Jessica Alba makes good with Playboy

April 6th, 2006 // 38 Comments

jessica-alba-playboy-cover.jpgJessica Alba has dropped her suit against Playboy to pull its March issue after Hugh Hefner personally sent her a letter of apology and had Playboy make donations to two charities Alba supports. In a statement on Tuesday, Jessica said:

“I appreciate Mr. Hefner’s acknowledgment of the distress caused by Playboy’s actions, and I’m happy to put this unfortunate event behind me. This was never about money, it was about setting the record straight about something that was done without my knowledge or consent.”

I think the lesson here is that Playboy should never ever put a clothed woman in their magazine ever again. And also take my advice and remove all text and articles, replacing them with pictures of me doing it with all the models. It’d be a bold step for the magazine, but one I think the public would appreciate.



  1. jennifer11

    oooh poor jessica…

    she was so distressed to be on the cover of playboy.

    i really feel for her.


  2. DonLes91


    Ahhhh, Jessica Alba! What a way to start the day!

  3. DonLes91


  4. CheekyChops

    That sounds reasonable…Time to up my medication.

  5. SuperSpence

    Appearing semi-clothed on the cover of Playboy is the best exposure Jennifer Alba will get until she appears naked on the cover of Playboy.

  6. brewerpatriot

    I just came in her mouth a little bit…no wait, a lot, yeah, a lot.

  7. sweetcheeks

    I don’t understand why Alba got so huffy over this.

    We all know that we watch her movies because she’s so genetically gifted, not because she conveys emotion with such amazing subtlety. And MAN, what a bottom.

  8. Michael1

    I have absolutely nothing catty to say about Ms. Alba, except maybe that the tan colored bikini bottom looks kind of stupid with a blue top.

    She’s a smart, gorgeous woman who’s gonna be fine without a Pissboy “spread” in her portfolio.

  9. sweetcheeks

    I wonder if Hugh Hefner’s stationary smells of silicone and peroxide.

  10. sweetcheeks

    Perhaps it just smells of “old man.”

  11. the irony of this is that in five years, when her movie career’s over, she’ll be begging Hef to put her on the cover, in the magazine, on its website, even in the grotto at the Playboy Mansion.

  12. ESQ

    Oh I am so glad this story is behind us…

  13. LickyLicky

    Thanks, Michael1. I thought I was the only one who thought that top and bottom didn’t go together.

    I wonder if, whey guys jerk off to her, her name becomes a several-syllable, one minute moniker versus the small and tiny Alba. As in AHHHHHHHHHLBAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ohhh, ohhhhhhhhhhh, urghhhhhhhhhh.

    Damn. Ruined another tubesock.

  14. jennifer11


    they smell you are thinking of is called geezer stench.

  15. PocketRocket

    “Unfortunate Event” is the nickname for my penis. I, too, would love to put that unfortunate event behind her.


  16. PapaHotNuts

    Sorry, I would have posted earlier but I was too busy dry-humping my moniter. Don’t worry, I consulted my Dell handbook and I didn’t see anything stating that man-juice could ruin a monitor. But I’m fairly certain it ruined my secretary’s entire day.

  17. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah


  18. Italian Stallion

    Papa, you need a Toshiba, mine gives me a happy ending everyday before I leave the office. Get the one with nut repelent. It repels it pretty good, just try not to get any in your eye. I couldn’t see for a whole day once……

  19. Nimuë LaMer

    I’ll bet Hef’s apology was written on the back of a nice, fat check…

  20. Cheekymunkeh

    IT’S ALL A BUNNY CONSPIRACY !! Ya know, the ones with the ears and the tails, working together with the charities and the this and the that… *glitch glitch, twinge*

  21. EvilFiend

    I can’t wait to see her in ten years… Begging Hef to airbrush her on the cover again…

  22. Binky

    Glad to see Alba and her lawyers are following solid legal advice. (#87 comment last Alba link)
    Well that and common sense I suppose…

  23. One small step back for Playboy, ten leaps forward for Jessica’s bimbo image.

  24. krisdylee

    when your secretary quits, i’ll fill in for her Papa.. and i wouldn’t mind if you called me jessica while clicking on my mouse… hee hee

  25. gogoboots

    I’m not even sure why she’s so angry about it. Unless they didn’t pay her, then if I were her I was go on with the lawsuit. If it’s about her posing in a bikini on the cover, then she’s done a lot worse, what’s Sin City and Blue Crush then?

  26. PapaHotNuts

    #24 krisdylee- YOU’RE HIRED. Let the sexual harrassment begin

  27. i can still jerk off to that cover

  28. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I can jerk off to lotsa stuff but there should at least be a nipple showing or something drawing my attention to the vagina, like a big flashing arrow, or a big flashing dildo. Anyway, thanks for being hot Jessica Alba. We could do with less talking, but thanks all the same.

  29. Jessica Alba is a crybaby.

  30. kpatton

    They should have just republished the red carpet pics of her in the see through top she….”accidentally” wore. These hollywood ho’s have and will peddle their ass for a part if they thought it would advance their careers. A little controversy keeps them in the spotlight.
    What did Jessica give Mr. Titanic for putting her in Dark Angel?

  31. It was a little spoiled-child-like to launch a suit, but Playboy shouldn’t have used a picture that they didn’t take. They’re Playboy, they’ve got cash!

  32. Ms Crackalackin

    Jessica Alba is sooo boring. The miniscule number of posts here prove that. No one cares about her and her fish lips. I would be happy if SF never posted another thing about her unless it involves lesbian sex, kicking Paris Hilton’s ass, marrying Hugh Hefner or something like that.

  33. Sheva

    Always dug her. Have no clue if she has any personality.
    It’ll never matter.

  34. WTF

    *Cough* Overrated! *Cough*

  35. Ivehearditallnow

    She wouldnt wanna ruin her chances to star in the movie version of “The flying nun” now, would she?

  36. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    #11– im with you on that one!!! #21, agree with you also, and #23, NICE one!!! oh, and #30— you KNOW what she gave him, she was his personal mattress, she gave him her fat chubby arse. #32– THANK YOU!!! no more albatross!!!!! and #34– DEF overrated. awww, jessie? is it lonely up there on your psudo-priss whore dressed in a nuns outfit pedistil? sorry, but as for the cover of playboy, PLEASE, what a greedy bitch!!! plus, no “hatin” or “jealousy” but look at her stomach– shes soooo sucking it in!!!
    oh, yeah, and #34– check this site youll love it

    just cut check it out– ALL OF YOU!!!
    PS, no jealousy here, i know im sexy ;)

  37. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    PS wheres my girls, XD and PostAcidYouth?????

  38. Phred

    She’s so fugly and such a paris hilton wannabe

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