Jessica Alba’s butt looks terrible in a bikini

January 3rd, 2007 // 178 Comments
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  1. danielle

    I post on here and dumbasses (like you) feel the need to pick ME out of the hundreds of posters to “pick” on. Hell, I haven’t been on this shitastic site in what? $, 5 months. I’m glad you even remember me. Can’t say the same for your ass.

    I believe it was YOUR mother who couldn’t afford that abortion. I mean, working several shifts at the Fish Shack surely can’t add up to…what is the price of an abortion nowadays? I dunno. I’m sure that 3.50/hour wouldn’t foot the bill anyway.

    “Monkeys”. How original. Run along now Casper…run along.

  2. danielle

    Hi Jrz!!!

    (Ignoring ItalYAWN the STD. Tell your mother to take extra shifts at the Fish Shack so that she can afford an abortion the next time she decides to pop a bastard out of her smelly cooter hole)Kay? Thanks.

  3. DanYells Smelly Cunt

    I’m a SMELLY CUNT!!!!!

  4. danielle

    Hello Troll

  5. Italian Stallion

    I didn’t ask for any help TROLL, fuck off. Shouldn’t you be posting how I like little boy butts or some shit………….

  6. kate

    Ok ok she looks great. I’m pretty jealous.

    However, look at those guys just openly ogling her like she’s a piece of meat. That’s just plain creepy. That would skeeve me to no end if I were here.

  7. hastapasta

    Danielle: “Hell, I haven’t been on this shitastic site in what? $, 5 months.”

    Weren’t we subjected to her ravings for several days back in December?

  8. Dr.kevinpothead

    you know, i have to say i agree with #5 and #18. she has a boy- like, nicole richie body in the front with a j-lo ass. i just cant see whats so hot about her, im sorry!dont get me wrong, she is NOT ugly by ANY means, but i like the looks of katherine heigel ( i cant spell! ), jamie presley, kate bosworth ( with a little more weight) and adriana lima. please dont attack me now! :)

  9. danielle

    Who the hell are you? What’s this “we” thing?

    I’m subjected to reading your lame posts…and do I complain? No, I don’t.

    Go drink bleach now. ♥

  10. kate

    “That would skeeve me to no end if I were here.”

    er…yeah…I mean “her”.

  11. Danielle, you are such a fucking piece of shit. And if I could bury my fucking stiletto heel into your temple and GRIND I would.

  12. Dr.kevinpothead

    #36 you summed it up! danyell, dont be an ass, Stallion rocks!

  13. Dr.kevinpothead

    lol, zanna!

  14. RichPort

    Uuuuhhh…. damnYELL? Please behave yourself. My 27th New Year’s Resolution for 2K7 was to insult you until I could literally hear you cry over the web. Please don’t make me. You should know that there’s some idiot trolling here, which is why you don’t see us around that much lately. So be a good girl and do like everyone else does, and insult the troll, lest Stallion verbally slays you again…

  15. Dr.kevinpothead

    richport, was that really your new year’s rez?! fuckin awesome

  16. RichPort

    Yea, the other 26 involved fucking, drinking and smoking more… not necessarily in that order. Oh, and to stop kicking other people’s puppies… I really need help with that.

  17. danielle

    Ummm….BitchSnort? Please MYOB. I’m glad that I could be included in your New Year’s Resolution list….right above not taking your wig off in public while doing the hokey pokey and sucking a dildo. Good for you.

    “Please don’t make me”? Is that supposed to be some sort of threat? Barney could come up with better rebuttal’s.

    I honstly did miss you, however. You are the center of my sky, the light in my eyes….the puke in my mouth. Honestly.

    Stallion couldn’t verbally slay a deformed mouse yet alone slay me.

    Keep hope alive crackwhore ♥

  18. hastapasta

    Jeez, danielle, why don’t you shock us all just once and say something intelligent?

  19. Yay! Richport and Zanna!

  20. RichPort

    damnYELL, the ‘please don’t make me’ was more for me, you know, like when that Hulk dude used to say “Mr McGee, don’t make me angry…” I was kind of hoping you’d revamp you style for 2007, but it seems as lame as a three-legged dog with syphillis (no, I’m NOT talking about your mom this time). Glad to see you learned that ♥ trick. Yea, you were on my list. I told the wife that I needed to shit on a welfare recipient and she agreed, saying too many of our tax dollars go to teenage whores. Good luck.

  21. litelysalted

    Yes Danielle is totally so much better at rebuttals/comebacks:

    I believe it was YOUR mother who couldn’t afford that abortion.

    Zing!

  22. danielle

    *68*

    Like what? How you should die? How you should die? Am I reaching for the stars here? Do tell.

    *70*

    Your facial herpes has obviously spread to your cracckling fingers because…you can’t type worth shit.

    What “trick”? Are we on the same page? Who cares about your night job?

    As if your fugly ass actually has a “wife”←

    Lol.

    Bubblewrap does NOT qualify as an actual human being.

    -♥-

  23. hastapasta

    “cracckling”

    and danielle can’t spell worth a shit….

  24. I know someone who actually KNOWS DanYELL and they said her ass looks like a pillowcase full of doorknobs…..

    TRUE STORY.

  25. hastapasta

    Her ass; or, her face?

    Oh, wait! There’s a difference?

  26. PrettyBaby

    Well, I for one would like to know where the Fish Shack is.

  27. danielle

    -This coming from someone with the name:

    “Hastapasta”. You silly broad. Go drown.

    And…Zanna, is it? Why do you keep posting?

    You’re not funny. Funny looking…but not funny. Seriously.

    Go picck up a Jokes For Dummies book.

    Pronto.

  28. biatcho

    Oh man, do I even have the energy to get in on this? I loves me a danyell gangbang.

  29. Babybing

    nice, butt she’s no Jessica Biel!

  30. danielle

    (snore)

    Please don’t.

    The Groupie quota has already been filled.

    Go get constipated ♥

  31. Italian Stallion

    Are you kidding me? I couldn’t verbally slay a deformed mouse? I thought I did just fine with a retarded cunt like yourself. I was wondering, when your butch girlfriend eats you out, do the pussy ants sting her? I know that no man could put up with a stupid cunt like you. It has to be some deformed lesbo bitch and that’s if you’re lucky. I can’t believe she would even put her face next to such a foul smell, but you did find her when you were digging for dinner in the dump, so maybe it is possible.

    And what is $, 5 months.”???????

    $5 a month. I thought welfare was more then that. So what do you get, one slice of cheese and a tic tac. Now I feel bad for you. You say you stayed away for so long and yet you come back? It’s tough not having friends so why not get shit on by enemies? I can’t wait until the video of your hanging leaks out on the internet. Wait, your fatass would just break the rope. Can’t hang a whale, you’re lucky I’m sick cunt, because my head is not in the right place to be fucking with you. Although, even with my nose stuffed up, I can still smell your stank ass pussy……….

    *throwing up*

    I just remembered something. Fighting on the internet is like running in the special olympics. Even if you win, you’re still retarded……….FUCK YOU!!!

  32. danielle

    Wow.

    I like so totally misjudged your intelligence.

    That about sums it up.

    (what’s that over there??…..be right back)

  33. litelysalted

    Must be a doughnut or something…

  34. danielle

    (Or your side-show freakazoid of a mother *cough*)

  35. pinky_nip

    Single-cell amoeba everywhere are thanking Danielle for elevating them up the food-chain.

  36. litelysalted

    Mine was better.

  37. CowgirlUp

    Why does she keep giving herself a wedgie? So glad we can’t see the front of that bottom piece, ugh. Jess, it’s supposed to go over your butt, not in it.

  38. danielle

    What’s that?

    1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8 ignorant groupies? (The total seems to rise every second or so..please forgive me for any false calculations).

    Well, I only have one thing to say to that.

    Let’s all stand and do the official “Danielle’s Horrific Bunch of Needledick Groupies Who Love and Adore Her Fan Club” Salute.

    And…1,2,3:

    http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j228/purplelove1/1-8.jpg

    Congrats.

    You’ve now been accepted (rejected).

    Losers.

  39. hastapasta

    danielle: really, truly, I don’t think you are an arrogant, ignorant twat.

    But, what’s my humble opinion compared to everyone else who has ever read your rantings…..

  40. id put my mouth on her butt…before she wipes

    http://www.carpemundus.com – gross

  41. Discovery Channel

    In an odd ethological turn of events, Jessica Alba’s ass lured a group of chimps back to their former habitat, after they had left presumably for greener pastures. Not surprisingly, feces were flung against the walls in a territorial display. It is unclear whether the chimps will remain or wander off yet another time, again singing their mournful songs about leaving their once beautiful but now impoverished land of origin (apparently they’re Irish chimps). Stay tuned.

  42. PrettyBaby

    pssst. @78 biatcho- Ever been to Ferrets?? You gotta come and visit.

  43. PrettyBaby

    psssst..HotAss Guys BigJim, Barbado Slim, Papa- You should visit over at Ferrets!

    Love, Ferret’s PrettyRecruiter and of course Ass Kisser

  44. Avarice

    You’re crazy if you think that her ass looks terrible… I wanna make it my friend and hit that….

  45. dreamhypnotique

    Even gay men would acknowledge Jessica Alba has a nice body.

    The only people who would ever say unkind things about her body are:

    a. girls who are much fatter than Jessica Alba and are envious of her fame, popularity, and beauty.

    b. the bitchier male homosexual set that likes to criticize all women with fat/hair/clothing comments, and yet they themselves are pasty, usually overweight and have very bad acne and wear makeup.

    c. girls who may have a body comparable to Jessica’s but still hate her because they envy her fame and fortune. The basic “I’m as hot/hotter than her and she’s famous and I work at Bloomingdales!” bitch.

  46. biatcho

    prettybaby – please tell me there are trolls at ferrets? Please? Because I really love using the word troll & I adore stupid people who are less than.

  47. biatcho

    By the way, Libraesque is STILL fighting with everone it comes into contact with. it is currently arguing with misanthrope on the Jessica Simpson/John Mayer thread. If you’re bored I suggest getting in on it while I sit back & laugh at the whole thing.

    I blame that half-witted dyke for the server crash by the way.

  48. Thanks, PrettyBaby!

    Yeah, you guys should definitely come over to my place for a visit – it’s 100% guaranteed troll-free.

  49. Forbidden

    what butt LOL? she doesn’t have any.
    seriously people, I don’t know what you see in this chick. her butt couldn’t be any flatter, she has no tits and she has a body that resembles a stick with 0 curves. her face is cute but nothing special. I understand that all glamed up caked in makeup all skanky looking baring her clothes and all airbrushed and photshoped in movies like Sin City and promo pictures she looked hot to you guys, but come on, this chick is so average any time when she’s not playing a skanky role off camera. cute is all you can say about her. seriosly guys, open your eyes. I don’t know what kinda girlfriends you have or how women look like where you live, but I’m sure many of your girlfriends could be a lot hotter and prettier than this chick is, so stop idolizing a cute chick and look at what you have (if it’s better of course). Jessica Alba for sure is completely invisible next to my fucking hot girlfriend and only wishes she could look a little like her.

  50. Forbidden

    to #6
    - you obviosly have never seen what a hot ass or a real woman looks like in your life. come on dude, this chick’s waist is just as wide as her hips and her back is actually wider and bigger than her ass. that is one flat ass and a total stick 0 curves body.

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