Jessica Simpson will exact her revenge – by dieting!

Jessica Simpson is going to diet our goddamn faces off. The singer plans on getting her figure back as soon as she’s done touring which friends blame as the culprit for her increased size, according to OK! Magazine:

“She eats her feelings — it’s hard having people criticizing your every move and ridiculing you on blogs,” one close friend tells OK!. “Once Jessica stops touring [next month], she’ll calm her nerves and the weight will hopefully fall off.”
In addition, Jess will need to cut back on her favorite finger foods like chips and guacamole and make a few substitutions, as well as falling back into a fitness routine.
“She’d much rather gossip with her girlfriends than hit the treadmill, so I know she needs to get a workout buddy to run with her,” her friend reveals.

“She eats her feelings.” Jesus, who says that about a friend? That’d be like somebody saying I masturbate my loneliness away. Which is totally not true, people call me all the time to hang out. I’m beloved by many. Ha ha ha! I’ll be in the men’s room.

EDIT: Added pics of Jessica Simpson announcing nominees for the Country Music Awards after her Early Show performance. How much must it suck to stand next to Kellie Pickler and Julianne Hough? Where’s Wynonna Judd when you need her?