Jessica Simpson gave another shitass performance in her continuing effort to crossover to country which must be frustrating. I mean, she’s proven she’s illiterate and joined the Klan. What more do these people want?! Anyway, here’s the highlights of her Wednesday night concert at the Avalon Ballroom where Jessica gave long-winded intros to every song forcing The Niagara Falls Review to comment “It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it’s going.”:
On how her man must be ready for anything that comes out of her uterus:
Before the new song “Man Enough,” she said her man must be ready for anything – including the possibility she’s pregnant with an alien.
On Nick Lachey:
Ex-hubby Nick Lachey gets grilled in the bitter “When I Loved You Like That,” where our girl basically says she carried his cheatin’ ass all those years.
On the smell of her farts; I’m not kidding:
“I do pass gas a lot,” she said. “I guarantee it smells like roses.”
A public admission that your ass doesn’t stink despite chronic flatulence. Now that’s classy. I bet you an old man in a top hat put a monocle up to his eye and said “Jolly good show!” That’s how classy it was. Bravo!
Lola | August 29, 2008 at 9:53 am
Start the count-down…. Tony Homo’s bout to dump her pudgy blonde-bimbo ass… Why can’t she just SHUT THE FUCK UP?????
adg | August 29, 2008 at 9:53 am
why is her tongue hanging out…
soahc | August 29, 2008 at 9:53 am
first!
soahc | August 29, 2008 at 9:54 am
goddamn it
cramer vs cramer | August 29, 2008 at 10:04 am
the sick thing is that she is a gazillionare. i have cronic wind also, but i make $19.75/hr. there is no justice, and apperenctly no god.
Racer X | August 29, 2008 at 10:06 am
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
/people pay to see her?
grobpilot | August 29, 2008 at 10:12 am
People who have only two brain cells (one for breathing, one for a heartbeat) should not overtax their system by trying to speak and create coherent sentences.
rough daddy | August 29, 2008 at 10:20 am
id tie her up to the bed face down and exhaust every orifice! while romo video tape from the closet…
Randal | August 29, 2008 at 10:22 am
Dearest Jessica,
Shut the fuck up and make me a pot pie.
XOXOXOXO
Randal | August 29, 2008 at 10:22 am
Dearest Jessica,
Shut the fuck up and make me a pot pie.
XOXOXOXO
Randal | August 29, 2008 at 10:22 am
Dearest Jessica,
Shut the fuck up and make me a pot pie.
XOXOXOXO
- Randal
Ted Mosby | August 29, 2008 at 10:33 am
She’ll be a country star if she only released the funbags.
Freebie Porn Here | August 29, 2008 at 10:35 am
it actually looks like she is farting in some of these pics.
Anon | August 29, 2008 at 10:47 am
Before the new song “Man Enough,” she said her man must be ready for anything
i.e. temper tantrums hissy fits whining spoilt behaviour.
I’ve never understood the attitude “are you enough for me” thats going around lately. What the person is really saying is
i’m difficult and selfish who thinks only of myself and i will not change for you or anyone but you’d better do put up with me and do what i say cos if you can’t then your the loser not me.
I say get lost.
Lish | August 29, 2008 at 10:55 am
Jessica Is very talented and good at singing country music. She grew up in texas it’s not like she lived in new york her whole life. I love her and she inspires me. For all you shit talkers who only listen to the media she’s inspires people who have been through hard times and SHE ROCKS!!!!
Fasc(ion)ist(a) | August 29, 2008 at 10:57 am
Who the hell dresses her? Holly Hobby?
All she needs is a Minnie Pearl hat with the price tag hanging down and she’s set. She’s already had sex with her daddy and sings songs about how desperate she is fer a man that ain’t family.
Kelley | August 29, 2008 at 11:05 am
When is this brainless, talentless twit going to dry up and blow away ?? She’s even too stupid to realize Toneo could have gone into his call log and deleted the calls made to Carrie Underwood. Duh ..
zach | August 29, 2008 at 11:11 am
#14 glad you caught that too.
dude_on | August 29, 2008 at 11:23 am
She continues to represent stupid women very well. I applaud her lack of intellect and remain surprised the hick community has not welcomed her with open arms as one of their own. And let’s not forget that her tatas are original issue.
Also – her stupidity is not an act, and this genuine trait is refreshing in a world of phony celeb-wannabes. In effect, she is a role model for all stupid women to look up to and aspire.
Jim | August 29, 2008 at 11:24 am
Any girl who looks that eager to catch a faceful of semen is fine in my book.
AJ | August 29, 2008 at 11:27 am
Poor no talent boring Jessica. She should have stayed with Nick. John Mayer used her as an easy booty call and I doubt her current boyfriend will marry her.
Kriz | August 29, 2008 at 11:32 am
Egads – that dress is NOT flattering. It looks like a down-home circus tent.
JPRichardson | August 29, 2008 at 11:35 am
In math they teach us multiplying negative by negative results in positive. Here, a stupid fool girl pretending to be a stupid fool country girl does not result in anythi9ng positive…
angeline | August 29, 2008 at 11:35 am
She’s so gross
Pokey McSlapp | August 29, 2008 at 11:41 am
What I really, really want to know is who are the morons who actually PAY to see something like this? Can someone please explain this to me? Are these the same mental midgets who would purchase a Heidi Montag song off of iTunes (I shit you not- her songs are actually available for purchase).
joey cantalopes | August 29, 2008 at 11:43 am
Just do a Playboy spread and then go away forever. she’s so pathetic that it’s not fun to mock her anymore
HuckyDucky | August 29, 2008 at 11:53 am
“I fart alot”. Unbelievable. Chicks should not fart. Gross.
rough daddy | August 29, 2008 at 12:02 pm
“I fart a lot”= usually chicks who are full of themself and think theyre way to cute than they really are! remember when jenny mccarthy was like that,,,now that shed aged,,,she immediately cut that sillyness out!
tiare nahiku | August 29, 2008 at 12:26 pm
In pic 2 she looks like one of those like sized blow up dolls with the “O” mouths that horny guys buy as a girlfriend substitute.
You're a dumbass | August 29, 2008 at 12:29 pm
@ 27 Chicks should not fart…really? What the hell are we supposed to do with it then? You know all that pent up air just leads to more bitching, right?
You're a dumbass | August 29, 2008 at 12:30 pm
@ 27 Chicks should not fart…really? What the hell are we supposed to do with it then? You know all that pent up air just leads to more bitching, right?
gotmilk? | August 29, 2008 at 12:36 pm
what is with her face in pictures 3 & 4?
she looks like a cow in that dress. and i’m glad she’s stepped it up a notch and is playing in ballrooms now instead of those state fairs.
ali | August 29, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Love Jessica! She’s so gorgeous & her voice is amazing! She is a lucky girl!!
ali | August 29, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Love Jessica! She’s so gorgeous & her voice is amazing! She is a lucky girl!!
ali | August 29, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Love Jessica! She’s so gorgeous & her voice is amazing! She is a lucky girl!!
Richard McBeef | August 29, 2008 at 12:57 pm
I would love to see her perform in public.
In Tijuana.
With a donkey.
Khunt | August 29, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I have IBS and pass quite a bit of gas myself even during sex. I have even farted when lovers are fellating me. I will never understand why the average woman tolerates nonsense from these mindless playmate sex toys penis life support systems.
Girls, all you have to do is what you want to do. If the man you are with does not like it dump him and find a better man. Not that most men are worth anything then the thing hanging between there hairy legs anyway.
Sacramento | August 29, 2008 at 2:11 pm
She performed at the California State Fair this week and messed up on a song and had to start over again. She needs to shut up & stop trying to sing & act.
Randal 2 | August 29, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Khunt: so are you a dude or a chick? Fellating would indicate you have a dick, but you talk like a fucking pussy. So you’re either a tranny, a woman, or very, very gay. You’re fucked up either way. Farting while fucking is just gross. Do your “lovers” a favor and fellate a loaded handgun.
SATAN | August 29, 2008 at 2:27 pm
#39 hilarious
also, i would find it hilarious to videotape the effects of a flesh-eating virus decaying her body
SATAN | August 29, 2008 at 2:28 pm
…time-lapse, of course.
SATAN | August 29, 2008 at 2:29 pm
…time-lapsed, of course.
Vivian | August 29, 2008 at 3:14 pm
She’s got no talent and she’s always trying to be someone else…She tried to be like Britney when she first came out, now she’s trying to be like Carrie Underwood… No identity, no brain…Tony’s gonna dump her real soon, unless her dad somehow blackmails him into staying with her… she’s an idiot– that’s what she truly is.
Vivian | August 29, 2008 at 3:14 pm
She’s got no talent and she’s always trying to be someone else…She tried to be like Britney when she first came out, now she’s trying to be like Carrie Underwood… No identity, no brain…Tony’s gonna dump her real soon, unless her dad somehow blackmails him into staying with her… she’s an idiot– that’s what she truly is.
Vivian | August 29, 2008 at 3:14 pm
She’s got no talent and she’s always trying to be someone else…She tried to be like Britney when she first came out, now she’s trying to be like Carrie Underwood… No identity, no brain…Tony’s gonna dump her real soon, unless her dad somehow blackmails him into staying with her… she’s an idiot– that’s what she truly is.
Danklin24 | August 29, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Someone should probably tell her that country singers stopped wearing table cloths as clothes in the 50′s.
pbandj | August 29, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I thought Sally Struthers died
SueMe | August 29, 2008 at 7:45 pm
If Jessica just goes back to pop music she will probably do fine. I haven’t heard her sing country yet, but haven’t heard very nice things about her country apearances. There’s always something out there that’s just not right for someone. Take me for instance…I wanted to play basketball in highschool, but Im 5’2 and terrible at sports.
Kristen | August 29, 2008 at 7:51 pm
She’s looking a little Winona Judd-ey lately.
Too bad Winona Judd has more talent in her own farts than Jessica Simpson will ever have.
Plus, if beefcake here likes putting on weight, I’m pretty damn sure her farts smell like the apocalypse.
imk | August 29, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I kind of feel bad for her but she never really deserved all the fame and fortune in the first place. She sings okay (probably better then madonna) but not good enough to take up space from someone with real talent.