Jessica Biel gets in shape

June 26th, 2006 // 74 Comments


Looks like Jessica Biel has started reading the Kate Beckinsale Guide to Working Out in Bushes. Can’t these people afford real gyms with facilities and buildings and roofs? They both look great so maybe Kate Beckinsale’s bush workout really gives the muscles a good pounding, but it just seems a little ghetto for somebody who pulls in seven figures a year. I’m talking about Kate not Jessica. For all I know Jessica Biel is unemployed and collecting welfare. I think I might’ve seen her working at Costco.


  1. superstar26

    Guess she’s not scared by the paparozzi

  2. superstar26

    I know that is spelled wrong…I just wanted to be FIRST!

  3. How about *staged* for the paparazzi?

  4. dominocat

    hell, I’m just excited to be in the top ten…

  5. aeronautxearth

    She gotta biiiig ol’ ass!

  6. biatcho

    I heard the moves she’s pulling in pics 3 & 4 are called “Be prepared to take a shit in the woods if you’re camping”, a new pilates technique that’s all the rage in Hollywood and Pennsylvania.

  7. chiris

    She has a nice bootty!

  8. 7th Heaven didn’t pan out to be the gold mine she was hoping it’d be.

    That, being named “Esquire’s Sexiest Woman Alive” last year, and a quarter’ll get you a cup of coffee.

  9. strokesiteveryday

    she needs to do some moves that REDUCES the size of your ass

  10. Jacq

    What has this chick done in the last few months that doesn’t involve exercise and a patio?

    The guy in the fourth and fifth pictures is probably her dentist telling her to get off of his porch. She’s sweating on his teak bench and her next cleaning isn’t for four months.

  11. TrannyGranny

    God I love chicks that have some ass! She’s just getting a warm up for some attempted marathon sex with me. I keep telling her “Jess, it’s over, I have a much better woman now, stop trying to win me back with your hot, moist mouth, and your butt that snaps shut like a venus fly-trap capturing its prey”……I gotta go.

  12. eatmyass_sherry-co

    She’s a man.

  13. Nice to see someone working out without the aid of an entourage, though.

  14. PapaHotNuts

    Why is she working out in front of a barbershop?

  15. biatcho

    muscle tone on a woman is one thing, but muscles the size of a post-spinach-binge Popeye is just foul. Look at that shit in the 5th photo. blech.

  16. Pol Pot Pie

    With a 10 foot Pole (I’d hit it)

  17. ESQ

    Isn’t this old as in really old? Slow news day, huh?

  18. Italian Stallion

    I would like to apologize to everyone for dropping the “N” bomb on Thursday or Friday. It was very ignorant and showed my stupidity. I wasn’t trying to be that much of an asshole, and not to make excuses but I had been drinking shots of GM and my head wasn’t quite right. Please except my apology. Thank you,


    P.S. This is not a joke, I am being sincere………………..

  19. She’s just getting in rock hard fuck shape to waste it all on some guy that is undoubtedly beneath her. Hopefully I am wrong, but would any of us be surprised if this was all for a Cisco Adler, Brandon Davis, or Pete Doherty?

  20. Italian Stallion


  21. pinky_nip

    @18: Funny, sexy, and now sensitive. Just when I think I couldn’t love you more :)

    Just one thing, please don’t ever apologize for those things you yell at me in the bedroom, because then I’d have to call you a wimp.

  22. IFuckingHateYou

    So this is the bitch that’s been shitting in my front yard?
    I thought it was that little fucking O’Doyle kid from next door, guess I shouldn’t have beat him with that baseball bat quite so hard.
    Oh well, he’s still a little fuck and this bitch better quit dropping dueces on my grass.

  23. BarbadoSlim

    Yup, nothing sexier than a has-been WB “actress” stinkin’up the outdoor area of your establishment and spreading athlete’s foot bacteria all over the place.

    Yup, secksey.

  24. Vas Deferens

    Jessica Biel is one hot smoking chick. I would eat oatmeal out of her asshole if she asked me to.

    I think she looks hot in these pics.

  25. Binky

    She still looks good for her age – Flashdance was quite a while ago.

  26. Ignoramous


    Ahh damn, now that you’ve apologized for that I’m going to feel pretty shitty for what I’m about to say, but I’ve been meaning to get it off my chest so here we go:

    You’re a stupid dirty guido wop with a furry chess, a big nose, and a unibrow. Yes I said it. Now what are you going to do? ‘Whack’ me? More like ‘whack’ me off you stupid greese ball sleeze bag. BTW, Italy has as much of a chance of winning the world cup as Mussolini did of winning WWII. That is all.

    Thank you for your time and patience. I hope that this doesn’t come between us being good friends in the future.

    PS. I wasn’t joking, I was totally being sincere.

  27. Chicagoboy


    Dude, what’s with the hate? Why can’t we all just get along and make fun of famous rich people?

    Now do us all a favor and go emulate Kurt Cobain and try to swallow the business end of a shotgun. . .

  28. Ignoramous

    whoops, that’s furry chest, not ‘chess’. Hehe, silly me.

  29. Guys, would you rather she show her ass–I mean, “abs”–in public or behind closed doors like other hotties do?

    Go with the flow, baby!

  30. PapaHotNuts

    @18 Stallion

    What are you doing? You don’t owe anyone here an apology. I personally have said the “N” word before, but I have never felt bad about it. I know “Nickelback” is your favorite band, but don’t apologize for saying their name. Yea, I think they suck and you’re a fag for liking them, but feel free to say “Nickelback” as often as you like. Keep your chin up.

    PS. Nigger

  31. Dr.Rokter

    In addition to the rubber bands, she should run around with a log on her shoulders like Rocky did in “Rocky IV”. I heard that makes you, “like piece of iron”.

  32. Italian Stallion

    @26 Who the fuck are you anyway? Go fuck yourself. All the things you said are typical shit to say to an Italian and didn’t bother me one bit fucktard. When you decide to say something witty or even remotely funny only then will I recognize your existence, which I’m guessing will be never. First you fuck with that hottie Jacq, and now you decide to say stupid shit to me. Not to smart are you? Fuck off…..

  33. her body looks amazing,especially her ass.
    some of you guys…i dont know.i mean who wants to palm a flat ass? is that really enjoyable? having nothing to squeeze on?

  34. andrewthezeppo

    I think she’s really hot she’s got a nice rack, little waist, round booty and pouty lips. A lot like Jessica Alba USED TO BE before she turned into Nicole Richie’s prettier sister.

  35. Ignoramous


    Yeesh! Mamamia, pizzeria! What a rocky start our friendship is getting off to!

    I was only joshing you. Now relax, take a breath, and make me some pasta with meatballs. Capiche? lol.

  36. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I have told you before that the using that word around me makes me uncomfortable. I thought you knew – my mother was a Nickelback. I’m just light-skinnded.

    P.S. Cockballsvaginataintanusanuspussyfuckcuntwhorebitchanuspie

  37. Yoda a Green Schlong Has

    20. Ghana ( minus 2 strikers ), Czech Republic ( 4 injured ), and USA ( tied ), that’s who Italy had to face to survive group E and advance. Excluding the Czechs, this group was the easiest in the entire World Cup.

    Today, Italy beat Australia, an average team at best, 1-0, on a penalty kick. The kick resulted from a foul conveniently called with 12 seconds remaining, and is viewed as yet another example of incompetent officiating at this World Cup.

    Next, Italy faces the winner of Switzerland – Ukraine, the giants. By now, you are probably asking yourself how Italy drew such a tough schedule.

    Due almost entirely to lack of competition and at least one really bad call, Italy will probably make it to the semifinals, where they will face the winner of Germany – Argentina, two very good teams. I wonder if you will be posting “FORTZA ITALIA” after the ass pounding Italy receives in that match, …

  38. Chicagoboy

    #36 Some of my very close friends are Nickelbacks. Never understood why Nickelbacks always had to face such hate and prejudice.

  39. alaskanchicsickle

    I hope Italy pounds Germany’s ass.

  40. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Whenever I went out with my mother and father together, people would always point and laugh, or make rude comments just within our earshot. My mother always held her chin up, and one day when I asked her why people treated us so differently, she sat me down on her knee and showed me a picture of all of us together. She said, ‘Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh… even though your father looks at it and says he likes the way my big, dark booty looks.’

  41. Italian Stallion

    @37 Yoda a good point has, but you would be happy too if your team just advanced. And these rankings are bullshit. Czech’s were ranked second and are out. USA was ranked fifth and are out, not to mention were a disgrace. The Italians scored the goal for them in that tie. And yes I will be posting Fortza Italia no matter the outcome. We have had shitty calls go against us for the last 12 years, And I am proud of them no matter what happens now. I would like to say that you do make a valid point though. Later Yoda ………………..

  42. YouWannaBMe

    I think she has a kick ass body. Who wants a chick with no ass? I don’t…

  43. JoeStalin

    Holy shite #25, I hope you were kidding with the Flashdance comment.

    P.S. I would let this chick beat my ass every day for fun. I just wouldn’t allow her penis in my ass.

  44. nichole

    All these disgusting comments have been REPORTED!!!!!!!!!!

    Just kidding. I’m glad that bitch is gone.

    Anyway, wow I wish I had that body.

  45. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Soccer is for Mexican restaraunts and chicks who rip off their shirts in a fit of glory. If there was only a way we could combine the two and omit the actual soccer – perhaps a Topless Burrito or a Titty Con Carne Supreme… now we’re talking.

  46. RichPort

    Funny, this chick is dripping sweat and dressed like shit, but with ass like that, she still looks better Paris the Helicopter Whore on her best day.

  47. francesfarmer

    Well this makes up for the boring Paris Hilton wig thread all weekend…

  48. in more exciting news…

  49. AbsolutPequeno

    So I realize that this is supposed to be funny and I get it, but I have to confirm one thing. Jessica Biel is not working out near a front yard. It is an actual gym in Brentwood near Montana Ave. and San Vicente Blvd. I work a block away from it.

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