Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey officially split
So one second after I say there won’t be any posts until Monday, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey officially announce that they’re separating.
“After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways,” Simpson and Lachey said in an official statement. “This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time.”
Leave it to these two clowns to ruin my perfectly lovely Thanksgiving weekend. I had all sorts of plans involving cooked turkeys and buckets of gravy, and now I have to put them on hold because Nick and Jessica got sick of pretending they’re still together. If there’s any justice in the world, Jessica will confuse Nick for a giant turkey and eat him alive for Thanksgiving. Sure it doesn’t make any sense, but reading about Nick Lachey being eaten alive by a hungry and confused Jessica Simpson would make my ruined vacation all worth it.