Jessica Simpson dates Quasimodo

August 30th, 2006 // 69 Comments

jessica_simpson_john_mayer.jpgPeople magazine reports that Jessica Simpson is dating John Mayer despite the scientific evidence suggesting he may, in fact, be the ugliest man on Earth.

“She’s tiptoeing back into the dating world,” a source tells People. “It’s the first stage. She’s never been happier.”

I can’t tell if this is worse than James Blunt dating Petra Nemcova. They’re both anomalies of nature, but I fear this time God has gone too far. He might as well start mating horses with rhinoceroses. Although that might actually be kind of cool because their offspring would probably be unicorns. And just cause, here’s Jessica Simpson at the release party of her new album yesterday, where she lost her voice and had to postpone a TV appearance.


  1. RichPort

    #37 – I’m sad to say, her promiscuity will lead to the loss of your lips. You’ll look like Fire Marshal Bill or that dude from Hellraiser in no time.

  2. DancingQueen

    Why does Lurch have his arm around Jessica Simpleton?

  3. I didn’t know Joe Simpson liked to share

  4. wendy718

    RE: #49
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Awww I’m soooooooo hurt!

  5. Goliano

    Damn, this woman has the body of a goddess!!! I’d waste no time hittin’ dat!

  6. Drew

    Who the hell writes this stuff? I’m sure the guy who wrote this looks like a dog. Atleast Mayer can get women, he doesn’t sit all day on his computer and obssess who celebrities date.

  7. Not sure if he is as airheaded as she is or perhaps the sweetest man around to put up with her.

  8. raisinrage

    I agree # 49…Jessica may have gained a few pounds but she still looks hot. What is she now a big size 4??? ooh fat!! I’m sure all the people posting insults are huge cows compared to her. Wendy is probably the one who needs to invest in the thighmaster.

  9. Nikk The Templar

    I think that’s Ashlee’s dress and shoes she wearing….they look a little too small for her.

  10. Dogs At The Movies

    I guess Rain Main wasn’t available.

  11. Is it just me or does she look more and more like a man?

  12. tripmaster

    Apparently when she isn’t wearing clothing that highlights how manly and wide her shoulds are, Simpson likes hanging out with derelects. Do you think she let them throw stuff at her balls?

  13. confiscate_me

    Actually he has the body of a starving Ethiopian woman underneith, he’s just wearing lots of layers of clothing so that he looks like a beefy, greasy eunuch fuck hole

  14. The Pharoah

    My comments were not written to hurt your feelings. They were written for you to open your eyes. And, obviously it did hurt because their is no link to your picture with this comment. Jessica is so hot.

  15. ElatedPornStar

    If you remove Mayer’s hair he’ll look like Uncle Fester.

  16. meanshoegame

    She’s such a cock sucker, look at her mouth

  17. littlesstuff

    i had to post for the first time when i read this…i may be in the minority, but i think john mayer is hot! as someone stated earlier, yes, he doesn’t always photograph well, but he is hot! i don’t think jessica simpson is good looking enough for him as a matter of fact. actually, if they are truly dating, i will have lost a little respect for john mayer! ok, a lot!

  18. he looks like he’s on steroids for leukemia.

  19. that’s hardly a way to tiptoe back into the scene…unless it’s a horror scene!

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