Jessica Alba is a tease

April 28th, 2006 // 112 Comments
superficial

  1. boredmilf

    I’ve always been jealous of men for being able to stand and pee…

  2. Be honest Jim, you make a hell of a mess as it is. Women just don’t understand that they shoot from point blank, we have to aim a bit and adjust for Kentucky windage.

  3. Dr.Rokter

    #47

    I refer you to my earlier post (#19). Which was totally serious. I really do want to cut my dick off with a Dremmel.

  4. boredmilf

    @52
    I put cheerios in the toilet for my 3 yr old to aim for…. give that a try

  5. colormeskanky

    #9, I know what you mean. I haven’t loved the penis as much ever since I saw that picture of Jude Law naked.

    http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/08/17/jude_law_has_a.html

  6. fblau

    Tom Cruise would hit that.

    Cock or no cock.

  7. innit

    Zanna you will always be comforted by everyone on the InTeRwEb who thinks you are so hawt for saying you want threesomes!! Just think, you will always have a source of attention from strangers on the message boards to make you feel important and so hawwt and say they want to see pictures of you! Oh joy, what a rewarding existence!!

  8. colormeskanky

    #56 ha, ha… maybe he has?

  9. innit

    One day people will look back on these years and laugh and say “Remember when it used to be cool to say ‘I’d go lesbo for so-and-so’? Omigoid that is soooooooooo 2000′s!!”

  10. colormeskanky

    i would go lesbo for david beckham

  11. Fawlty

    #39, hahahaha… best laugh I’ve had in days. :D:D:D

  12. Wild Rose

    Yeah, I ditto that, “Fawlty”–that was a good one, #39.

    Jessica seems like a sweet gal. I hope she makes a good movie one day!

  13. Wild Rose

    Sin City doesn’t count–that was an ensemble cast and she danced most of the time. She was really hot, though!

  14. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    Posted by hugh_g_rection on April 28, 2006 09:49 AM

    “I would never hit that.”

    the only way / would hit albatross is with a 2 by 4…in her pie face. heehee!!
    no hatin, here, i KNOW im sexy!!!
    sorry, her dance in sin city could have been done better by tickle me elmo.
    i call it an utter “idiot parade”
    and her face? sorry, she looks like shes 3!!! hey….micheal jackson called, he wants his pedophilia back!!!! lol!!!!
    BTW, im 23, and sorry, if she actually had TALENT, i might have something better to say about her.
    right now? shes lucky shes even IN hollywood!!! she dropped out of school at like 10 because “i knew i was different from everyone else” she said on E! once–E! is my guilty pleaure!!— and im like, sure you were….now if youd only SHUT UP!
    heehee, sorry about my rant but my dad lives in la, in the colony, and sorry, ive seen her walking around beverlly hills and hey, guess what??? below average looks are not BAD, per say…..but please, ive seen better!
    and no, im not talking about ME, im talking about amy smart, heidi klum, carmen electra, jolie……the list goes on :)

  15. CancerNipples

    I’m going to pretend this pic doesnt exsist, because she looks disgusting, and I dont want to think of Jessica that way.

    This isnt jessica alba, it’s a ditchpig.

  16. andrewthezeppo

    Who cares? She looks like crap. Alba used to have breasts and an ass that didn’t quit….but it did quit and now she is flat and has no curves…..also she looks like a drag queen in the first pic

  17. Wild Rose

    # 64–Sweetums, I bet every guy in the theater was sporting wood when she was grinding her pelvis in those sexy fringed hipsters! Sure she wasn’t the best dancer… but who the fuck cares?

    Where’s the “colony” in LA?

  18. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    in malibu— but i agree, who does care? everyone has the right to their own opinions :)you think shes hot, and i definatly respect yours :)

  19. radio4play

    oh shake dem thingz dem thingz

    first!

  20. Jessica Alba, will you go out with me? Circle yes or no.

    (This message isn’t supposed to be funny, I’m serious.)

  21. Sodomy_is_for_Girls

    My God.
    Who could not want to hit that?
    It’s not a question of gender preference. It’s not!
    Just look at her!
    Jesus, she is how I found this site, after her MTV see through thing…
    ALBA= All Love the Breasts and Ass
    (even TC)

  22. The look on her face is priceless.

  23. lizzielou742

    # 32 = hilarious!

  24. TrannyGranny

    I couldn’t have sex with her. I would not be able to pry my face off her pussy long enough to do the deed. I bet it smells like cotton candy. Shit, can’t type with one hand. Out.

  25. TrannyGranny

    oh real quick for I get back to spanking it.

    Dr. Roktor.
    I have a dremmel, and I would be honored to help you drill away the ol’ winky. Can I have it? Cause I wanna d.p. Alba, and I’m one penis short…or was that one short penis….anyway, offer stands.

  26. BarbadoSlim

    I bet Tom Cruise would hit that….if Jessica had a cock, ’cause that’s what he likes …the cock.

  27. gogoboots

    I’m not impressed, she needs to wear even MORE revealing clothes then she does already so I can be convinced that she really is the slut she thinks she is…

  28. mamacita

    @64 and 68

    In the name of all that is holy, would you just SHUT!! THE FUCK!!!! UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  29. Star Maker Machinery

    #16 – Right on! Maybe Jessica is prepping for “How Stella Got Her Groove Back 2: The Reckoning”

  30. Fa Cube Itches

    78 Um, maybe you should be more direct? :)

  31. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    oh, mamacita, you KNOW i love you

  32. happy_bunny

    EIGHTIY-SECOND!!!!!

    WOO-HOO!!!!!

  33. Star Maker Machinery

    What’s love got to do with it?

  34. ieatthepoo

    She looks likes she’s doing a Renee Zellweger impersonation.

  35. pagebetty

    Ok, Ok. You go guys with wanting to see her breast and all that. I JUST WANT TO add that she is ashamed of her race and she thinks she is the SHIT! ADmitting in an interview to sleeping around (Derek Jeter, Mark Wahlberg, Paul Walker) and saying she Doesn’t want to be associated with Latinos? Shut up already. You can’t act for shit and your movies suck! Bye, bye! And guess what hoe? That blond hair is not making you look white! It doesn’t matter how much you want it to be so! You are not WHITE!

  36. Captain Awesome

    Girl, why you gotta do that to me? huh?

    I bet you’re wearing a thong made out of licorice.

    Also, since when was not wanting to be associated with Latinos a bad thing?

  37. ProbablyTooOld

    Hey, pagebetty/#85?

    What are your sources for saying that about her? Where did you read or hear that Alba–with her obviously Latino surname and generally Latina looks–is trying to distance herself from race and look white? Not provoking you, but genuinely wondering if calling this woman a race traitor has any truth to it. Just a couple of sources where she says she hates her race–that’s all I need.

    Also, dating Mark Wahlberg isn’t enough for me to say she hates her race because when I dated him, I was showing total disrespect to my race and I’m Irish. The shame haunts me to this day.

  38. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I bet Jessica Alba’s nipple’s taste like tacos. Taco-flavored neeeples…

  39. SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer!

    #87 im irish too :)

  40. pagebetty

    To #87. She’s says it in Latina Magazine March 2006. It’s under their “Words we never want to HeaR again” This is part of what she sAys. “as a third generation American, I feel as if I have finally cut loose” meaning from her Mexican roots. “BUT I DON’T even speak Spanish.” She SAys. But your skin is brown! Dammit! THE PARt about her dating Mark Wahlberg and the others, meaning she tries to look all sweet and innocent, “I do nothing wrong” “I am not like Paris or these other hoes” (cause there is no videotape, I guess) type of attitude. But at the same time admitting In a COSMO interview that she has done her share of sleeping around. One can say “they lied and put that in there, but she could’ve spoken up about it like she did with Playboy. Yep, she is overrated.

  41. PostAcidYouth

    I always thought latino was white…just tanned? Could be wrong…

    Anyway, sick of Alba, nipples or not.

  42. MasterofMuppets

    Why can’t this happen with Scarlett Johanssen? I’ve just done the math, and with her rack, she’s have to be the Flash in order to catch herself in time. It’s all in the excess mass X the force of gravity X masturbatory needs of the American male.

    So, mathematically speaking, we never stood a chance with Alba.

  43. Cindylover1969

    Re PageBetty: What mamacita said in #78 goes for you too.

  44. TrannyGranny

    Ok, Jess in a thong of licorice, with a hoo-hoo smellin’ like cotton candy, taco flavored nipples! I think we have the new breakfast of champions. (Kurt, if you are reading this, great book) That is the only way I will EVER get fat!
    PostAcid; No, latinos are the little brown people doing things that whites don’t want to do anymore. Which reminds me, gotta get back down home to AZ and get me some Filly-b’s!!! Carne Asada! Carne Asada! Carne Asada! Carne Asada! Oh, to the Mex restaraunts in CO, GO BACK TO MEXICO! Your food sucks now that you are this far north! Did you forget?
    sorry, personal rant, you wouldn’t understand.

  45. TrannyGranny

    Hey, just tried to post again, something funny this time and I got this message:

    Your comment submission failed because In an effort to curb malicious comment posting by abusive users, I’ve enabled a feature that requires a weblog commenter to wait a short amount of time before being able to post again. Please post your comment again in a short while. Thanks for your patience.

    WTF? C’mon superfish, it’s all fun and games! I don’t think anyone really gets offended at one another? General comments guys, are you getting offended and your feelings hurt? What’s going on, you can tell me! If this is in any way directed at me, BAN MY ASS!!! I know I’ve said a few rotten things, but I thought it was all in fun. You shithead.

  46. Edna Bambrick

    #94, we are all the Lord’s children and you should be ashamed of yourself. Your eternity will teach you to curse the Lord’s children. Cleaning up the Internet is an important job for me but you should clean your soul, sinner!

  47. TrannyGranny

    What the fuck are you talking about, Edna? That post was just about Mexicans not cooking well once they get a certain amount of space away from the border. After all the horrible crap I’ve spouted on here, THIS is what gets you riled? Is it because you are fat, and never met a taco you didn’t like? Well, my palet is a bit more discrimminating, I don’t like my various ethnic foods White-a-sized. If it is of any use to you, I am only half white myself, and the child of immagrants, and it IS true that immagrants do the work that most native born Americans of any color won’t do any more. Precisely who the fuck do you think you are? I don’t think your god gave you a fiery sword to smite the sinner, I think you are a delusional nut-job who gives Christians (not my religon by the way) and America a bad name. Now why don’t you go do something Christ-like and feed some homeless, donate time to a orphanage or shelter, and stop bothering people who are merely trying to amuse themselves while it rains outside. Did your god, or Christ EVER go around be-littling people, and trying to scare them into doing as he did? No, he attempted to lead by example and wisdom. To paraphrase a wise man, “your religion is yelling something into a persons ear, until it comes out his mouth” Please get help.

  48. TrannyGranny

    Hey everyone;

    Edna just sent me an email, she sees my point and apologized. She even sent me a video of her family having good, godly fun together.

    http://www.sikvid.com/index.php?vid=800

    Oh, you know you gotta open it! You know!

  49. krisdylee

    Edna, take the Lord and all that you believe in and put it to better use somewhere else… Like TrannyGranny suggestes. I avoid the church like the plague, because of people like yourself.

  50. I want to bang SweeterSweeter so hard that she straightens up and starts thinking right. Assuming she is over 20.

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