According to her Twitter, Jessica Simpson is apparently receiving a barrage of fake reports claiming her coyote-snatched Malti-poo Daisy is still alive:
People have been contacting my family and friends saying that Daisy has been found. Untrue. People are so cruel..please respect her memory.
I’m sure this has to be frustrating for Jessica considering she’d probably believe me if I called and said I was Daisy – while using my normal voice.
ME: Hey, Jessica, it’s me Daisy.
JESSICA: But you’re dead, and you never talked before.
ME: Then how did I know your name is Jessica?
JESSICA: …. OH MY GOD, DAISY! I missed you so much. Please come home.
ME: I’m trying, but I can’t find my way unless you stand out in the yard topless.
JESSICA: I’m going right now! — Wait a minute. Daddy? Is this you again?
ME: If I say “yes,” will you still take your shirt off?
JESSICA: As long as you promise not to ground me.