Jessica Simpson dumped via text message

OMG! iv been dumped! lol!11!!11!!

She reads ?

(Sorry – Jess, I’m beginning to feel a bit sorry for these gals. They seem to get most of the abuse on these sites. Well ok tom and Hof as well)

THat sucks.. Hey Classy guy from Maroon 5 , huh?

How’s it feel biyatch?! Sucks to be dumped on a text message don’t it? I hope Nick reads this story and smiles.

Levine: Classy.
Simpson: Karma, bitch.
Law: More STDs on the way!

You know, maybe Adam got tired of Jessica always asking him what color oranges were.

I saw this one coming… as hot as Jessica is, no one is un-dumpable… yeah, thats not a word, but it should be… haha

My grandfather used to always tell me that no matter how beautiful a woman is, somewhere, someone is sick of her shit.

But on a serious note, this is really, really serious news. I mean, who knew Jessica Simpson could read?

to quote adam levine: “She will be loved.”

I say Nick and Jessica should get back together.

You know, Lachey supposedly didn’t sample her tasty treats until they were married. Maybe she wasn’t even fucking this guy I’ve never heard of. If you don’t believe in sex outside marriage you don’t believe in sex outside marriage. After you got over the “holy shit! I’m dating Jessica Simpson!” moment you still wanna do some bouncy-bouncy. And if she just wants to make out and watch “The Little Mermaid” you’re gonna get sick of her even if she is one of the hottest chick around. Plus this guy’s in a rock band. It’s a really wussy rock band, but even dudes in really wussy rock bands attract girls who want to fuck dudes in rock bands. Any rock bands. These girls are called whores. But they put out and that’s what’s important. So why would you dry hump Jessica Simpson’s leg when you could actually make sweet love to a less attractive girl? It’s simple mathematics really.

I hope there was some awesome emoticon involved.

Levine needs to eat a fucking biscuit. He looks like an 11-yr-old anorexic (of EITHER sex). NASTY!!

She may be stupid, but at least she has secondary sex characteristics like pubic hair and curves. I mean, geezuz, Levine is like a crazed stick bug.

http://mostlyglass.com/Artists/costantini/Praying%20Mantis%20mating%201.jpg

Why would she be dating Jude Law?

… Daisy Duke???looks more like Daisy Duck…what’s up with the fat implants jess.

“Really Busy…Need Space”…
Kudos to Adam…that’s GENIUS!

The only thing that might top that is when Jude dumps her with…

“Really Busy…Need Penis Enlargement”

Get back with Nic!! He actually seems ok. Stay AWAY from Jude Law.
(and Binky-get a life)

Can all you retards stop saying “first post!!” I fucking hate that…

And about Jessica…call me baby!

Always nice when a dump is as memorable as it is devastating.

#8 post, The Serial Cynic, you are so right. And besides, noone looks good when they first wake up, I bet her husband was sick of her wicked morning breath and zits. Does she still do those acne medicine infomercials?

Jessica Simpson dumped via text message…

The sad thing is it tooks days for that illiterate dumb ass to dechiper the 4 word message on her vintage “Speak-N-Spell”..

Why are so many of these rock guys stuck on themselves. Maybe their music is good (Maroon 5 is actually pretty awesome), but they pretty much look like trailer trash. Why anyone would dump Jess is crazy. Maybe she isn’t really smart, but she is hot and rich. How many guys out there would kill for a hot, rich and dumb girl?

Seriously, Jess should take some time and be careful about getting into a relationship. A rebound relationship never works and is for all the wrong reasons. She isn;t even divorced yet and she should wait until she is and then use her heart and find her soul mate. :)

#18 – Addressing the retards is futile.

Most of the retards are probably just 12 year olds whose babysitter is, unfortunately, the internet.

He should have text messaged her during sex and said “You suck in bed” and rolled out.

#22 Maroon 5 is not “pretty awesome” but in fact the exact opposite of all things awesome. They make whiney dance music for teenage girls that could never be classified as Rock.

This guy is a dumbass. He should have stayed with her purely for publicity for his band, have her sing a few songs and make a sh*t load of money.

I’m not sure who’s the bigger tool, Adam or Jessica, at least we know she’s too dumb to care that she’s been dumped, she’s hot enough with those fake implant lips to find some other tool like Jude Law to be all interested in what she has, or right…to say, sure…its called boobs.

I wonder if she was just so unbearable, since maybe all she did was talk about Nick the whole time. Even in bed she’d say, “You know, Nick never touched my breasts, all he’d ever do was premature then cry all night.” I can understand why he had to leave her.

I’m sure much pouting has ensued and her lips will soon explode from overuse.

Kimmie (#22): Which one is you?

http://www.gottaparty.net/divas.jpg

Could she be any more obvious about being a dumb bitch?

I mean, how lame, insecure and clingy of a whore do you have to be to get dumped like this by Adam fucking Levine of Maroon 5, Manwhore Extraordinaire???!!?!!?? Via TEXT MESSAGE?!?

My God, Jessica, what the hell do you have to say for yourself? Your image is getting fucking mangled!!? Please, speak up! Defend yourself! Are you really this dim of a bulb? Jeez!

So is this the blind item from The Awful Truth (celebuchick seen in tears on Valentine’s day, unable even to spend money on new clothes)?

I could only put up with her stupidity for so long. I couldn’t care less how good looking she is.

LOL@ Buttsnack. I don’t even want to know where you came across that link. I bet she’s the goofy one with the red hat.

19- You’d better file the fact that you hate ‘first post’ comments under TFB, because no one gives a shit if you’re happy about it or not. I just happened to get back from work early and managed to make it in first.

No, I’m not 12.
No, I don’t have a babysitter.
No, I don’t give a flying fuck if you think I’m a retard. Besides, if I were a retard, I doubt my grammar would be as good as it is.

And 19, why would you want her to call you ‘baby’?

Or wait, did you mean, “Call me, baby”?

Jackasses.

31: No! In an unprecedented move, Teddy C. actually FESSES UP: IT WAS ACTUALLY BRITNEY who was bawling her eyes out all bloated, puffy and distraught over being jilted on Valentine’s Day by her no-good, sack-of-shit, poor-excuse-for-a-husband K-fuck!

Like I said, check it out:

sheeit, I can’t get the link to show up, but it’s on the Tuesday Mar. 7 page of the Eonline.com Awful Truth section.

Good stuff.

#35 I will take your word for it, b/c I’m too lazy (or scared) to search Ted’s archives. It was easier when he was weekly.

#16 Funny. Quite funny.

….Wait??? There were only two skanky dumbo white trash minor celebugirls having public meltdowns on Feb 14?

I’ll be doggone. I thought they *all* did that on Feb 14.

I’d hit either of these chicks in a second – a straight slap across the face, stop the hysteria, come to your senses slap. Now that even Paris H is over (I heart you Graydon Carter for putting the last nail in her coffin), it’s a matter of weeks before we will all be asking Britney who? Jessica what? Okay, for the guys, I admit, the other Jess – Alba – will probably have a longer 15 seconds.

http://www.eonline.com/Gossip/Awful/Daily2006/060307b.html

Nobody what nicks leftovers, he’s a loser and she’ll probably end up with another loser and be like brittany wouldn’t that be great! And daddy can go back to preachin if God forgives him. Cause Ashlee is threww…

I don’t believe this story one bit…. the day Adam Levine would dare dump Jessica!! Who is this guy anyways.. i didn’t believe that they were together in the first place.

Aw, the poor little pumpkin!

*sobs*

“She should use her heart and find her soul mate” (#22)

Please. Kimmie, what are you the fucking Hallmark fairy? She should use her stupid millions and invest in a frickin basic college course. Maybe learn to spell, read, and add.

I don’t think rainbows, fluffy bunnies and finding her ‘soulmate’ are gonna cut it.

Maroon 5 sucks hard, Adam Levine sucks harder and Jessica just plain sucks. I think I see a patern emerging…

Adam Levine would fookin’ get it.

Hard.

Damn Chinese agents. They were actually trying to hack into Jessica’ sidekick to steal her notes on thermal reaction to peptide molecules in nuclear winter, when they mistakenly hacked into Pete Wentz’ sidekick and stole his dick pictures.

That’s a good lesson for her. She’s been spoiled rotten for three years by Nick. The guy behaved like a dog and was waaay too nice with her. Welcome to the real World Jess: where men can hit it and dump it in the same day.

#22 Kimmie
I love it when Kimmie gives relationship advice in her posts…She’s what 15 years old? Still, she probably knows more than I do…what’s that about rebound relationships again? Better cut and paste that shit. , it could be GOLD.

Go kimmie go!

Wow i can think of worse things in the world than being dumped by that little whiney ass-monkey Adam Levine, currently polluting our airwaves with foul-mouthed putressence that masquarades as pop. Jessica, well, she’s currently doing Pizza Hut commercials. Enough said.

As I wrote before, I believe Kimmie is just posting to piss people off. If she or he is serious, then they must live by a nuclear power plant.

If this is true, I’m glad he did it. Why he was ever with her in the first place, I don’t know. She’s too fake. Obviously, I like him and think he’s far deserving of someone better…like me. LOL.