Jessica Simpson defies logic, tops country charts

September 18th, 2008 // 69 Comments

Despite enraging country music fans with her breasts at the Grand Ole Opry and giving horrible ass performances, Jessica Simpson’s new album Do You Know debuted at the top of Billboard’s country charts, according to Us Magazine:

The album — which sold 65,000 copies since coming out last week — ranked No. 4 on the Billboard Top 200.
Simpson’s first single, “Come on Over,” hit No. 18 on the Hot Country Songs list last month.

Whoa whoa whoa. People paid money for a Jessica Simpson CD? My fortune cookie was right: We are a nation of retards. On that note, congratulations to John McCain and Sarah Palin. You’ve got this thing in the bag!

Photos: Splash News

  1. BunnyButt

    Looking sturdier…

  2. cash4you


  3. Randal

    Not a surprise at all.

    Jessica has always had a singing voice, as well as the looks, to be a superstar, not only in the pop industry but now in the country one. Her down to earth style and simple approach to life is an easy connection for country fans in America to make.

    Cheers to you Jessica! You’ve always had it in you.


  4. lloyd johnson

    This woman is so attractive and sincere, that she is hard to hate. Her sister on the other hand…

  5. Bobeyo

    Political commentary is only funny if you don’t show obvious bias for one side or the other. Frankly, I think both Republicans and Democrats are morons, but even stupider are the zealots who blindly follow them and outright dismiss the opposing side. Would help if the joke was even funny.

  6. Jennifer

    Hey Mr/Mrs. Anonymous,

    People like you are exactly what I’m talking about… you are probably some weird ass sitting at your computer wishing was a site about your obviously disturbed… do us a favor stay off the site~ Jessica Rocks~ O im sorry *poke*

  7. isitin

    Thank god this CD is banned in Canada. Crackheads aren’t allowed to sell albums in this country. Keep Jessica outta our country.

  8. I know you were kidding about the whole McCain thing, but you unfortunately have a really good point. I’m scared for November!

  9. colin

    When did this site change writers? It used to be hilarious, now it’s full of marginally funny (at best) comments and political undertones. Fuck this new guy. Does anyone know where the old writer went?

  10. sue

    I actually really like Jessica’s new album. It is the best thing she has ever done. I was pleasantly surprised.

  11. SIN

    Maybe there is a nude centerfold in the cd cover, how else would you explain anyone buying her crap? Tita and ass is all she has going for her. Show them to the world.

    By the way, on Sept. 8th, during an interview, Obama said he was surpised McCain was not attacking his Muslim beliefs. The mediator had to remind Obama that he was supposed to be a Christian. He is a true Muslim at heart. 9-11 means nothing to you people. They performed a terrorist attack in the USA and now you fucking retards want to put one of them in charge. God save the USA because the people of America are going to destroy it by their stupidity and gullibility.

  12. Evil

    Great closing joke!

  13. Barack Hussein Obama


    This is a lie. I am not a Muslim and I love this country. All 57 states.

  14. Barack Hussein Obama

    Oh….and NICE Tit-taaaays.

  15. I tink this is her lucky day:

  16. Janine

    Yeah, I agree about McCain. If a retard like Bush can somehow get into power and stay for that long, there is no end to the ignorance and small-mindedness of the American public. I will be very sad if this in fact occurs.

  17. Jess needs to stop making sounds and just smile for the camera. Nice to look at and that’s about it.

    This chart topping fiasco is probably some kind of market manipulation. A girl at the bookstore told me to ignore their bestseller rack because it’s based on the bulk that the store bought or whatever.

    Like that Obama Nation book. The writer is a well known liar, and is crazier than Sarah Palin. Why would anyone pay $20 for a tabloid rag about nothing but boring old Obama?


  18. amber

    You know, Texas is a big, big state. I would be willing to be all 650,000 purchased were crazed Texans

  19. rachel

    she has gained so much weight! she needs to lose weight… Shes to pretty to be fat

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