So one second after I say there won’t be any posts until Monday, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey officially announce that they’re separating.
“After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways,” Simpson and Lachey said in an official statement. “This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time.”
Leave it to these two clowns to ruin my perfectly lovely Thanksgiving weekend. I had all sorts of plans involving cooked turkeys and buckets of gravy, and now I have to put them on hold because Nick and Jessica got sick of pretending they’re still together. If there’s any justice in the world, Jessica will confuse Nick for a giant turkey and eat him alive for Thanksgiving. Sure it doesn’t make any sense, but reading about Nick Lachey being eaten alive by a hungry and confused Jessica Simpson would make my ruined vacation all worth it.
Ramdonomo | November 24, 2005 at 6:11 am
It’s about time. Who did they think they were kidding?
rockitten | November 24, 2005 at 6:41 am
Anyone else see a plan for “Newlydivorced” in the works, featuring Jessica Simpson with that Jackass guy and Nick Lachey cavorting with strippers?
ohmygod | November 24, 2005 at 7:00 am
do ppl get refund for newlyweds dvds?
MissBehave | November 24, 2005 at 7:28 am
I’m actually kinda bummed about this. I wonder how long it’ll be before they release their “we’re still in love and wanted to give our marriage one last show” media release? -rolls eyes-
Juliette | November 24, 2005 at 8:22 am
Thank God she is putting Nick out of his misery!
The lady | November 24, 2005 at 9:12 am
IMO I couldn’t understand why he married her in the first place.
I can actually feel my brain melting when she speaks.
Its about time he woke up and got the hell out.
katesuperfan | November 24, 2005 at 9:59 am
i knew it’d be posted.
i just had to check after reading it on another site.
thanks for keeping us abreast.
Niamh | November 24, 2005 at 10:47 am
It’s kinda sad actually,they seemed really in love….when Nick was’nt telling her how stupid she is.
Mike | November 24, 2005 at 10:50 am
I bet single women all over the world are worried about the extra competition.
tori | November 24, 2005 at 12:05 pm
it’s about effing time.
mrsloquacious | November 24, 2005 at 12:05 pm
This actually makes me a little sad. They seemed to have a good, normal marriage at the beginning (you know, like for their first 4 months of marriage). Was it the 24-hour cameras & reality TV? Was it the sudden success in marketing Jessica products? Maybe it was the strippers & Johnny Knoxville. Regardless, it’s always sad when ppl break the promises they made at the altar. =(
BadGoat | November 24, 2005 at 1:16 pm
Thank you Superficial. When I heard the breaking news on network TV, I knew that Superficial would not let us down.
Everyone, we are not talking about normal people here, we are talking about celebrities.
The press release sounds like a canned release, you can just insert the specific names. ‘Two people who respect each other,’ yeah right, that’s what the strippers and late nights were about – respect. ‘Please respect our privacy,’ I don’t think so, you can’t turn the public/media off and on to suit your needs. You are celebrities. We “own” you.
Happy Thanksgiving every one.
Nikk The Templar | November 24, 2005 at 1:19 pm
Good. I always felt that she made him miserable.
Oh, you know what I just realized? Papa Joe is gonna come looking for his ass.
assholic | November 24, 2005 at 1:27 pm
Post #2 – Please don’t give the producers anymore of this “brilliant” ideas.
Post #3 – Why you’d ask? Did YOU buy it?
sadietolstoy | November 24, 2005 at 1:28 pm
Yay! I’m so happy! I hate them both.
Obsessa | November 24, 2005 at 1:45 pm
To badgoat:
AMEN! I totally agree with your post. It’s the exact same press release that they released for Brad & Jen.
Jen was crying on Larry King Live the other night that her job ends at the studio. We have no right to her private life at all. We’re just suppose to be entertained by her extreme work of art and talent. We have no right to know anything personal about her.
I agree with you. If they’re a celebrity, we have every right to them, just as we do politicians. They’re public figures. This is what they wanted when they signed up for the job. Idiots.
Darrel | November 24, 2005 at 1:58 pm
Wow.. what a shocker. While watching their show, I was always confused as to why they’re together. Nick always had this appalled look on his face as if even he couldn’t believe how stupid she was. Nick’s brother looked at her with death in his eyes. And why oh why is she popular anyway? She’s not talented enough to be respected, not trashy enough to be enjoyed… I hope Anna Nicole sits on her.
beachedwhale | November 24, 2005 at 2:13 pm
So much for all those “promises” to god Jessica made. There is nothing I hate more than religiously self-rightious celebrities. If they’d just slept together we could have been spared all of those annoying episodes of The Newlyweds. Why do I feel like she got so much initial press as the virgin-bride when Justin went public with Britney’s popped cherry? I don’t get why celebrities marry with such elaborate ceremonies when twinkies have a longer shelf life.
HollyJ | November 24, 2005 at 2:23 pm
I’m with obsessa and badgoat.
The great trade-off for fame and fortune is that you’re public property. I get so sick of the perpetual whining of wealthy, beautiful Hollwood stars bemoaning their lack of privacy, as they climb into their limos for the schlepp to their palatial mansions. >>cue in recording of Greta Garbo’s “I vant to be left alone”<<
We PURCHASED those stars with every movie ticket, DVD, CD, or book we’ve acquired. In fact, we’ve purchased the houses they live in, the clothes they wear, and the jewels dripping from their every anorexic appendage.
The LEAST we deserve for watching shitty movies like “The Dukes of Hazzard” is the grotesque details on every humiliation in their personal lives.
So open up those den curtains! The paparazzi in the bushes is trying to get a decent shot.
icegrrl | November 24, 2005 at 3:25 pm
Say what you will, but whenever I get a little depressed, all I have to do is think of her little “chicken of the sea” routine, and I chuckle a little.
Juliette | November 24, 2005 at 4:21 pm
“Say what you will, but whenever I get a little depressed, all I have to do is think of her little “chicken of the sea” routine, and I chuckle a little.”
LOL! So true
Nick deserves a woman who is not a spoliled little brat…someone who can cook…someone with a brain. I’ve always thought he was a nice guy that deserved better.
And no I don’t agree that single women everywhere will feel more competition. She’s pathetic!
haziedaze | November 24, 2005 at 4:26 pm
All I can think about is how much time and energy he wasted on her before they were married to ensure that her virginity made it to the wedding night intact. Talk about not being worth it, eh Nick? lol, What a waste.
sexydarin | November 24, 2005 at 4:40 pm
The only point to being married in the first place is to be loyal to each other throughout the marriage. If you are a disloyal slut, nobody would want to marry you. Except for maybe another disloyal slut.
Georgia | November 24, 2005 at 5:33 pm
This just shows how greedy the Simpson Family Clan is. Joe Simpson sold out his daughter by putting her in the spotlight with the Newlyweds and launching her fake career at the expense of her marriage.
For a family that claim to be Christians, they have no respect for the vows they took in that church. Instead Jessica has grown to be a spoiled whore and Nick has remained a regular guy.
AD | November 24, 2005 at 5:39 pm
I feel no pity for Nick.. he’s always been a boring, dull person, and it astounds me how many people are sympathising with the time -he- had to ‘waste’ with Jessica.
Anyone been considering what kind of guys -she- could get? I’m sure they’d be far more impressive than any girls the ex-98-degrees-singer-with-no-career will have >_>
Anonymous | November 24, 2005 at 6:41 pm
“Anyone been considering what kind of guys -she- could get?”
Of course, she could get gold diggers or brainless idiots. She is unintelligent and uneducated, she will never have an “impressive” guy. Unless that impressive guy wants to fuck her and profit from her “fame”. But then again, such things are hardly impressive.
I never cared much for Nick. But even he was too good for her. Compared to her he seemed like a genius. It must be annoying when you have to explain everything to your wife and can’t have a normal conversation with her. After all, he is/was her husband and not her tutor.
htiderem | November 24, 2005 at 8:05 pm
What? This is absolutely shocking!!! Where does this leave all the dumb blondes and dull men? They looked up to the Simpson – Lachey pair… they thought if they could find one another… there would at least be some hope for themselves!
nichole | November 24, 2005 at 8:11 pm
I don’t know why celebrities think that their marriages are going to work when they do not have normal lives. This especially goes for people who go on tour and are in different cities every day/every week. How can a relationship survive such distance? Sure, some have done it, but they’re a rare few.
Binky | November 24, 2005 at 8:12 pm
” Respect our privacy ” … after they had a camera crew follow them around their house 24/7 to make a buck … lol !!! You can’t make this stuff up !!
And they call that ‘culture’ ? (sorry…ahhh..no disrespect meant to our American neighbours (Sp CND) and TV viewers)
No worries for the two. I’m sure they’ll find their soul mates at their monthly Mensa meeting.
Where’s the tuna ?
Juliette | November 24, 2005 at 9:01 pm
Anonymous- exactly what you said!
Just like Britney could never keep a good guy by her side. If you are intelligent and have a good head on your shoulders, you will attract the same type of people to you. Idiots breed idiots, what can I say. No intelligent man would stay will J.S. for the long run.
sassy | November 24, 2005 at 9:23 pm
“Oh… is turkey like… the chicken of the air?… Nick can you rubb my belly, I feel like farting… Oh, in our first aniversary we bought a bed, because is made of wood, and wood is were you get the paper from… isn’t it..? Nick…..mmm Nick… NICK!…ehmm I forgot hihi”…
C’mon who can put up with it? really, rise your hand.. He’s gey and stuff, yeha, who knows, but she, SHE, is the stupiest person in the world… AND I MEAN IT!
SASSY OUT!
smirkssm | November 24, 2005 at 11:49 pm
i can’t believe i feel this way, but i’m sort of sad. how will these dumbasses ever make it on their own? and it’s not like there’s any way jessica can undo a single one of those godawful songs about how good in bed nick is, how happy she is with nick, how pretty nick is. they should have just kept on faking or one of them should have gotten rid of the other one.
and if nick knows where his money is, he’ll get those rims back.
hafaball | November 25, 2005 at 1:53 am
What’s funny is right now they’re probably having hot wild sex in turkey gravy, because they’re probably still having sex without being married…if they ever were…
tori | November 25, 2005 at 4:34 am
yknow what’s gonna be weird? seeing new headlines about who each of them are dating. . .trippy.
or maybe they’ll “get back together” or “make things work” and then i will “puke.”
theretailjunkie | November 25, 2005 at 7:31 am
Hey you’re all so hard on her. I consider myself a moderately intelligent person, but if I could make millions of dollars prancing around in hot pants, warbling and trading in on my looks I would, east money, I think that’s smart.
Wouldn’t cry about the paps though once i’d sold my soul to the devil!
beck | November 25, 2005 at 10:05 am
i just think that she was never up for a good rogering and he got bored and went and got it somewhere else i watched the show once honest and whenever the opportunity arrised nick was after a piece n she just wasnt i think that nick needs a real women those that look to good have to have summat wrong with them
Donna A. | November 25, 2005 at 11:10 am
Life will move forward.
Donna A.
kinkybeaver | November 25, 2005 at 11:42 am
I agree with post #25. I don’t know why everyone is symphathizing with Nick, he is a dull, ugly, and was always mean to Jessica. He is such a tightass and she is more silly than anything. After watching Newlyweds, I saw this a mile away. Hopefully she’ll find someone better.
nikki | November 25, 2005 at 12:03 pm
honestly, i don’t understand why they kept denying it and denying it. any couple who spends their third anniversary apart is telling the world that their love is over. i hope Nick meets a more intelligent woman in the future. he’s not the brightest bulb in the pack but living with such a nitwit must’ve been really trying at times. hot bod or not.
sam of starseed | November 25, 2005 at 12:11 pm
Ok, so she’s ditzy and she’s blonde, and the majority don’t know or care about her “music”, but lets be honest, she would make an excellent porn star!
Come on Joe. Its not that far away!
Anyone know if she’s a tiger in the sack, cause thats the ONLY reason Nick could stay with her for so long! Am I right pervs?
skinnygirl77 | November 25, 2005 at 1:27 pm
I still can’t figure out why Jessica Simpson is so damn famous in the first place.
Anyway, this news is no surprise. They weren’t fooling anyone!
daria405 | November 25, 2005 at 1:29 pm
Awww, Jess…didn’t your southern mama teach you that nice Midwestern boys don’t stay married to drunken whores?
Jivenut | November 25, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Didn’t this already happen? Am I in the nexus of the universe or soemthing?
davcarst | November 25, 2005 at 4:49 pm
I just renewed my subscription to Marvel Comics.
But anyways, everyone knew Nick and Jessica were on thin ice months ago. Why are some of you acting so surprised?
In my opinion, Nick totally made out like a bandit. Strippers and Jenna James.
Who’d Jessica cheat with? Oh, the dude who made his name stapling his nuts to a fence.
sexydarin | November 25, 2005 at 5:25 pm
Who would put up with Jessica. She’s a big spending whore. Hardly anybody likes a woman that can spend millions on nothing in a few short days. Ya that’s a real keeper. Give me a dull pretty woman anyday.
aeriifaerii | November 25, 2005 at 6:26 pm
Cool. Now her Dad can finally have a crack.
It seems like he’s had his eye on Jessica for a while.
Iscariot | November 26, 2005 at 6:36 am
He can forget it, I want in first! Honestly I could care less how stupid she is.
Swair | November 26, 2005 at 11:34 am
finally!
nick’s too gay and jessica’s too stupid… they deserved each other but the combination gave me a weird sickness…
MN | November 26, 2005 at 3:21 pm
Phil Margera’s comments on the radio are true! Last May 24, 2005- Phil said that Jessica Simpson and Bam Margera had sex…(radio station in Philadelphia) SEE
Mad Penguin | November 26, 2005 at 5:07 pm
Anyone have Jessica’s number? ;)