If you have as much money as Jessica Alba does, wouldn’t it just make sense to hire a guard monkey to fling poo at any officer that might try to give you a ticket? If I had that kind of money I’d get at least two. Because if anything keeps officers away from your car more than a monkey throwing poo at them, it’s two monkeys throwing poo at them.
Jessica Alba gets a traffic ticket
February 21st, 2006 // 73 Comments
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derekd | February 21, 2006 at 11:17 am
Who cares?
BEAM | February 21, 2006 at 11:26 am
Is she driving one of those EEEVIL SUV’s?
PapaHotNuts | February 21, 2006 at 11:26 am
It must be a parking ticket because she got FINE written all over her.
Cheese alert.
o-n | February 21, 2006 at 11:28 am
The entertainment media is really stretching it now…
amystitz | February 21, 2006 at 11:30 am
uh, yeah…she’s pulling it off the windshield, so isn’t that a PARKING ticket?
Sheva | February 21, 2006 at 11:36 am
It’s not a ticket, it’s a flyer to a topless club and they are inviting tryouts later today.
Change your schedule Jessica.
Populist | February 21, 2006 at 11:39 am
She seems to be handling it much better than Eva Longoria handled her last parking ticket.
A Nobody | February 21, 2006 at 11:42 am
This isn’t news. Call me when the car blows up and she survives but is in a coma and a damaged face.
Don’t take me seriously.
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 11:46 am
Eh, she probably has a percentage of her income set aside just for tickets. No biggie.
Minus 100 points for driving a gas-guzzler.
ESQ | February 21, 2006 at 12:03 pm
PapaHotNuts, Laydeebug – I missed you. : )
Now that (almost) all my hustlers are back…
In response to #6 – I think it is actually one of those flyers that K-Douche put on her “windscreen” while dressed as a burrito for buy one get one at the cheesy rip-off Taco Hell.
St.Minutia | February 21, 2006 at 12:20 pm
That’s not a parking ticket. It’s an annoying citation. The cops in Hollywood can give those out now.
Xanthia | February 21, 2006 at 12:20 pm
I would rather wait and read about her arrest for not paying all her parking tickets (she NEEDS that money for the gas-guzzler, ya know).
carriecoconut28 | February 21, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Why does everyone think shes so hot? Shes not, she looks like shes about 10…
CheekyChops | February 21, 2006 at 12:44 pm
She’s a big bowl of nothing special.
LoneWolf | February 21, 2006 at 12:49 pm
She threw it in the glove box and there were like, a hundred other ones already in there and she said, “File that under CS”. And her passenger said, “CS? What’s that stand for”, and she said, “Chicken Sh!t, that’s what it is”.
Ooops, sorry, that was a scene from “American Graffiti”.
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 1:01 pm
Awwww ESQ my favorite little litigator. (mwah)
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 1:02 pm
#14, very funnyyyyy!
Juliette | February 21, 2006 at 1:02 pm
Wow celeb news must be slow today
BlackMamba | February 21, 2006 at 1:12 pm
yawn….next one
Doc | February 21, 2006 at 1:14 pm
I’ll take this over stories about that skank Paris Hilton any day… anytime there is an inkling to put a Paris story up, it should immediately be replaced by a pic/story of Jessica Alba… I dont care if it is as insignificant as this…
miir | February 21, 2006 at 1:17 pm
So Jessica Alba is about 5’6″… her shoulder is roughly the height of the roofline… the average height of an SUV is 6 feet.
Hmmm
Spindoc | February 21, 2006 at 1:32 pm
Do you think if she sleeps with the ticket that it pays itself?
Sangiovese | February 21, 2006 at 1:32 pm
My guess would be a sport utility wagon. Not as high up on the evil car scale as an SUV, but up there! Evil, EVIL celebrities!
#14- LOL! I totally agree. Don’t get the whole big deal with Ms. Alba. She is average with a capital “a”. Maybe it has something to do with that movie she did where she was a stripper and wore chaps. What was that called?
Sangiovese | February 21, 2006 at 1:37 pm
Ok, found it:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/sin_city/gallery.php?page=19&size=lores
You know, maybe if she dressed like this normally she wouldn’t get parking tickets!
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 1:50 pm
I liked Sin City, because it had Clive Owen in it. Mmmmmm, Clive Owen.
Xanthia | February 21, 2006 at 2:00 pm
LaydeeBug: I’m with you! I like ANYTHING with Clive Owen in it!
Devil Is Chrome | February 21, 2006 at 2:06 pm
*Yawn*
Sent a scoop about Madonna and her home oxygen machines to Superficial, but Jessica Alba getting a ticket tops it, I guess.
LadeeBug – agreed about Clive Owen. That man is as fine as the day is long.
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Clive Owen Ho’s, check out Gosford Park, kind of an English sleeper, but pretty good and he’s in there too.
But, I will stop liking him as soon as he makes a film with Jennifer Lopez (please God, don’t let that happen). Remember Ralph Fiennes? Yeah, me neither.
Devil Is Chrome | February 21, 2006 at 2:15 pm
Loved Gosford Park – there’s also “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead”.
I will however, also protest any attempt for Clive to act in a movie with Jennifer Lopez – whom I still believe to be Eric Cartman’s hand.
Bishop | February 21, 2006 at 2:22 pm
#11: not a parking ticket. It’s an annoying citation
In my country, they’re the same thing. What is the difference between the two in america?
Captain Awesome | February 21, 2006 at 2:27 pm
That sucks. She can send it to me and i’d pay it off for her.
CakeGirl | February 21, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Clive Owen is hot, but so is Joseph Fiennes. What happened to him?
St.Minutia | February 21, 2006 at 2:32 pm
#30 I meant she’s annoying, and should therefore be fined…
Oh, nevermind.
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 2:35 pm
#32, he was in a movie with Gwyneth, that’s what happened.
#30, I don’t know what a citation is either. Seems like a waste of paper to me.
cj14mommy | February 21, 2006 at 2:37 pm
hopefully it’s for her dumba$$ parking in a handicap spot like she’s so often been pictured doing…i don’t understand what makes celebrities think they’re so special, unless she feels her IQ makes her handicapped…???
candiikissed | February 21, 2006 at 2:43 pm
Ick. What is so great about Jessica Alba? She is NOT good looking and is a terrible actress.
Queen LaQueefah | February 21, 2006 at 2:54 pm
Ah, Jessica Alba: terrible actress, HORRIBLE. But she’s so cute u can’t hate her. too bad this is such a lame story
Sangiovese | February 21, 2006 at 3:00 pm
For those wondering what Joseph Fiennes is up to, he will be starring in the upcoming movie Running With Scissors as the character Neil Bookman… a child molester. Who needs JLo to ruin your career when you can be in a movie playing a child molester?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0439289/
Go Sip | February 21, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Usually for the Superficial I have much adulation,
But are they for real a parking citation?
They should not have posted the should definetely rescind,
Its about as newsworthy as a fart in the wind
ESQ | February 21, 2006 at 3:13 pm
At least she did not park in a handicapped spot like some celebrity did:
http://www.thesuperficial.com/archives/2005/12/23/kirsten_dunst_is_more_importan.html
Jayne | February 21, 2006 at 3:16 pm
#38, Gary Oldman played the child molestor/pedophile Mason Verger in Hannibal..
his career has kicked ass every since <3
…
I hate Joseph Fiennes.
Ralph probably helps get him roles.
LaydeeBug | February 21, 2006 at 3:20 pm
I like Ralph Fiennes better too. I LOVE that he lent his voice to Wallace and Gromit. (LOVE W & G!!!)
PostAcidYouth | February 21, 2006 at 3:20 pm
mmmm clive owen…*cough*
Oh yeah, the story. I thought you had to be at least 18 to drive? What’s Kiddy Alba doing with a car…? Damned irresponsible parents…
amma | February 21, 2006 at 3:28 pm
…update, update, update!
DonLes91 | February 21, 2006 at 3:28 pm
Jessica Alba is the only reason I learned Spanish.
Ay mamacita! Quiero comer la panocha. Que bella eres! Cuando puedo cojerte!
Translation: I respect you as a wonderful actress and good luck in the future.
blackblackheart | February 21, 2006 at 3:28 pm
I love Jessica Alba XD
She’s so beautiful she makes me smile :)
Devil Is Chrome | February 21, 2006 at 3:42 pm
Thanks BlackBlackHeart – I just lost my lunch.
ProtonMan | February 21, 2006 at 4:06 pm
Are you sure its not a note from a fan to say how much they have enjoyed following her career….not
HughJorganthethird | February 21, 2006 at 4:18 pm
“Why does everyone think she’s hot?” “she’s NOT good looking” bla bla bla
This might answer your question retards:
http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/intotheblue/site/extras/wallpapers/itb_wallpaper_sam1024x768_a.jpg
Now go eat another ding dong and shut the hell up.
Xopher.tm | February 21, 2006 at 4:34 pm
It’s sixteen, PostAcid. Miss Alba’s at least that, I think.
Also, she’s cute enough, I guess, but not really anything I would kill for.