Jessica Simpson has ‘Best Celebrity Breasts’

July 2nd, 2008 // 103 Comments

Jessica Simpson’s breasts have been recognized as the best in Hollywood by InTouch Weekly. Surprisingly, I wasn’t consulted but I’m going to let the ruling stand because, well, boobs. Here’s their Top 10 list for your perusal. WARNING: It’s full of WTF?:

1. Jessica Simpson
2. Tyra Banks
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Carmen Electra
5. Lindsay Lohan
6. Katherine Heigl
7. Audrina Patridge
8. Jennifer Aniston
9. Megan Fox
10. Beyoncé Knowles

I’ll let you guys debate the inclusion of some of the ladies on this list. I mean, Jennifer Aniston? We’re talking about breasts here not permanent nipple hardage for Chrissakes. This is what happens, InTouch, when you leave me out of the vetting process. I bet you didn’t even judge the candidates in a hot tub full of Jell-O, did you? Of course not. Dammit, does no one believe in science anymore? What a sad state of affairs. I blame video games.

NOTE:Added a photo montage of Jessica Simpson’s breasts over the past year along with her video for “These Boots Are Made for Walking” after the jump. You know, the one where she washes the General Lee in a bikini in the greatest act of patriotism since the time I threw an American flag at a French Fry this morning.

superficial

  1. malicious

    what a slutty video, I’d forgotten what a stripper she is

  2. Bickus Dickus

    Did someone just ask why Kate Hudson wasn’t on the list??

    It’s because to be considered for the “Beast Breasts”, you actually have to possess Breasts!!!!

    And Tyra Banks??? I can’t get past that huge drive-in sized forehead, plus, push up bra’s don’t make your breast actually real….

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