Jessica Alba premieres stuff and other news

February 12th, 2010 // 67 Comments

- Tina Fey does Vogue. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kelly Ripa wants her husband to cheat on her. [PopEater]

- Kelly Clarkson continues her love affair with bacon. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Josh Duhamel’s stripper mistress isn’t carrying his baby and can’t understand why she’s a media spectacle. Not counting all those interviews and accusations she made. [TheFABlife]

- Harrison Ford demonstrates you can fly medical supplies to Haiti without the aid of Scientology ministers. Who knew? [Starpulse]

- Simon Monjack is just trying to pull himself up by his bootstraps. That Brittany Murphy’s death bought him. [Celebslam]

- Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Mariska Hargitay fight domestic violence by having a kinky threeway in my mind. It’s the only way! [Just Jared]

- Sandra Bullock experiences epic pubic FAIL. [The Blemish]

- Gavin Rossdale’s penis likes red lipstick. [PopSugar]

- Katie Holmes finally makes Suri wears a coat. But only after buying her a Bentley. [Amy Grindhouse]

- Jon Gosselin has a 3-inch penis. [ICYDK]

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Photos: Splash News

  1. first

    yeahh first

  2. andy

    Dang she’s still looking fine as eva!

  3. chupacabra

    Ugly dress, ugly shoes. Not a good look for her. Tasteless.

    Also, I saw boob stretch marks. NAST.

  4. Love bird

    Why does that broad have so many damn stretchmarks on her tittays…they look hideous!

  5. KV

    @love bird…I was wondering the same thing!

  6. Parker

    Every time I dream of having anal sex with her she’s always bending over the kitchen counter making me a turkey sandwich. That’s why I love her.


    @3 I saw that too (stretch marks)


  8. Anakin

    HOLY FUCK! THE STRETCHMARKS ON HER BOOBS….!!! Didn’t expect that one. they are huge huge huge!

  9. Ace

    They look more like claw marks! Though I guess if I had those to suck on, I wouldn’t want to let go.

  10. SO RIGHT

    Loved the dress until I got to the shoes — blech!

  11. Lynne

    Of course she has stretch marks – she’s a mother! Duh!

  12. kingofbeer

    I have some magic cream that will fix those stretch marks :)

    give me a call Jess :)

  13. lisa

    love that she wears a dress like that even though she has got stretch marks.
    go alba!

  14. sandie

    Those stretch marks are the bad kind… How come she exposed them?

  15. sandie

    I think the outfit is cute and she looks pretty!

  16. Truth

    See Jessica this is why we told you to abort that baby, ruined her body for good. What’s up with the white-face make-up?

  17. The Dude

    Stretch mark titties and assne usually chill together. I’ve known a few chicks.

  18. Rough: observe patterns & adapt

    Great! some role model she is. How will demented Xiaoqing going to get stretch-marks on her micro tits…

  19. Roger

    only queer bitches worry about stretchmarks on a hot chick. When you’re naked and the lights are low, it doesn’t make a difference. But I’m guessing none of you virgins know that first hand.

  20. Insatiable Peter

    “She was the first female head writer on Saturday Night Live.”

    Yeah, and she wasn’t funny.

    “She created her own show. She produces it. She stars in it. She represents it.”

    And nobody watches it. Her politics keep her on NBC.

    “She manages her family. She stays who she is.”

    In the words of Chris Rock, “What do you want a cookie?”

    Tina Fey couldn’t touch Lucille Ball’s, Carol Burnette’s, Mary Tyler Moore’s, Gilda Radner’s, Penny Marshall’s or even Amy Heckerling’s collective bras.

  21. Anon

    Wow roger.
    I’m convinced you’re a stud.

  22. Galtacticus

    Damn! She’s gorgeous! Are you sure she’s mexican!?

  23. Darth

    This is how the Clovis human was ment to be.Unfortunally those pilgrim fathers literally fucked it up.

  24. His Huge Greatness Himself

    To the pilgrims in the new land this was the forbidden fruit.But they violated my terms again and again.

  25. DKNY

    I’d sodomize her until my penis fell off.

    Then I’d start all over again.

  26. Nero

    I’m totally astonished! What a nice pair of shoes!

  27. Humpinfrog

    Bbbrrruuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmssssssssskkkkkyyyyyyy! Motor boatin’. It’s the new cure for stretchmarks. Alba?

  28. Rhialto

    I was just thinking that it would be nice if somebody would make me a nice taco and bring me some Corona beer.And then i just stumbled upon this post.Coincidence?!

  29. gen

    I love Harrison Ford. Why are all male stars today absolute pussies? Where did the Harrison Fords and Clint Eastwoods go? Not only were they majorly HOT and MANLY when they were younger, but they seemed like decent guys.

    Now were stuck with pansy-ass Robert Pattinson, that funny looking Taylor Lautner, that strange mother fucker (literally) Shia LaBoeuf. What the fuck?

  30. maudina

    Jessica Alba can’t possibly look bad, but she’s not looking her best there. Her teeth are yellowish, and for some reason, her forehead is two shades darker than the rest of her face. Need a new make-up artist?

  31. maudina

    Oh i just saw the stretchmarks! Babies do that unfortunately. Dermablend?

  32. noname

    Oh for gods sake of course she’s going to have stretch marks on her boobs she had a f*cking baby. Celebrities are human too you know, I don’t know why we all have this thing that they’re “perfect”.

  33. mark

    there is nothing wrong with chicks getting stretch marks…but when you are a celebrity and everyone is looking at every inch of you under a microscope…do us all a favor and cover that shit up. what is she trying to prove? that stretch marks are ok? fuck all that girl power you go girl bullshit. no dude wants to see that on a famous chick that used to be hot before a baby fucked her up and good it looks like. i will never get the image of those fucking wolf claw marks on what was once a beautiful set of boobs. thanks a lot baby…i hope you had fun sucking on those. you ruined it for all of us.

  34. Roger

    Thanks Anon. I don’t consider myself a stud, but I’m flattered you do. I don’t swing that way, tho. I’m just sayin, anyone who’d kick Alba out of their bed because of stretchmarks is a liar, or gay.

  35. sick and sad perverted feller

    She has horribly scarred tits with all those rotten stretch marks. She should retire. There are plenty new little mexican types to take her place. If you need something like that in your life. *fart*

  36. stretch marks. that can be her stripper name

  37. *GASP* like none of you have ever seen stretch marks? Really? I’m more concerned with who did her make-up. Her forehead is darker than the rest of her face. And she needs to fresh’n up on some White Strips for her teeth. Those are things she CAN help.

  38. Kimberly

    Are those stretch marks??

    Weird. There goes her career. Eh, it was lucrative while it lasted.

  39. People commenting about stretch mark and her being ‘nasty’ and ‘ugly’ now are ignorant and probably fat virgins. She had a kid people, your boobs get bigger and most of the time, you get stretch marks from it – she’s human just like the rest of us. It’s not like you choose to have them, you’re idiots.

  40. RtSS

    I would make some nice delightful, panty tea from her soft delicates. I have the water boiling right now. Jessica, would you mind taking off your panties? Ah, I can smell the beautiful aroma now…

  41. Kimberly

    And I’m sure that people who are calling out others’ comments about the stretch marks have stretch marks themselves and need someone like Jessica Alba as their misery’s company.

    Stretch marks are not pretty. There. Her career was based on a pretty face and hot, tight body. With one of those going, she’s not going to get the same attention. There.

  42. Eva

    Makeup is horrible. It’s like they ignored the forehead and plastered it on the rest of her face.

    I like the outfit and boots, it’s quirky and interesting.

    What are you guys talking about? I don’t see any stretch marks.

  43. Wow!! she is really looking nice in these clothes.

  44. youth&beautybrigade

    i’m pretty sure her body still looks better than, like, 95% of all americans…

  45. sandra

    You all are so ignorant commenting on how gross she is because of some stretch marks. Unfortunately, one of the aftershocks of having to carry, give birth to, and nurse babies, like the female gender has to do, is getting stretch marks (most of the time)! So what! Your mom had to most likely see some of those after giving birth to your sad, pathetic asses.

  46. Gems

    who the fuck did her make-up, stevie wonder???? (sorry, i love you stevie, but leave the concealer alone)

  47. I still think she’s gorgeous. A few stretches here and there but nothing that can’t be fixed, eh?

  48. streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch

    Geez couldn’t they cover up those grotesque stretch marks? Man that whoring out of wedlock semi-bastard baby ruined her. God I Hate stretch marks on a woman. Comes from poor gentetics in the skin department ladies. You need to learn to not eat so much when you are knocked up, you greedy lard ass cows.
    Stop blaming it on men too. We are not the one’s eating all those nasty concoctions and blaming it on an unborn baby. Women can be so evil – and streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetchy!

  49. Stretch marks are part of being a woman. Jess is now a mother and she looks wonderful.

    panic away review

  50. @41. Yeah, I have a couple stretch marks, I’m a DD cup, it happens, so I comment about others ignorance because they’re assholes living in a fantasy world. Women should be made to feel like shit because of genes they have no control over? It’s not about being eating too much, or not working out, it just happens and it doesn’t make me any less of a person/woman because I have them.

    Alba had a baby! Your breasts get bigger and usually develop stretch marks when that happens, it’s a fact of life. Yeah, she’s a terrible actress and is only known for her looks, I’m not even really a fan of hers, but to say that she’s now disgusting because she has like 4 stretch marks on her chest is ridiculous. She still looks better than most women, you included I’m sure.

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