Jessica Biel is the Sexiest Woman Alive

In this month’s issue, Esquire has named Jessica Biel the Sexiest Woman Alive, saying that she’s become an “underground icon to the generation of men who are coming of age now.”

That’s all good and well for Jessica Biel now, but the magazine also named Sharon Stone the sexiest woman in her 40s, which implies that the title of “Sexiest Woman Alive” is both an honor and a debilitating mental disorder that makes you crazier and more self-righteous with every decade. Sure, you might point out that the magazine also dubbed Rene Russo the world’s hottest 50-something, and that she’s never done anything particularly crazy. But answer me this: They never did catch the Zodiac Killer, did they? I’m not implying anything. I’m just putting that out there.