Jessica Alba is single

July 25th, 2007 // 260 Comments

In what can only be described as THE GREATEST NEWS EVER, Jessica Alba has reportedly broken up with her boyfriend of two-and-a-half years Cash Warren. Not only that, she did it while in a different country and over the phone. Us reports:

Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, “I’m not in love with you anymore.” Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

That’s cold as hell, but this is Jessica Alba we’re talking about. She could’ve cut his testicles off with a chainsaw and she’d still qualify for some sort of humanitarian award. Besides, she’s single now, which means I’ve got more important things on my mind than worrying about little baby Warren. Like how I’m going to lure her into my basement so I can perform sexy experiments on her. Ha ha, I jest, I jest. But seriously, I’m gonna need to find some rope.

NOTE: You’d think giant space glasses would deter me, but no, not even Zombie Hitler himself could keep me from this woman. I think the evidence speaks for itself.


  1. sunglasses

    does anyone know what brand her sunglasses are? and type?

  2. George


    You get a new name…Sliced Ice. Your are a bitch!! I can’t wait till you hit 28 and the camera “drops you”

  3. 3Foot Lizard

    Susanist, thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking. Kim’s ass is a bit big for my tastes tho. Still, she’s quite do-able.

    Gay4Girls, they’ll get you (and your little dog too). Just you wait. :P

  4. Italian Stallion

    Right in the fucking butt, thank you, Stallion……………

  5. Sam

    Geez, you’re so annoying with this chick Superfish. She’s not even cute. I wonder where do you live, because everytime I get out to the street I see waay prettier, hotter and waay more attractive chicks than this one very easily everywhere. She’s an average chick, get over it Superfish. By no means is this chick hot or anything special. She got lucky by being in Sin City and by always playing whore roles in which she’s got to look great by being photoshoped, airbrushed, digitally enhanced, wearing gallons of makeup and after being on a stylist’s chair for hours and hours, being told what to do and how to act, and she looks like any decent looking actress or girl would look with all that shit going on, or even worse because she’s not even a pretty girl naturally. But come on, I’ve never seen a candid or non photoshoped pic of this chick in which she looked slightly hot or attractive. If I saw her walking down the street and she wasn’t famous I wouldn’t turn my head to look at her twice and I wouldn’t notice her, NOT AT ALL, not even close, and nor would any of you. So stop acting like a total retard Superfish and get over your obsession with this average chick, because it’s so annoying. Find an actual hottie to obsess over please.

  6. I’ve never understood the appeal of this girl? She may be cute, but she’s not THAT beautiful, and she’s not exactly interesting

  7. yawn

    a so very boring, talentless, vapid creature.

  8. seoulgirl

    Jessica is wearing Versace sunglasses.

  9. Why does everyone think she’s so hot? Is it because of her inflate-a-lips? I can go to the mall and find 5 girls better looking than her.

  10. Me Tommy and Emma would like you to visit us in England Exmouth as we are you number one fans it would be the best birthday present ever if a movie three came out and we got to go to the premeire can you send me a sighned photo of you have got to meet anyone before and as you are so nice we would love to meet you for a day. Hannah Tommy Emma xxx

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