Why can’t Jessica Biel land a role in a decent film? She’s too beautiful, that’s why. Us Magazine reports:
“Yeah, it really is a problem,” Biel tells the June issue of Allure magazine. “I have to be blunt.”
The actress — whose latest film, Powder Blue, (in which she plays a stripper) is going to straight to DVD — isn’t handed plum roles.
“I’m in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference — but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No.”
Biel, 27, covets the careers of Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman.
“I just want an opportunity. If you don’t like the audition, don’t hire me!” she says. “But if you don’t want to even see me — that’s hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!”
I want to see you. I want to see you all kinds of stuff. I want to see you so much, I want to see me seeing you see me, and then – wait, hold up. Did that just say a movie where Jessica goddamn Biel plays a stripper went straight to DVD? How does that even happen? Actually, fuck it. I’m moving to Sweden. Next post from the fjords, kids.
zach | May 19, 2009 at 1:38 pm
coolie
Stuey | May 19, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Ummmm, maybe because you aren’t that great of an actress.
stephonie | May 19, 2009 at 1:40 pm
she’s a bitch
Sid | May 19, 2009 at 1:40 pm
“The Illusionist has made a difference”
Well, if she means it’s an illusion that she’s attractive, well, I admire your honesty, Ms. HorseyMan.
Hash | May 19, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Man, that girl can strip. Loved it. Erection coming up in 5.. 4..
Jonsey | May 19, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Plus you are dating a gay man. That will hurt you in many circles.
agent | May 19, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Honey, sweetie, baby, you know I love you! But enough with the misplaced anger, sweetcheeks. You’re a closeted lesbian living in a bearded relationship with a barely closeted guy. Take a deep breath. Look inward. You’re angry, but it’s not about the directors and producers, is it? What? Sure, in a minute you can go back to your weightlifting, but just try to think about what I said, ok?
Ted Kennedy's Tumor | May 19, 2009 at 1:46 pm
When you are porking JT you have to take the bad with the worse. It’s just how life rolls.
10 reasons to have Nanci Pelosi
1. Attacked the Bush administration for waterboarding terrorists even though she was briefed on the practice and did nothing.
2. Sent a so-called stimulus package to President Obama that was filled with pork and didn’t give members of Congress time even to read it.
3.Vocally opposed the Iraq surge in 2007.
4. Undercut the Bush administration by traveling to Syria and then misstating the Israeli position in talks with Syrian President Bashar Assad.
5. Insisted on using large military aircraft for her own travels, treating the Air Force like her personal airline.
6. Pushed for an increase in the minimum wage that sought to exclude American Samoa, where Del Monte Foods (headquartered in Pelosi’s district) is a major employer.
7. Has failed to effectively police her Democratic caucus with members Jane Harmon (spies and wiretaps scandal), John Murtha (earmarks for contributions) and Charles Rangel (tax evasion) under suspicion for misconduct.
8. Supports reinstating the Fairness Doctrine for broadcasters.
9. Wants to reinstitute the assault-rifle ban and place restrictions on the manufacture, sales and ownership of guns.
10. Despite her Roman Catholic faith, she is rabidly in favor of extending abortion rights.
Max Planck | May 19, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Or maybe your just not Jewish.
jen | May 19, 2009 at 1:48 pm
She’s slightly above average looking with all of the benefits and support of semi-stardom. I see much prettier women just walking around my local mall.
Mr. Hollywood | May 19, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Jessica, dearest, let’s not hide from the truth. A closeup of your ass is MONEY! A closeup of your face is…ugh. We can’t put you in a real movie with lots of closeups and have the audience spend the whole time thinking “What IS it? Is it the big teeth or the big mouth or the jawline or what???”
SoTe | May 19, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Geez, she seriously thinks she is not getting any good roles cause she is beautiful? Didn’t Charlize Theron win an Oscar for an excellent role? And that’s just naming one. Shut the fuck up frigid slut, it’s enough I have to endure u get to suck on Justin’s thingy.
___ | May 19, 2009 at 1:49 pm
If she doesn’t show her tits in that movie, then THAT’S why it went straight to DVD. As it should have.
GuyHolly | May 19, 2009 at 1:55 pm
**Clears throat** to quote the great word miester Richport ” she has a face for porn.”
Tokyo Joe | May 19, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I want to see her too, very much. Jessica Beer, prease make ruv to me wrong time.
Debbie31 | May 19, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Sorry Jessica…..you’re in Hollywood….if you’re NOT a beautiful woman who has perfect features and a size 2 body, then you’re not an actress working in LA……..get in line – all women you are competing against are beautiful…….maybe they all have something you don’t – TALENT.
Andie | May 19, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Yeah, you’re too beautiful. *laugh riot*
I can’t imagine it has anything to do with the fact that you’re not a stellar actress and you’ve also type-casted yourself as ‘the hot chick’, and ‘the TV actress’.
Hmm. I don’t recall Natalie Portman doing that. Get over yourself and bask in the success you DO have. Poor little Jessica Biel is hurt because some casting agent won’t see her. My heart bleeds purple piss for you, Jessica.
And whoever posted about the weird teeth/mouth/jawline:
Yeah, really! What IS that?
Chuck Nunchuck | May 19, 2009 at 2:00 pm
This reminds me of that time I was watching Mork & Mindy re-runs on February 21, 1998 and thought to myself, ‘I have to pee.’
Jenna Bush's bush | May 19, 2009 at 2:01 pm
10 reasons “Ted Kennedy’s Tumor” posts his off-topic political stuff here:
1. It’s too weak to get past the moderators at political sites.
2-10. See #1
Kelley | May 19, 2009 at 2:03 pm
She is NOT beautiful … she has too many teeth for her face (that’s why her cheeks are so wide), veneers and too much upper-lip collegen ! Eyes way too small.
William | May 19, 2009 at 2:06 pm
CHECK OUT JESSICA IN HUNTER RICHARDS’ ‘LONDON’ SHE CLEARLY KNOWS HOW TO ACT.
PunkA | May 19, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Showing her bits recently will get her more looks. Guaranteed that many Hollywood types will FAP to that and now want to see her. Guaranteed.
Mike | May 19, 2009 at 2:14 pm
She needs to stop whining and look for a good dramatic role in a movie that happens to have lots of scenes where the leading lady walks away from the camera repeatedly. It will become her signature role.
Dolla | May 19, 2009 at 2:22 pm
make me some toast
Liv | May 19, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Um…they won’t hire you because you’re too beautiful? Bitch please….
che-che | May 19, 2009 at 2:24 pm
either way i would totally bone that ass!!! NAGLAS!!
Chervil | May 19, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Best ass in Hollywood.
Meream | May 19, 2009 at 2:35 pm
She said THAT?
Perhaps she should venture to exercise videos.
Courtyardpigeon | May 19, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Honestly, I can kind of see her point. She is so attractive it’s almost like she isn’t even human. What else would someone as beautiful as she is be doing with her life other than modeling and motion pictures? She can’t play the role of a cracked out math teacher because no one would believe it.
She has not blown Woody | May 19, 2009 at 2:42 pm
She seems kinda tough and the perverts at unholywood don’t like that. Someone already said it, that she’s not jewish and that hurts. The place is very racist and mostly hires their own kind.
We should ignore Hollywood and form a “whites only” film industry.
Don’t like it? This is our country and we built it and bled for it not just manipulated the politicians with dirty money. So just leave and go to your special little sewers overseas or in Hell.
Just sayin’
nikki | May 19, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Maybe she’s not getting parts in movies for the same reason nobody from 7th Heaven is getting parts in movies…
umm….because she was in 7th heaven? Just throwing that one out there.
ROUGH--likes em natural | May 19, 2009 at 2:59 pm
NO! they wont hire you becuase youre the princess of pout, flash those 32′s once in a while youll see a difference, same goes for that other sulky broad, whats her face! Alba!
frenzyheart | May 19, 2009 at 3:03 pm
say what?! Keira, Scarlett, Angelina–all beautiful women who obviously have no problem getting roles in Hollywood.
Me | May 19, 2009 at 3:11 pm
is anyone else seeing the ‘chickdowntown’ ad??? with the girl with the shoe in her mouth? does anyone else find her face kindof gross??
testington | May 19, 2009 at 3:18 pm
If by too beautiful she means occasionally looks like a dude then I get why she is having trouble.
Also, 2 words: Chuck & Larry
Das Fuhrer | May 19, 2009 at 3:29 pm
#9 Correctamundo.
heresafuckinghint | May 19, 2009 at 3:38 pm
heres a fucking hint
if you dont want to be appreciated for your looks only, stop posing in fashion/men’s magazines dipshit
robynnn | May 19, 2009 at 3:52 pm
homegirl can’t act!! her beauty is all she has…
the only reason she was in chuck and larry was because of the underwear scene!!!!!
grobpilot | May 19, 2009 at 3:53 pm
This shit reminds of the two ignorant twats who got kicked off an airliner a couple years ago, claiming they were removed because they were “too pretty” and were told they were a distraction to the crew and passengers. Neither of these things had anything to do with being too beautiful. It has to do with a lack of talent in one case and a lack of acceptable behavior in the second. Fucking cunts really need to get over themselves. They should be ignored until they either quietly go away or change their behavior.
M- | May 19, 2009 at 3:56 pm
She has no talent-ummmmmmmmmmm Michelle Pfiefer is one of the most beautiful women in the world, WITH TALENT!!! Who in the heck does this Jessica think she is??? She should just keep using Justin as her cover cuz we all know she’s a lesbian
Lisa | May 19, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Too beautiful, or just not talented enough?
Oh and btw, fjords are Norwegian, not Swedish.
gotmilk? | May 19, 2009 at 4:16 pm
newflash jessica, they don’t want to see you for auditions because you are a FUCKING SHITTY ACTRESS! it’s called wasting their time you retard.
testington | May 19, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Also Catherine Zeta Jones, Racheel Weise and Jennifer Connely have Osars, ain’t no way Jessica Beil could beat any of them in a beauty contest
chupacabra | May 19, 2009 at 4:29 pm
I hear her career’s death rattle right now.
JT is kicking her out of his apt in 5…4….3….2……
Still White on the Outside | May 19, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@8 TKT, right on man. You forgot:
~~helped get a member of the permanent underclass elected
~~keeps reminding us of the crap W, who we’d just as soon forget, fucked up
~~hates Somoa, a place where REAL conservatives thrive
~~is a woman, so can’t be caught in a gay bathroom incident and can’t stick a cigar in anyone’s pussy without Fish posters saying “cool”
~~helped rout our sorry party for 3 straight years
but you got a bunch of the rest of them right. You like walking on the beach with a good friend and dry humping in the cascading tide? Call me…
alex | May 19, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I completely agree with her. I can totally relate. I get kicked out of the ladies restroom every time because a couple of ugly skanks can’t appreciate my beauty…and my beating off into the sink, but mostly the beauty.
Jessica, you can be beautiful, and beat off into a ladies room sink with me anytime you want.
Harry | May 19, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Ironic that a woman who posed semi nude to get out of her 7th Heaven contract is now complaining about her looks holding her back. Is this what karma looks like?
dirk | May 19, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I’d like to cast her in the role of the dumb little ho who lowers her ample rump down on my throbbing unit.
Svenska | May 19, 2009 at 4:56 pm
The fjords are in Norway.
Yeah | May 19, 2009 at 4:59 pm
This is what happens when you refuse to slob Woody Allen’s knob.