Jessica Alba holds grudges forever

August 27th, 2007 // 137 Comments
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At the Teen Choice Awards, Jessica Alba let viewers know she’s still salty about an incident with a schoolyard crush. During her acceptance speech for the female hottie award (a staple of any good awards show) she told the audience:

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross. Ross didn’t love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb. Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now! [Ross] promised that if I kissed him he would choose me for baseball … I was still chosen last. I never trusted men again.”

Whoever this Ross character is, I guarantee he’s sitting at home contemplating putting his nuts in a blender. He’ll weep and curse his childhood naivety – as he very well should. Right now he could be using Jessica’s luscious ass for a decorative end-table. But, no, Ross had to be a moron-sandwich and pick some other kid for his baseball team. Awesome. Thanks. Your sad little tale has made my genitals cry.

superficial

  1. Whateva

    She’s an ugly racist — she is ashamed of being half Mexican. George Lopez went up to her father and started speaking Spanish and JA’s Dad was like, “I don’t speak Mexican”. How rude! She does not look white, she’s a total beaner girl just like me. She’s very average. I think Angelina Jolie is the hottest woman on the planet.

  2. Nikky Raney

    I love my twin!!!
    everyone tells me we look alike.
    but im half filipino
    but anyway; i love her
    and i love posts about her
    she’s my favorite.
    probably because we look alike
    and because shes gorgeous
    the end.

  3. bettiep

    Her head is getting bigger and bigger as her body strinks. And you can’t forget that five-head.

  4. Nikky Raney

    too bad i can’t hold a grudge to save my life :(

  5. Nikky Raney

    I should really look at the pictures before i comment.
    she looks completely tired in those pictures
    ..she needs to eat :(

  6. b*tch slap

    Damn #52! We get it, you look like this alien, buttface. “Oh MY TWIN!” Calm down.

  7. bettiep

    **** So boring and so overrated.

    “Dane Cook helped me make an ass out of myself.”

    Honey, you do just fine making an ass out of yourself when you open your mouth, all without anybody’s help.

  8. walker

    ++++And she doesn’t have a message for Derek Jeter?” Dumb.

  9. 44- talk about poor taste: YOURS

    not only isn’t that a 10, it’s not even a 5. wether you are 12 or you are from some shit small town and you have never seen a hot chick in your life.
    you wanna know what’s closer to a 10? Kim Kardashian, for example. But definitely not Alba. Seriously, what does anybody see in her? how can you find that chick hot? she’s so not hot!

    http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee37/aj3v/jessicalabaisnothotatall.jpg

  10. walker

    Ross is her uncle? GROSS!

  11. shut up already
  12. Mama Pinkus

    Ms. Alba is petty and vain and her acting career will last as long as her body.

  13. shut up already

    OOops not that one, this one. There. Now Ross can feel a whole lot better.

    http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2007/07/09/jessica-biel-vs-jessica-alba-the-bastardly-jessica-matchup/

  14. shut up already
  15. walker

    Her dad should be b*tch slapped like his daughter here for all of the stupidity that they speak. Her dad: “I don’t speak Mexican.” FU A*shole! Put a sombrero and a dirty shirt on and you would be mistaken for a migrant worker! And put a mop in your daughter’s hand and she would be mistaken, for a maid!

  16. bob

    never trust a man again? and that’s why you were spotted sitting on your ex-Cash’s lap the day of the awards? stupid bitch.

  17. Fred

    Ya I agree, that does make her look ugly inside. So what she’s saying is…… with 10s of thousands of dollars, you can get rid of the ugly thing and look like me!
    and for sure that makes one happy. Getting tired.

  18. Fred

    Even funnier is that all of her rant is based on the Teen Choice award for female hottie? nice step forward for women all over Jess. Who lets these people talk anyway?

  19. Shallow Val

    Thus proving my point that she is an even bigger douchebag than I even thought. What a head case.

  20. lmao

    i’m sure this has been said… but girl’s got an ego.

  21. 1MILF Hunter

    If Jessica’s dad is going to rip on Mexicans, I’ll have to give her a Dirty Sanchez. That’ll teach her a lesson in diversity.

  22. woodhorse

    I’m withholding judgement until I see if she can actually play baseball or not. At least the coach didn’t pay one of the good players to beat her up and get the “retard” off the field.

  23. Pikachelsea

    Haha, she sounds like some idiot guest on a talk show like Maury Povich with a topic like “ZERO TO HERO” where the stupid bimbos come out and scream about how they used to be fug but now they’re HOT!!1!!! Shut up retards, just because you used to get laughed at (hi, welcome to reality and the life experience as we know it) doesn’t give you the right to act like an arrogant dickhead now. I love how she’s berating the immaturity of a person who was mean to her in gradeschool. wtf do you expect, really? Moron.

  24. josie

    If anything, that little spiel made her look pathetic.

  25. FRIST's bastard child

    Like I alway say about mom – kinda cute, but a total bitch.

  26. sane-o

    I would slowly, teasingly dart my tongue between her swollen pussy lips, flirting with her engorged clit, before homing in on it and working it without mercy until she surrendered in violent orgasm. then I would rinse, and repeat

  27. personal trainer

    Why pay for a body fat analysis? Just post a story about Jessica Alba and it become perfectly clear who the fatties are.

  28. It’s like a bad episode of Jenny Jones where the hot chick comes out and goes all, “IN YO’ FACE MUTHA FUCKA!” and the guy laughs, smiles and then after the show they go and fuck.

  29. BLACK COBRA

    I BET ROSS IS BLACK …………. she probably didnt have enough ass in them shawtz. they need to go find this ross and let all the white kidz hate.

  30. Jessica Alba pics…

  31. whatever

    I would still do her.

    I might kick her out afterwards…but I would do her.

  32. ====> I am INTERESTED. Pass it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Martin

    I can’t for my life understand why Jessica Alba keeps getting nominated, and even less winning, awards like this. She’s ugly and stupid.

  34. Gulag

    What a lame and boring story. I get the feeling Jessica is just a pretty bitch and has no brains. And she’s bad at acting. She’s done only $$$- or wannabe-$$$-movies. Stupid cow.

  35. MJ

    # 6 blahaaaa lol! That must “sting” haha

    She kinda has no talent. And is a overrated, herpes ridden anno.
    Ross was right.

  36. Jessica also loves rappers. Who doesn’t? Proof right here in this Jessica Alba sandwich. Mmmm mmmm good.

    http://www.wooohah.com
    Hip-hop gossip so raw it hurts.

  37. Dizzybenny

    hope Ross won that baseball game because lets face it chicks come and go and hot women like her get sagy and gross but the glory of winning a game lasts forever!!!!

    way to go Ross!!!

  38. iren33

    Well…She still remember him …He forget about her….and WHO WIN then???

  39. Springtime

    Fortunately, Jessica Alba is not attractive enough for me to care.

  40. RichPort

    Overrated… never in her case to be confused with over ate it. Skinny bad acting pop tart beeotch.

  41. Lili

    wow, the girl is bitter.

    I’d say that Ross thing probably doesn’t even remember her O_o

    But one thin she’s right – ppl at school can be mean. whatever.

  42. jrzmommy

    Well, there ya go, Jessica! Maybe Ross didn’t give you the time of day because he knew-even back then–what a complete bitch you are.

  43. Bugman4045

    Jessica Alba: achingly hot in Sin City.
    Freakish in Fantastic Four II. I hope she is investing her cash because I do not think she is going to be working too much in the next 5 years.
    #7, nice comment.

  44. George Best

    Shouldnt she be a little more upset at Derek Jeter or whomever gave her herpes? Some idiot from first grade is hardly worth a memory.

  45. man2525

    She also used a respirator in high school. She was not the most healthy kid in the world. You would have probably made the same judgement if you wanted to win a baseball game.

  46. Frick!

    I don’t get these anorexic/bulemic chics…they starve themselves to look thin…and then they wear baggy, loose fitting clothes; almost like they’re trying to hide their skin & bones! Do they only do it so they can say “I wear a size 00??!!” Alba used to have a beautiful figure (nothing else was very impressive about her, imo) but now she’s just another bag o’ Hollywood skin n’ bones; not attractive.

  47. Shallow Val

    #40 – she really said that? Well, that’s what talentless “starlets” say and do.

    I never really cared either way about this one because I either like them or I don’t from the get-go, but jeez, I really made a good decision on this one. I could see there was nothnig there and I’m pleased to be correct.

    Snaps up for first instincts. They’re still honed razor sharp.

  48. JUST BEING HELPFUL

    Okay, folks….I’ve seen this shit going on for too damn long to keep quiet any longer……..”Chic” is pronounced sheek–and it means to be sylish and fashionable. “Chick”, aside from being a baby bird, is also used as slang for a young woman. So the statement, “I don’t get these anorexic/bulemic chics…they starve themselves ….” is retarded. Stop the madness, pigs….stop the madness.

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