Jessica Alba is stuck-up

December 14th, 2005 // 58 Comments

alba2342.jpgWhen a member of your own entourage calls you a bitch, you might want to reconsider the way you conduct yourself. Then again, if you look like Jessica Alba, it probably doesn’t matter much.

When head promoter Gordon Nicol asked if she would pose for a photo, Alba turned him down flat. When Nicol pointed out that celebs like Madonna, Hilary Duff and Selma Blair had all posed, Alba supposedly snapped, “I don’t care!” and walked away. At that point, one of Alba’s entourage told Nicol, “She’s a bitch


  1. GreaseMonkey84

    Hey, everyone has a bad day. Besides, look at her, she could kick me in the privates and I’d just smile and ask for an autograph.

  2. MrPloppy

    Yeah, she could kill my entire family and I

  3. MadelBlue

    Pathetic lonely men are the reason she can act like a bitch. Stop acting like she’s a goddess cause she’s “hot”. She has the hips of a 7 year old.

  4. Realistic

    I’d eat a mile of her shit to lick her ass.

  5. andrewthezeppo

    Yeah, it’s not surprise that she’s a bitch…she’s always been a bitch long before the media decided she was hot last year. I mean really she’d been running around as a poor man’s Eliza Dushku for half a decade and then all the sudden people decided she was hot because she dyed her hair blond.

    She has bitch written all over her

  6. Captain Awesome

    I’d suck a fart out of her ass and hold it in like a bong rip.

  7. Tha-Flash

    mmm… sounds like she’s a bitch… she was good when she got punk’d though.

  8. Sheva

    Damn I’m all conflicted about this. Based on some of the earlier comments I’m going to apply a strict standard and punish her by wearing a condom when I hit up her back entry.

    That’ll teach her.

  9. xd

    Jessica Alba SUCKS, and yes she is a stuck-up moron who thinks she’s cool and smart. For the holy sake, if she is hot then any girl can be mega-hot. Just because the media told you she’s hot it doesn’t make her any hot. Just LOOK at her!!! damn, there’s NOTHING hot about that woman!!! Her body is ugly… just like a flaccid stick, no curves at all and her ass is kinda ugly in my opinion, it’s kinda flat and non-curvy. It looks like any skinny girl’s ass outta there, there’s nothing special about it, and if you think it’s nice just because it doesn’t have cellulite… how sad. BTW, look at her pic!! And look at Pam’s pic above… Pam’s HOT, Jessica’s NOT!! There are MILLIONS of girls outta there who are soooo much prettier!! I don’t care @ all about her scenes in Sin City which made everyone think “she was hot”. She didn’t even know how to move or dance, it’s pathetic… I bet it took hours and hours on set of her trying to dance to get the few black & white seconds of the movie in which it looks good. Almost any girl could have looked as hot in that movie with the clothes she wore and everything the made… and many MUCH hotter. I guess who’s hot is Robert Rodriguez for making it look that way… And I don’t care about the few pics you might see of her all photoshoped and super retouched. If you think she’s hot, you probably find any half-dressed girl hot.
    Jessica Alba is the most over-rated woman to ever walk on the planet. She sucks, and she’s a moron… worst of all she thinks she’s cool.

  10. Mintarded

    I got three words for ya, Jess: You. Are. UGLY. And now it seems it would be appropriate to add bitch to that. Oh that makes me so happy.

  11. xd

    LOL and by the way… why is it she looks like CRAP in every candid picture of her that is taken??

  12. sexydarin

    I give Jessica Alba on penis up. She has always been the hottest thing on two legs. Or two legs and two hands when i’m doing her doggy style.

  13. Doesnt being hot, beautiful and famous equate to bitchy? I thought that was a given.

  14. haha look at all the fat pigs leaving comments saying how gross they think jessica alba is. you fat cunts need to end your lives. you are the reason we have to turn to hot unattainable girls like jessica alba. because all you attainable bitches let yourselves get fat and ugly. you are what is wrong with this country.

  15. Quantice

    haha look at all the fat pigs leaving comments saying how gross they think jessica alba is. you pigs need to end your lives. you are the reason we have to turn to hot unattainable girls like jessica alba. because all you attainable nothings let yourselves get fat and ugly. you are what is wrong with this country.

  16. derekd

    To say she is ugly, well that is just retarded. She can’t act wortha hill of beans thats a fact but ugly? C’mon! She can turn faggots into muff divers. I’m willing to bet all the haters are fat, lazy, pale white chicks with dunlap disease. Hit your local Curves gym and become competitive if you wanna fuck something other than that plastic vibrating dick the rest of your lives!

  17. alteaon

    Concering Jessica Alba. Although I find her attractive, I don’t think she’s pavement melting hot. Someone said something in another thread about giving Kate Bosworth some curves…but Jessica doesn’t really have a curvy body. What is the difference between her and a lot of the other hollywood starlets?
    I’m not jealous. I’m sure I’d have my own fanbase if I was marketed right. I just don’t get it. It seems that having the body of a ten yr old boy is the thing for most say that they are hot, but what about women with curves? Men seem to have such varying opinions on actresses that look very similar. I don’t get it.

  18. GreaseMonkey84

    Ok, the men who like here are pathetic and lonely and the women who hate her are jealous and bitchy. Regardless, my raging boner says Jessica Alba is smoking hot and he’s the boss so I can’t argue.

  19. HollyJ

    @ #12

    ACK! That scared the shit out of me! Holy jezuz – Is she a Mormon Sunday School teacher? I thought she was very attractive until that blue blouse exploded before my eyeballs.

    ::::clawing at bloodied eyeballs::::

    She has a nasty squooshed fat nose! =0 (But she looks good in a batheing suit, provided she wears huge sunglasses to mask her monkey nose)

  20. Hey, everyone has a bad day. Besides, look at her, she could kick me in the privates and I’d just smile and ask for an autograph.

    * * * * * * * * * *

    Yes, I admit this is exactly what the very first person to post said, but it’s exactly how I feel as well.

    It ain’t such a big thing; people who liked her before will continue to like her, ditto with those who didn’t (glares at xld). In any case, all Jessica did was say she didn’t want her picture taken; it’s not like she killed somebody a la Blake, Spector or Simpson. (Allegedly of course, he added hastily.)

  21. suhana

    xd, clearly you’re blind. Comparing Jessica to Pamela…that’s just bullshit. I guess silicon works for you huh?

  22. slinkhard

    ‘I mean really she’d been running around as a poor man’s Eliza Dushku for half a decade’

    I miss Eliza Dushku.

    Anyway, I think Jessica Alba’s pretty, but Quantice and derekd, you’re coming off a little…psychotic? You realise that even as you describe every other woman on the planet as fat/jealous; that Alba herself wouldn’t actually touch you with a ten foot pole? Good luck masturbating over your laptops for the rest of your lives, though.

  23. Mintarded

    Well I guess each to his/her own. Sure, Jess have a great body, there’s no doubt about that. But her face is an instant turn-off. Those creepy man-eyes just doesn’t do it for me. Now give me a bag to put on her head, and I’d tap that. I’m not that hypocritical that I don’t admit that, but one look from those eyes would make overboiled spaghetti of my manhood in a second. I’m not turned on by men – that includes the man that’s hiding inside Jessica’s body (shrug).

  24. unknownassassin

    “To say she is ugly, well that is just retarded. She can’t act wortha hill of beans thats a fact but ugly? C’mon! She can turn faggots into muff divers.”

    i admit, she would likely place in the top 15 – 20% of girls hanging around any given orange county shopping mall both in looks and dramatic talent… but she can really “turn faggots into muff divers”?–almost too amazing to be true! however, if you’re speaking from experience…

    nahh–on second thought, you couldn’t possibly be a “faggot” yourself… i’m sure you’re suckin’ down a cold, easy-drinkin’ busch light right this moment, watchin’ a dvd of nascar’s greatest moments, not at all dreaming of tossin’ jeff gordon’s salad…

    just remember this mantra the next time you’re punchin’ the munchkin in front of the pc:

    “jessica alba IS hot… jessica alba IS hot… jeff stryker–er, i mean jessica alba–IS hot…”

    “I’d suck a fart out of her ass and hold it in like a bong rip.”

    actually, that’s the latest thing coming out of vancouver; my friend tried it, said it was comparable to silver haze/super skunk #6 hybrid, except that it smelled like cheetos…

  25. xd

    I don’t know why any girl would be jealous of Jessica Alba… except for all the underserved praise she gets.
    I just can say this… if Jessica Alba gives you a boner, probably almost anything could give you a boner.
    And Jessica has one of the ugliest, most unexpressive eyes I’ve seen in my life, and they say eyes are the mirror of the soul.
    Jessica wouldn’t look half the hot or beautiful Pam is even in the best day of her life. Like if a girl who gets bigger boobs can’t be considered beautiful just because she’s enhancing her body?? At least Pam is honest and remains true to what she feels, unlike nauseating Jessica Alba who says “she’s so noble” because she’ll never pose nude, but then poses for GQ all photoshoped and retouched in underwear panties and showing half of her boob, just so she will get more publicity, but that doesn’t count because it’s not full nudity right?? She’s so noble for not showing her small boobs!!! That’s BULLSHIT, and sickens me. What makes you noble is not showing your boobs, but remaining honest to what you feel.
    I’m just so sick of this mega over-rated woman getting so much undeserved praise!!!
    There are BILLIONS of girls outta there who are actually beautiful and actually have nice asses and bodies and they don’t get this praise that they really deserve just because they’re not famous, and they have to live seeing how such ugly-bodied over-rated moron, normal looking girl Jessica Alba gets all that unfair praise. And if the media keeps telling you she’s hot it’s probably just marketing, so you’ll believe it and actually go see her movies so the industry can make lots of money just out of people who doesn’t even find her hot but think she’s hot because they media has told them so.

  26. alteaon

    By all these posts, all these men must be the hottest, sexiest, most endowed men out there. It is the women who do not measure up to the standards of our every day Adonis. Love her, hate her, want her, jealous of her…whatever..she does have flaws. Any time a woman points this out they are automatically a fat bitch…like a fairy god mother with a wand added 75 lbs…
    True she has a nice body, but she’s an actress, she has trainers and people to take care of that..just realize that Jessica Alba doesn’t walk on water, and neither does anyone else here.

  27. velvet_morning

    wow xd.. you give the rest of us females a bad name.
    did a guy you once had a crush on find jessica alba attractive?
    there’s a difference between pointing out flaws and being psychotic.
    there are many people I don’t find attractive but listing out everything I find ugly isn’t going to change peoples mind.
    Perhaps you need to boost your own confidence a little, you’re obviously lacking it.

  28. xd

    you know Ms.Velvet?? I’m not female, funny huh?
    If you really don’t get what I’m trying to say… it’s not my fault. Try reading again?
    And the fact you wouldn’t do something doesn’t mean it’s right or that everyone should act that way. And, honestly, if you think if a girl said the things I’ve said and it would give females a bad name… that is really sad, maybe the one who is lacking confidence is you?

  29. Quite frankly you *do* seem to have a problem, xd. I hate a lot of celebs, but none of them as passionately as you do.

  30. nichole,19884,1140341_15,00.html awww.

    Anyways, I like Jessica Alba. It is pretty funny that someone from her own entourage, presumably a friend, called her a “bitch”. Wow.

  31. TheRegulator

    Well, this just confirms my theory that us white chicks are just not up to snuff with the male public anymore.
    You gotta be mixed like Jessica Alba (she’s Hispanic, Native American, German, and some other stuff)in order to be considered beautiful, which I think she is by the way.
    A total bitch, but beautiful nonetheless.
    God damnit.

  32. PostAcidYouth

    I don’t get the obsession with her. She’s not ugly, but she’s not hot. She’s plain. A friend of mine is a photographer in Canada and tells me that Miss Alba, when she enters the makeup room, is no different to the thousands of other girls walking around the streets. I’d be inclined to agree even after makeup. Sure, she’s no beast, but she’s pretty plain. Nice body, but the face is kiddy.

    In any case, I’m not shocked she’s acting a bitch. Most hollywood types do. It happens when you start to believe your own hype

    Quantice…geez…get over it

  33. Whitters

    Unknownassassin… HAHAHAHAHA I loved what you wrote! ROCK ON!!

    That being said to everyone else, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and most of them stink :)

  34. xd

    PostAcidYouth, so agree with you!!! except for that she has a nice body… her body is just skinny and like a stick.

  35. MacMac

    Out of all the women in Hollywood that I would be jealous over, she’s not it.

    I seriously just DO NOT understand her appeal.

  36. sexydarin

    Her body is perfect. Not skinny. Perfectly slender and edible. I could spend hours licking her coochie

  37. sexydarin

    Her body is perfect. Not skinny. Perfectly slender and edible. I could spend hours licking her coochie

  38. velvet_morning

    xd, Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.. but your bitching about Jessica Alba isn’t some deep insightful thing one has to read into to fully understand. Your overly passionate messages are fairly clear.
    I find it quite strange that as a male you are so VERY concerned with spreading the message that you don’t find jessica alba attractive.
    I’m quite aware that just because I wouldn’t do something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong but in the example of your case you seem pretty obsessive, obviously I’m not the only one who thinks so.

    Perhaps YOU should read over your comments again, that sort of crazy intense message would give anyone a bad name! I stand by the argument that females mercilessly ripping other females physical attributes apart does give them a bad name, I don’t think this is a reflection on my confidence at all, my levels are just about normal yep.

  39. slinkhard

    ‘I stand by the argument that females mercilessly ripping other females physical attributes apart does give them a bad name’

    It’s not like men mercilessly ripping females physical attributes apart makes them heroes or anything, though.

  40. velvet_morning

    course not, but I was referring to a previous argument specifying females doing the ripping.
    it’s petty either way you look at it.

  41. hafaball

    She does have the buns, but I didn’t want to say anything here, until I realized Maddona’s, Duff’s and Blair’s careers are non-existent right now, so I’m guessing this guy doesn’t do a very good job. Plus, Duff ain’t doin nothin till she shows the boobies, like Anne hathaway, though that didn’t help her too much either…times are a changin…

  42. Rowan

    Sure, ripping apart people is petty no matter how you slice it (but come on, it’s fun), but the idea that all women who fail to find Jessica Alba attractive are automatically whacked with a fat and ugly stick is ludicrous. She’s a girl. Nothing perfect or outrageously stellar. None of us are.

  43. Genius

    i agree with velvet_morning (whoe-ever u r) xd uve got a problem, i also thought you were a girl an it seems uve gt sum sort of stik up ur ass, yeh theres girls who are prettier than jessica alba but i personally dont see how you can think she is THAT ugly. i meen the way you descirbe her is like youve met her or know her sumhow, an i seriously doubt you have, untill then i dont think u should making those kinda phsycotic judgments about her without really knowing her. or better yet mayb u should b spending your free time having councelling instead of using all your anger on commenting about jessica alba!! also i agree with velvet_m if a female did say all of the things xd sed then i would think she was a really jelous insecure women!!! turns out ur jst an insecure guy

  44. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    i think she is OK, not too hot, but not fugly, but i do think there are hotter babes out there, not even in the industry. as for peeps hatin, its not about that, one day everyone will see carmen electra is truly #1! seriously, her workout tapes ( stripersize heehee!!;) ) make your bod look just like hers ! i put pic of her on my workout DVDs whenever i feel like i dont want to workout, but hey, she isnt really my inspiration, i just think she has nice legs!
    ;) peace darlings luv ya :)

  45. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    XD i like your comments!!!! right on she is pretty stupid and a horrible actress– hot hatin, darlings! but i agree, there are much more women out there who are way more attractive than her

  46. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    PostAcidYouth and XD–
    lets get married! im 5 feet tall, about 98-103lbs and i workout 3 hours a day 6 days a week, and im sorry, no hatin, but my bod is NICER than her chunky one but thats cuz ive been working out like that ever since i was 13, im 20 now:) ewwww! i dont like the alba, sorry, people, SO so so SO sorry everyone who thinks shes the next oracle. i like MY little 4 pack and cellulite-free thighs and buns! let me brag, i worked on my body for 7 years!!!! yay!!!!
    i love you PostAcidYouth and XD! and also Rowan, i liked what you said :)
    as for Genius, no ones hatin or jealous :)

  47. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    #30 CINDYLOVER1969?
    and also, #39 velvet_morning? no one is HATIN!!!! let them have their opinions and leave them alone! i read their posts, and i agree, but thats MY OPINION, and im a girl, and so what if im not jumping on the freakin jessica alba(tross) fishermen’s net!!!!!
    jeez, so sorry YOU find jess your best friend, your lover, your EVERYTHING!!!!! BUT, i DONT, and guess what? are you ready? get ready……NEITHER DO MANY PEOPLE EITHER!!!!!!
    jess is a psudo-priss who hides in a virgin suit ( as shes half nude all the time…hmm, does she even KNOW what she does or says? oh right, she dropped out of school when she was 10 to be a “serious acress and follow my dream because i knew i was different from everyone else”–dream on jess ) but we all know shes a talentless whore. come ON! she didnt even take off her clothes in sin city and she played a STRIPPER!! even the parole officer walked around naked in the flick! like i said, i think women are sexy, but if i were robert rodriguiz ( sorry im a bad speller! ) i would have casted another girl because in the comic book by frank miller, NANCY IS NAKED THE WHOLE TIME except for the chaps!!!! i would have been like, ok, later, and lets get carmen electra!!! now SHE would have put on a DANCE! unlike jess’s idiot parade.. come on, you cant be in chaps and look like your on your way to the pre-school bus…oh right…sorry guys, im so sorry…i forGOT it was IN to be a pedophile. SICKOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  48. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    PS Mac Mac#36 and #5– i agree, ON EVERY LEVEL!!! im not jealous cuz i know there are better women in hollywood, and even no-names!! rock on babes!!!!
    XO <3 ME!

  49. Aliya

    Sooo many people, sooooo many opinions. A lot of U say that she’s nothing. But U prove that she’s not hopeless in yo’ comments: so many haters & so many fans. & all are soo pasionate! Well, I’d join those ppl who think she’s not EXTREMELY beautiful, but not ugly. She’s pretty, & yes, she’s sexy.She’s definately not a genious, but neither she’s stupid. 2 me she’s kinda “girl fom da hood”. That’s the reason I like her. The way she acts & the way she looks….She’s that type of girls U can meet on the streets of a city. I think such ppl are needed in Hollywood. Because, speaking of me, I’m sick & tired of those sexy cillicone dolls who try sooo hard 2 act or look sexy. Sexuality is what they mostly rely on. & I haven’t noticed that J was trying 2 act sexy. She reminds me of a teenager, a girl that ‘s just started 2 grow up, & doesn’t realize her sexuality & doesn’t really care about the way she looks. She won’t shock yo’ eyes when U look at her 4 the 1st time. But when U getto knw her better, check her out more atentively, U’ll find smth that attracts U.Smth U can’t name, but U know she’s got it.. Here, in Russia we call it “raisins inside”. Speaking about her talent… I believe she’s got it. But I hardly believe that she’ll ever have a chance 2 demonstrate it. Generally speaking-the lack of experience. She’s been doin’ it since her childhood, but I don’t think those movies or series were a good school 4 her. U don’t need 2 have a great talent 2 take part in such movies. & Now she’s kinda actress U’ll recognize & ask 4 an authograph, but still I hardly believe that she’ll ever be proposed 2 take part in “Oscar” stuff. She’s recommended herself in comics movies & smth gonnected with a beach, bikini etc… Noone will take her seriously. She’s a honey girl. So, as it was said above, I doubt that directors will give her a chance 2 break all those stereotypes.
    & finally, about her being a bitch. I join the comment about a bad day. Those things happen sometimes in our life. Even if she’s a bitch, who cares? She’s an actress, If I watch her movies, I don’t care who she dates with & what she eats & who she insults. But 4 me she’s a girl from da hood. If I met het in ma area, I’d say “Hi”… & I’d like 2 add smth 2 the comment where it was said that she was too ordinary 2 deserve this praise & there were a lot of girls wholooked better & was more talented. If those girls really wanted 2 be on her place, they’d already be there. If they’re talented & beautiful, & hard-working, everything’s possible.& U, girls, who think that U’re not worse than her- be glad that those girls like U are needed in Hollywood. That was what I wanted 2 say. J shows us that ot only skinny models with long legs & pale skin can be popular.
    …. the end….

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