Jessica Alba gets a traffic ticket

February 21st, 2006 // 73 Comments

jessica-alba-ticket.jpgIf you have as much money as Jessica Alba does, wouldn’t it just make sense to hire a guard monkey to fling poo at any officer that might try to give you a ticket? If I had that kind of money I’d get at least two. Because if anything keeps officers away from your car more than a monkey throwing poo at them, it’s two monkeys throwing poo at them.



  1. derekd

    Who cares?

  2. BEAM

    Is she driving one of those EEEVIL SUV’s?

  3. PapaHotNuts

    It must be a parking ticket because she got FINE written all over her.

    Cheese alert.

  4. o-n

    The entertainment media is really stretching it now…

  5. amystitz

    uh, yeah…she’s pulling it off the windshield, so isn’t that a PARKING ticket?

  6. Sheva

    It’s not a ticket, it’s a flyer to a topless club and they are inviting tryouts later today.

    Change your schedule Jessica.

  7. Populist

    She seems to be handling it much better than Eva Longoria handled her last parking ticket.

  8. A Nobody

    This isn’t news. Call me when the car blows up and she survives but is in a coma and a damaged face.

    Don’t take me seriously.

  9. LaydeeBug

    Eh, she probably has a percentage of her income set aside just for tickets. No biggie.

    Minus 100 points for driving a gas-guzzler.

  10. ESQ

    PapaHotNuts, Laydeebug – I missed you. : )

    Now that (almost) all my hustlers are back…

    In response to #6 – I think it is actually one of those flyers that K-Douche put on her “windscreen” while dressed as a burrito for buy one get one at the cheesy rip-off Taco Hell.

  11. St.Minutia

    That’s not a parking ticket. It’s an annoying citation. The cops in Hollywood can give those out now.

  12. Xanthia

    I would rather wait and read about her arrest for not paying all her parking tickets (she NEEDS that money for the gas-guzzler, ya know).

  13. carriecoconut28

    Why does everyone think shes so hot? Shes not, she looks like shes about 10…

  14. CheekyChops

    She’s a big bowl of nothing special.

  15. LoneWolf

    She threw it in the glove box and there were like, a hundred other ones already in there and she said, “File that under CS”. And her passenger said, “CS? What’s that stand for”, and she said, “Chicken Sh!t, that’s what it is”.

    Ooops, sorry, that was a scene from “American Graffiti”.

  16. LaydeeBug

    Awwww ESQ my favorite little litigator. (mwah)

  17. LaydeeBug

    #14, very funnyyyyy!

  18. Juliette

    Wow celeb news must be slow today

  19. BlackMamba

    yawn….next one

  20. Doc

    I’ll take this over stories about that skank Paris Hilton any day… anytime there is an inkling to put a Paris story up, it should immediately be replaced by a pic/story of Jessica Alba… I dont care if it is as insignificant as this…

  21. miir

    So Jessica Alba is about 5’6″… her shoulder is roughly the height of the roofline… the average height of an SUV is 6 feet.


  22. Do you think if she sleeps with the ticket that it pays itself?

  23. Sangiovese

    My guess would be a sport utility wagon. Not as high up on the evil car scale as an SUV, but up there! Evil, EVIL celebrities!

    #14- LOL! I totally agree. Don’t get the whole big deal with Ms. Alba. She is average with a capital “a”. Maybe it has something to do with that movie she did where she was a stripper and wore chaps. What was that called?

  24. Sangiovese

    Ok, found it:

    You know, maybe if she dressed like this normally she wouldn’t get parking tickets!

  25. LaydeeBug

    I liked Sin City, because it had Clive Owen in it. Mmmmmm, Clive Owen.

  26. Xanthia

    LaydeeBug: I’m with you! I like ANYTHING with Clive Owen in it!

  27. Devil Is Chrome

    Sent a scoop about Madonna and her home oxygen machines to Superficial, but Jessica Alba getting a ticket tops it, I guess.

    LadeeBug – agreed about Clive Owen. That man is as fine as the day is long.

  28. LaydeeBug

    Clive Owen Ho’s, check out Gosford Park, kind of an English sleeper, but pretty good and he’s in there too.

    But, I will stop liking him as soon as he makes a film with Jennifer Lopez (please God, don’t let that happen). Remember Ralph Fiennes? Yeah, me neither.

  29. Devil Is Chrome

    Loved Gosford Park – there’s also “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”.

    I will however, also protest any attempt for Clive to act in a movie with Jennifer Lopez – whom I still believe to be Eric Cartman’s hand.

  30. Bishop

    #11: not a parking ticket. It’s an annoying citation

    In my country, they’re the same thing. What is the difference between the two in america?

  31. Captain Awesome

    That sucks. She can send it to me and i’d pay it off for her.

  32. CakeGirl

    Clive Owen is hot, but so is Joseph Fiennes. What happened to him?

  33. St.Minutia

    #30 I meant she’s annoying, and should therefore be fined…
    Oh, nevermind.

  34. LaydeeBug

    #32, he was in a movie with Gwyneth, that’s what happened.

    #30, I don’t know what a citation is either. Seems like a waste of paper to me.

  35. cj14mommy

    hopefully it’s for her dumba$$ parking in a handicap spot like she’s so often been pictured doing…i don’t understand what makes celebrities think they’re so special, unless she feels her IQ makes her handicapped…???

  36. candiikissed

    Ick. What is so great about Jessica Alba? She is NOT good looking and is a terrible actress.

  37. Queen LaQueefah

    Ah, Jessica Alba: terrible actress, HORRIBLE. But she’s so cute u can’t hate her. too bad this is such a lame story

  38. Sangiovese

    For those wondering what Joseph Fiennes is up to, he will be starring in the upcoming movie Running With Scissors as the character Neil Bookman… a child molester. Who needs JLo to ruin your career when you can be in a movie playing a child molester?

  39. Go Sip

    Usually for the Superficial I have much adulation,
    But are they for real a parking citation?
    They should not have posted the should definetely rescind,
    Its about as newsworthy as a fart in the wind

  40. ESQ

    At least she did not park in a handicapped spot like some celebrity did:

  41. Jayne

    #38, Gary Oldman played the child molestor/pedophile Mason Verger in Hannibal..
    his career has kicked ass every since <3

    I hate Joseph Fiennes.
    Ralph probably helps get him roles.

  42. LaydeeBug

    I like Ralph Fiennes better too. I LOVE that he lent his voice to Wallace and Gromit. (LOVE W & G!!!)

  43. PostAcidYouth

    mmmm clive owen…*cough*

    Oh yeah, the story. I thought you had to be at least 18 to drive? What’s Kiddy Alba doing with a car…? Damned irresponsible parents…

  44. amma

    …update, update, update!

  45. DonLes91

    Jessica Alba is the only reason I learned Spanish.

    Ay mamacita! Quiero comer la panocha. Que bella eres! Cuando puedo cojerte!

    Translation: I respect you as a wonderful actress and good luck in the future.

  46. blackblackheart

    I love Jessica Alba XD
    She’s so beautiful she makes me smile :)

  47. Devil Is Chrome

    Thanks BlackBlackHeart – I just lost my lunch.

  48. ProtonMan

    Are you sure its not a note from a fan to say how much they have enjoyed following her career….not

  49. HughJorganthethird

    “Why does everyone think she’s hot?” “she’s NOT good looking” bla bla bla

    This might answer your question retards:

    Now go eat another ding dong and shut the hell up.


    It’s sixteen, PostAcid. Miss Alba’s at least that, I think.

    Also, she’s cute enough, I guess, but not really anything I would kill for.

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