Jessica Alba is an American hero

June 14th, 2007 // 169 Comments

is reporting that Endeavor Talent Agency dropped Paris Hilton because Jessica Alba pushed to have her kicked. An insider reveals:

“They were getting a lot of pressure from bigger clients to get rid of Paris. None of them wanted to have the same agents as Paris; she’s an embarrassment to any real artist. Jessica is the anti-Paris — a real star who hates the silly L.A. party scene that Paris reigns over. She made it clear to the folks at Endeavor — either Paris goes or she goes.”

And if that doesn’t qualify her for greatest woman on the planet, she also says she’s up for one night stands as long as the guy doesn’t stick around the next morning. She tells Cosmopolitan magazine:

“I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have. Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now I’m done with dating around.”

The word ‘hero’ is thrown around a lot these days, but I think it’s safe to say Jessica Alba is the greatest hero to have ever lived. I once ran into a burning building to save a child and his pet dog, but compared to Jessica Alba I might as well have spent that day beating up kittens.

Photos: Splash

  1. Wanky


  2. MissDior17

    Alba :1 Hilton :0

  3. Wanky

    i meant Furst!!!!

  4. Wanky

    goddamnit!! Fourth!

  5. RichPort

    What a shame… she’s a good fifteen minutes past her prime…

  6. KELLS

    JESSICA ALBA, HAS REALLY LOST alot of weight! She use to be hot to def, but now she’s just another skinny tramp in hollywood! I wouldn’t do her, with my friend, friend’s penis!

  7. mafme

    I wonder which of them is the worse actor.

  8. bungoone

    since when is Jessica Alba considered a “real artist” or a “real star”?

    this chick is a nobody who so badly wants to be a somebody.

  9. YouRang

    The one night stand part sounds great. The idea of having to listen to her talk sounds…well actually it sounds so awful, I don’t know if I could make it all the way to the one night stand.

  10. havoc

    That was beautiful….






  12. lambman

    Ok, so I kinda just stopped hating her, and I’ve been hating her for years…still don’t think she’s that hot or talented, but at least she managed to make me smile.

    still though WTF happened to her, she looks old and weird in the pics above…also she makes kiera knightly look curvey

  13. Ruby

    Well, if she manages to grab a hotdog after the show, she’ll have the mustard spillage problem beat.

  14. sam

    She’s a hero. And a bitch. A biro? herotch? But she doesn’t have to worry about me hanging around after sex – she’d have to be unconscious already for it to even be an option (I’m prone to migraines).

  15. mary

    so is she really flashing the shocker in that last pic???

  16. I’m FRIST!!! How’s everyone doing? Blah blah blah, I hate Paris too, which is why I fired MY agent. Guess if I’d have waited for Jessica to have her ass shit-canned I’d still have an agent right now.
    ooops gotta go, boss is coming…

  17. SuperLee

    Well, at least she’s got the fake plastered uncomfortable smile down pat. That’ll come in handy when she’s doing scifi conventions in a year or so.

  18. gribbets

    gee these almost seem like self-serving bitchy comments from Jessica Alba – i’m shocked, really.

  19. sophia

    so wait, if having one night stands doesn’t make you a slut, what does?

  20. Yourfairytale

    I really couldn’t stand Alba before but now I might be changing my mind.

  21. p0nk

    Jessica, fear not about cuddling, you know my m.o. – a poke in the pink, a stab in the stink, and POW! right in the kisser.

    Exactly what you’re talking about, huh, bitch?

  22. A talking cunt. STFU and SUCK IT BITCH!

  23. charm

    Jessica, you might want to stop you’re bitching and whining because in a couple of years some hot young thing will be complaining to your agent about how you’re too old and suck at acting and they should kick your ass to the curb.
    Because if there is one thing true of hollywood, it’s that no matter how famous you are now (and in your case, not very) one day you will be a total has been.

  24. charm

    and before anybody points it out, I know i have a spelling error.

  25. Ruby

    Hey ponk: was it you who quoted “…and i’d lick her from star to snail” or was that someone else?




  27. wow

    It’s really sad that she is at the point of washed up where she needs to make outlandish obvious comments catering to every guys dream in a last minute attempt to get attention. How truly pathetic.

  28. Yes.

    I want to do her.

    Many, many times.

  29. star69

    So moron thinks she’s better than Paris. LOL.
    Just because the paparazzi doesn’t care about her doesn’t mean she’s any better than Paris.
    She’s obviously just as stuck up as Paris. Thinks she’s something special.

    Just because this moron has had a bf for a while doesn’t make her Mother Theresa. She’s just as skanky to me as the other one and is even worse of an actress than Parasite if that’s even possible.
    Does she think she’s even an actress?
    Hotness doesn’t make a great actress.

    I think she should keep posing for Playboy and FHM etc in bikinis. That’s all she ever does. Show off her body.
    She’s a great model.
    Not so much?
    Better than Paris?
    Definitely not.

  30. star69

    She’s acting like her shite doesn’t smell.
    Well honey, I got news for you.
    I can smell it from here and it ain’t lavender.

    **Hatorade is awesome:)**

  31. Jeanie

    wow. So many Jessica Alba haters today. And I thought it was agreed that she is God’s gift to men. Even I think she’s hot. Hello! Did anyone see her in Into the Blue? Her ass alone deserves an Oscar.

  32. Morticia

    Boy she really thinks she’s wise and worldly doesn’t she? Just like every twenty something year old. I do like the part about kicking Parasite to the ground though. That’s cool.

  33. leelee

    @19– being in high school makes you a slut. Seriously. I don’t think I’ve honestly called someone a slut since then. Unless it’s as a joke, or I’m just pissed off and can’t come up with a better word.

  34. JoeBandana

    I’m just waiting for Alba to put out a sex tape and then I can die a happy man!

  35. woodhorse

    #19 being a man. Being a man makes you a slut. And being a man makes you look at Bern’s site for the Himalaya Twins.

  36. 15piecesofflare

    Why doesn’t she try focusing on her OWN career instead trying to take someone else down a peg? I guess it’s it the only level she knows how to operate on. And I’m no Paris fan.

  37. honeycombs_big_yeahyeahyeah!

    Ha ha! Awesome! Women only say shit like this to seem tantalizing, and to get others to picture it. Attention-getting device, no matter how they hedge it. I should know, being someone who must fight the lads off with a stick, despite rolls of flub and sweat tops dotted with various tortilla-wrap sauces.

  38. Guy

    Why can’t any one see that she is just jumping on the bandwagon of hating Paris, in order to be more popular?

  39. star69


    When it comes to celeb hating, I don’t discriminate.
    Everyone gets their share, hehe.

  40. tiredofparis

    Ever since I heard that this bitch snubbed our troops, I can’t stand to look at her face. Get over yourself Jessica!

  41. mia

    Thats her way to be taken more seriously. She realize that posing half naked in every of her picture isn’t working. Maybe being mean with worst bitch than her will work.

  42. Jimbo

    I usually leave right after depositing the Steamer anyway

  43. AJ

    Jessica Alba is an idiot, plain and simple.
    She should be the one who got kicked and not Paris Hilton. I’m not too fond of Paris but this Alba moron is even worse than her.
    She’s a fucking retard, she’s always saying shit attempting to make herself seem “oh so cool” and respectable, and she’s just a complete stuck-up idiot. Jessica, all women knew that, you don’t need to say that in a magazine like it’s news or like you’re special for saying it. Maybe the moron is slow and just realized it when evey other woman thinks that already, being not aware that every woman is aware of that already. Next time she may say she wipes her ass in a magazine like it’s news and like she’s cool, and it will be equally as interesting.
    Can’t stand this absolute idiot. Oh and doesn’t she have a boyfriend too, of at least 3 years? Yeh, the only friend she has and the only person who can stand her moron self. She has a lot of one night stands for sure, involved in a relationship of 3 years, and being engaged and oh so virginal before.
    Is this chick trying to outidiot herslef with her comments? Can’t stand this boring stupid moron! won’t she disappear already?
    And look at those pictures, she isn’t even cute! She is unable of looking at least cute in a single non super photoshoped airbrushed digitally enhanced professional studio picture! The ultra overrated boobless assless stick with a waist as wide as her hips and an average face thinks she’s cool… can’t anyobdy tell her how much she sucks already and to please STFU? Kim Kardashian should teach her a thing or too… just walk by her side and Alba’s ego will go down, exactly what she needs.

  44. I’ve always been a fan of Alba. She’s definitely number one on my list. With this news she’s surpassed number 1. Wait…what’s better than number 1??

  45. zhe’s zo hot
    I wanna do her
    And alzo zatan
    by the way
    my link finally
    goez zomewhere

  46. Jacquie

    This totally makes up for my lack of interest in all “artistic” endeavours she’s been a part of. I love her now.

  47. no1justminda

    She and Paris have a lot more in common than she may think! Who cares about Jessica Alba, she’s booooooooorrriiinnnnnnnng.

  48. Bubba

    So, Jessie thinks it’s ok to be a slut but doesn’t want to have the same agent as another slut? That makes sense.

    Anyways, Alba is amazingly hot. There’s just something about her that screams out “do me me.”

    I can’t stand Paris, but one thing I will say in her favor, is that she manages to look thin without looking like a corpse.

    Alba is slipping to the corpse-like side lately. She needs more protein – and I’d be happy to provide it.

  49. Binky

    Actually I thought her acting disappeared in that last Fantastic Four movie.

  50. Her in Sin City is enough to keep me from wanting to kill myself.

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