Jessica Alba holds grudges forever

August 27th, 2007 // 137 Comments

At the Teen Choice Awards, Jessica Alba let viewers know she’s still salty about an incident with a schoolyard crush. During her acceptance speech for the female hottie award (a staple of any good awards show) she told the audience:

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross. Ross didn’t love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb. Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now! [Ross] promised that if I kissed him he would choose me for baseball … I was still chosen last. I never trusted men again.”

Whoever this Ross character is, I guarantee he’s sitting at home contemplating putting his nuts in a blender. He’ll weep and curse his childhood naivety – as he very well should. Right now he could be using Jessica’s luscious ass for a decorative end-table. But, no, Ross had to be a moron-sandwich and pick some other kid for his baseball team. Awesome. Thanks. Your sad little tale has made my genitals cry.


  1. Dammit

    52 nikki – Oh half filippino. I guess that’s the bad half. (YEAH! I SAID IT!)

  2. This shit is old and boring. There was a benefit at the Playboy Mansion, lets see some more pics.

  3. Cuerva

    46 joey said “but I seriously doubt some guy wants a hip bone stabbing him during sex if ya know what I mean”

    It works the other way too when a guy is too skinny. Hip bones hurt (but you know what they say about skinny guys…?) Hoo-hoo!

  4. my comment

    Her stinky face mug in pic 5 says it all.

    Nice shoes, though. Thats about it.

  5. Lovely

    She looks like a “plantain” … really

  6. SheAintAllThat

    She has a giraffe neck

  7. jrzmommy


  8. Frick!

    #100, your insight is breathtaking. What ever would we do without you checking this site for grammatical errors? Because you know, a site like the superficial is all about grammar. Get a life you lame ass CHIC CHIC CHIC. And I’m not going to spell it any other way. Chick looks too much like chicken. And if you want to be so nitpicky, check your own fucking grammar…”syish” is spelled “Stylish”; dolt.

  9. jrzmommy

    Wassamatter, Frick….did you wake up on the wrong side of the cadaver today?

  10. whaaa


    Ummm.. If you’re half filipino, then you and jessica alba are definately not “twins”

  11. llllllllll

    WOW click on the 3 close up pictures of her face, YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE THE HERPES BLISTER! OMG it is true! …kool


    CLEAN UP IN AISLE 108! There must be 20 gallons of spittle on your computer screen and keyboard after you typed that Frick. How chic!

  13. Naivetee

    I don’t know why people keep calling her skinny because all I can see is a great big huge giant ASS!!!

    P.S. – does she really have herpes?

  14. Morning Wood

    She looks like big bird with teeth…

    Wake your lame ass up Fish.

  15. Mmmm yeahhhh

    I’m pretty tired of her and her incessant comments about her own “hotness.”

  16. walker

    How about a message for Derek, Jessica?

    “Derek, you A*S! you gave me herpes! Look at me now! Look at me!”
    That would’ve been funny.

  17. b*tch slap

    Yeah, she’s got some sore action going on there on her lip, that’s for sure. It’s more noticeable in the pics from the Fantastic 4 premiere.

  18. b*tch slap

    #99. Yeah she did. She does only have two personalities. Boring and Bitchy. Go away already.

    “I don’t show much butt or cleavage.”

    Oh yeah! what about when you’re posing half naked for all of the guy’s magazines? Hypocrite.

  19. billy

    no offense, but she’s a jackass.
    at last year’s teen choice awards, she accepted her hottie award with yet another fucked up speech about how gorgeous she is.

    obsessed with herself much?

  20. Shallow Val

    119. billy

    Remember, it’s the opposite. That means she doesn’t think much of herself. Dollars to dime bags she hates herself.

  21. Allan Gabriel

    Yeah, she sure showed that Ross guy. Carrying around a grudge for 19 years. Yeesh

  22. roughdaddy

    is she fucking kidding me? get off the stage you shameless skank..

  23. Marta

    She’s not going to be IGNORED, Ross.

  24. Arrogant Jessica

    She forgot to end it with, “Look at me now, Ross. I got genital herpes from Derek Jater. And even though I make so much money, even my nobody boyfriend of two years wouldn’t marry me.”

  25. frenchie

    Oh she sounds intriguing!

  26. mywellrehearsedmistake

    Get over yourself Bitch. “Look at me now!” “Look at me now!”

    “[Ross] promised that if I kissed him he would choose me for baseball … I was still chosen last. I never trusted men again.”

    Um… I guess we know how this little slut got into acting. She learnt at a young age that sexual acts or at least the promise of them are required to become successful…

  27. The Beatles

    all together now



  28. LauraE

    Aha ! I just KNEW her teeth were fake ! Her smile looks like a piano keyboard, this is not nice at all. Did not like her in Dark Angel and still do not understand why people think she is good looking.

  29. yawn

    so true #128. she’s just another run-of-the-mill talentless Hollywood by-product, lol.

  30. Ross


  31. nagger me

    Monkey woman

  32. Frybread

    What a pathetic bitch! How bitter and angry will she be when she is over 40, has lost her looks, and can’t find a job?

  33. spoofy mcgillicutty

    The chick is over rated

  34. Shallow Val

    Ross should have told her they were on a break.

    padum-pum! (rim shot)

  35. 3Foot Lizard

    Luscious ass? WTF? Has someone been doing nitrous oxide hits again?

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