Jessica Alba wants you to stare at her as long as you can

Jessica Alba seems to be cuckoo for staring contests. So much so, that’s she willing to engage in them online. I included a video of her staring prowess after the jump which is either the most seductive and/or creepiest thing I’ve ever seen without my pants on. Anyway, who the hell competes in online staring contests? That’s just retarded. Unlike my newly launched Online Rock-Paper-Scissors competition. It’s easy to play and fun for the whole family! Simply pick your weapon and I’ve already lined up my predetermined responses. Let’s go!:

If you chose “Scissors,” The Superficial Writer chose “Rock.” Contemplate suicide.
If you chose “Paper,” The Superficial Writer chose “Scissors.” Holy crap, you have a vagina.
If you chose “Rock,” The Superficial Writer chose “TANK!” I AM THE L33T! And, also, your biological father.

GAME OVER.

Damn, that’s good fun. Thanks to Brandon who needs to blink, man, blink!

Photos: Splash News, Video: ibeatyou.com