I took a survey of the leading causes that make grown men cry, and Jessica Alba’s ass came in at number one, right above a lemon being squeezed into your eye. I don’t even know why anymore. I mean she’s hot, but she’s not that hot. For some reason the idea of Jessica Alba has become infinitely hotter than Jessica Alba herself. She’s like a legend now, and tales of her hotness have surpassed her actual hotness. When they talk about her in the future it won’t even be her anymore. It’ll be tales of a creature so beautiful you have to whisper her name, and every time somebody says it the entire room will go “Oooh” and “Ahhh.”
cc rider | August 24, 2007 at 6:06 pm
FRIST!!! She’s hot, too!!
Duchess of Dork | August 24, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Woo?
drak237 | August 24, 2007 at 6:08 pm
nice spelling of first… why are folks so obsessed with being the first comment?
boogmeister | August 24, 2007 at 6:10 pm
I’m sorry, but I find both Jessica Biel and Jenny McCarthy to be MUCH sexier than Jessica Alba. Not to mention the former seem to be much more normal than the later.
JMHO
Taylor | August 24, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Well.. there those jeans don’t do much for the ass, but she is gorgeous, no doubt.
rix | August 24, 2007 at 6:10 pm
she’s really not that hot.puffy ass
Rachel | August 24, 2007 at 6:12 pm
HAHAHAH look at the fat chick behind her…..
This woman is thinking ___________ .
The Great Bamboozler | August 24, 2007 at 6:12 pm
in the words of the bard (david cross) “my pants are tight!”
D-Man | August 24, 2007 at 6:12 pm
What exactly is a puffy ass Rix????? Whatever it is, Jessica Alba doesn’t have it. Her ass looks pretty flat to me.
cc rider | August 24, 2007 at 6:13 pm
#3
a. because we can be obsessed
&
b. i did on purpose just so you’d be a moron and point it out
ipa | August 24, 2007 at 6:14 pm
rachel, go back to your stupid perez shit and leave the fish alone.
Meannate | August 24, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Looks like forcemeat… sausage!
rix | August 24, 2007 at 6:20 pm
9.
puffy ass. it just doesnt look like a normal ass. not big, just puffy. weird.
Cowgurl | August 24, 2007 at 6:28 pm
I was going to be first,but the chunky monkey in the background o’ the pic scared me and CC rider wouldn’t get off!
The One and Only REAL Goodman | August 24, 2007 at 6:31 pm
what’s wrong here she ALWAYS looks nice
Riotboy | August 24, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Me and Jessica should star in Position Impossible 4.
/I made a funny!
Screw you Superfish | August 24, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Question : Is Superfish a flaming fucking queer who steals jokes from his visitors as well as Jack Handey?
Answer : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABSOLUTELY!
Me | August 24, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Oh please, you vapid shallow people.
combustion8 | August 24, 2007 at 6:36 pm
decent as in weird strecthed like and kinda flat.. yeah.
rccp | August 24, 2007 at 6:37 pm
I’ve actually had limes squeezed into my eye (old remedy for conjunctivitis). That is some rough shit.
pointandlaugh | August 24, 2007 at 6:40 pm
jessica Alba is INCREDIBLE
El-Coyote | August 24, 2007 at 6:40 pm
So the chick in the background must be her Bizarro Jessica… Smash them together and we can have an enormous amount of free energy!!!
eep | August 24, 2007 at 6:43 pm
I totally agree! I mean, she’s cute and sweet and all. But her butt is tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny! Everytime I see the ads for that Good Luck Chuck (wow, it seems like suuuuch an original concept for a movie…) and I see her skirt fall off, her movements are just awkward. It’s just that people think she’s hotter than she is. She’s cute… but people say she’s godlike. She’s like a female Chuck Norris.
Malffy Hernandes | August 24, 2007 at 6:46 pm
I agree
woodhorse | August 24, 2007 at 6:47 pm
#17 Please lay off for awhile. Superfish caught Alesandra Ambrosia cheating on him with a midget in a parking garage. Give him some time for the wounds to heal.
El-Coyote | August 24, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Female Chuck Norris? LMAO….
She may not be the hottest chick ever but she is young, tight bodied, and very easy on the eyes. Goddess? Only when in her white bikini…
El-Coyote | August 24, 2007 at 6:49 pm
17.. I feel your pain.. Superfish never gives props anymore to anyone who gives tips or tag lines… The Fish steals quotes right off TMZ, why should you be any different?????
woodhorse | August 24, 2007 at 6:50 pm
While Jessica is pretty, she seems as interesting as a warm glass of water with a hair in it. I thought she would initiate some good gossip with 50cent, but no such luck.
Chauncey Gardner | August 24, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Nice chicken legs, chicken.
Nina | August 24, 2007 at 6:59 pm
She’s too thin now.
Mike | August 24, 2007 at 7:02 pm
She should wear something besides that yellow shirt.
It makes her look fat.
John Welch | August 24, 2007 at 7:02 pm
Jessica is as hot an actress out there. From the first time I saw here on Flipper I knew she would be a star. She was hottest in Sin city, since then she has gotten a little skinny. Where are your curves Jess I miss them.P.S. I also like the fact that she isn’t naked in every movie she does ,a little mystery is good.
Mike | August 24, 2007 at 7:04 pm
32-
Yeah, the mystery is; what does everyone see in her?
Illuzhen | August 24, 2007 at 7:06 pm
What is the big deal with this round pie face? I ran into her at Barney’s NY the other day and she looks unrecognizable, nobody recognized her. She looks like a homely Hispanic chick.
She can be appealing enough, but America is definitly way in over their heads with over-publicizing under-talented overhyped individuals such as her, and more so with pieces of trash like Paris Hiton, Nicole Richie, etc…..
Droopy Penis Nose & Anorexic Gnat Wasp need to get eliminated, they are a bane to my sanity and to society combined. And my sister went to school with them! God, we need to turn our attentions elsewhere…to worthy celebs.
woodhorse | August 24, 2007 at 7:07 pm
Somebody answer my posts… PLEASE.
hollyj | August 24, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Her legs and ass look hot, but I’m not sure why she’s standing with her toes all twisted around like she’s pigeon-toed.
Ali | August 24, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Hmmm … somedone’s changed their tune …
doogleberg | August 24, 2007 at 7:17 pm
At least it’s not Beyonce’s fat ass whippin’ her extensions around and calling it entertainment.
woodhorse | August 24, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Here’s an answer! Wally! Don’t think you’re doing anything! I love the attention from you and you know it. Kisses for the compliment the other day, btw.
Rob | August 24, 2007 at 7:22 pm
No no no, you want HOT? Google Alison Angel. But turn off your safe search option ;)
Angela Arroyo | August 24, 2007 at 7:25 pm
um. ew. flat ass much???? her ass definitely suffered from her mexican genes. LMFAO haha ew.
How To Pass a Drug Test | August 24, 2007 at 7:39 pm
She looks ass-tastic!
will you please sit on my face? | August 24, 2007 at 7:45 pm
she just has that kind of body and face that goes above what she looks like…i know what sounds weird…but…for some reason there are just some girls that you really just want them to spread their ass apart and just sit right on your face…i mean like their asshole is right on your mouth area…and just gently grind away for a few hours…or something like that….know what i mean?
hotstuff | August 24, 2007 at 7:48 pm
#28 — as interesting as a glass of water with a hair in it — I just shot tea through my nose from laughing.
B | August 24, 2007 at 8:08 pm
BACKGROUND GIRL
(thinking)
Oh my god, there she is…after all these years.. finally.. If I could.. just get a little closer..
I could dump this hot sauce on her and have myself a delicious snack.
Kam | August 24, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Yeah she is gorgeous but those jeans are a fashion crime, I hate that skinny jeans shit it looks stupid and they are so fucking hard to get on and off. YUCK.
Crap Tonight | August 24, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Those two standing together, look like Before and After
CursedClem | August 24, 2007 at 8:42 pm
She’s alright, I mean, she’d get it and all, I just can’t see what all the fuss is about.
Fuck shit balls tit bum arsehole!!!! ….er sorry ’bout that.
Know All | August 24, 2007 at 8:44 pm
The woman in the background is a paid employee of Jessicas. As Caesar had a slave run behind his chariot to remind him he was only mortal while he was receiving the adulations of the masses, Jessica has this woman remind her that “you’ll end up looking like me” everytime she approaches a fast food outlet, or a hot dog stand.
Alexei | August 24, 2007 at 8:45 pm
I had my Jessica Alba fantasy crushed a few weeks ago: http://refriedscreens.com/celebrities/crushing-jessica-alba-fantasies/