Jessica Alba hates the paparazzi

May 31st, 2007 // 123 Comments

It’s basically assumed for all celebrities, but Jessica Alba says she hates the paparazzi. She tells Parade magazine: “I could give two shits about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.”

How ironic. I usually hate the paparazzi too, except when they’re bringing me pictures of Jessica Alba. When they’re bringing me pictures of Jessica Alba I want to lift them on a pedestal and sacrifice small animals to them. And maybe brush their hair as I hand-feed them grapes. You know, regular stuff. Healthy stuff.

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  1. jessica the dumb clod

    And having your picture taken with water drooling out of your mouth like a dehydrated cow is a ‘real job’?

    Feed her to the poor.

  2. Get used to it Jessica. You’re absolutely stunning. Too bad.

  3. schack

    brock- you seem to adhere to a dichotomy between “being dirty” with someone and “love, flowers and puppies.” Why can’t these things be combined? Why do you purposefully set yourself up to NOT have everything you want in one girl?

  4. Jimbo φ

    schack, I’m not bitter, it’s just that…I…um…I wish I had the words…it’s just that…
    …So many nights I sit by my window
    Waiting for someone to sing me his song
    So many dreams I kept deep inside me
    Alone in the dark but now
    You’ve come along

    You light up my life
    You give me hope
    To carry on
    You light up my days
    and fill my nights with song

    Rollin’ at sea, adrift on the water
    Could it be finally I’m turning for home?
    Finally, a chance to say hey,
    I love You
    Never again to be all alone

    You light up my life
    You give me hope
    To carry on
    You light up my days
    and fill my nights with song

    You light up my life
    You give me hope
    To carry on
    You light up my days
    and fill my nights with song

    It can’t be wrong
    When it feels so right
    ‘Cause You
    You light up my life

  5. Jimbo ?

    @54 Damn troll you so funny. I just love the things you post for me. It is to bad you don’t have a life and can’t post for yourself

  6. Josh

    …Jessica Alba would be a helluva lot hotter if her last name was “Laranyxremovedcheckoutmyboobs McHandjob”.

    10x cooler than Alba.
    What nationality is that anyway?


  7. Assbestos

    Celebrities are like ghosts, stop paying attention to them and they disappear.

  8. schack

    i’m sorry, jimbo, but i already can’t stand this life that i’m livin’. i’m in the mix, i’m in love with two women, and i can’t take any more!

  9. Jessica Alba is hot. Has anyone ever said that before?

  10. veggi

    funny first fight.

    and why do you become a celebrity? Jesus fucking christ, deal with it ya fucktards.

  11. tinkerbelle

    I love the comments…yeah, she’s so together, and she only cares about acting, but look at the crown on the hat and the tee shirt. how ’bout if we only pay her what normal working people make and take away the pap. think she’ll still love just acting?

  12. wedgeone

    Holy CRIPES! Bern – check out the pic that #33 posted. That is some DMBS for your blog.
    I still have a couple to send you if you ever post a link on your site for submitting said pics.

    That being said – Don’t look at pic #40 – the filename gives it away – it’s NOT a hi-res JA boob shot, but a sick demented fuck whose lame trick got moldy last Friday.

    If I knew where to find you, I’d take a flame thrower to your lame ass.

  13. sos

    Shes not attractive and if she hates them so much then quit and work a normal job like everyone else does.

  14. Oak

    I hate people making millions when they are LOUSY at their chosen profession.. just because they are considered to be attractive.

    I can’t believe Alba makes money by ACTING, she has no talent whatsoever.

  15. Truth

    s’matter, wedgie, don’t like looking at what you – as an american – have done? pussy.

  16. veggi

    Wow Wedgeone. Flame throwers? Arrrrrrrr! Git em.

  17. schack

    as an american?

    s’matter Truth? hit your head and forget that bush stole that election with the help of his supplicant hick cousin jeb, and a few hackers who later testified to having rigged the results in florida?

  18. schack

    bush stole that election and has since spent his time bankrupting the government to make his smarmy friends rich.

    he’s a country-club, silver-spoon, boarding-school frat boy, who might as well have gotten his career in acting, cause that’s what his job is now.

    and i can’t believe you hicks who actually think he’s on YOUR side. y’all would have healthcare by now if we hadn’t squandered 800 billion on a fake war to funnel oil money through cronies’ assholes.

  19. schack

    but i guess i’m talking to no one, cause you can’t really afford a computer and internet when you’re swimming in credit card debt just to be able to afford the shit, pre-packaged house you live in.

  20. veggi

    Hell Ya Schack! muuuuuuuuaaaaaaaah ha ha ha.

  21. kitty_kat

    Please! The paps do a hell of a lot more for their money than this bitch ever has. And- uh- hello?? Does she think anyone would care about her if it weren’t for them? Its not as though she has any talent or anything. What an arrogant twat.

  22. Willy

    “I can’t even believe that’s a real job.”

    Ditto, you whore.

  23. iamsosmrt

    She’s hot but I’m not sure she’s very bright.
    If I could shout it form the mountain tops for all celbs to hear I would and here’s what I ‘d say:

    God these fucking A holes just don’t get it. They make millions in a world where so many have NOTHING, do they save lives or rescue people? NOPE, their jobs are pretty much a fun little game (like when you played dress up and put on a play for your parents or played your favorite sport,ya it takes some effort BUT it’s NOTHING compared to what some do). They live in mansions while kids sleep on the fucking street, they have personal chefs when so many children go to bed without dinner. They have million dollar weddings and then can’t even make them last. They drive drunk AND on top of it they have thier own personal drivers and can certainly afford a cab. They say rude shit and then constantly use the “my comments were taken out of context”. They are drugged up, cig smoking, alcholic adulterers who couldn’t make a relationship last if their lives depended on it. They are hypocrites who brag about their charity work and then fly home on their private planes to homes the size of hotels. Anything good they do can be traced back to publicity and the charity events they attend are fun little parties. They can’t stay fit without personal trainers and can’t look good without expensive creams, spa days and designer clothes . People dress them, style them and tell them what to say. When they dress or speak for themsleves they look like complete retards (ie; they are useless). They go on Oprah or get interviewed by some magazine and spill all this personal shit about their PRVATE lives and then go around complaining about the pap and demanding PRIVACY. They constantly get and gladly take so much free shit when they make more money a day than most make in a year. They win awards and actually stand on that podium clenching their little statue crying believing that they deserve all that praise ’cause they sang a song or made a fucking movie. AWARDS ARE FOR KIDS IN SCIENCE FAIRS OR MAYBE, FOR PEOPLE WHO RUN INTO BURNING BUILDINGS, not greedy egomaniacs. They love and crave attention and then constantly complain about. They pity themselves in a world where kids die before they even have a chance to live the dreams these assfucks take for granted. I could go on but they aren’t worth another second of my time. The point is celebrities are beyond stupid and beyond selfish and they deserve and are responsible for almost all the MISERY and KARMA that their trainwreck lives attract.

    Now where did I put my camera?

  24. iamsosmrt

    OH MY FUCK I’m sorry that was so long.
    But I’ve been wanting to say all that for a while.

  25. Pol Pot Pie

    Jessica Alba hates the paparazzi?

    Well, I hate her kitty…
    I want to punch it.

  26. kimber

    who makes the hat that she has on

  27. captain obvious

    She seems like such a snotty little bitch to me. And she hates the paparazzi? Well, I can see how they could be annoying, but she should really be kissing their asses because they are the main reason she’s famous. Does she really think people like her because of her amazing acting abilities?? Sheeesh. The only reason she became famous was because people think she’s hot. And the pap’s had something to do w/ that image. Although looking the way she’s been looking, she might lose that title of sex appeal. She’s been looking very anorexic/bulimic lately; losing all her curves. Not very sexy if you ask me. She should go eat a burger and shut the hell up. I think it would be great if the pap’s just totally left her alone and nobody payed attention to her anymore or gave her roles. Then she could cry “nobody loves me!” waaaahhh…

  28. Assbestos

    Square shoulders, tiny bossums…I hate to break everyones crush, but Jessica is just a really cute tranny.

  29. Jessica Alba can get over it and accept her fame.

  30. iamsosmrt

    *simmilar… oops

  31. Yolonda Reczek

    trust me, the girl loves the paparazzi!!
    Loves the attention you can see it in her facial expressions! DAH!

  32. neonink

    Queen for a day in that redneck hat?

    Just wear the real tiara, Damn, that hat’s even got the plastic webbing…

  33. Jane Doe

    Granted she’s pretty, but I have yet to see these curves everyone keeps raving about? Maybe back in the day but now? You know as soon as they get to that ‘it’ girl status they get bone skinny with the exception of a very few. As for her opinions, she like the rest of them NEED the attention because if it were not for these rags she would still be another Mexican in California.

  34. Truth

    schack – that was the comfortable truth about the 2000 election. the 2004 election was won by Bush, fair-and-square, against a potential successor who was clearly more qualified to lead the country, and after the Iraq disaster had become crystal clear (complete with the tremendous hit on the domestic economy). with the 2004 vote, americans lost the technical excuse from 2000, and actively supported a vile leader after weighing all the facts.

  35. blpressure

    Like acting is a real job and any better. It’s standing around making faces and saying something you read 5 minutes before. Then you get bags of cash thrown at you.

  36. First yo mama

    What the hell happened to Jessica Alba, she looks like a Cancer victim. Where do I need to send the flowers?


    she looks BUSTED in these pics. Basically in any pics she hasnt been airbrushed the hell outta her ass she looks BUSTED. Can’t say it enough. She does nothing for my dick.

  38. Helistar

    It looks like she is getting into a Prius.. I love this chick.. I wish the world would pay more attention to smart, hot and globally aware women like Jessica and forget the Lilos of this world.

  39. iamsosmrt

    I have to add their EXTRA crazy religions, their “our shit don’t stink” superiority complexes, their constant plastic surgery and the lies oh the lies they tell. Lastly as many have said the paparazzi is what is giving them their rank.

  40. #69==thank U so much for

    I juzt love people who
    R not afraid to tell
    the truth……

  41. dr.kevinpothead

    fucking A…this is why i hate this twat. overrated and boring and SHE is the used condom, the most annoying cunt on earth, and jessica alba, fuck you
    cant act, cant sing, cant even speak correctly and i wouldnt even TOUCH her if allessandra ambrosio or amanda harrington was the last woman on earth and albatross was the last condom

  42. CC

    #51: There isn’t enough of her to feed to the poor.

  43. polopojojonopono


  44. @73 amen to that

  45. NoUseForAlba

    #64- sad but true, she IS a shitty actress.

    #73- I think I love you.

  46. Okay we get Jess, go put on some weight, here have some CAKE!

  47. ya ya

    ==This no-talent ho is always whining about something. She just bores me. You should be happy that they’re Even taking your picture, considering that all you are known for is posing half naked (not your acting) and then whining that you aren’t taken seriously. You skinny, snobby b**ch.

  48. walker

    51. Posted by jessica the dumb clod on May 31, 2007 1:04 PM

    And having your picture taken with water drooling out of your mouth like a dehydrated cow is a ‘real job’?

    Feed her to the poor.

    HA HA HA! You got that right! I think just about two weeks before those pictures came out she said she was “shy” about being in a bikini! A hypocrite is what she is. Everything she says come back to bite her in the a*s.

  49. JessicaAlbaSUCKS

    The flat ass flat chest 0 curves moron stick is back, with her stupidity and all of course!!
    Why is it that this moron is completely unable to look slightly attractive if she hasn’t been on a professional stylist and makeup artist’s chair for at least 5 hours, plus photoshoped, airbrushed and digitally enhanced, if not as well wearing fake hair and fake eyes (contacts) at the same time?
    If someone is lame, that’s Jessica Alba. Thanks for posting her pictures below the real hottie and real beauty Angelina Jolie’s, that shot of Angie isn’t flattering at all and she’s wearing no makeup, but daaaayum, makes the Alba moron look invisible (not that she was anything noticeable to begin with haha). Morons like Jessica Alba make you realize the huge stupidity of people in America and how they’re robots and slaves of TV and the media. They don’t think, they think whatever the media tells them they have to think. If tomorrow TV says Jessica Alba is disgusting, everyone will say Jessica Alba is disgusting. If tomorrow TV says Britney Spears is currently looking hotter than ever, they all will say Britney is looking hotter than ever. If TV tells them Lindsay Lohan is the hottest chick in the world, they all will say Lindsay Lohan is the hottest chick in the world. Geeez. It’s obvious that Jessica Alba is nothing special, nothing that you wouldn’t see walking down the street anytime, and you usually see even a lot better. Some of you probably have girlfriends even 1000 times way hotter and 1000 times way prettier than this moron is. C’mon people, these women usually aren’t digitally enhanced, airbrushed and photoshoped and don’t spend 5 hours in makeup artist’s chairs and aren’t dressed by stylists, neither are their pictures taken by the best professional photographers in the world who do wonders and then 1 shot out of 10000 of all those airbrushed/photoshoped/digitally enhanced/makeup covered ones gets selected to be put on a magazine to make you believe she’s “hot”. Even your mom would look uber hot like that. But you know if they did they’ll kick Jessica Alba’s ass anytime.
    Jessica Alba is not ugly, but she’s not pretty either. Jessica Alba has an average skinny body, nothing special. And no, Jessica Alba isn’t hot, sorry. She can look attractive and even hot (not much in my opinion though) in certain movies and pictures being digitally enhanced, airbrushed, having been in a professional makeup artists chair for at least 5 hours and being told what to wear, what to do, how to move and in resume, getting everything about herself changed to be able to look attractive, and with all that shit going on, who wouldn’t? But I’ve never seen this woman out of a movie or in a non photoshoped picture looking slightly attractive. She’s so average, not even pretty or attractive at all, very average for a latin chick. And she’s a skank of the worst kind too. Not one of those who like fucking and let everyone know, this chick is the kind of skank that says “oh I’m so innocent and prudish and decent and clean. I’m so moral, I’d never do nudity in a movie or pose nude because it goes against my morals and against what I am, I’m so shy too” WTF?? She poses naked for men’s magazines only covering her tiny breasts with her hands and wearing see-through panties or all naked rolled up in sheets covering her flat boobs and more! All her roles are whore roles which require her to show off her ass (has there been a Jessica Alba movie in which she doesn’t show off her ass?!) and to constantly expose her body, basically she always plays a sexual object, not a fucking serious role. All her roles are whore roles dammit, and that’s because she’s not good looking enough for people to consider her “hot” or to get any attention if she’s not playing a whore and a role which requires to look great and to show off her ass. If a real hottie like Angelina Jolie had played the roles she has played and nothing else like her, she would be considered the world’s savior and a fucking goddess come to life. Any ok looking actress with a role portfolio like Alba’s would be considered oh so hot. Jessica Alba is just an average mega overrated moron, and anyone who thinks otherwise is just a dumbass loser.

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