Jessica Alba has a decent body…I guess

August 24th, 2007 // 167 Comments

I took a survey of the leading causes that make grown men cry, and Jessica Alba’s ass came in at number one, right above a lemon being squeezed into your eye. I don’t even know why anymore. I mean she’s hot, but she’s not that hot. For some reason the idea of Jessica Alba has become infinitely hotter than Jessica Alba herself. She’s like a legend now, and tales of her hotness have surpassed her actual hotness. When they talk about her in the future it won’t even be her anymore. It’ll be tales of a creature so beautiful you have to whisper her name, and every time somebody says it the entire room will go “Oooh” and “Ahhh.”


  1. CC

    She’d be hotter if I hadn’t heard that DEREK JETER gave her herpes!!

  2. isitin

    Isn’t that Britney Spears in the background?????

  3. woodhorse

    You’re welcome #44.

  4. suicide

    so true… but jessica is still as hawt as shit

  5. JohannaB

    Her body is not that great. Im glad someonelse agrees. Seriously.

  6. 1MILF Hunter

    I’ll bet that ass is so tight you could strike a match on it. Any of you that don’t want a taste of that, get out of my way.

  7. oldlady

    And the woman behind her is Jess in 10 years.

  8. Faggot

    If only the woman behind her had any self-esteem…

  9. m

    #56 is on the button. she’s fucking hot. at least someone is thinking straight.

  10. sane-o

    she’s the most overrated thing since the Mona Lisa. There are so many chicks just as hot that you see walking around everyday.

  11. java

    she looks fine,

    jessica biel has an ugly face and her fram is too big.
    alba is fiiiiine

  12. Danklin24

    But she IS that hot. She’s quite possibly the hottest woman on the planet.

  13. Martin

    alright you do know jessica alba is the one wearing the jeans leaning over the counter
    not the other girl in back

  14. Alba'sNOThot

    Well of course she’s NOT hot!!!! I applaud you Superfish for this post. She’s just an average girl. Her face is ok, not ugly and not pretty. Her body is actually really NOT hot… flat ass, no boobs, waist as wide as hips, no curves of any sort. She’s sooo incredibly OVERRATED though, probably the most overrated female in history. If she wasn’t famous, no one of you would turn your heads to look twice at her if you saw her walking down the street. I don’t know where you people live (maybe some of you live in caves), but I see WAAAY hotter and prettier girls than Jessica Alba very easily all the time walking down the street and everywhere. She’s just so AVERAGE, there’s nothing hot or special about her.
    She just happens to appear incredibly photoshoped, airbrushed and digitally enhanced and caked in gallons of makeup after being in the hands of a professional stylist and makeup artist for at least 5 hours in every freaking picture or movie in which she looks decent. Talk about more fiction than reality? There’s not a single non photoshoped or non digitally enhaced image/picture/movie of her in which she looks anything close to slightly hot. Any other ok looking actress or girl would look just as hot (and many WAY more) than she looks in the very few movies/pictures in which she manages to do so with all that same makeup/photoshoping/digitally enhancing/airbrushing shit going on. She simply always takes whore roles which require to look great… and if Kiera Knightly, Natalie Portman and a million other actresses did that they would also be considered “oh so hot”. Think Halle Berry playing Catwoman… if her whole acting portfolio consisted of playing roles like that. That’s the case of Jessica Alba. If Angelina Jolie had done that with her acting career (Tomb Raider;)) she would have already conquered the world. Because Angelina’s hot, but Alba?? Alba’s NOT!!
    Some of you dudes are pathetic losers if you truly find Alba hot. Man, Kim Kardashian is hot, but Alba!? Fucking NOT, NOT AT ALL!!!
    So you losers who idolize the incredibly overrated average Alba, just look around, it may happen that you easily find a way hotter and prettier girl than her, maybe even your own freaking girlfriend.

  15. Er!n

    I jst ran into her yesterday at the grocery store in Vancouver and she is gross skinny. Really, its quite surprising how thin she is – veins and all. She would look much better and live up to her hype if she gained a few pounds. Love that those pics are from the PNE too – GO CANADA!!

  16. El Sueno

    Jesus Christ that’s hot! I don’t even like Jessica Alba and that’s hot. Yes, she’s overrated, and a little dumb, and a lot full of herself, but still….

  17. Pikachelsea

    lol @ the dumpy ho glaring behind her. Man, if looks could kill.

    And @65 — Canada, lol. Nobody cares. And no she would not look better if she gained a few pounds so she had a pooch and rolls just like you.

  18. wtf

    What makes Alba look good is the fugly huge blob in the yellow dress/blouse thing. Her cheeks are scaring me. They threaten to shove out everything else in the picture. I wonder if she uses her belly flab as a wallet?

  19. Amen

    @64 – I’ve seen plenty of caz pictures of Alba right here on Fish and she ALWAYS looks hot – no airbrushing in those pictures. Don’t hate. She is super hot. I’d go lesbo for her anyday.

  20. Overrated and annoying.

    And what’s even more annoying are the people who say that anyone who thinks so is either a gay guy or a jealous girl.

    No, we’re people who aren’t fucking sheep and don’t feel the need to kiss celebrity ass because a bunch of horny creeps think she’s “so hot”.

  21. angel

    jessica alba is pretty but she doesnt have the best body..she had gotten too skinny.she has even said she doesnt like her curves… i think she needs to gain 20 lbs..get that ass back n boobs then she will be back to her status…
    i actually think all these women are overrated and not even pretty at all..

  22. nosoupforcheryl

    #64… why are you so riled up? so what if we think she’s hot? i’m a girl and i have such a girl crush on her it’s ridiculous. at least she’s not known to be chock full of STD’s. She’s gorgeous, and there’s such a fine line between being slim and just a bit too skinny. By the way, I totally agree with #69…my boyfriend jokes about me going lesbian for her all the time.

  23. Cate

    jessica alba? looks like a normal person?
    oh shit, oh no.
    she’s still unusually beautiful, even if she is human.
    her whole not wanting to be called latina complex is just lame though.

  24. eowowo

    At least she is assuming the position for me to do her doggystyle.

  25. Bob Johnson

    O Please most of you know you would fuck that ass if you had half the chance, thats a great fucking ass…………ass clowns

  26. Ronald MacAssclown

    Why bother with all the whining? If you want her, just go out and get a 9 year old boy. He’ll have the same ass and a much better attitude.

  27. jake

    that is the un photoshopped un spraymakuped Kim kardiwhatever in the backround ! alba not hot she’s trailer girl with a few $ spent on makeup lessons.. give her a couple o years same old chicks you see at Mcdonalds

  28. jon

    the chick in the back round is the un photoshopped un spraymakuped Kim kardiwhatever ,… alba not hot she’s a trailer girl with a few $ spent on makeup lessons.. give her a couple o years same old chicks you see at Mcdonalds

  29. Frick

    The only thing I ever thought she had going for her was her great physique; particularly her perfectly rounded out ass cheeks. But now she’s way too skinny. And as for her face? Nothing special; fix up the average looking spanish girl at your local Walmart…and you’ve got someone at least as good looking as Alba. I’ve had spanish friends who were far prettier than her. If she wasn’t famous, most guys wouldn’t even give her a second look out in the real world. And the snooty personality to boot, iccchhh. Anyways, isn’t she back with that Cash guy? I’m surprised there was no mention of that.

  30. woodhorse

    The woman in the yellow shirt (background) is growing on me. I would like to see her join Alexiss K. Tylor on her show. She has a very expressive face and I would really like to hear her point of view.

  31. 83

    I’d tap that.

  32. lmao

    @ 64… too much writing.

  33. I had no idea that she was latin, I always thought she was milado.

  34. shannon2

    She’s Latiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina ………like me!
    She’s preeeeeeeeeeeeetty ……… me!

    she’s….she’s….uh….I forgot what I was talking about.

    FLOON the party god loves me, I think.

  35. Mama Pinkus

    If she wore jeans that tight here in Texas right now there would be steam emanating from her crotch.

  36. just say no to fatties

    So the “real women have curves!!!” crowd (or maybe it’s just 2-3 really fat chicks) would say if you’re a real man, you’d ignore Alba and go for that nasty whale in the background. See how silly it sounds when you apply it in real life?

  37. chimpy

    She’s got a flat ass. Fuckable still.

  38. shnoobie

    can somebody tell me which one is jessica biel? the one in gray or the one in yellow?

  39. Sillygoose


    YEA!? Which one is Jessica Simpson? or whatever?

  40. Dan

    She isn’t hot at all, neither pretty, she’s simply average and extremely overrated. I feel pity for anyone who finds her hot, geez, you truly are losers, I guess from a small town and who don’t get out much, who have never seen (and chances are will never touch) a slightly hot woman in your lives.
    If this chick is hot, then the world is full of stunning goddesses of hotness walking down the street everywhere. Rise your standards a little bit losers. Even though actually, isn’t 99% of the people who find Alba “hot” or “pretty” fucking ugly females? haha. yeah right.

  41. nina

    two left legs!

  42. Digo

    Jessica Alba is so hot that my hand gets sweaty when I type her name.
    Her ass is so perfect that her pants feel bad every time they cover it.
    And trust me…I’m Brazilian (=expert on ass)

  43. nina

    #94 i don’t care if you are from Brazil ,Jessica in that picture has two left legs!!!

  44. chauncy

    it’s the inuit lady from northern exposure

  45. Brenna

    her shows are all filthy. she couldn’t afford to have someone shine them or something? and he has a mic pack on… weird.

  46. Bri

    Shes a size 00….she looks like a little boy with tits. I think she is beautiful…but she could use a few squats and some protein in her diet….but would I hit in anyway? Hell yeah.

  47. ugh!jessicaoverrated

    bravo #64! Jessica Alba is SOOO over-rated. Geez. She’s just a normal person. She’s not ugly but definitely NOT hot, so guys need to get over it.

    Do you REALLY wanna see why she’s not HOT? Take a look here:

  48. GJC

    Jessica Alba is the hottest chick ever!! Maybe not the best actress ever… but really hot.

    Check out the newest Josh Hartnett Cover at

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