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Jessica Simpson celebrated her 26th birthday in Cabo San Lucas on Monday with her parents and some close friends, including her hairstylist Ken Paves and former assistant CaCee Cobb. The celebration included Sangria and Mexican food, and apparently a photoshoot for Jessica featuring her embarrassed about her stomach and no actual photographer. The statement makes more sense once you’ve seen the rest of the pictures after the jump, featuring her posing for no particular reason and even getting her hair touched up.
ae1986 | July 12, 2006 at 6:35 pm
sweet saggy swimsuit bottom
mrs.t | July 12, 2006 at 6:35 pm
She’s only 26? Damn.
mrs.t | July 12, 2006 at 6:37 pm
And why is her hairstylist permanently by her side? Is she his only client? I guess when your “work” get that kind of publicity, the cancellations start rolling in.
fowler | July 12, 2006 at 6:48 pm
oof, leave the sunglasses on
spamnews | July 12, 2006 at 7:03 pm
I would hit that repeatedly and with great gusto. Oh, and sixth, bitches! Unless I’m a fifth
Jennifer | July 12, 2006 at 7:09 pm
She looks really, really pretty in the last pic. I’ve always thought she was much prettier with little or no make-up.
Nikk The Templar | July 12, 2006 at 7:09 pm
CaCee Cobb is the biggest freaking hick name I’ve ever heard since Britney Jean Spears.
sadiembeagle | July 12, 2006 at 7:09 pm
She needs to go to Ashlee’s plastic surgeon and get that schnoz fixed.
Sheva | July 12, 2006 at 7:16 pm
I don’t dig her but since I hear she likes to get thrusted in the poochie and I have condoms available I’m in.
I don’t want to look at her stupid mug though. Just lay quietly Jess and I’ll give you your virgin delight.
ValeWolf | July 12, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Eva Longoria should learn something from this: if you don’t look this cute without make up wear make up!
Sister Morphine | July 12, 2006 at 7:52 pm
Am I the only one who after seeing those first few photos wanted to smack those too-big sunglasses right off her face?
I hate people who wear shades too big for their face and they’re constantly sliding off.
krisdylee | July 12, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Bucky Beaver 2006….
hafaball | July 12, 2006 at 10:07 pm
Anyone else think her nose is trying to escape from her face?
Zanna | July 12, 2006 at 10:16 pm
It MIGHT be the alcohol….but I think she’s looking more natural, playful and cute as ever and I’d go down on her right aboouuuuut now..READDDDY….GO!
Zanna | July 12, 2006 at 10:17 pm
Wait a minute….I may have to take that back…her scarf is strategically placed across her belly in these pics and I DON’T DO FAT CHICS.
Tracie | July 12, 2006 at 10:37 pm
Jessica is trying WAY too hard in these shots. How can she explain the third shot? “Hey guys, I’m a table! Come on and eat off of me, I’ve got a tablecloth and everything!”
And LOL about Ken Paves! Poor guy THOUGHT that Jessica brought him along to party with her … it turns out that she actually brought him along to work on her hair whenever she wanted him to. (See, this is why it’s a bad idea to hang out with your servants, they might get the wrong idea and start believing that they’re actually friends!)
TrannyGranny | July 12, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Tracie’
“Hey guys, I’m a table! Come on and eat off of me, I’ve got a tablecloth and everything!”
You fucking idiotic cunt, what the fuck is wrong with that?
Zanna;
SO glad to hear about your fat-chick denial, cause J. Alba just called and begged us for a 3-some! I told her I’d think about it, and get back in a day or so. Yeah, she sounded like she was crying, but, you know. This shit happens all the time, and you gotta have standards.
2rug1plug | July 12, 2006 at 10:45 pm
Zanna–taking a random stab here–I’d guess you don’t do *any* “chics,” fat or not.
Jessica’s cute in the last picture, but what is she hiding in the others? Stretch marks?
CruisingForCock | July 12, 2006 at 10:46 pm
The teeth in the first pic. Not very sexy, Jessica. That’s not the beaver shot we were looking for.
I can’t wait for Uncle Jesse to see this.
CruisingForCock | July 12, 2006 at 10:49 pm
Tranny, Have you been drinking again? You know how you get when you drink. You call people cunt and then you wake up in the morning with a raging hard on, headache and you have to bury another body deep enough so that the dog doesn’t find it.
H8TR | July 12, 2006 at 11:02 pm
Sounds suspiciously like the Tranny hasn’t gotten any in a L-O-N-G time.
Sorry, but I’m a hater on those who don’t have any observations or opinions about the actual pix on this site and just spew random, meaningless hate instead.
My observation? At 26 and a “star” only because of her looks, Jess shouldn’t have to cover up anything. If she’s got something to hide, then why the hell is she wearing on itsy-bitsy bikini in the first place?
CruisingForCock | July 12, 2006 at 11:05 pm
She is pregnant. I just know it. Adam’s baby – let’s start the rumor.
MeganHarris | July 12, 2006 at 11:14 pm
I couldn’t sign in all day today… did i get blocked?
anyways. Thats guy is so grosssss.
TrannyGranny | July 12, 2006 at 11:15 pm
20 Cruisin
You know I can’t talk about that!
21 Master B8 Er
Don’t apologize, just makes you look like more of a weak little clown. If you want to attempt an insult, try it. Like trying to get your micro-penis past the labia majora and even into the labia minora….that is SO close to the cunt!
Ok, since my social relevance on this page has been questioned, here is my thoughts on J. Sim…..Looks great without make up, and, although I would like it a bit more plump, eating calamari italiano from her ass crack would be okey dokey with me. As long a she didn’t talk.
CruisingForCock | July 12, 2006 at 11:17 pm
23 I wish you were blocked. Dear Jesus, no one is here but you and me. And that H8TR guy that clearly is posting about another post even though he “hates” that and then says he sorry like a pussy.
Bad night.
~*~Lauren~*~ | July 12, 2006 at 11:18 pm
It
funkygoldmedallions | July 12, 2006 at 11:38 pm
Fag Hag, yokel. But nice rack. Sister got the nose job and passed her up. Its your move, Jess. Time to just say fuck it and go Jordan (the skanky British model, not the B-Baller) with the cha chas. Blow them up to a good 36FF. By the way, she is covering up with the towel because her top is off.
eXtasyStef | July 12, 2006 at 11:49 pm
She’s cute enough to be the belle of a bar, but only a shade of her previous hotness.
There should be a place for folks like her and Britney, kinda like a Fug Spa. There they go through the personal trainer from hell (I suggest Tranny) and anytime they go to put on huge sunglasses or stupid wigs they get majorly bitchslapped.
They not allowed out until the Superfish gives them the thumbs up.
Triumph Insult Dog | July 12, 2006 at 11:59 pm
Jessica is old news! She’s actually less appealing without Nick following her around calling her “babe”.
Now, I have some hot news that you can use!…
http://www.blackbeatpress.com
krisdylee | July 13, 2006 at 12:08 am
Tranny needs a serving of Creme du krisdylee, served hot and toasty on a bed of melted chocolate and Ritz crackers…
with a side Zannaganoush for dipping.
Grobpilot | July 13, 2006 at 12:17 am
Damn sunglasses look like two tv screens in frames
leftcoast | July 13, 2006 at 12:32 am
AUTHOR: leftcoast
EMAIL:
IP: 68.189.51.188
URL:
DATE: 07/13/2006 12:32:00 AM
AUTHOR: leftcoast
EMAIL:
IP: 68.189.51.188
URL:
DATE: 07/13/2006 12:32:00 AM
leftcoast | July 13, 2006 at 12:35 am
Considering no one’s asked yet…what happened to her tits? Where’d they go?
Check out the pic of her lying on her back. Those are NOT the tits that got Jessica her own show on MTV.
What, did Ashlee steal those, too?
psychobeeotch | July 13, 2006 at 12:38 am
Uhhh, she’s not topless, she’s knocked up. And it’s not adam’s, it’s hohans since she actually has a dick.
colormeskanky | July 13, 2006 at 12:41 am
#7 no kidding hahaha
Showgrrrl | July 13, 2006 at 1:04 am
PHOTO 1 = CHICLET TEETH!! Like Walter Matthau in that Dennis the Menace movie!
Holy Jeebus. Now included in her plastic surgery ‘wish list’ should be some nice veneers that don’t accidentally pop out bucky-like on impromptu, unprofessionally taken b-day shots.
We shouldn’t have laughed about Ashlee’s nose job so soon… If I had to choose who I’d have a bare-breasted, jello-wrestling, first-time lesbian experience with, it would definately be Ashlee now… ;)
ptprez | July 13, 2006 at 1:04 am
until that whore wstarts sucking dick, who cares…
ptprez | July 13, 2006 at 1:06 am
*starts*
LL | July 13, 2006 at 1:44 am
Jessica is a lovely girl, but I agree with an earlier poster: what’s with the gigantic sunglasses? Jebus, why does every two-bit starlet wear shades that make her look like an insect? Or my grandma? Blue Blockers look cooler than the ginormo shades, for the love of cheese.
I do appreciate that JS has stopped with the orange skin already. That shit was grossing me out.
kahluamadness | July 13, 2006 at 4:11 am
This is off topic but I was kinda waiting for this to come out in this site.
HAHAHA!!!
It’s Paris’ pussy!
http://www.imnotobsessed.com/2006/07/07/omg-this-is-so-bad
MyWellRehearsedMistake | July 13, 2006 at 4:18 am
40. Paris is such a skank. If you’re not wearing underwear or wearing very little – why would you get out of a car with your legs spread open like that? Especially when people are taking pictures of you. I love how she’s hiding her head but not her pussy. She’s an attention whore.
MyWellRehearsedMistake | July 13, 2006 at 4:23 am
I don’t know what to say about Jess. Stupid hat, hating the sunglasses, odd bikini, she’s looking a bit embarrassed about her body. Don’t look all that much like a birthday party to me, looks a lot like work.
Zanna | July 13, 2006 at 6:38 am
@18 – why would you say that? Because I’m a stripper or because of my love of corndogs?
@30 – now you don’t see that recipe on foodnetwork….Four Stars!
Tranny – I can’t believe you made J. Alba cry….call her back, damnit!
saltpeanuts | July 13, 2006 at 8:14 am
Jessica still has the whitest teeth I’ve ever come upon.
Sir Psycho Sexy | July 13, 2006 at 9:02 am
After Papa Joe and Nick Lagay, I’ll bet she’s still uber tight.
I want to pound her until she walks like a crab, … is that wrong?
RichPort | July 13, 2006 at 9:05 am
She has more weave than a dog running through traffic! At least Lindsey was nice enough to show off her mams and give mock head on camera… I thought most humans only had 32 teeth, she clearly has far more. And that gorgeous satiny coverall is nothing more than a quite expensive cum rag.
causewerecountry | July 13, 2006 at 9:17 am
you know what i think? cause clearly everyone CARES about my opinion- i think she is doing this whole “i’m beautiful but i choose to act like a brainless oaf” routine so that nick will see the pictures and get all “aaw, i miss jess, shes so cute”. she is a woman afterall and we do things like that cause we’re evil- shes a definite retard but still a woman.
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 9:23 am
Those fucking sunglasses! Jesus, what is it with itty bitty girls and those behemoth fucking glasses! Enough already! Basta!
Jessica has a great body…she looks healthy. Pay attention Nicole, Keira, Hohan, Posh, Mary Kate, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 9:28 am
That’s a very corny opened-mouth smile-hat-grab in the third picture though. FUCK! It’s so fucking gay and posed. I fucking hate that!
(what is wrong with me?)
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | July 13, 2006 at 9:32 am
I think she was trying to find the Chicken From the Sea.