Jessica Alba poses in GQ

May 16th, 2007 // 99 Comments

Jessica Alba has a nice little photoshoot with GQ which you can check out here. Although you have to hand it to them for managing to take somebody as hot as Jessica Alba and making her look like a stroke victim. Is uncontrollable drooling supposed to be sexy? Because if it is, I’ve got a grandmother that would knock their socks off.


  1. BarbadoSlim

    My spooge runs thick and frothy for her…

  2. GaGa


  3. Max

    Did she loose some weight? She seems totally skinny on these pictures… :\

  4. Missy Gin

    how does spilling water out of her mouth makes her look sexy? a toddler does it and they get ‘oh! – bobby NOT AGAIN’ Precisely.

  5. YouRang

    I always suspected she was too dumb to know how to drink. Hot though. Red hot.

  6. hendero67

    So they’ve gone for oral fixation with a twist of beastiality? Works for me.

  7. GreatRack

    Maxim is wrong… JA is #1….

  8. sexybitch

    She needs to eat. Goddamn, why do we reward everyone for becoming nothing but fucking skin and bones?

  9. I’ve got something that will make her drool.

    Want to touch the heiny………

  10. JungleRed

    Maybe it’s just the simulated watersport (or cum-shot, I cant’ tell), but she’s looks like Kim Kardashian here.

  11. bungoone

    what the…

    this is just weird. plain weird.

    someone feed her something. now!

  12. Lauren

    Fergie was #10. That’s more disturbing to me. It’s like the editors opened up a tabloid and picked the first 10 celebrities they saw.

  13. I like to envision her dribbling my jizz down her chin.

  14. Too much botox and she can’t move her mouth anymore?

    Seriously, what happened to her body? Where did all those ribs come from? I don’t get Hollywood. Women like Julia Roberts (Mystic Pizza), Cameron Diaz (The Mask), Jessica Alba (Dark Angel, Fantastic Four), Kate Bosworth, (Blue Crush) all get famous for having hot curvey bodies, then once they are famous for some reason think their hot Curvey bodies are ugly and diet themselves into skeletons.

    What happens? Do they all Hire Rachel Zoe to be their stylist or something?!

  15. crestlin

    someone give her a donut and a bib, please. i think these are the least attractive photos of her i have seen to date. ick.

  16. Danklin

    What the hell? This is like the worst photoshoot ever. Whoever chose these poses she’d be fired immediately. Also what the hell is happening to Jessica? She’s always been the one celebrity that wasnt starving herself and was a healthy beautiful weight. Say it aint so Jessica.

  17. Fishstick

    Let us all pray for the survival of Jessica Beil’s booty, for Alba apparently lost all her slutacious curves.

  18. leasypoo

    She usually looks good (apart from that strange fantastic four monkey looking promo) but this just reminds me of the retarded guy who used to steal our lunches in kindegarten and had a permanent wet shirt from his drool….he’d also flash his weenie at us….good times….now if only she was imitating that part too…

  19. Frankrizzo

    … How the Hell is Lohan hotter than that? Dear God, I almost started crying knowing that I would never in my life ever again see anything so beautiful. I was as if eternity itself shown through the pictures… and it gave me a raging hard boner.

  20. Seriously

    Did you guys go through the slideshow? She’s thinner, but still looks pretty damn good.

  21. Fishstick

    not as good as me. but then again, i can say that because none of you can see me. hahahaha! i won!

  22. MrSemprini

    #18 You want Jess to flash her weenie at you? OK, I’m not a doctor (except when I can get my wife in a nurse’s uniform) but girls don’t have weenies (unless its Fergie). Stop masturbating or you’ll end up in a mental ward with Michael Moore. And we know what will happen THEN! Totally hilarious!

  23. SDsweetheart

    LOL the one of her gnawing on the rose is pretty funny… I mean, I get the whole oral fixation bit, but LOL, she’s inhaling that thing…

  24. honeydew

    Click on the slideshow. Huge head, little tiny body, big shoes; she looks like a Bratz doll.

  25. techclerk

    May I ask a question?

    Sure. what is it.

    An interrogative statement used to test knowledge, but that is unimportant now. Does Jessica have a drinking problem?

  26. She lets people to tell her to spit up on herself and take pictures of her in which she looks like a hooker, yet somehow she still believes that she gets cast in movies due to acting ability … amazing.

  27. #8 I don’t know. I lost 5 pounds and I didn’t get shit!!!

  28. cormholer

    @26 1) Excellent point 2) Dumb fake giant tit shot on your website

  29. bungoone

    she’s got a manface going on in that picure. i bet she’s waiting to get her gender reassignment surgery. i just read about these transgenders in Newsweek. very interesting stuff.

  30. Lalala

    Damn, she looks like a drooling tard!

  31. Plastic Sturgeon

    I don’t get it. She has a great body and an OK face. But acting?


  32. The superfish guy is on coke

    Damn I have to agree that this is probably the worst photo op I have EVER seen. I know its suppose to be a simulated porn chic and they figure our perverted,little, pea-brain selves are suppose to be thinkin’,
    “Thats her spitting out jiz!!” It totally backfired IMO.

  33. Hot Water Burn Baby

    #22 Pink has a weenie, too.

  34. whoneedsenemies

    This picture is just strange…
    Even if Usher was doing this for a photo shoot I would think it was strange too…

  35. [Xenu]

    #8 it’s ok honey, I’m sure there’s someone out there who likes fat chicks like you

  36. Huh?

    Is that Sanjaya?

  37. titsonsnack

    This picture just looks stupid. The water dribbling down her isn’t hot. It’s stupid looking and weird. Maybe if she wasn’t staring dead into the camera lens like “Is this how I’m supposed to do it?” and holding up a water bottle.

  38. I look like a tranny today :(

  39. Oliver Sacks

    Terry Richardson photoshoot. Explains everything, really. Because there’s a man who loves fluids.

  40. lambman

    I am NOT a fan of this chick, but I will admit she normally like 100 times hotter than in these crappy pics. Did you see the cover? She looks like a concentration camp survivor with a broken arm. You can see her ribs and the proportions now make her shoulder look huge.

    either way she bores me to tears

  41. Fishstick

    the photography is terrible. the indoor shots look like they are taken with a disposable camera. has this guy heard of soft light? hard light never looks good, even on ms. alba.

  42. wedgeone

    I agree w/#10, she’s definitely looking watersporty. But she’s a cut above Kim because she only lets white guys pee on her.

  43. Jimbo

    I expected “Oliver Sacks” to explain the stroke victim look…

  44. Chauncey Gardner

    Wow, she is so completely unsexy. She isn’t even hot with jizzle-drizzle running out of her fucked mouth.

  45. TexasTranny

    @#39 Nothing wrong with that :)

  46. captain obvious

    Her ribs poking thru remind me of what I always hear when I take my dog to the vet…you should be able to feel his ribs and see them alittle for him to be at a healthy weight. Albeit, I don’t think that applies to humans. Ha, maybe Alba’s been going to the wrong type of doctor since someone called her a dog. I did hear before that she once suffered from an eating disorder…it looks like she’s suffering again. Those ribs, pointy ass shoulders, little boobs…not an ounce of fat on her. I just don’t see how that’s sexy. She looked so much better when she had alittle meat on her (no jokes, guys). And that picture! I suppose it’s suppose to be “sexy” and they are making innuendoes to oral sex. What is this, a Hustler spread?! I remember when I read that she constantly turns down certain roles (espc w/ nudity) because her dad wouldn’t approve of it. Well, honey thats the only reason you’re famous. It sure ain’t for your acting chops. Her body reminds me of a skinnier version of when Britney was buff. Ok, sorry for the long post; went on a wild tangent there.

  47. DancingQueen

    I don’t get the water running out of the mouth thing at all. Not sexy in any way. Just gross! And for God sake someone wax her unibrows! Horrible. They did a great job of taking a hot chick and making her fugly.

  48. Skin

    Sanjaya lost a lot of weight didn’t he?

  49. Wisp

    Unflattering swimsuit: $480
    Piece of bubble gum: $0.25
    Drooling like an idiot in a popular magazine: Priceless

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