Jessica Alba is an American hero

June 14th, 2007 // 169 Comments

is reporting that Endeavor Talent Agency dropped Paris Hilton because Jessica Alba pushed to have her kicked. An insider reveals:

“They were getting a lot of pressure from bigger clients to get rid of Paris. None of them wanted to have the same agents as Paris; she’s an embarrassment to any real artist. Jessica is the anti-Paris — a real star who hates the silly L.A. party scene that Paris reigns over. She made it clear to the folks at Endeavor — either Paris goes or she goes.”

And if that doesn’t qualify her for greatest woman on the planet, she also says she’s up for one night stands as long as the guy doesn’t stick around the next morning. She tells Cosmopolitan magazine:

“I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have. Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now I’m done with dating around.”

The word ‘hero’ is thrown around a lot these days, but I think it’s safe to say Jessica Alba is the greatest hero to have ever lived. I once ran into a burning building to save a child and his pet dog, but compared to Jessica Alba I might as well have spent that day beating up kittens.

Photos: Splash
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  1. OMG! She’s a beaner. Beaner girls are born with their legs spread wide open, and they don’t close them until they’re too fat to keep popping out babies.

  2. Hater

    Oh for fuck sake. Forget her ass, tits, bad personality and the fact that she can’t act. It’s her goddamn scary ass, gargoyle like, ugly as hell feet that need some work. Those sorry ass make you lose your lunch, disgusting, nauseating, repellent, hideous damn things need to be hidden in some type of boot at all times!

  3. ChouChou

    I think it’s heeeeeee-larious that Alba considers herself an “artist” because of that really stupid television show and the Fantastic Four movies. Yeah, she’s right up there with Meryl Streep and Glenn Close after doing those gems. NOT.

    And as for the one-night-stand biznez, everybody knows, Jess, that women only say that in order to titillate guys into giving them more attention. If you were a real artist, you’d be able to rely on your skills as an actress to garner attention, rather than cheap, provocative statements like this one. Purrrrlease…..

  4. SodaPops

    LOL at 152, Hater.

    Don’t forget her teeth. She looks like she could be an attraction at Jurassic Park with those giant fuckers.

  5. Mark

    The day when everyone prefers Hilton over Alba makes me want to kill myself, or everyone else.

  6. woodhorse

    #132 It IS Entertain Woodhorse Day! I am marking June 15 on my calendar for next year.

    One question:#51 under Bob Barker (PrettyBaby) said “other two whores” – does that make me a whore? Just checking.

  7. myriam

    jessica Alba is a fucking bitch for saying that shE IS NOT MEXICAN BELIEVE WE DON’T WANT YOUR WHITE WAS AS OUR OWN ANYWAY PINCHE NOPAL MAL MARIDA

  8. TigerLilly

    Ugga Wagga Wiggwam!
    Peter Pan, I think this girl is really
    a Mexican in disguise and it’s pissing
    people off..she’s ugly,so who cares?

  9. Michael Gordon

    #95 Did you just quote a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights?” I love that movie.

    There are 2 big differences between Jessica Alba and Paris Hilton:

    1. Jessica doesn’t have a home porn video out on the market.

    2. Alba actually CAN act.

    Personally, I prefer brunettes so I’m biased towards Jessica anyway. I didn’t particularly care for the blonde hair she had in “Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer.” Some women look great as blondes. Jessica’s not one of them.

  10. Is Jessica A Real Brunette?

    #160

    I was confused when you said that Jessica CAN act, until I realized that you’ve only watched porn.

    I don’t know why you prefer brunettes, but I do hope it is not because they might be smarter, because if that was the reason, judging from the things she has said, Jessica is definitely not a true brunette.

  11. CC

    Okay, despite the fact that I think she’s really damn annoying a lot of the time, I think it is safe to say she just went up a couple of notches in my book. And by a couple, I mean like 20.
    Now if only she would eat something and get back her former fantastic curves, we would be in business…

  12. Jackson Wallace

    She wouldnt get to tell me to leave, because she’d wake up with me stuffing her mouth. During the night I’d make sure to make her plenty sore as well. That was then, though, when she was a cute sweet thing. Now’s she turned into a bobble-headed fundraiser lady. She’s gone from sexy outfits to a lot of granny ball gowns lately. Looked good on GQ though, but she thinks pillows might poison her, so the girl is nothing but a drag to listen to, and, cmon, what else can you expect from a mildly intelligent chick that sells ass for a living, and thinks she’s an artist. YAWN. Her peak is past.

  13. Madonna

    I’d like to have a nice romantic candlelit dinner with her while we talked about world issues. Afterwards I’d smack her in the head and blow a load in her face.

  14. Madonna, I always knew you had a dick. You need to bring that dick over here and let me
    show you what to do with it. I love to lick
    dicks and assholes. call me.

  15. I would like to say that i’m really happy for my best talent jessica alba.

  16. rugbymadkiwi

    I must be on another planet living downunder, but I absolutely adore Alba.
    if you don’t want her in the US she can come to New Zealand any time!!

  17. I like…so beautiful and sexy,good!

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