Jessica Alba is pregnant
Jessica Alba announced to People magazine she is pregnant with the child of her longtime boyfriend Cash Warren:
“I can confirm that Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring, early summer,” says rep Brad Cafarelli.
Cash Warren, what a badass name. I wish I had a cool name. Instead my parents stuck me with the moniker of Balls Mahoney*. It made things tough growing up, but I think I turned out alright. And if you disagree, I’ll throw acid in your face. I’m well adjusted.
* The Superficial Writer’s real name isn’t Balls Mahoney. Ladies, please do not try and send him your panties in the mail. No matter if it’s probably the strongest urge you’ve ever felt in your life which, let’s be honest, it is.