Jessica Alba looks ridiculous

April 25th, 2007 // 93 Comments

What the fuck did they do to Jessica Alba? It’s like they couldn’t get her for the Fantastic Four photoshoot so they just drew her in. Only they got confused and used a picture of Denise Richards as reference. They could’ve put Chris Rock in there and it would’ve looked more like her.



  1. woodhorse

    besides having to sign back in every 5 minutes, Typekey lies to me and says I’m signed in and then I get a “Registration Failed” instead of a post. That Sucks Rocks Fish.

  2. rrd

    what’s with the mustache?

  3. DrPhowstus

    I agree with whoever said this was another Oslen. Either of the Oslens would have made a better invisible girl since they practically disappear when they turn sideways, much like a piece of paper.

  4. jrzmommy♠

    She looks like her head is on backwards.

  5. Ruby

    @32 I agree with you. Nice wetsuit too.

  6. FRIST!!!

    # 7 & 54 Agreed

    Wish she really WAS invisible. Wait, I wish I was invisible!!! That would be so cool!
    Well, I pretty much already am invisible at the office, but not in a good way. I’m talking about like at the supermarket, knocking carts over, juggling the ky jelly, stealing peoples ebt cards, fun stuff!

  7. fergernauster

    Hell, I knew she’d had her honker done (which was needless and an absolute disaster, in my opinion), but I cannot even begin to comprehend why the Wayans Bros. “White Chicks” look now.


    I’m guessing that her self-esteem’s in the crapper.

  8. Threepac

    She looks like Fiona Apple circa Tidal in this ad.

  9. fergernauster

    Hee hee. I like the comment above that it looks like a heady stream of piss is escaping from her lady part.

  10. summer

    WTF is this?

  11. Dr.kevinpothead

    Posted by FRIST!!! on April 26, 2007 6:59 AM

    # 7 & 54 Agreed

    Wish she really WAS invisible
    tell me about it, im so sick of this washedup, haggard old cunt wanna be priss.
    hey i have one!!
    Have any of you guys been laid in the past 5 years?? What the f*ck is wrong with you snivelling snot-rags?? Have you no self respect?? Jessica Alba is a no-talent wannabee who is marketing that boney ass to the max. i heard that Derek Jeter threw this stupid bitch out of his apartment because of her attitude. Come on

  12. lambman


    Is that see-thrugh part supposed to be a leg? why is it coming out of her rib cage? And since when can the Invisible Woman turn her had 180 degrees?

  13. DrPhowstus

    @61 — Put down the mayonaisse and chocolate sauce sandwich porky. And go see a doctor about your keyboard Turrets.

  14. wedgeone

    #61 Dr.kevinpothead said:

    ” Posted by FRIST!!! on April 26, 2007 6:59 AM

    # 7 & 54 Agreed

    Wish she really WAS invisible
    tell me about it, im so sick of this washedup, haggard old cunt wanna be priss.
    hey i have one!!
    Have any of you guys been laid in the past 5 years?? What the f*ck is wrong with you snivelling snot-rags?? Have you no self respect?? Jessica Alba is a no-talent wannabee who is marketing that boney ass to the max. i heard that Derek Jeter threw this stupid bitch out of his apartment because of her attitude. Come on

  15. Ruby

    Dr.kevinpothead has been smoking the seeds. Blame your dealer, man! You need something far more potent to bring you back to reality.

  16. yolatengo


    geez!! have you been up all night?

    meth, hell of a drug.

  17. Bugman4045

    I have to suspect that Dr.kevin is an obese jealous girl. Of course, Jessica Alba is not a great actress, but that is not the point. She is very good at getting men to drop money on movie tickets. Period.
    I will see the new FF movie for 3 reasons:
    1. Silver Surfer
    2. The small chance that Galactus will make an appearance.
    3. Jessica Alba’s ass

  18. FRIST!!!

    Wait, why was #61 directed at me??? I agreed that she sucks and that I wished she was invisible….aren’t potheads supposed to sleep a lot???

  19. LOL #69, I totally agree with you… Dr. Whatever (#61) is either: 1. JEALOUS or 2. RETARDED, he says Jessica Alba is fat, if she is fat then all of us must be really morbidly obese!

    And btw, who cares if she

  20. oops… it was “brunette” sorry…..

  21. tits_on_snack

    Fuck, “DAVE CHAPELLE IN WHITEFACE”, best shit i’ve heard today.

  22. Plastic Sturgeon

    Wow! I never thought I would see so many passionate postings regarding Jessica Alba. Well, apart from when you guys post about wanking off to her….

    Anyway, those contacts look like a shade of Kool-Aid I used to drink as a child.

    She is good looking, and has a smoking body. Nothing you would not see in Miami, NYC, or LA.

    As far as her acting goes. Um…..what has she been in again??

  23. ivve

    Booooring. I don’t care about Jessica Alba because she never does anything interesting and there are plenty of equally-as-hot or hotter women that will take off more of their clothes than she does. Why is she still famous?

  24. wedgeone


    Not withstanding my troll’s asinine self, IMHO this pic looks more like horse-toothed jackass Hillary Duff than either J.A. or D.R.

    This must be from the same airbrush artist who painted 20 pounds off of Katie Couric’s promo pic before she got her Nightly News anchor gig.

  25. mia

    She’s so stupid. I’m sick of earing her moaning about how she wishes to be taken more seriously. Well, I have some news for you, playing the silly blonde that naively strip almost naked in dorks movies won’t help you…
    And yeah she looks like Denise Richard in this picture, or even Elisabeth Berkeley, but I don’t think it will help her either…
    And fantastic four sucks… They exploited her ”hotness” everytime they had the chance, and by hotness, I mean her 12 years old boy body, her makeuped face with paint, and her ”look me in the eyes cause i’m not just a body even if my clothe keep falling down” attitude. She’s hot for those guys who prefer masturbate in front of their tv than have relation with a real women. You guys all have this manly, macho attitude towards women, but when you see a real one you run behind your mommy, and think that every girl who hate that bitch is a fatty. I’m not a fatty, i’m an ordinary girl, but i’m upset by that bitch who insult my gender by making it looks stupid, superficial and promiscuous.

  26. mia

    I suppose it is just a coincidence that her legs a wide open like that. Probably not a marketing strategy to stimulate those 14 years old pale skin comic addicted virgin.

  27. 24

    did they fucking Liquify her Face in Photoshop?

  28. Forbidden

    LMAO! She looks like she suffered from dawn syndrome. Anyway, ain’t in that picture more photoshop than actual human being + makeup? It must be 97% computer work and 3% real human being (with gallons of makeup on) what is shown in that picture. But yet, isn’t that the case of every non-candid picture of Jessica Alba that has ever been published? well, not that much, usually it’s 60% photoshop, 46% the work of professional makeup artists and stylists and 4% real human being. HAHA, so sad this mega overrated idiot isn’t good looking enough that she’s not able of looking decent in a picture if it’s not at least 50% photoshoped and if she hasn’t been in a professional makeup artist’s chair for at least 4 hours.
    GAWD!! there’s some serious desperate losers outta there. Never saw her waist is as wide as her hips, her ass is flat and that she has cellulite on her ugly thighs? oh and the flat chest too. And man are this chick’s eyes UGLY. Her face is ok, not ugly but definitely not beautiful AT ALL. So what’s up with this mega overrated BORING idiot and the desperate losers who complimet her average looks? oh and to those losers who probably can’t get a decent looking girl even in the luckiest day of their lives, I’ve never, ever, ever, seen a hot girl, a pretty girl or dammit, a non ugly girl compliment Jessica Alba’s looks or body. However, I’ve seen TONS of UGLY and FAT chicks compliment her average looks and average body, (ain’t the 89% of the people who compliment her looks and body females really?), and that’s because they are so fucking ugly and so fucking fat that an averge idiot like Jessica Alba looks impressive to ugly and fat them. However, hot chicks and pretty chicks with hot bodies know that they are probably way prettier than Alba is and that they have WAY better bodies and that’s why they don’t think she’s good looking or they don’t find her average body anything special, and that’s why they say she’s nothing special and that she’s extremely overrated and that they’re sick of her – AND THEY’RE COMPLETELY RIGHT!. So losers, next time you’re gonna call a chick you have no idea how she looks like “fatty” or “ugly” or “jealous” online because she doesn’t like Jessica Alba and her average looks and body, think twice, maybe she’s so hot that if you saw her in person you’d start drooling and you’d get an instant boner and you’d have to pick your jaw off the floor, but don’t forget you probably wouldn’t have a chance with her anyway. Oh and when you see a chick say “she’s so hot” or “I wish I looked like that” or “she’s so pretty” or “what an amazing body” you can be 99.9% sure the chick who wrote that is ugly as a turd and has a body as ugly as a turd, so losers, get your facts right before calling anyone “fatty” or “ugly”.

  29. LivewireT

    She looks like a pez dispenser

    What a fucked up pic!!

  30. freakspeely

    WTF did they do to Alba? It looks like she’s got her head twisted around and fused to her spine.

  31. sumnersgal

    #61 – puff, puff, give dude


  33. Yourfairytale

    Alba is completely overrated, she has the body of a five-year-old and a strange-looking face, but for god’s sake Jessica you looked much better with black hair and dark brown eyes! There are already too many blue-eyed blondes, the last thing we need is another woman changing her great hair and eye color (her only good physical features).

  34. nicholelibra

    This photoshopping shit has to stop, NOW!

  35. pagebetty

    === She really is a pompous b*tch who thinks the world revolves around her.
    She’s been around just every oTHer ho in Hollywood, she;s just more discreet. Marky, Mark, Derek Jeter, Paul walker, maybe a few producers, some directors. She is so overrated. And her attitude just sucks. You better hurry up and cash in honey cause your looks are fading fast!

  36. pagebetty

    She has a squarish looking shoulders. When you look at her from the side, she is soo flat. From her chest, to her butt. I hate that she says she’s too curvy and that there are fat women in her family, so that’s where she got it from. Ok bitch we get it. You want everybody to acknowledge your looks. Damn. Because you know that that is all you have. So you take roles that require you to show your a*s. “Oh duh! I had to wear these assless chaps, And i asked if i could wear panties under them…” Oh please! Just shut up already, You talentless skank.

    Then you say that you’re sick of getting sexy roles! How about NOT taking those roles and while You’re at it, NOT posing half-naked for all of those men’s magazines?

    Just a thought.

  37. Chris Rock or an animated squirrel.

    How does one spell squirrel, anyway?

    female canuck

  38. DrPhowstus

    @84 — I think you’re confusing ‘opinionated’ with ‘moronic’. Easy mistake for someone who scored an 800 on the SAT.

  39. bellasera

    80, I usually disagree with you about the Jenna Jameson posts, but on this one I have to agree with you…i would take Jenna any day over this clown.

  40. #90—-Of course,,bitch,,u wish u were a Doctor..u probably picture yourself with a male patient getting ready for a finger in the ass exam…your a sick bastard…

  41. Dr.kevinpothead

    listen, people, and im NOT being rude or hostile with ANYONE on this site. were all entitled to our opinions, right? i respect ALL of everyone’s on this site, even if i dont agree. but, NO i am NOT a doctor, i just work in my dads office, thats all!!
    and yes, i smoke the reefer ( um who doesnt? lol )but i just do NOT like alba. i just dont…. im sorry if some dont agree, but i like other girls, like kat heigel, carmen electra, amy smart, mila kunis<—can anyone say sexy???!!! and i like ALL the victorias secret models!!!!! who doesnt? well, actually i shouldnt say that, we ALL have our own tastes, but thats GOOD!
    ok, sorry if i offended anyone, but i just DONT LIKE HER!!! yeah, and i really didnt mean that whole essay, i was just blowing off steam. no pun intended lol!!!!

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