Jessica Alba gets a traffic ticket

February 21st, 2006 // 73 Comments

jessica-alba-ticket.jpgIf you have as much money as Jessica Alba does, wouldn’t it just make sense to hire a guard monkey to fling poo at any officer that might try to give you a ticket? If I had that kind of money I’d get at least two. Because if anything keeps officers away from your car more than a monkey throwing poo at them, it’s two monkeys throwing poo at them.



  1. Bogart

    Nobody looks hotter picking a ticket off their windshield than Jessica Alba. Of coarse nobody looks hotter picking weeds, picking her nose, or picking dead skin off her butt than Jessica either.

  2. kroft

    I am one who is loathe to jump on bandwagons. I think that Jessica Alba looked better when she had a few more pounds on her and before she bleached her hair (though it’s dark in that picture). And she isn’t a very good actress either.

    However, I ain’t gonna lie. Even if she’s not as hot as she once was, she’s still pretty damn hot. I can’t imagine anyone not finding her at least somewhat attractive. And she has an appealing quality onscreen, even if her acting isn’t too great.

    Of course I just saw her in Into the Blue with Paul Walker (worst popular actor in Hollywood and the onscreen charisma of a turnip) and Scott Caan (annoying asshole midget with Napolean complex) so perhaps she just came off as more appealing in comparison.

    And really…wtf is this news? If she took the ticket off her windshield and peed on it, fine. But otherwise..

  3. She’s hot and all that, but why is this post-worthy?

  4. In the comic book, her character was topless. That’s probably the ONLY time the movie strayed from the source material. I guess she just had enough star power to sway Rodriguez.

  5. MystressJade

    Hugh I’m with you, she is smokin’…

    I’d really hit that hard…..

  6. September_bebe

    I’m a chick and i think she’s hot. Sometimes she acts a little too stuck up, I mean she has a very cute face and an awesome body, but she’s no catherine zeta-jones…

  7. And this is gossip beecause???? Ya I know this site favors lame Paris Hilton not-gossip but come on!!!

  8. Jayne

    I liked when Julian McMahon(sp?), her co-star in Fantastic Four, embaressed her on Leno some time ago.
    It was hilarious. She reacted like a spazzy 12 year old.

  9. gogoboots

    She can afford 500,000 car tickets at this point. Who cares?

  10. Lavinia the Vainglorious

    Yes, she’s hot, but that doesn’t make this post terribly interesting. One of the other gossip sites has little blurbs from people along the lines of: “Um yeah, I saw Kim Bassinger at the Starbucks on 34th with her little dog. She was wearing a brown coat and looked happy.”

    This post is on par with that.

  11. Cindylover1969

    “She’s hot”? Check.
    “She isn’t that great”? Check.
    “Yes she IS, dammit”? Check.
    “Is this a story”? Check.
    “I’m a girl and I think she’s hot”? Check.

    At least that loser xd hasn’t started his usual Albaphobic spiel yet…

  12. slinkhard

    ‘This might answer your question retards:

    I actually think she looks nicer in the picture on this post. She’s got a pretty face, but it looks meh on that wallpaper you linked (and on the Sin City promos.) She looked lovely in the Fantastic Four, even though it sucked.

  13. LaydeeBug

    She does have a pretty face…pretty ordinary.

    People, I pass chicks like her every day in the barrios and there are WAY prettier girls here. Oh, and they are not stuck up, not really.

  14. PostAcidYouth

    #50…she looks around 15 years old

    Ahh, there are a hundred better looking actresses than Alba, and even more that can act. I think once the general film watching public get tired of her face (it’s gonna happen) her ‘acting ability’ isn’t going to be able to keep her head above water

  15. HughJorganthethird

    Gee I’m sorry for thinking Jessica is hot. What was I thiking ? It must bebecuase I live in an area with alot of Amish and not the Barrio. In the future I will try to be more discerning. next.

  16. THRALL

    god she’s so hot even when she’s getting a ticket

  17. Bogart

    #65 haha, my thoughts exactly.

    And also, I didn’t know that people would consider a site called “The Superficial, because your ugly” as a major news source on celebs. I thought this was a place to come and make fun of celebs or drool over hot chicks like Alba. If you want a site that reports celeb news seriously maybe you should consider another site lol.

    If you continue complaining about how stuff on this site isn’t news, and they keep reporting stuff that isn’t news despite your protests, and yet you keep coming back for more, then maybe you’re on the wrong site? Maybe you just like bitching? Maybe I’m wasting too much time on people who are too stupid to figure it out on this post. ok, I’m done.

  18. hafaball

    I know I came.

  19. robot_turkey

    I’ve never seen what’s so great about her. She’s not THAT cute.

  20. thegauntlet

    hear, hear, 67.

    thesuperficial = T + A + scathing humor

    the end.

    gossip junkies: spend 30 more seconds at the checkout counter and catch up on the Enquirer instead of protesting here.

  21. LaydeeBug

    #65, Wow Hugh, there must be some hot Amish chicks there. Aren’t they like Dutch? Do they really wear bonnets?

  22. can she give me some?

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