Jessica and Ashlee Simpson at MTV Australia Video Music Awards

April 12th, 2006 // 150 Comments
jessica-ashlee-simpson-mtv.jpg

When did Ashlee Simpson start looking so much better than her older sister Jessica? And more importantly, when did Jessica Simpson transform into a stubby mole creature with no neck? I’m pretty sure I used to think she was attractive, but now I just want to feed her carrots through some cage bars.

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superficial

  1. Does anybody have their numbers? I want to have a 3some.

  2. Iwannabeacelebrity

    Wow..is it just me..or do those two have the exact same hair color? I didn’t know Locks of Love was now accepting hair extensions..

  3. i hear if you play their music (either of them) in australia, it actually circles the bowl backwards….

  4. Trotter

    @53 – good one.

  5. Dee

    Paris???Nicole??? is that you????

  6. pringipisa

    Jessica needs to keep the hair extensions IN, take off the picnic table cloth dress, and stop trying to make herself ugly so Ashlee will finally like her. As for Ashlee, she beat out Biz Markie for the award “Singer who has the most off-key and out of tune songs ever recorded” – when she is not lipsynching those songs which is the saddest part – YOU CAN’T FUCK UP THE SONGS ASHLEE – if you tried!! She looks like she fixed her nose a bit, she should fix her butt chin while she’s at it. Too bad they can’t pay to fix her lack of talent, lack of style, and utter lack of humility. I hope she ends up working at McDonald’s…not too long now….

  7. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    At least they keep it in the family #52, Asslee just gave her the weight that she lost, and you know Asslee is probably banging that gay hairstylist the Jessica won’t travel without, (that’s why the colour is th same)… because she has a PENIS.

  8. pringipisa

    Oh I get it, Jessica is trying to dress like a mommy now- chopped of her hair and wore a crapped on conservative dress. Hey jackass, you don’t just dress up like what you think one looks like and adopt. There is a reason that women go through the pregnancy, it is so that they can realize a dose of the sacrifice and selflessness required to be a mama. You are a selfabsorbed, vain idiot who didn’t have the sense to take off your Louis Vuitton when visiting troops in Iraq because you wanted to flaunt your stupid possessions. You know NOTHING about being independent because you are a needy, attention craving and self centered retard. Learn how to cook, clean, and live without a man for a few years and MAYBE you can reach the level of maturity necessary to adopt a child.

  9. KatieA978

    Trotter – didn’t realise I had to be funny.

    Perhaps I should have added Tom Cruise loves the cock? Would that have been better?

  10. krisdylee

    KatieA978, that is kinda funny.

    and yes, TCLTC, oh yes he does.

  11. educatedguess

    I’m pretty sure they’re both still ugly. And why is Jessica wearing my grandmother’s table cloth? Is she shopping at the Gap or something? Jesus, and can someone find Ashlee a dress that fits or but her some tits for the ones she already owns? She looks like I used to when I’d put on my sister’s dresses and play dress up…hmm, odd that this pic reminds me of that. I TOO have been told that I’m a cheap knock off of my more talented older sister.

  12. educatedguess

    Sorry, meant to write buy…someone should buy Ashlee Simpson some tits.

  13. colormeskanky

    Jessica looks like a robot. A robot with a chip in her head which controls her movements. Probably installed my her father, to put an end her bed-hopping. Joe will stop at nothing to keep their relationship monogamous.

  14. DrDanny

    educatedguess wrote
    > ..someone should buy Ashlee Simpson some tits.

    I suspect someone, namely Joe, eventually will. But she’ll still be ugly.

  15. Trotter

    KatieA978, if you can’t be funny then be mean, or witty, or creative. Just don’t be yourself.

    Yeah, Tom Cruise Loves The Cock, and I hear he’s into tossed salad, too.

  16. SaSsY

    Isn’t she just a little too Nicole Ritchie? Or is it just ME????

    p/s: With Ashley’s nose we could feed Camboya, we have the solution people, we just don’t want to see it!!

    SASSY OUT!

  17. Ashley Simpson still looks like a crow nose hoe…her and jessica need to hang up the mic and go their hillbilly asses back to texas. Thanks to MTV Jessica got her chance other than that she still would be a struggling singer.

    Nick and Jessica needs to get back together both are talentless.

  18. Domino

    I was disgusted when I heard she was hosting the awards. even more disgusted when I saw the ad of her trying to do a scale.. and failing. when she managed to actually win, not one but two awards, i turned off the tv and puked.

  19. polypam

    In this photo, Ashlee DOES look like she has had some work done on her nose, but I checked out the rest of the photos on Wireimage and she looks just as fugly as ever. Nice hair extentions too…not. But I agree with others who have commented that she is on the fast train to Anorexiaville. They both need to fire their stylists, too.

  20. dirtypiratehooker

    Why are these two famous??? I mean, they are both virtually worthless to society now because Jessica is not a virgin, she’s not married to a hot guy, nor is she on Newlyweds anymore. Why is she still getting publicity?! And Ashlee’s famous only because her sister is. I could make better music with my diarrhea. I love how Jessica tries to be all innocent just because she waited until she was married, well honey, I’ve got news for you: It doesn’t count if after you were married you whored around!!! I mean, those two actions kind of cancel each other out, don’t cha think???

  21. Pearly

    #19 hit it right on the head. Ashlee most likely IS a dude and probably not only had her beak shaved but her adams apple as well. Jessica looks like she’s been taking beauty lessons from Nicole Bitchie in the last few pics of her posted here. Nice! I’d hit them both with a lead pipe.

    and Tom Cruise loves the cock
    That is all.

  22. St.Minutia

    @Sassy #66

    I don’t know who Camboya is. Please explain why he would want to eat Ashley’s nose. Is it a Scientology thing? Her nose is kind of penis-esque. And Tom Cruise does love the cock.

  23. junebug

    I think in Jessica’s case a lobotomy might actually make her smarter.
    Look at her she looks so happy, I bet she’s thinking about cake.

  24. mamacita

    So, all the regulars help me figure this out. I think MeganHarris is actually a dude posing as a girl. Here’s his/her blog

    http://uslessthings.blogspot.com/

    and the profile clearly states that it’s a guy. Also, he/she posts on the bastardly under a different name, but it’s “daddy the Mateo”, a dude’s name and the blog is under the name Mateo de Acosta. So, while this has absolutely nothing to do with Jessica and Ashley Simpson and also accomplishes the feat of proving how utterly sad and ridiculous my life is, someone else please comment on this riveting mystery. And all this time, we’ve been talking about MeganHarris boyfriend and how awesome he is and all along it was a LIE!! A LIE!!! I feel so deceived!

  25. PapaHotNuts

    Ashley won the award for “Having a Down’s Syndrome Sister who Recently had a Husband.”

  26. BarryBonds

    I can tell you that the blog licks donkey balls and who ever thinks M. Barton is hot has to be a chick…..

    She is a skinny no ass , no tits pile of bones, although she does have a huge mouth.

  27. BarryBonds

    Or gay

  28. Trotter

    Mama – I think MeganHarris is a pulling a Victor Victoria here. The blog has a subtle undercurrent of misogyny while also adoring obscure and often disturbing celebrities. I agree with BarryBonds – GAY. Misha Barton? Jeremy Piven? Gay. Totally.

  29. Trotter

    Oh, and notice how there are ZERO comments? This “chick” is probably in a basement in Ohio breeding moths…

  30. #56…and look what happened to Biz Markie. He’s doing commercials for a local car dealership. Really low budget ones.

    Eventually, Miss Piggy will look hotter than Jess, Jess’ll lose the Pizza Slut contract, and have to do ads for Bob’s Tire World.

    “For more on how many times you can go around the block on one bit of rubber, here’s Jessica Simpson.”

  31. trent007x

    ashlee definitely got a nose job
    that’s the only reason you can see both her eyes in that photo

  32. Lavinia the Vainglorious

    @75 lol Papa!

    But Ashley now finally looks like she might be capable of stealing somebody’s boyfriend. Before this pic, that song of her’s always struck me as a bit optimistic on her part. As well as crappy.

  33. TaiTai

    mama I too feel deceived, but even if she is a he, he can still have a boyfriend which means we can still make fun of him!

  34. I want to shove Jessica Simpson into my Magic Bullet.

  35. Obadiah

    I want to shove Jessica Simpson into my Magic Bullet.

  36. CheekyChops

    That pretty much confirms that Ashlee didn’t have a nose job. What a beak!

  37. jkough

    I have always said Ashlee was the hot one. Finally I’m proven right! I’m awesome lol

  38. Why do I keep looking at this and think Jessica looks like Ashton Kutcher in drag?

  39. Chrystal03

    Mkay, Bashlee must have dropped some lbs and got a nose job cuz she totally looks different. Still cant sing for shiot though. I would rather pluck out my ear drums with tweezers than hear her sing!

  40. JessicaSimpsonIsNotHot

    This just goes to show that anyone can look “not hideous” with enough makeup, and that Jessica Simpson is NOT AT ALL attractive without it. I rest my case with this picture.

    And I agree that Ashlee is definitely on the fast track to Anorexiaville. News flash to Ashlee — anorexia is out, you need to get on the Coke Diet if you want to stay in the cool club. I bet Jessica would share her stash with you if you asked.

  41. bootface

    i’d still fuck her

  42. ferret1

    Does Ashlee look like Brittany Murphy or what? (y’know, the former fat girl from “Clueless” and one-time Ashton Kutcher semen receptacle). And I should also mention that Tom Cruise loves…oh, nevermind.

  43. Rustler

    On the “Amount of beers before I’d hit it scale” I would say 2.5 for Jess and one for Ashley.. I lie, one beer for both

  44. mYslead

    the only thing Jessica won from the nick / jess breakup = 30 pounds.

    the only thing Ashley won from her SNL botch job = anorexia and suicidal tendencies.

  45. DaveBenner

    Ever seen a girl pretend like she’s not peaking on mushrooms? If not, look at Jessica’s face – that’s it perfectly.
    Perhaps people make the same face when they’re pretending to not be retarded . . .

  46. Jacq

    #7 – I think that I’m going to start calling you the Solid Gold Stallion, because that’s what you write – solid gold.

    #74 & 78 – This makes me sad. All along I thought we were picking on a sweet, harmless, optimist with a real dreamboat of a boyfriend. I have also noticed that MeganHarris never responds to all of the jabber about said BF. He/she only contradicts his/herself. My world has just spiraled out of control, I have officially started drinking again. Somehow, I think that this is all Tom Cruise’s fault because he loves the cock.

  47. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I’ve tried to tell you guys – MeganHarris is Jessica Simpson. It’s all a big conspiracy, and her blog is FAKE. I’m sure it has something to do with cock and Tom Cruise, and robots, and Trophy Wife’s genital herpes. But don’t you see how it’s all coming together? Coincidence? I think its time to stockpile supplies and arm ourselves.

  48. KitKat

    Dude!!! Ashlee is totally on the Nicole Richie diet! Or just the Lohan crack diet, b/c her big nose is made for snorting!!

  49. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #95 – I’ve never seen it but I know what it feels like, and when I tried to look in the mirror all I saw was Jessica Rabbit, but then she fingerpainted a picture of me on the floor so I could see myself. However when I came to the fingerpainting had been replaced by a pool of my own blood. So it’s good to finally know what it looks like.

  50. innit

    Jessica looks stumpy because she IS stumpy — she’s tiny and has short stumpy legs, and that round curly bob of a hairstyle makes it all even worse. She should NEVER wear her hair like that, argh

    And to the people who are whinging that Ashlee looks “anorexic” and needs to eat more — news flash, it’s perfectly normal to have a chin and jawline that isn’t unified with your neck. Now put down the Cheetos

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