 6, 2006 at 11:21 am

    Despite the fact that she looks like a fucking trashy whore, she seems to be morphing into something of a mongoloid – too much plastic surgery…maybe her back is sore from laying on it so much during screen tests…

    (No Jess, a mongoloid is not someone from Mongolia…)

    Reply
  12. SpecialAgentWind | June 6, 2006 at 11:24 am

    #10 Tee Hee Thank you, its been a slow morning.

    Reply
  13. Lord Absu | June 6, 2006 at 11:25 am

    So since divorcing her hubby, she’s: a)clearly worked on her tan, b)gotten her highlights redone, c)gotten into miniskirts and d)… I was begining to forget why she was a celebrity. On the other hand, she is not knocked up with curlers in her hair.

    Reply
  14. Doxes | June 6, 2006 at 11:27 am

    Two words: Stepford Wife.

    Or more accurately, Stepford Ex-Wife.

    Reply
  15. Proteon | June 6, 2006 at 11:31 am

    Lets see, she’s not a drug addict, not a whore, not an heiress, married a shmuck but at least one who had some capitol originally, um – I don’t get it. Is this sour grapes? I think she is erroneously dumped in with the rest of your regulars. I’d hit it, then be bored by it.

    Reply
  16. Jacq | June 6, 2006 at 11:33 am

    It’s about time Ken did her hair. Speaking of, he is suspiciously absent. I guess she just takes him slumming?

    Between Brit and Jessica – Jessica won.

    Reply
  17. HarryNipples | June 6, 2006 at 11:33 am

    #15

    oh brother…

    Reply
  18. pinky_nip | June 6, 2006 at 11:34 am

    I wonder when she bends her knees if it sounds like a barbie doll’s knees.

    Reply
  19. Jacq | June 6, 2006 at 11:34 am

    Can you say Chyna Doll?

    Reply
  20. pinky_nip | June 6, 2006 at 11:36 am

    How to spend 4.0 hours when bored?

    Connect the moles on Jessica.

    Reply
  21. Zanna | June 6, 2006 at 11:44 am

    She looks like something that should be mounted on the front of a ship.

    Reply
  22. jane's eyre | June 6, 2006 at 11:44 am

    Her back must be killing. She’s sticking her chest out, sticking her butt out, and making her calves bow. The pressure of this unnatural stance is visible in the big vein popping out of her ankle in pic #4. Way to advertise, jess.

    And I think she’s going for the “60′s Barbie”.

    Reply
  23. ultra8201 | June 6, 2006 at 11:50 am

    That is odd…
    http://ultra8201.blogspot.com

    Reply
  24. Color me stoked | June 6, 2006 at 11:55 am

    shes doing that because her boobs are real and shes trying to keep them in place when really she should have worn a different dress or at least better support. Mystery solved.

    Reply
  26. jane's eyre | June 6, 2006 at 11:58 am

    I hate it when she tucks her chin down on her shoulder like that.

    Reply
  27. anonymous | June 6, 2006 at 11:59 am

    what’s going on with her leg in the first pic on the bottom? there’s an odd bump….

    Reply
  28. ebayfan414 | June 6, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    LOL@#10

    She looks like one of those bendable gumby figures. I feel like trying to bend her leg all the way back.

    Reply
  29. dandelioness | June 6, 2006 at 12:02 pm

    Waterranger #5, read GoFugYourself much? Plagiarism is lame.

    (“Fab legs, Aisha. And great shoes. But that weird pointilist nightmare of a dress is so short, I can tell what your fallopian tubes are doing.” -GFY, May 12, 2006)

    Reply
  30. Fugurself | June 6, 2006 at 12:02 pm

    Look at those rickety legs…Suddenly I’m becoming a Jessica fan. Pass the Chicken by the Sea, will ya ?

    Reply
  31. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 6, 2006 at 12:03 pm

    Is this at a promo for Dukes of Hazzard II? because if it is I’m totally amped. Or maybe it’s all the Vault soda I drank. It’s either one or the other.

    Reply
  32. Fugurself | June 6, 2006 at 12:04 pm

    Jessica, I promised to feed you meatless Buffalo wings if you’d let me do you doggystyle.

    Reply
  33. you suck | June 6, 2006 at 12:04 pm

    i actually think that she’s looking very good lately

    Reply
  34. Giggles | June 6, 2006 at 12:06 pm

    She’s trying very hard, isn’t she?

    Reply
  35. leahdeadly | June 6, 2006 at 12:07 pm

    she’s also making sure that her thighs don’t touch by sticking her ass out.

    Reply
  36. ebayfan414 | June 6, 2006 at 12:07 pm

    Oh I forgot to add…Happy 666 day! I saw the devil…or it might have been ‘lil Kim, I’m not sure. Is there a difference?

    Reply
  37. UNWASHEDMASSES | June 6, 2006 at 12:07 pm

    She’s standing stiff because she’s Jess Simpson, and just like she didn’t know Chicken of the Sea was tuna, she wasn’t aware ben-wa balls go up your pussy and not your ass.

    Reply
  38. Jacq | June 6, 2006 at 12:10 pm

    #26 – Me too. I think she’s aiming for cutesy. She too fuckin’ old for cutesy.

    Reply
  39. Fugurself | June 6, 2006 at 12:10 pm

    @37, you have me choking with laughter…

    Reply
  40. shankyouverymuch | June 6, 2006 at 12:11 pm

    She’s really very hot, with one exception… I’ve been saying this since I first saw her a few years ago… SHE NEEDS A NOSE JOB!… If she got that wicked camel’s hump taken out of the bridge of her nose she would be nearly perfect… Oh yeah…

    Reply
  41. Fugurself | June 6, 2006 at 12:13 pm

    @37 Remember the time when Jessica turned down an offer to meet Bush?
    She was confused because she heard that she had to SHOW Bush,
    instead of just meeting with him – that’s why she turned the offer down, you see…

    Reply
  42. jane's eyre | June 6, 2006 at 12:15 pm

    #29

    I noticed that one too.

    Reply
  43. shankyouverymuch | June 6, 2006 at 12:19 pm

    #38

    Hey you, what do you mean- too fucking old???

    Reply
  44. Fork You | June 6, 2006 at 12:20 pm

    “So since divorcing her hubby, she’s: a)clearly worked on her tan, b)gotten her highlights redone, c)gotten into miniskirts and d)… I was begining to forget why she was a celebrity. On the other hand, she is not knocked up with curlers in her hair.”

    Well said, Lord Absu. The tan is way too much, and standing like that is incredibly tacky- and bad for your back, but I believe that point is moot. At least she has proven that she really *is* a no talent ass clown.

    (And yes, I stole that fair and square from Office Space, for all you worried about that sort of thing).

    Reply
  45. skankyskank | June 6, 2006 at 12:20 pm

    she’s a robot trying to eat her left shoulder

    Reply
  46. BigJim | June 6, 2006 at 12:21 pm

    Step 4: Shove broomstick up your ass.

    Reply
  47. Jenna | June 6, 2006 at 12:25 pm

    1) dress is ugly and too tight

    2) it looks as though she’s had SOMETHING done to the twins

    3) not only is she thrusting her chest out, but she’s trying to push her butt out too (or maybe the dress is actually shapped like that…like a tube that shapes her?)

    4) from a profile, her stomach looks bigger than her boobs, thus making her boobs look small

    5) looking at the last picture, her toes are coming out and over the edge of the shoe…tacky

    Finally:
    6) if you look carefully at the left boob, where the flower sticks out, you can see a hint of a nipple

    Reply
  48. superstar26 | June 6, 2006 at 12:27 pm

    What’s Tomkat up to these days?

    kidding

    Reply
  49. Fugurself | June 6, 2006 at 12:27 pm

    Just a thought:

    Maybe Lachey emitted “stupid” phenomerones and leaving him is helping
    her regain her 10th grade mentality.

    I still wouldn’t mind hiting that TUNA QUEEN with a rancid cunt…..

    Reply
  50. pinky_nip | June 6, 2006 at 12:36 pm

    I wish she’d start dating O.J.

    Reply
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