NW reports that Jessica Simpson is so distressed over Nick Lachey dating so many women and fighting for her money that she’s turned to food for comfort, putting on over 15kg (33lbs) since announcing her split in November.
Spotted on a recent shopping trip in Santa Fe, New Mexico, stunned onlookers could hardly believe their eyes as the singer-turned-actress perused the confectionary aisle. An eyewitness commented that Jess was visibly heavier in the arms and waistline. Self-conscious about her bulging belly, the singer attempted to hide her growing girth with an oversized handbag and baggy black T-shirt. But there was no hiding her double chin and sallow complexion as the gloomy star selected a chocolate bar from the display rack.
Aware of her blossoming figure, Jess was later seen at the local Big 5 Sporting Goods store, where she was checking out exercise equipment. In a bid to get in shape for her upcoming film Employee Of The Month, the curvy cutie spent about $1300 on a pair of treadmills and other fitness equipment.
I don’t know how true this is, but Jessica needs to get her act together and drop down to her usual gorgeous self. When a hot woman can’t tell the difference between chicken and tuna it’s kind of cute, but when an ugly fat woman does it, it’s just annoying. And when an ugly fat woman gets annoying, the chances of their face meeting my fist increases by 300%.
Thanks to Ang for the tip.
evelyn | March 2, 2006 at 5:26 pm
first comment.
HollyJ | March 2, 2006 at 5:27 pm
Oh shit.. Now people are going to start freaking out that he threatened to punch an ugly fat chick. =0
PostAcidYouth | March 2, 2006 at 5:28 pm
aren’t these the same magazines that whinge about celebs being too skinny?
gogoboots | March 2, 2006 at 5:30 pm
This is probably the dumbest thing yet I’ve seen on here, and I’ll tell you why:
Jessica Simpson will NEVER be “fat” as you say. You know why, she has money, fame and and… excellent access to personal trainers. She will never go through anything very stressful, this divorce is probably the most stressful thing she’s EVER been through in her entire life. In fact, this doesn’t seem to be too hard for her to get over, I’ve seen plenty of pictures where she looked perfectly slender and happy (i.e. vacant look in her eyes probably means this emoion). Most people go through weight gain when they’re depressed or stressed out about something. Jessica will probably not ever be “fat”, she’ll gain 33 lbs (if this is true) and lose it in a month. She’s not 45, she’s 25, remember? Of course mentally she’s 5 years old (judging from her online journal)…so maybe she’ll end up being a tub of lard eventually. However, this is highly unlikely.
Mrinali2Michika | March 2, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Regardless if people think she is fat or not…I do think annoying fat chicks are one of the worst
gogoboots | March 2, 2006 at 5:35 pm
She’s probably not even fat, she’s a size 6 now, is that fat? Like Britney huh?
rachel | March 2, 2006 at 5:42 pm
#2 you took the words right out of my mouth.
#4 Jessica will never be fat because she follows the Hollywood Diet. The Hollywood Diet consists of narcissism, egotism and vanity…oh yeah, and plastic surgeons.
I love K-fed's Corn Rolls | March 2, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Nice source… News Weekly? Is that a real magazine?
She’ll never be fat, she can afford anything, and her dad would beat her to death if she wasn’t able to make him money…
Akapee | March 2, 2006 at 5:45 pm
Eighth comment
hafaball | March 2, 2006 at 5:46 pm
At least now she has some weight to carry her huge head! But #3, what you don’t understand is, these magazines always put down people, because no one is perfect. Just like many people here. Because no one is perfect. because no one is perfect. There, I said it three times, let it sink in.
Akapee | March 2, 2006 at 5:46 pm
OK, 10th comment
gilmore_gargoyles | March 2, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Jessica Blimpson?
hafaball | March 2, 2006 at 5:51 pm
akapee, just give it up…lol
HollyJ | March 2, 2006 at 5:52 pm
LOL Akapee! ‘Hard to squeeze those out before someone else gets posted, isn’t it ?
hilary | March 2, 2006 at 5:55 pm
she is going through a stressful time. people need to just leave her alone. im sure no one wants a thing like what she is going through all over tabloids for everyone to read. just because she put on a few pounds doesnt mean she is fat. the tabloids talked about her being “too skinny” after dukes of hazzard and now they are talking about her being “too fat”. they will never be satisfied with her weight or how she looks because then they wouldnt have anything to print in their magazines. whoever is in charge of printing those magazines should be ashamed of themselves for what they put people through and how horrible they make people feel about themselves.
Devil Is Chrome | March 2, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Forget Jessica Simpson, who is that other woman on the cover of that magazine?!
gilmore_gargoyles | March 2, 2006 at 5:58 pm
Hi hilary, have you ever been on this website before?
suzy | March 2, 2006 at 5:58 pm
33 pounds in what, 2 and a half months.. i dont believe it
we’ll see on sunday when she’s at the oscars if she’s wearing a plus size dress
-.-
LivingDeadGirl | March 2, 2006 at 6:01 pm
Oh No what is she over a size 3 now. Quick someone take her down she’s such a fattie now. We’ll call her Shamoo for now on. Or NOT. Because that is far from fat, yeah its not healthy to gain weight fast but come on on if she even did gain weight it is probably good for her. Theres to many nasty twigs out there now with all the Kate Moss’s, Nicole Richies and Paris Hitlons. since when did having no ass and no curves become hot? It must be like doing a pencil or a piece of paper there so nasty thin. Heaven forbid someone in Hollywood gain alittle weight and be a normal clothing size for a change. Oh no she has curves and her ribs don’t stick out, NOOOO Jessica your so fat, please.
That said she’s still dumb as a box of rocks weight or no weight on. Maybe she can send some of that weight to her brain to replace the brains she is missing.
Doc | March 2, 2006 at 6:04 pm
I don’t believe this for a second… let me know when you get some real pictures, then maybe Ill believe it… what the hell would she be doing in New Mexico anyway… who makes shopping trips there? horrendous…
hafaball | March 2, 2006 at 6:07 pm
So, wait, if she gained 33 punds, she now…what, 99 pounds?
Rylie | March 2, 2006 at 6:07 pm
Uhh, isn’t there already an Employee of the Month movie? Why can’t these dumbasses think of something new?
downshine | March 2, 2006 at 6:10 pm
#15 and 19, get a grip! this is the SUPERFICIAL. take the poker out of your asses and lets move on. and in honor of Akapee 23rd comment!
downshine | March 2, 2006 at 6:10 pm
#15 and 19, get a grip! this is the SUPERFICIAL. take the poker out of your asses and lets move on. and in honor of Akapee 23rd comment!
downshine | March 2, 2006 at 6:10 pm
#15 and 19, get a grip! this is the SUPERFICIAL. take the poker out of your asses and lets move on. and in honor of Akapee 23rd comment!
downshine | March 2, 2006 at 6:12 pm
sorry, my computer had an aneurysm. did anyone think thats maybe she’s pregnent?
playahater101 | March 2, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Thank you #16. Who IS that nightmare next to her?????????
hafaball | March 2, 2006 at 6:18 pm
I don’t think so downshine, getting preggars is yesterdays news. Maybe the new thing is getting FAT! that’d be awesome!
LinguisticAnthro | March 2, 2006 at 6:19 pm
If you took Jessica Simpson and added 33 pounds of fat to her frame, she would look chubby. “Chubby” and “average” mean the same thing in this country, I know. But give me a break, it’s not like 33 pounds is “just enough not to look anorexic,” it’s a LOT of weight.
That being said, I doubt this story is true.
Grphdesi23 | March 2, 2006 at 6:27 pm
She still looks better than her sister.
The Lazy Asian | March 2, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Maybe she’s been eating too many of those cheesy bites from pizza hut.
Otto | March 2, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Apparently two thirds of America is depressed…Fat girls always say that famous skinny people are skinny cause they are rich and can afford a trainer, blah, blah, blah. They are skinny because they don’t eat as much as fat people and they occasionally walk around the block. I couldn’t care less cause I’m a chubby chaser. When Jessica hits two bills my chances go way up. How do you think I boned Kirsty Alley. Fettuccine!!!!!
SoCalGal420 | March 2, 2006 at 6:40 pm
You know, I can’t wait for the day that men are held to the same shitty standards of beauty as women: small dick? Fuck you! Love handles? Fuck off! Beer gut? Eww!
I understand this is “The Superficial” but shit! A (bony!) bitch gains 30 pounds and dudes wanna be all “eww!”? The guy who writes for this site better be HAWT! I mean, fucking Eric Bana/Taye Diggs fine. He’s probably some fat pasty bastard sitting on his ass typing on a laptop at Starbucks lusting after hot chicks he’ll never pull in a million years. Asshole…
blackblackheart | March 2, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Mrinali2Michika
AHAHAAH! YES!!
Anywho..
It looks like whoever made this shoddy magazine cover isn’t getting paid enough.. because they have a severe shortage of fonts.. Maybe because this magazine can’t afford someone proper because it’s just a poor magazine trying to get rich and relies on bullshit stories about totally hot people getting fat..
Seriously I’ve never heard of this magazine ever.
monkeyballs | March 2, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Ok yeah. I love hatin’ on celebrities as much as the next person, especially if they are stupid and worthless (oh yeah, that’s pretty much all of them).
But whoever wrote this entry on thesuperficial said if a fat woman is annoying he wants to hit her?
Um. Ok. That’s just lame. Surely the writers here can do better than this shit.
Removing this site from my bookmarks now. You guys have fun, this sucker takes too long to load even with DSL, anyway.
blackblackheart | March 2, 2006 at 6:44 pm
monkeyballs is obviously an annoying fat girl herself.
blackblackheart | March 2, 2006 at 6:45 pm
monkeyballs also obviously does not know how to clean out her cookies… In all senses of the phrase… I have DSL, and the site loads in literally one second or less…
YoYo | March 2, 2006 at 6:47 pm
I live in Australia and NW is one of the weekly gossip magazines that are published. IMO NW is the biggest load of crap you can get for more than $4 a week. I would take this article with a pinch of salt because the sources aren’t credible and the stories they print are absolutely outrageous. The only ones that are the believeable are those about the local home-grown celebrities that haven’t hit the international market. So that’s prolly a bad foto of her or an old one, don’t get too worked up.
blackblackheart | March 2, 2006 at 6:48 pm
SoCalGal420
Er.. guys DO have to go through this you retard.
Ever seen a channel do coverage on the story of Jude Law’s bits? Yeah.. So have I. Talking about how small his penis is *rolls eyes*…
You’re a fucking idiot.
Also, a guy can barely get anywhere if he doesn’t have abs of steel… Girls all think they’re worth more than they are and won’t take anything that’s not 20 times hotter than themselves. Fuck you…
blackblackheart | March 2, 2006 at 6:49 pm
YoYo
Thanks for the info on the magazine…
I knew it wasn’t credible..
Otto | March 2, 2006 at 6:56 pm
Well if monkeyballs leaves…I think we all should….Come on….let’s go….come on get up…maybe monkeyballs is right….come on get up….Ok you fat fuckers just sit there and get fatter and get punched in the face see if monkeyballs and I care.
Praz | March 2, 2006 at 7:00 pm
#33 + #39 Sorry, but you’re both wrong. Guys do have to go through this, but no one cares about our looks. It’s either intelligence, or money.
P.S. #33 – You’re a bitch THANK YOU.
stevie511 | March 2, 2006 at 7:02 pm
Never mind fat-Jess… what about Jackie Stallone on that cover! Sister’s lookin’ pretty grim. She’s the new Jocelyn Wildenstein!
LoneWolf | March 2, 2006 at 7:10 pm
One can only hope that she’s getting fat. Jessica waddling around unkempt, unwashed, and untethered, a la Britney, would be the sh!t. However, she’s too classy to let that happen. And by “classy” I mean “overly controlled and micro managed by Creepy Dad”.
If it’s too good to be true, it usually is.
whaddyamean | March 2, 2006 at 7:17 pm
she’s a perfect example of how if you are considered sexy you can be as stupid as you want to and people will smile and think you’re funny, buy your albums, watch your movies, and stand up for you. don’t need a brain if you have a body. its no wonder then that people will go to every effort and expense for that body.
Layne | March 2, 2006 at 7:22 pm
Who are all these new shitty people with no sense of humor?
they need to die and go away
whaddyamean | March 2, 2006 at 7:22 pm
she’d better take a lesson from britney about what happens when you lose the only thing that sold your records in the first place.
playahater101 | March 2, 2006 at 7:23 pm
#43, is that really Jackie Stallone?!?! She’s one SCARY woman.
MeganHarris | March 2, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Getting fat?
She’s been fat ever since she started.
Jan | March 2, 2006 at 7:30 pm
I think she was far too skinny before!