Jessica Alba is an American hero

June 14th, 2007 // 169 Comments

is reporting that Endeavor Talent Agency dropped Paris Hilton because Jessica Alba pushed to have her kicked. An insider reveals:

“They were getting a lot of pressure from bigger clients to get rid of Paris. None of them wanted to have the same agents as Paris; she’s an embarrassment to any real artist. Jessica is the anti-Paris — a real star who hates the silly L.A. party scene that Paris reigns over. She made it clear to the folks at Endeavor — either Paris goes or she goes.”

And if that doesn’t qualify her for greatest woman on the planet, she also says she’s up for one night stands as long as the guy doesn’t stick around the next morning. She tells Cosmopolitan magazine:

“I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have. Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now I’m done with dating around.”

The word ‘hero’ is thrown around a lot these days, but I think it’s safe to say Jessica Alba is the greatest hero to have ever lived. I once ran into a burning building to save a child and his pet dog, but compared to Jessica Alba I might as well have spent that day beating up kittens.

Photos: Splash
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  1. susanist

    Jessica Alba’s a bigger fraud than Paris could ever be. The ‘hotness’ issue is a joke. She was not convincing as “Dark Angel’ with her skinny arms. She does not deserve to be Sue Storm, a role that should have went to Elisa Cuthbert.

    Alba’s feeling high because a bunch of kids or adult’s with a kid’s libido believe she’s hot.

    Paris should start her own agency. She doesn’t need any of the crap. For sure this agency has been good for Alba giving her what she doesn’t deserve.

    Paris is the real deal. She’s a supermodel, like it or not. She’s got credits in TV and movies. Nothing Alba’s done rates an award.
    Paris could have just sat on her butt and partied but she’s one of the hardest working people in Hollywood with her multiple interests. The fact that she can party to the degree she does and still manage her farflung inteersts is more than can be said for Jessica. Does she really think what she does is acting? Then she’s delusional.

  2. Ally

    fish get funnier

  3. susanist

    There’s nothing remotely action-hero worthy on Jessica Alba. All of you who think she’s hot or anywhere close to being the hottest woman alive are somewhat pedophilic.

    She’s had a TV role “Dark Angel” she was not qualified to do. Look at her arms, do they look like she can kick butt with those toothpicks?

    Paris Hilton is an Iconic Blonde. All Alba is doing is Blonde bashing. Of course she is jealous with all her ‘accomplishments’ to the real Blondes. How many times do we have to deal with this phoney ass Blonde wannabe?

    All of you are just jealous losers who haven’t accomplished anywhere near what Paris has.

    This has been nothing but a massive witch trial put on a nation that has to have a detail of LA cops watching Paris’ every move but can’t find Osama bin Laden. Everyone of you Paris haters are reasons to reinstate the draft so you can have something serious to think about rather than hating on someone you don’t know who’s never done anything to harm you.

  4. pekpek

    ALBA’s not aging well. She’ll never be Jlo and she can’t even act. What a loser. Just another hate like Avril.

  5. wisp

    That one night stand comment made me lose a ton of respect for Jessica Alba.

  6. WowJustWow

    She’s just as trashy as Paris Hilton.

  7. Don't Blow Me Jessica

    #89 – Posted by Snatch on June 15, 2007 12:55 AM
    “But at least Alba doesn’t have herpes.”

    See #69.

  8. jus'stupid

    Gee, throw me in that briar patch, Have sex with Alba, and be gone in the am, no strings attached. HMMMM, pretty tough decision, Bam, I’m all over that.

  9. Explain to Me Wisp

    #106
    What exactly made you respect her in the first place?

  10. jus'stupid

    One night stands are great, as long as both parties are cool with it. We all need some good sex, without attachment.

  11. mia

    Krazihottkelli, I didn’t post #45, I know your going to think I did. Someone else is messing around with you. I’m too busy sucking
    Satan’s dick.

  12. Mia==eat zhit, bitch..
    I juzt woke up and I zee
    you were buzy lazt nite
    being me..hope ya had fun,azzhole.

    #103
    ztupid bitch: we already have a back
    door draft,bitch..and if they decide
    to draft everyone..I hope your kidz get
    sent over there,fuckface..
    hey ztupid, don’t cha think if we really wanted Osamah we would have had him..what
    a dickhead!

  13. CountDrunkulaXxX

    Dude, why arent you posting about how she hates being mexican? Omg, I dont blame her.

  14. jrzmommy

    So she’s a tramp like Paris…….and last time I checked, Meryl Streep she AIN’T….it’s not like Fantastic Four and Dark Angel are necessarily, um, Academy Award winning, groundbreaking films…..so what’s her fucking deal? Can you say EGO?

  15. mia

    Kelli

    If you want to look like me, at least, don’t put a link in my name…

  16. Assbestos

    Now, if only she could actually act…

  17. Sorry ==Mia
    Eat zhit dumb azz
    U zuck zatan’z dick
    while i enjoy living
    in my fucked up country

    Do zomething with your life
    Join our church
    They’ll zave you az they zave me
    Now I only take one pill a day
    And my nurze allow me one hour outzide
    Life iz good

  18. nobackdoor

    Richport likes dudes, i know cause he tried to hit on me!!!

  19. Kris

    #101:

    Are you delusional?

  20. 116 mia:
    what the fuck r u talkin?

    I didn’t put a link in your
    name..and how or Y would I
    want to look at U…I hate
    Canadian Bacon, bitch…
    someone elze iz playing with
    your head…jerk off…

  21. jrzmommy

    Canadian Bacon……okay, that’s funny.

  22. mia

    Shut up kelli
    I’m trying to be you.
    And its hard on the IQ.
    (Thats a poem like you can see)

  23. 118*damn U muzt really
    love me…can’t ztop
    playing me…
    and for your info:
    I don’t go to church
    they r nothing but
    cultz,dickbrain…

    enjoy being me!

  24. mia

    You got it kelli
    I love you. But i love satan like you always say, so, logically, you must be satan. You fucking dark pervert. Now shut the fuck up and eat me. You know how i love your forked tongue.

  25. Judy Greer

    Jessica IS an IDIOT!

    This will backfire on her… just wait and see.

    Paris WILL prevail!

  26. Zatan can’t uze a computer
    dickweed!

    Virginz don’t eat puzzy
    what planet R U on?
    oh yea, Zatanz underworld
    Land of the Marzhz

    bitch,U wizh I had a
    forkedtoungue!

    I do know someone who
    doez, I’ll send him
    down…

  27. BaldAsBritney

    So Jessica wants to bang you and then you get to leave?

    Could this woman be any more prefect?

  28. mia

    Kelli
    how do you know satan can’t use a computer? Is it written in the bible? You seem to know him well… And by definition, a virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. You can eat a pussy and stay a virgin.
    And underworld is under our world. Not another planet… What an idiot you are… And it is ”tongue” not ”toungue”. But I guess you were about to put a ”z” there and you put a ”u” instead. Are you about to be a ”u” addicted now?

  29. YouRang

    #128 Yeah, she could be less of a stuck up bitch.

  30. mia

    Anyway kelli, you are boring.

    And jessica alba sucks. (not in the good way).
    And she’s a bad actress.

  31. Mia,don’t be lying to these people in
    here. You know that we have sex about
    1,000 times a day and that your asshole
    is burnt up because of it. Krazihottkelli
    is a virgin and leave her alone, we only
    bother with the whores(Paris,Spears,Lohan).
    Stop telling people that the underworld
    isn’t another planet, you know damn well
    it is.
    Also, please don’t tell anyone that my son is
    going to come back pretending to be Jesus
    and the idiots of this world will follow
    him and will be doomed as you are. You can,
    however, let Krazihottkelli know, cause
    since she’s a virgin, we can’t accept her.
    So, get back down here, I need my two-
    headed snake dick sucked, BITCH NOW!

  32. mia

    I think kelli has a brain fart.
    so embarassing.

  33. b*tch slap

    ===
    ===
    ==
    ===So, I wonder if she’s talking about Mark Wahlberg and Derek Jeter when she brings up the one night stands? Was she with Paul Walker, too?

  34. b*tch slap

    ===
    ===
    ==
    ===So, I wonder if she’s talking about Mark Wahlberg and Derek Jeter when she brings up the one night stands? Was she with Paul Walker, too?

  35. frenchie

    Pearls of wisdom…

    What a class act! So talented and wise beyond her years! She’s bringing the sexy back.

  36. *evilqueen*

    by having the same agency with Paris doesn’t make yourself stupid because you never know when you have the same fate or outcome as Paris… People will laugh at you more compare to Paris… so Jessica, you better watch out!!!

  37. PrettyBaby

    What the hell??? An argument between krazykelli and mia- this is seriously some cheap and sleazy entertainment right here.

  38. I hadn’t planned on seeing the movie she is in about that surfer…..but I will say this. Jessica, I my date, and another couple will now be seeing that movie. Good for you.

  39. And i’m an azz
    coz i enjoy it
    bitch

  40. ugh

    talentless bitch

  41. PrettyBaby

    Great trolling kelli… I’m impress.

  42. PrettyBaby

    Heh….142?

  43. PrettyBaby

    The only comment I wrote on here was #138- keep me out of your little pussy match, k? If you want to troll me try to mention my humor, beauty or something- sheeeesh.

    But I have to say it- Mia appears to be kicking kelli’s ass though- as much as it hurts me to say.
    Commence.

  44. mia

    Thanks babe.

  45. WOW, I used to not like her, but I guess it changed.

  46. Andrea

    I have to say, I am sooo sick and tired of her. Not sure why really, maybe the “I’m just too hot” comments??!!

  47. samwyse

    How did that 2 year old Cosmopolitan story suddenly become news again? I’ve seen it posted around lately in several places, here’s a link to her 2 year old response to it: http://www.cinematical.com/2005/07/10/jessica-alba-doesnt-sleep-around/

  48. #140=hey fuckface
    Uglybaby:

    lookz like U f’d up
    on that pozt and signed
    your own name,lier…

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