Jessica Alba has a decent body…I guess

August 24th, 2007 // 167 Comments

I took a survey of the leading causes that make grown men cry, and Jessica Alba’s ass came in at number one, right above a lemon being squeezed into your eye. I don’t even know why anymore. I mean she’s hot, but she’s not that hot. For some reason the idea of Jessica Alba has become infinitely hotter than Jessica Alba herself. She’s like a legend now, and tales of her hotness have surpassed her actual hotness. When they talk about her in the future it won’t even be her anymore. It’ll be tales of a creature so beautiful you have to whisper her name, and every time somebody says it the entire room will go “Oooh” and “Ahhh.”


  1. cc rider

    FRIST!!! She’s hot, too!!

  2. drak237

    nice spelling of first… why are folks so obsessed with being the first comment?

  3. boogmeister

    I’m sorry, but I find both Jessica Biel and Jenny McCarthy to be MUCH sexier than Jessica Alba. Not to mention the former seem to be much more normal than the later.


  4. Taylor

    Well.. there those jeans don’t do much for the ass, but she is gorgeous, no doubt.

  5. rix

    she’s really not that hot.puffy ass

  6. Rachel

    HAHAHAH look at the fat chick behind her…..

    This woman is thinking ___________ .

  7. The Great Bamboozler

    in the words of the bard (david cross) “my pants are tight!”

  8. D-Man

    What exactly is a puffy ass Rix????? Whatever it is, Jessica Alba doesn’t have it. Her ass looks pretty flat to me.

  9. cc rider

    a. because we can be obsessed
    b. i did on purpose just so you’d be a moron and point it out

  10. ipa

    rachel, go back to your stupid perez shit and leave the fish alone.

  11. Looks like forcemeat… sausage!

  12. rix

    puffy ass. it just doesnt look like a normal ass. not big, just puffy. weird.

  13. Cowgurl

    I was going to be first,but the chunky monkey in the background o’ the pic scared me and CC rider wouldn’t get off!

  14. what’s wrong here she ALWAYS looks nice

  15. Riotboy

    Me and Jessica should star in Position Impossible 4.

    /I made a funny!

  16. Screw you Superfish

    Question : Is Superfish a flaming fucking queer who steals jokes from his visitors as well as Jack Handey?


  17. Me

    Oh please, you vapid shallow people.

  18. combustion8

    decent as in weird strecthed like and kinda flat.. yeah.

  19. rccp

    I’ve actually had limes squeezed into my eye (old remedy for conjunctivitis). That is some rough shit.

  20. pointandlaugh

    jessica Alba is INCREDIBLE

  21. El-Coyote

    So the chick in the background must be her Bizarro Jessica… Smash them together and we can have an enormous amount of free energy!!!

  22. eep

    I totally agree! I mean, she’s cute and sweet and all. But her butt is tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny! Everytime I see the ads for that Good Luck Chuck (wow, it seems like suuuuch an original concept for a movie…) and I see her skirt fall off, her movements are just awkward. It’s just that people think she’s hotter than she is. She’s cute… but people say she’s godlike. She’s like a female Chuck Norris.

  23. Malffy Hernandes

    I agree

  24. woodhorse

    #17 Please lay off for awhile. Superfish caught Alesandra Ambrosia cheating on him with a midget in a parking garage. Give him some time for the wounds to heal.

  25. El-Coyote

    Female Chuck Norris? LMAO….

    She may not be the hottest chick ever but she is young, tight bodied, and very easy on the eyes. Goddess? Only when in her white bikini…

  26. El-Coyote

    17.. I feel your pain.. Superfish never gives props anymore to anyone who gives tips or tag lines… The Fish steals quotes right off TMZ, why should you be any different?????

  27. woodhorse

    While Jessica is pretty, she seems as interesting as a warm glass of water with a hair in it. I thought she would initiate some good gossip with 50cent, but no such luck.

  28. Chauncey Gardner

    Nice chicken legs, chicken.

  29. She’s too thin now.

  30. Mike

    She should wear something besides that yellow shirt.
    It makes her look fat.

  31. John Welch

    Jessica is as hot an actress out there. From the first time I saw here on Flipper I knew she would be a star. She was hottest in Sin city, since then she has gotten a little skinny. Where are your curves Jess I miss them.P.S. I also like the fact that she isn’t naked in every movie she does ,a little mystery is good.

  32. Mike

    Yeah, the mystery is; what does everyone see in her?

  33. Illuzhen

    What is the big deal with this round pie face? I ran into her at Barney’s NY the other day and she looks unrecognizable, nobody recognized her. She looks like a homely Hispanic chick.
    She can be appealing enough, but America is definitly way in over their heads with over-publicizing under-talented overhyped individuals such as her, and more so with pieces of trash like Paris Hiton, Nicole Richie, etc…..
    Droopy Penis Nose & Anorexic Gnat Wasp need to get eliminated, they are a bane to my sanity and to society combined. And my sister went to school with them! God, we need to turn our attentions elsewhere…to worthy celebs.

  34. woodhorse

    Somebody answer my posts… PLEASE.

  35. Her legs and ass look hot, but I’m not sure why she’s standing with her toes all twisted around like she’s pigeon-toed.

  36. Ali

    Hmmm … somedone’s changed their tune …

  37. doogleberg

    At least it’s not Beyonce’s fat ass whippin’ her extensions around and calling it entertainment.

  38. woodhorse

    Here’s an answer! Wally! Don’t think you’re doing anything! I love the attention from you and you know it. Kisses for the compliment the other day, btw.

  39. Rob

    No no no, you want HOT? Google Alison Angel. But turn off your safe search option ;)

  40. um. ew. flat ass much???? her ass definitely suffered from her mexican genes. LMFAO haha ew.

  41. will you please sit on my face?

    she just has that kind of body and face that goes above what she looks like…i know what sounds weird…but…for some reason there are just some girls that you really just want them to spread their ass apart and just sit right on your face…i mean like their asshole is right on your mouth area…and just gently grind away for a few hours…or something like that….know what i mean?

  42. hotstuff

    #28 — as interesting as a glass of water with a hair in it — I just shot tea through my nose from laughing.

  43. B

    Oh my god, there she is…after all these years.. finally.. If I could.. just get a little closer..

    I could dump this hot sauce on her and have myself a delicious snack.

  44. Kam

    Yeah she is gorgeous but those jeans are a fashion crime, I hate that skinny jeans shit it looks stupid and they are so fucking hard to get on and off. YUCK.

  45. Crap Tonight

    Those two standing together, look like Before and After

  46. CursedClem

    She’s alright, I mean, she’d get it and all, I just can’t see what all the fuss is about.

    Fuck shit balls tit bum arsehole!!!! ….er sorry ’bout that.

  47. Know All

    The woman in the background is a paid employee of Jessicas. As Caesar had a slave run behind his chariot to remind him he was only mortal while he was receiving the adulations of the masses, Jessica has this woman remind her that “you’ll end up looking like me” everytime she approaches a fast food outlet, or a hot dog stand.

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