Jessica Alba wanted to get married

July 30th, 2007 // 90 Comments
jessica-alba-morning-show-00.jpg

A source close to Jessica Alba is claiming Jessica broke up with Cash Warren because she was ready for marriage and he wasn’t. The insider says:

“He wasn’t ready for marriage, and Jessica is. It’s simple as that. It’s kind of cold that the press is saying she was just finished with him, because it isn’t like that. Seeing Eva get married made Jessica wistful. That was the reason Jessica seemed to be in a terrible mood in Paris.”

So obviously this “insider” is insane. They actually want me to believe that Jessica Alba broke up with Cash Warren because he wouldn’t marry her? That’s like telling me Rosie O’Donnell turned down a slice of pie because she was full. Why not just claim the Earth is flat? Or that Abraham Lincoln was a woman?

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  1. susanist

    Jessica was dumped and none of you have a chance or any good judgement of beauty either. She and Eva Longeria are two of the most overrated so-called ‘beauties’ to ever be associated with Hollywood.

    Obviously she wasn’t all that interesting to her ex-boyfriend. I wonder about all of you who are just saying and writing nonsense about Jessica’s looks. She pretty OK. She no world class beauty. In FF4, Silver Surfer every woman at the bachelor party was better looking than her.

    In fact the more I looked at Alba the more she looked like a Thai shemale with blond hair.

    She has no ass worthy of note, and its a damn insult to JLO, Beyonce, vida Guerra and Kim Kardashian to have you people constantly comparing her boyish ass to theirs. To have a world-class feminine ass must suggest fertility on a instinctual level. Jessica Alba does not suggest fertility at all.
    Now sit on the fact that her boyfriend dumped her because something’s not right and all of you are wrong, blind and clueless as to what a real woman is supposed to look like.

  2. BubbleButt

    #51 susanist

    I agree with you but well, there are only two kinds of people who post on this; those who do it for shits and giggles, and others who have the mentality of 14-year-old boys/girls. (no offense ppl) So, your post, though brilliant and well thought out, will be wasted on the insipid. I liked it though.

  3. Valkyrie

    Most of the Alba-ists are people who probably thought “Enough” was a good movie. (Newsflash, it wasn’t!)

    You want hot, Jessica Biel is hot, Salma Hayak is smokin’, even Selma Blair, though a twig, is more interesting.

  4. Cash Money Playah

    #48

    After ripping your asshole apart there shouldn’t be any doubt about it my little bitch. gay4girls is my sex toy

  5. miss oblivious

    If the story is true, he probably won’t marry her ass because she’s probably a real pain in the ass, naggy, snotty, stubborn, cold fish bitch w/ eating disorder mood swings . I could be wrong, but thats just the impression that I get from her.

  6. I Love Cash Warren Now

    Wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but now Cash earned my respect for not being ready to marry a woman with nothing interesting to say, no matter how much desired she is physically by other men.

  7. woodhorse

    I think Jessica wants to marry FiftyCent’s money.

  8. pete

    I think she doesn’t deserve to get married. she is a dirty tramp with no morals. bless his for getting out when he did.

  9. David

    I hate this ugly white washed whore!!

  10. RichPort

    She looks like she’s ready for a buffet… fucking unsexy anorexic beeotch…

  11. Sheva

    I will take Jessica and save her from the evils of whatever the FF is fighting.
    I will suffer the risk of her boring me with her lovely skin tone and smile.

    That is all.

    P.S. Please do not attempt to send any substitute fat ass like Kardishitwat, Jblowup, or the new Salma Hayek II. I liked Salma in Desperado but she’s now three times larger.

  12. crazy otto

    Mrs.Jessica Crazyotto…….I think I like the sound of that

  13. Nigga please

    >To have a world-class feminine ass must suggest fertility on a
    >instinctual level.

    I heard Mike Tyson say the exact same thing.

  14. Cash Is the Man

    All Cash has to do now is date Natalie Portman for only three months and marry her and he’ll be my new sex symbol. There’s nothing hotter than a guy who knows which girl is good for sex alone and which girl has enough wit to be his wife.

  15. dr.kevinpothead

    so fuckin what? shes an UBER overrated pice of trash that denies her heritage, im so fucking sick iof her, she needs to die from that anorexia she brought on herself. shes like a bobble head, like what dwight K. schreut has on his desk in “the office”

  16. dr.kevinpothead

    elizabitch – July 30, 2007 11:16 AM

    this ‘insider’ is trying to cover up that jessica’s a cold hearted bitch.

    ^ ^ yup

    susanist – July 30, 2007 1:08 PM

    Jessica was dumped and none of you have a chance or any good judgement of beauty either. She and Eva Longeria are two of the most overrated so-called ‘beauties’ to ever be associated with Hollywood.

    Obviously she wasn’t all that interesting to her ex-boyfriend. I wonder about all of you who are just saying and writing nonsense about Jessica’s looks. She pretty OK. She no world class beauty. In FF4, Silver Surfer every woman at the bachelor party was better looking than her.

    In fact the more I looked at Alba the more she looked like a Thai shemale with blond hair.

    She has no ass worthy of note, and its a damn insult to JLO, Beyonce, vida Guerra and Kim Kardashian to have you people constantly comparing her boyish ass to theirs. To have a world-class feminine ass must suggest fertility on a instinctual level. Jessica Alba does not suggest fertility at all.
    Now sit on the fact that her boyfriend dumped her because something’s not right and all of you are wrong, blind and clueless as to what a real woman is supposed to look like.

    ^ ^ your my fucking hero

  17. dr.kevinpothead

    susanist, albatross wont get preggo because shes afriad of her “latina genes” you know, how shes scared she’ll be fat like the rest of her trashy family. fucking fuck you jesSUCKA! wel at least shell get a ton more roles, i mean, thats what a tea bag is for right? lol shes just a cruel experiment,. if she worked at the in-and-out burger in sherman oaks no one would give 2 duck squirts worth of shit about her uglyness

  18. I hate people

    Sorry Superfish but it’s probably true.

    When a guy dates a really hot girl he gets a massive ego and thinks hey imagine what else I could get… like three hot girls all at once. Little does the douche realize that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and it will all be downhill from there. I’ve seen it happen OVER AND OVER. Mediocre guy gets really hot girl who loves and adores him and treats her welll… mediocre doucheboy gets massive ego and takes chick for granted. Then hot girl moves on to find super hot dreamboat man of the year type of guy (who she deserved to begin with) and mediocre loser stalks hot girl incessantly and goes crazy trying to get her back. Cash will be threatening to kill himself and stalking her in no time. She on the other hand will soon move on to a worthy guy, a male version of her if you will; a succesful guy who girls drool over
    ( Jessica Alba isn’t a neuro surgeon but she’s much more succesful than Cash ever will be the fact is he is WAYYYY lower on the food chain. FACT she needs to stick to her own class).
    You see mr. average Loser thinks Jessica Alba being with him is a reflextion of his coolness and babe magnetism when honestly it is a reflection of Jessica being a nice non superficial, non- gold digging girlie, who probably doesn’t have enough self esteem.

    It’s a clsssic story, as old as time.
    Cash, you will soon know the pain of the one who got away. Now I don’t realy enjoy Alba or give a fuck about her but Cash is the loser and he will never do better. Not because she’s phenomenal but, because he is NOT.

  19. # 11, couldn’t agree more! Sure she might be pretty but I bet she’s a little ice bitch in a relationship!

  20. What Loss?

    #68

    Sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve seen many guys, hot and not, successful and not, simply dumped their hot girlfriends because they are too boring or dumb to spend the rest of their lives with. These guys are smart enough to know that once the girl ages, they’re just going to smack themselves for being stuck with someone boring AND ugly. Why do you suppose a lot of most eligible bachelors ended up marrying women that are not so hot? They usually fucked enough hot women in their days, but only settle with the interesting ones later.

    Hot but boring women are only good for fucking and Cash is smart enough to realize that. I doubt he’ll be miserable losing her because he had accomplished his goal to have fucked her.

    The only mistake Cash made was not to realize that he could be getting spousal and child support from Alba, like KFed.

  21. wedgeone

    Jessica, I’ll marry you under one condition – sex every night of the year. We’ll just put a towel between you and the mattress during “that time of the month”. Or we’ll confine our activities to the shower.

    What a hottie!

  22. yeah, this story is HIGHLY believable. what a joke. There is no precedent for a no talent, broke leech glomming onto a rich BF/GF as soon as possible. I’m surprised he wasn’t proposing marriage 3 times a day trying to lock her up.

    http://www.sithomeandrot.com

  23. I hate people

    #70. What you are forgetting is that this guy is NOT eligible. He has nothing going for him except that he once had a woman many others wanted (wether you like her or not, she IS desired).

    All he is gonna end up with is those nasty wannabes who were told once”hey you kinda look like Jessica Alba” . In true lame wannabe girl fashion they’ll try to get with Alba left overs. Hence Cash will get mediocre nasties who say” hey do I look like Jessica when I smile like this” and then he’ll blow his brains out. I mean look at the guy, who says he’s not the boring one or maybe they both are.

    I do not advocate the worshipping of this woman but I am not gonna give this stoodge any credit. He will not do well, trust me. What you say is true for many elegible men BUT again the douchy dorkenheimer is NOT eligible.

    But I hope what you say is true for the likes of Brad Shitt (who never really had a lot of hotties but whatevs) except that when he dumps Angie he and his little hamster penis settle down with a nice blender or chainsaw.

    In Conclusion I disagree but, you are entitled to your opinion. Luckily I don’t know these people so of course I may be way off. But then again I am a genius so I’m going with my giant brain on this one.

  24. LAST SUCKERS!!!

  25. DROPPIN' LOADS!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is a total publicist bullshit story. Sure he didn’t want to marry her. Watch she’ll suddenly hook up with someone “new”.

  26. sorry beat you

    last loser.

  27. Bored Again

    Sure she did. Sounds to me like the spin machine in overdrive once they realised there was a perception that she could be seen as callous or indifferent. Maybe she is. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. When I eventually get round to fucking her, she’ll see that the good way.

  28. Lexoka

    I would have said yes!

  29. Dugeons and Dragons

    # 20 Do you ever leave the house – apartment – cave at anytime?
    Do you spend hours or days contemplating your next attempt at comedy skits.
    Have you ever considered getting a day job?
    The curious really do not care but I’m sure we will here it any way.

  30. Tuna Patrol

    I bet she smells like a bean burrito with extra sour cream.

  31. Jen

    Who cares..she’s so damn boring.

  32. yoz y’all, i c ur psygology thingz bout celeb is wut u dumbos luv eh? get a clue yo, they trickin u 2 suck u in2 a lifestlye that contributs to their business success. wat is the meanin of fame ppl n how’z zit spread? think bout it.. u guys dont realise u aint real.. fuck yo momma n papa.. go drink some donkey period blood coz tat probably taste betta than ur momma is pretty.. go dream u cud b like 1 of em celebs.. betcha its ur life dream like a damn american idol wannabe, hahahaz u sad yo.. shallow lil fucks who either dream of tat, or pretend not to, or hav sum social obligation to show off, or fuckin envy n jealous of em celebs.. fuck y’all tat r like this.. in 50 years, when ur old, hopefully u’ll realise how u wasted time on this shit, pity wit ya old n saggy tits nobody but you iz gonna suck em tits dry.. fuck ya elephant teste lookin celeb wannabes.. fuckin drones to the master leader wit no originality..

    example of drone:

    (insert critical comment 2 last poster who defies my ego n social status in this mini-universe which i am king)

    next insert
    (typical cliche comment come-back) OR
    (a deeper analysis wat a cock suckin poser n wannabe i am to know this shit)

    finally conclusion:
    me wrong, you right

    hey fucks, just remove the steps in between wats the diff? you dun prove shit anyway!! fuckin get a betta hobby biatches, like knittin or plant shit

    HAHAHA FUCKING COCK SUCKING BRADY BUNCH CELEB WANKERS AHHAHAA YOU DONT REALISE UR DA LAUGHING STOCK OF THE FUTURE

  33. petri

    he broke up with her because she’s a religious prude

  34. ya ya

    I hate this overrated alien with a Frankenstein fivehead. Cash honey, your better off without her. She likes the black meat anyway. Cash is only half black.

    http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2006/02/17/snoop-dogg-had-sex-with-jessica-alba-damn-him/

  35. ya ya

    “I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. I would have a one-night stand, and I’m not the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, Do you really have to be here? I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more. ” [Cosmo - Check this earlier post]

    So, what you are saying is that you are a slut and the blind item about 50
    getting blown by you in Europe is true? OMG. Just shut up already.

  36. mm

    ok – i know no one will believe this as i would not have til i saw it in person…but we ran into them both in napa (they were 5 feet away) last year…and she looked OK at best, with a few huge zits, on her face. and i was floored as i always thought he seemed average from pics, but thought he was the HOT one in person. the 3 guys with me went right up to her to check her out as they always drooled over her and thought that day, in person, she was average at best. I KNOW – i agree she always looks hot in pics, mags, movies, etc. Just relaying my personal experience.

  37. Andrew

    Cash: I’ll pass.

  38. UNCLE NED

    She comes off real-cold to me, despite her beauty. There are plenty of guys who walk away from sexy-looking bitches – remember, Salma Hayek got dumped, too, once – because deep down the girl just isn’t nice. That quote from #85 says it all…

  39. lala

    I don’t get what the fight about her denying her heritage is about. She says she’s not a latina and she isn’t! Just because one member of her family is from latin hertage DOES NOT mean SHE is! That’s not what it takes to be from a certain place!! She didn’t grow up in a latin country, she doesn’t know anything about their lifestyle or traditions, so I don’t see what the heck makes her a latina! NOTHING!

    PS: SHE IS HOT!

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