Jessica Alba holds grudges forever

August 27th, 2007 // 137 Comments
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At the Teen Choice Awards, Jessica Alba let viewers know she’s still salty about an incident with a schoolyard crush. During her acceptance speech for the female hottie award (a staple of any good awards show) she told the audience:

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross. Ross didn’t love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb. Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now! [Ross] promised that if I kissed him he would choose me for baseball … I was still chosen last. I never trusted men again.”

Whoever this Ross character is, I guarantee he’s sitting at home contemplating putting his nuts in a blender. He’ll weep and curse his childhood naivety – as he very well should. Right now he could be using Jessica’s luscious ass for a decorative end-table. But, no, Ross had to be a moron-sandwich and pick some other kid for his baseball team. Awesome. Thanks. Your sad little tale has made my genitals cry.

superficial

  1. J B Stoner

    So, (yawn) Bye

  2. J B Stoner

    Just Damn.

  3. J B Stoner

    3rd

  4. Gregrie

    She can sit on my face.

  5. lincoln

    She put out and got used when she was 6 years old? There’s a life lesson for y’all.

  6. id hold a grudge too if I had herpes!

    ZIIIIIIIING!

    420 !

    simpsons did it!

  7. veggo

    Slightly cross eyed, swayed back and buck toothed? It was a secret stab at Paris. Nice one Jess.

  8. sane-o

    damn girl, let it go.

  9. veggo

    Well, I’m off like a prom dress. See ya fuckers. Oh, and one note before I go. Jessica, that makes you look ugly inside.

    adios!

  10. woodhorse

    wiggie wiggie wiggie.
    I spy a chin strap.

  11. Mike

    Fuck thank goodness I wasn’t mean to anybody in my grade school years. But that still didn’t help me, I am still ugly if not uglier than I was then, and the women, still don’t like me. Oh well, just sit and stare at these pictures of Jessica.

  12. blahhhh

    Is that Shia Laboeuf sitting next to her in pic 1..the outfit looks like the one he had on T.V. last night…

  13. @ Lincoln (#5): My thoughts exactly. If you’re puttin’ out at 6, even if it’s just smooches, that just ain’t right.

  14. cocaKelli

    Revenge is a dish best served cold. Or is that G’hak?
    K’PLAH, puj p’tach!
    (Hands in air, just don’t care. Nerd alert.)

  15. kayla

    i wonder if there are any pictures of this ugly jessica floating around?

  16. Jessica can hold a grudge over my face all day long!!!

  17. jennifer

    ugly.

  18. wtf

    shes been putting out since the first grade…

  19. 15piecesofflare

    She seems like the type to hold a grudge.

  20. Bitchy McBitchington, III

    To bad she’s a bitter bitch…honestly, I don’t even think she’s hot, she’s just thin. And FYI, she’s got a TOTAL bulimic body…

  21. Mike

    #21, another jealous bitch wishing she had half of what Jessica has.

  22. I agree she is just, erm, average. I don’t see what is so spectacular about her. She isn’t drop dead gorgeous and her acting (yawn).

  23. Chauncey Gardner

    So, on top of being physically unamazing and extremely untalented, she’s also a complete psycho.

    Next.

  24. Lexoka

    I’ll swear on anything she wants, if she kisses me, I’ll definitely pick her for baseball, as well as many, many other things.

  25. LL

    I kinda have new respect for her. If you can’t use your fame and now-hot looks to lord it over the people who made fun of you in school, what good are fame and looks? I mean, it’s one thing for this Ross guy to not like the ugly little Jessica, that’s probably too much to expect of a grade schooler, but to promise her he’d pick her for the team and then not do it, well, that’s just cold. +1 Jessica!

  26. Binky

    Ummm…Jess. This Ross guy is probably, ummm, you know – GAY.

    (All the ‘cute’ ones are gay ladies – you’re all living in denial)

  27. I this little Ross was saying kiss “IT” and I will pick your first in baseball and she kissed him on the lips and not on “IT”

  28. lambman

    I’ve always said she has 2 personalities A) BORING B) Bitchy

    now that she doesn’t even look that hot anymore I don’t know why sites keep bothering to post on her. She just looks skinny and tired

  29. kelly

    look at you now …what?
    Now you’ve got your teeth fixed and a much bigger head?

    Is she trying to make the ugly kids who have buck teeth etc feel better because they’ll grow out of it one day or is she actually making fun of them to their faces?

  30. YA YA

    Um, let me just say that you are stupid, skinny, and a ghetto bitch. NEXT.

  31. 32nd Cowgirl

    Was she wearing that same outfit at the time?

  32. wedgeone

    Sick. “Ross” is her uncle. Look it up. Jesus.

  33. p0nk

    I hope she has an eating disorder. That way she won’t panic when I shove my cock down her throat until she pukes – then immediately make her keep sucking until she tastes hot salty spurts of my ropey cum.

  34. Incarnina

    Am I the only one who thinks that her statement was a stupid “haha joke” for the brain-dead crowd, and none of it is true?

  35. walker

    oH YEAH! i HEARD THIS STORY BEFORE! She gave him a kiss so he would pick her to be on his team and he didn’t! HA HA HA ! Jokes on you Alba! That’s why she’s mad! HA HA HA HA! She is a bitter bitch. Holding a grudge for 19years? pathetic.

    Yeah she told this story in an interview.Just like everything else she spills out to anyone that will listen to her fat mouth. You just need to shut up, ok?

  36. combustion8

    Ross is my hero… I wouldnt pick her either.

  37. Ross

    Stupid retard bitch got it all wrong. What I told her was that IF SHE CHOSE TO KISS MY BALLS I WOULD COMFORT HER IN THE BASEMENT. She was 6 and I was 43 then. And of course she was picked last, but the game was called “chess”.

  38. @33 Where did you find that information?

  39. b*tch slap

    XXXXX JESSICA ALBA SAID SOMETHING STUPID? YOU DON’T SAY…

    “I hope that my recent work will help producers get past my hotness.”

    “The paps? I could give two shits about them.”

    “I don’t know why people are so obsessed with my ass.”

    “I have curves, I can’t help it. My aunts are fat.”

    http://www.whosdatedwho.com/celebrities/people/dating/jessica-alba.htm

  40. revenge! maybe they should hunt this guy down

  41. Looking at these pictures I truly realized Jessica Alba has a monkey face.
    What luscious ass? more like a flat cellulitic pancake ass, lets be realistic Superfish.
    She’s sooooo average. And so fucking unsultry. Her eyes are the ugliest I’ve ever seen on a female. She puts on her retarded smile on her monkey face and says some lame shit and thinks “oh I’m so cute, I’m so cool”. What a moron.
    Again with the bullshit and the lame shit that gets out of her mouth everytime she speaks.
    Don’t worry, I don’t think that Ross regrets anything. Besides her being famous, there’s nothing about her he can’t find in every ok looking female walking down the street. I’m sorry Superfish, but it looks like you’re trying to sell too hard, and I’m not buying any.
    She is no better than any average chick walking down the street.
    http://i229.photobucket.com/albums/ee37/aj3v/jessicalabaisnothotatall.jpg

    Now please stop unfairly praising this ultra-overrated average monkey and give us some actual hot chicks, what about some Kim Kardashian?

  42. Shut up already

    “Oh how sweet, she’s playing the ‘victim’ card. “And from then on, I never trusted men again..” Tryin’ to win over the horny male audience for your dumbass movie, huh? Let me guess, next it will be another spread in a dude’s magazine? Then you will b*tch about how you are not taken seriously, right? OMG. You are so predictable.

  43. TS

    Now if that’s not a 10, I don’t know what is.

    If you don’t think she’s hot you have poor taste.

    Is that Bonzo dude REALLY still saying 420?

  44. walker

    You still are pigeon-toed. HELLO!

  45. JoeysAngyl

    Alright, so she is DECENT looking at best in my opinion. There are much hotter actresses out there today, but for some reason people are latching on to her as if their life depended on it. Her acting is mediocre, and to be honest with you she looks so skinny to the point of possibly having an eating disorder. Keep in mind most people don’t like obese ones, but I seriously doubt some guy wants a hip bone stabbing him during sex if ya know what I mean. And I’m not sure what ass we are talking about here, because most of the pictures I have seen of her, make her’s look rather flat… or maybe I just expect to see a big ass when I’m told someone’s ass is big. Alba is really overrated… let’s get some new talent on here!

  46. Don Boogie

    Umm…you guys know they have writers who make this shit up, right? It’s not real…NOTHING YOU SEE ON TV IS REAL.

    You’re welcome.

  47. Hecubus

    I fucking hate that ‘look at me now’ bullshit coming from an actress. Wow big fucking whoop you get paid to play (badly) at being a superhero, I used to do that shit for free every day when I was a kid. You’re only paid to do this because you fit nicely into the boring unimaginative American ideal of ‘beauty’ and the only one who think you’re famous for your ‘acting talent’ is you., you poor deluded bitch.

  48. She's a tease

    xxxxx What a c*ck tease. Damn. The slut in her is screaming to come out.

    I definitely got the message Jessica. You like to sleep around. AND have sex with a guy on the first date. Got it.

    Derek and Marky Mark should know, right? YYYeeeaaahhh!

  49. b*tch slap

    Herpes is affecting her brain, that’s all. Yeah I hate mediocre bitches with that “look at me” attitude too. She needs to get her ass kicked.

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