Jessica Simpson will exact her revenge – by dieting!

February 11th, 2009 // 110 Comments

Jessica Simpson is going to diet our goddamn faces off. The singer plans on getting her figure back as soon as she’s done touring which friends blame as the culprit for her increased size, according to OK! Magazine:

“She eats her feelings — it’s hard having people criticizing your every move and ridiculing you on blogs,” one close friend tells OK!. “Once Jessica stops touring [next month], she’ll calm her nerves and the weight will hopefully fall off.”
In addition, Jess will need to cut back on her favorite finger foods like chips and guacamole and make a few substitutions, as well as falling back into a fitness routine.
“She’d much rather gossip with her girlfriends than hit the treadmill, so I know she needs to get a workout buddy to run with her,” her friend reveals.

“She eats her feelings.” Jesus, who says that about a friend? That’d be like somebody saying I masturbate my loneliness away. Which is totally not true, people call me all the time to hang out. I’m beloved by many. Ha ha ha! I’ll be in the men’s room.

EDIT: Added pics of Jessica Simpson announcing nominees for the Country Music Awards after her Early Show performance. How much must it suck to stand next to Kellie Pickler and Julianne Hough? Where’s Wynonna Judd when you need her?

superficial

  1. Cliff_greene

    FIRS!

  2. Sauron

    Filst!

  3. lol wut

    failfag is fail

  4. saralee

    Like we all didn’t see that one comining! maybe if she became famous for actually having talent instead of having big boobs people wouldn’t be ragging on her. The expression on her face in pic 6 is hilarious, you can tell she doesn’t like standing next to someone half her size

  5. jojojo

    jesus, arent there bigger problems in the world? besides, the girl looks good, leave her alone.

  6. I will now proceed to lose 5 pounds in 2 seconds.

    *slash*

    ::thunk::

  7. HA!

    the first sentence of this post is fuckin HILARIOUS! well done superficial writer. haha… ha… ha…hm, ha… ok, i think i’m good.

  8. Not Naps

    FAKE!!!!

    This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow’s are all wrong.

  9. R

    I LOVE her hair in these pictures. So pretty.

  10. sote

    Jesus, what’s up with her face on that magazine, it looks weird!
    Poor girl. She’s not that fat, if I was her I would be more concerned about being retarded, “chicken of the sea” damn she’s stupid!

  11. donk

    So now she admits she’s fat…..

    .

  12. Terry

    Jessicas got it going on, i love her body, she is tiny, and her curves are kickin.
    so hot!!
    i hope she keeps to look, and just fucks everyone off.

  13. Angelonline

    I am starting to think The Fish has some crazed obsession with Jessica Simpson…… hmmm

  14. Eat and drink in moderation and exercising regularly is the key to staying fit. I give Jessica credit for admitting she is overweight and she is ready to lose the weight. She found a way to continue her media attention.

  15. Terry Yucky

    Why is being fat such a big deal?

  16. Photoshop Police

    Does this mean she’s having an abortion?

  17. Fat Chicks Suck

    Actual quote from Terry (#12):

    “she is tiny”

    HOLY…FUCKING…SHIT…

  18. me

    Anyone posting after me eats out of Tony Homo’s jockstrap

  19. Fati

    She already HAS lost quite a few pounds since those awful pictures. And she looks really sexy in these pictures. Now that’s a figure that can be called sexily curvy! Before she was just fat.

  20. chipmunk

    woa!
    what’s wrong with her face in the last picture?!

    it looks like she’s storing food in her cheek for when she starts to get hungry.

  21. It's Me Fuckers

    http://joecartoon.atom.com/cartoons/147-monkey_looker

    I almost pissed myself when I watched this. I just HAD to share it with you all.

  22. Gen

    Blame it on her new nose. It’s making her look fat.

  23. Just_As_it_Is

    Everyone sayin she’s fat is because her mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives are fighting obesity. It’s just out of envy that she still looks pretty good.

    She looks fine… also dumb, but fine

  24. Just_As_it_Is

    Everyone sayin she’s fat is because her mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives are fighting obesity. It’s just out of envy that she still looks pretty good.

    She looks fine… also dumb, but fine

  25. Dummy Up

    24

    Jessica admits she is fat and needs to lose weight, so why can’t you? You are the typical fat America who would love to believe that you are not fat either.

  26. Racer X

    Why?

    /She’s dumb
    //should gain 20 lbs. if you ask me

  27. MNA

    She is fucking hot as shit. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fucking moron. I would kill – KILL – for a piece like her. Unreal. This world is fucking insane.

  28. 10pound

    She looks like a shit I took this morning.

  29. jol

    She look sbad in these pics. She’s packing her fat in like meat inside sausage casing, sucking her gut in the whole time.

    Problem is, she’s short and has thick elephant legs. You can’t hide tree stuumps.

  30. She realized she had a weight problem when her father stopped hitting on her.

  31. She should just wear black all the time. It is very slimming! Then she can check have a baby with tony romo! cutechristiansingles.com

  32. jt

    i thought she said she was happy with her body?

  33. Fake MCP

    Give the girl a break. It simply does not make sense to chastise girls for looking like coked-out stick figures on one hand, then chastise them for being fat when you can’t count their ribs at 30 feet. There may be men who prefer the Skank Hilton body type, but there are also men that prefer women who have curves.

    End of line.

  34. Fake MCP

    Give the girl a break. It simply does not make sense to chastise girls for looking like coked-out stick figures on one hand, then chastise them for being fat when you can’t count their ribs at 30 feet. There may be men who prefer the Skank Hilton body type, but there are also men that prefer women who have curves.

    End of line.

  35. Jim

    She’s such a thick hick. Fat, squat, and a man face. She is doomed to life on Branson with other fat hillbillies.

  36. P.

    To be honest, I don’t think she’s fat. She just doesn’t have an ability to choose her own clothes. She is times thinner than most of America – the fattest country in the world. You criticise her for being “overweight” and yet You criticise Lindsay Lohan for looking anorectic. Which is it then??? Most criticisers are overweight men jerking off while watching both of these girls’ photos. Quite double-faced, I’d say…

  37. Candy

    YIKES! Her double chin is growing an growing – see pic #9

    OINK! OINK!

  38. Diana

    #6 HAHAHA !

  39. justifiable

    Eating your feelings is fine, it’s the side of fries and desserts to follow that entree that are blowing her up.
    Jessica, if you don’t like to read ridule, stop making horribly sucky direct-to-DVD ripoffs of Private Benjamin. Start working a little harder so when you next perform with Dolly Parton singing HER song you’ll actually know the lyrics. You’re marginally talented, so you need to either come to terms with your limitations or else grow a hide like a rhino, because people won’t sugarcoat things and tell you that you don’t suck when you really do.

  40. Racer X

    #32 is the WINNAR!!!!

    /standing ovation

  41. HITLER

    She’s an even bigger idiot for giving in to the pressure to lose the weight.

    Der Frauline est uber idiot!!!

    ps.
    I LOVE KIDS!!!

  42. kate

    WOW….. many her fans are chatting this on my favorite community called ***sugarmingle.C o M*** where I met many cute, sexy girls

  43. Fat bitch on a diet.

  44. Sid

    Glad to see she came to her senses and ignored all the “it’s healthy!!!” nonsense that fat chicks spew.

  45. Fatty fatty fat fat

    She looks just as heavy as the women she’s standing next too. She’s no thicker than Rhianna (sp). People need to get a grip. So she gained a few. Big deal. She’ll lose it next month, gain it back, lose, gain it, ad nauseam… BOOOOring.

  46. W.C. Fields loves all the children.

    We’ve been publicity scheme’d.

  47. 1 MILF Hunter

    Lose the gut, lose the hips, keep the jugs.

  48. Jackie

    Your mom’s fat

  49. lindas

    I am shocked I really didn’t see this coming!!!! How pathetic!

  50. Zilly

    I just lost 10 lbs in one week. It’s not that hard and SHE can afford a personal trainer!

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