Jessica Simpson is going to diet our goddamn faces off. The singer plans on getting her figure back as soon as she’s done touring which friends blame as the culprit for her increased size, according to OK! Magazine:
“She eats her feelings — it’s hard having people criticizing your every move and ridiculing you on blogs,” one close friend tells OK!. “Once Jessica stops touring [next month], she’ll calm her nerves and the weight will hopefully fall off.”
In addition, Jess will need to cut back on her favorite finger foods like chips and guacamole and make a few substitutions, as well as falling back into a fitness routine.
“She’d much rather gossip with her girlfriends than hit the treadmill, so I know she needs to get a workout buddy to run with her,” her friend reveals.
“She eats her feelings.” Jesus, who says that about a friend? That’d be like somebody saying I masturbate my loneliness away. Which is totally not true, people call me all the time to hang out. I’m beloved by many. Ha ha ha! I’ll be in the men’s room.
EDIT: Added pics of Jessica Simpson announcing nominees for the Country Music Awards after her Early Show performance. How much must it suck to stand next to Kellie Pickler and Julianne Hough? Where’s Wynonna Judd when you need her?
Cliff_greene | February 11, 2009 at 5:03 pm
FIRS!
Sauron | February 11, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Filst!
lol wut | February 11, 2009 at 5:05 pm
failfag is fail
saralee | February 11, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Like we all didn’t see that one comining! maybe if she became famous for actually having talent instead of having big boobs people wouldn’t be ragging on her. The expression on her face in pic 6 is hilarious, you can tell she doesn’t like standing next to someone half her size
jojojo | February 11, 2009 at 5:14 pm
jesus, arent there bigger problems in the world? besides, the girl looks good, leave her alone.
CasualEncountersBlog | February 11, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I will now proceed to lose 5 pounds in 2 seconds.
*slash*
::thunk::
HA! | February 11, 2009 at 5:18 pm
the first sentence of this post is fuckin HILARIOUS! well done superficial writer. haha… ha… ha…hm, ha… ok, i think i’m good.
Not Naps | February 11, 2009 at 5:19 pm
FAKE!!!!
This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow’s are all wrong.
R | February 11, 2009 at 5:20 pm
I LOVE her hair in these pictures. So pretty.
sote | February 11, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Jesus, what’s up with her face on that magazine, it looks weird!
Poor girl. She’s not that fat, if I was her I would be more concerned about being retarded, “chicken of the sea” damn she’s stupid!
donk | February 11, 2009 at 5:24 pm
So now she admits she’s fat…..
.
Terry | February 11, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Jessicas got it going on, i love her body, she is tiny, and her curves are kickin.
so hot!!
i hope she keeps to look, and just fucks everyone off.
Angelonline | February 11, 2009 at 5:26 pm
I am starting to think The Fish has some crazed obsession with Jessica Simpson…… hmmm
OC Dee | February 11, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Eat and drink in moderation and exercising regularly is the key to staying fit. I give Jessica credit for admitting she is overweight and she is ready to lose the weight. She found a way to continue her media attention.
Terry Yucky | February 11, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Why is being fat such a big deal?
Photoshop Police | February 11, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Does this mean she’s having an abortion?
Fat Chicks Suck | February 11, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Actual quote from Terry (#12):
“she is tiny”
HOLY…FUCKING…SHIT…
me | February 11, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Anyone posting after me eats out of Tony Homo’s jockstrap
Fati | February 11, 2009 at 5:58 pm
She already HAS lost quite a few pounds since those awful pictures. And she looks really sexy in these pictures. Now that’s a figure that can be called sexily curvy! Before she was just fat.
chipmunk | February 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm
woa!
what’s wrong with her face in the last picture?!
it looks like she’s storing food in her cheek for when she starts to get hungry.
It's Me Fuckers | February 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm
http://joecartoon.atom.com/cartoons/147-monkey_looker
I almost pissed myself when I watched this. I just HAD to share it with you all.
Gen | February 11, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Blame it on her new nose. It’s making her look fat.
Just_As_it_Is | February 11, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Everyone sayin she’s fat is because her mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives are fighting obesity. It’s just out of envy that she still looks pretty good.
She looks fine… also dumb, but fine
Just_As_it_Is | February 11, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Everyone sayin she’s fat is because her mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives are fighting obesity. It’s just out of envy that she still looks pretty good.
She looks fine… also dumb, but fine
Dummy Up | February 11, 2009 at 6:04 pm
24
Jessica admits she is fat and needs to lose weight, so why can’t you? You are the typical fat America who would love to believe that you are not fat either.
Racer X | February 11, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Why?
/She’s dumb
//should gain 20 lbs. if you ask me
MNA | February 11, 2009 at 6:12 pm
She is fucking hot as shit. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fucking moron. I would kill – KILL – for a piece like her. Unreal. This world is fucking insane.
10pound | February 11, 2009 at 6:18 pm
She looks like a shit I took this morning.
jol | February 11, 2009 at 6:20 pm
She look sbad in these pics. She’s packing her fat in like meat inside sausage casing, sucking her gut in the whole time.
Problem is, she’s short and has thick elephant legs. You can’t hide tree stuumps.
Celebrity Skinned | February 11, 2009 at 6:35 pm
She realized she had a weight problem when her father stopped hitting on her.
kimberly | February 11, 2009 at 6:43 pm
She should just wear black all the time. It is very slimming! Then she can check have a baby with tony romo! cutechristiansingles.com
jt | February 11, 2009 at 7:05 pm
i thought she said she was happy with her body?
Fake MCP | February 11, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Give the girl a break. It simply does not make sense to chastise girls for looking like coked-out stick figures on one hand, then chastise them for being fat when you can’t count their ribs at 30 feet. There may be men who prefer the Skank Hilton body type, but there are also men that prefer women who have curves.
End of line.
Fake MCP | February 11, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Give the girl a break. It simply does not make sense to chastise girls for looking like coked-out stick figures on one hand, then chastise them for being fat when you can’t count their ribs at 30 feet. There may be men who prefer the Skank Hilton body type, but there are also men that prefer women who have curves.
End of line.
Jim | February 11, 2009 at 7:25 pm
She’s such a thick hick. Fat, squat, and a man face. She is doomed to life on Branson with other fat hillbillies.
P. | February 11, 2009 at 7:26 pm
To be honest, I don’t think she’s fat. She just doesn’t have an ability to choose her own clothes. She is times thinner than most of America – the fattest country in the world. You criticise her for being “overweight” and yet You criticise Lindsay Lohan for looking anorectic. Which is it then??? Most criticisers are overweight men jerking off while watching both of these girls’ photos. Quite double-faced, I’d say…
Candy | February 11, 2009 at 7:27 pm
YIKES! Her double chin is growing an growing – see pic #9
OINK! OINK!
Diana | February 11, 2009 at 7:31 pm
#6 HAHAHA !
justifiable | February 11, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Eating your feelings is fine, it’s the side of fries and desserts to follow that entree that are blowing her up.
Jessica, if you don’t like to read ridule, stop making horribly sucky direct-to-DVD ripoffs of Private Benjamin. Start working a little harder so when you next perform with Dolly Parton singing HER song you’ll actually know the lyrics. You’re marginally talented, so you need to either come to terms with your limitations or else grow a hide like a rhino, because people won’t sugarcoat things and tell you that you don’t suck when you really do.
Racer X | February 11, 2009 at 7:46 pm
#32 is the WINNAR!!!!
/standing ovation
HITLER | February 11, 2009 at 8:01 pm
She’s an even bigger idiot for giving in to the pressure to lose the weight.
Der Frauline est uber idiot!!!
ps.
I LOVE KIDS!!!
kate | February 11, 2009 at 8:02 pm
WOW….. many her fans are chatting this on my favorite community called ***sugarmingle.C o M*** where I met many cute, sexy girls
DON COLONIC | February 11, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Fat bitch on a diet.
Sid | February 11, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Glad to see she came to her senses and ignored all the “it’s healthy!!!” nonsense that fat chicks spew.
Fatty fatty fat fat | February 11, 2009 at 8:18 pm
She looks just as heavy as the women she’s standing next too. She’s no thicker than Rhianna (sp). People need to get a grip. So she gained a few. Big deal. She’ll lose it next month, gain it back, lose, gain it, ad nauseam… BOOOOring.
W.C. Fields loves all the children. | February 11, 2009 at 8:19 pm
We’ve been publicity scheme’d.
1 MILF Hunter | February 11, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Lose the gut, lose the hips, keep the jugs.
Jackie | February 11, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Your mom’s fat
lindas | February 11, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I am shocked I really didn’t see this coming!!!! How pathetic!
Zilly | February 11, 2009 at 8:28 pm
I just lost 10 lbs in one week. It’s not that hard and SHE can afford a personal trainer!