Jessica Simpson, for the love of God, please stop

September 9th, 2008 // 67 Comments

Jessica Simpson’s country album “Do You Know” hit shelves today and, I’m guessing as part of its deal with Satan for scoring a Sarah Palin interview, ABC allowed Jessica to perform on Good Morning America. The result: FAIL. She ended up restarting her single “Come On Over” while broadcasting live. Now, incompetence aside, I’ll be honest; I never watched any of her other performances, but this time I did and what in the fuck?! Seriously, I’d rather listen to the sound of my penis lighting on fire than hear Jessica Simpson sing. And I’m using the term “sing” loosely. Perhaps a better term would be “vocally taking a dump that will rape and murder your eardrums leaving them for dead in a ditch.” In stores now!

superficial

  1. The Professor

    Why does she think that if she’s not popular among the country audience already, that it will change at all with her stupid album?

  2. Pokey McSlapp

    Seriously? who the hell buys this crap?

    And where does the song restart?

  3. JimmyD

    Wholy knockers!

  4. Trover

    Fish,

    I had no idea that you had a penis. All this time I thought you were a dude with a vaj since you act like such a pussy. Who knew.

  5. I’ve never heard one single song of hers. Has she ever been on the radio? Somebody name a song of hers that I might know??????

  6. syn

    What the hell is she wearing? Truly, I’ve never seen a dumber looking face in my life. The girl appears to have the IQ of a tepid glass of tap water.

  7. ali

    god bless jessica simpson, and her chest cannons.

  8. You know when Satan asked her if she wanted a great rack or intelligence – it really didn’t need to be an all or nothing answer. She should have taken a cup size or two less and added a few IQ points.

  9. artie

    MILF in ugly clothes. Maybe she pregnant.

  10. Gottahava Wawa

    @6…yes a low IQ, I agree…but seriously, how bad do you want to toss her salad?

  11. pete

    Her picture sequences always look like she’s about to receive, or just received, a monster facial splooging. Plus: big boobs always on the verge of popping out.

    Just enjoy it, you fucking homos.

  12. sensitive guy

    you know what? It’s not THAT bad of a performance – she loses the note once or twice, but she does ok. It’s a crappy song – boring, one good line, no musical hook….
    But… not only does she have a great rack… look at that tongue! Tony Romo’s got to love it when she goes deep….

  13. aka rough daddy

    Boy romo must have fun with that!!!

  14. aka rough daddy

    Nice choice of headline pic superfish,,,that tongue and mammary shot can inspire a c*m flood!!!!

  15. Come-Honor-Face

    Is it just me, or do you think Romo likes it when that tounge is running circles and eventually enters his anus?

  16. I wonder where that tongue has been?

    @15 Do you really need to ask that question? I think we all know the answer, hell YES!!

  17. Barbie

    Why does she even bother singing? She could just stand there reading “Green Eggs and Ham” and it would be okay with you cavemen because she has big boobs.

  18. Corinthia

    Is she pregnant? I mean in the last week she wore this hideous dresses !!! none of her usual style! What do you think?

  19. Come-Honor-Face

    @18 It’s possible, I mean 1st ashley, Papa joes next logical choice is his other daughter, why the hell not

  20. Mia

    She got fat but she can still look good if she does not show her fat knee caps.

  21. Mandy

    ACTUALLY – she didn’t sing a single off of her new album, she sang, ‘With You.’ Off of her old album, the one that came out when she was relevant. The only thing that changed is now she sings it was a massive twang…….actual facts.

  22. literarycritic

    @#12: Are you deaf? It was TERRIBLE. She tries too hard to do the “country twang,” she’s off-key the entire song, and — worst of all — she can’t hit the high notes.

    She should’ve just lip-synced. Better yet, she should just quit the music biz.

  23. Mandy

    ACTUALLY – she didn’t sing a single off of her new album, she sang, ‘With You.’ Off of her old album, the one that came out when she was relevant. The only thing that changed is now she sings it with a massive twang…….actual facts.

  24. @17 Hey Barbie, don’t you have big boobs too? Can you read Green Eggs and Ham??

  25. literarycritic

    Mandy, she did sing “Come On Over.” It’s in the same playlist as the video you apparently watched. Pay more attention next time.

  26. h8r

    The restart is in the second verse. Her back-up singers are singing, in unison, a different line than she is. She has to look over at them to check which line she should be singing!

  27. who dat?

    someone please pour habanero sauce on her tongue next time she sticks it out

  28. brandielq

    She’s SO PREGNANT! And the outfit is ridiculous.

  29. spiderman

    that first pic makes me think she is a pro at giving anal tongue darts. either way she can practice on the spider as long as no words are coming out of her mouth.

  30. SomeoneRandom

    Here’s the video link:

    http://video.accesshollywood.com/player/?id=639981

    I can’t stand her. I couldn’t f’in stand her then, and I definitely can’t f’in stand her now! When will her 15 minutes of fame expire? The only thing after this album flops keeping her in the spotlight is her football boyfriend.

  31. Rant

    Look at the fucking tounge, now I know why she is famous. And I use the term famous loosely.

  32. qwerty

    you dirty liberal…

  33. Natalie

    She is hiding a BABY BUMP!

  34. dude_on

    Intelligence is way over rated as a desired personality trait for women. Big cans and that tongue should be enough for any man. I see Romo working. All she needs to learn is to shut up and bingo – He is talking soul mate for life. He can have discussions about Kurt Vonnegut with someone else.

  35. Keely

    Actually, she didn’t even sing her new sing she botched her old #1 With You from before she thought she was to big and cheated on Nick Lachey. Oh well serves her right.

  36. @h8r

    She didn’t actually restart.. she just switched up the second verse. She sang the second part before the first part, and her backup singers did it right. You’d think she’d know her own song a little better than that… but at least she kept it together.

  37. Amber

    She didn’t restart her new single “come on over” she had to restart her old single “with you.” Just to set the record straight. It was technical difficulty and it wasn’t something she did.

  38. Amber

    She didn’t restart her new single “come on over” she had to restart her old single “with you.” Just to set the record straight. It was technical difficulty and it wasn’t something she did.

  39. Snatchit

    Damn, I didn’t think Tony Homo could get it up let alone have sperm strong enough to knock that bitch up.

  40. Oh God. She’s awful. How did she get to be on a national show?

  41. Now u know why NL left this woman
    2 much Tongue outside and looks
    RIDICULOUS !!!

    XOXO

  42. hahahah

    Oh you superficial writer, you are so wrong. The song she had to restart was not come on over, it was some other one. If youre going to blast Jessica at least make sure you have the right info, nympho!

  43. Megan

    Hahahah–go back to your Jessica Simpson fan page….

    I think she’s knocked up, thats the only excuse for the shit clothes she’s been wearing lately. And she’s prolly jealous of her fug sister…

  44. Eden

    Holy Christ, am I the only one who thought she looked like Mary Hart from Entertainment tonight, who must be pushing a hard 60?

  45. I think she’s pregnant. Check out her belly. And the unabashed Tony Romo’s the love of my life comments. Could only be spoken by a woman who’s engaged or knocked up.

  46. Bob White

    She has something that sets her apart. Long, blonde hair, pretty brown doe eyes, natural curves in all the right places, glowy tan skin, a sweet humble attitude, and Hollywoods most perfect set of twins:) She is the chic all men want. Sweet and devoted (seemingly). The kind yiu take home to mom.

    She looks better than the playboy tribe from the last post. They look like over the hill sorority sisters. Nothing special just a bunch of chronic dieters who diet and not excercise, who bleach there hair shades of unflatterng dandelion blonde that does not take into account ones skin tone and natural undertones. There taste in clothes sucks,,,,the lingerie needs to be a bit more interesting. I want to see them look like it is Carnival in Brazil…put on a show, act alive. Shake some feathers. Just don’t stand about in your loose knickers and saggy bras and poorly fitting corsets.

  47. washington

    What’s up with the double-baggers in the audience mouthing the words to the song? Jesus H. Mother-Fucking Christ.

  48. She should just do playboy and start to live off the only talent she has – having huge breasts.

    What’s with the total lack of waist btw?

  49. FACE

    I dont understand the hatred for her all of a sudden. Sure she has been dumb and beautiful from the start but people,liked her for that. She wasnt trying to be the Vice President of trhe United States.

  50. WTF?

    Why is she making stupid faces everytime I see her? I know she’s a dimwit but damn, girl. Stop with the stupid faces you twat!

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