Dear Loyal Readers of Voting Age,
Greetings!
When I’m not posting pics of large-breasted celebrities in bikinis, I’m an avid political junkie who understands this is an important election year. That being said, if people out there vote for the next president solely because Jessica Alba told them to and wore one of those freaky Hannibal Lecter masks, I’m moving to Canada.
Folks, if you have absolutely no clue about current events, no matter what Leo or Diddy or “the boys” from Entourage say; for the love of God, stay the fuck home November 4. You’ll be doing yourself and your country a great service.
My deepest, sincere thanks in advance,
The Superficial Writer
Photo: DeclareYourself.com
Rant | October 2, 2008 at 9:46 am
What the?
J | October 2, 2008 at 9:47 am
That is FREAKY!
mimi | October 2, 2008 at 9:47 am
My prayers are now being answered perhaps for Amy!!!! I am first for the love of God – a turnaround!!!!
Irish | October 2, 2008 at 9:47 am
AMEN!
D. Nichols | October 2, 2008 at 9:48 am
Amen. An ignorant vote is worse than no vote at all.
Jonny S | October 2, 2008 at 9:48 am
Don’t vote and she’ll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti
Jil | October 2, 2008 at 9:50 am
Oh. Reminds me, the new Saw is coming out. I can’t wait!
Rant | October 2, 2008 at 9:51 am
Amy Whinehouse is lost cause. That creepy pic of Alba is more attractive than Whinehouse.
Right Fury | October 2, 2008 at 9:52 am
If you’re a democrat, you have to vote on Nov 5th. They’re doing it that way this year to cut down on the crowding at the polls.
GetReal | October 2, 2008 at 9:54 am
A vote is a vote. Politicians count on people staying home. That’s crap advice from a clueless celebrity website blogger. You should always vote. There is no litmus test for voting. I mean, by that standard, the author of this hilarious but superficial site should stay home. Go vote. Get real.
Max Planck | October 2, 2008 at 9:56 am
You mean Jessica Alba doesn’t have a doctoral degree in Political Science…oh, that’s right, just big boobs.
Slut | October 2, 2008 at 9:56 am
It puts the lotion on it’s skin
Rant | October 2, 2008 at 9:57 am
That’s what they want the ignorant vote. If one actually takes the time to vote because a celebrity did an ad, they are likely going to vote for the same person as that celeb who influenced them.
gotmilk? | October 2, 2008 at 9:59 am
yeah this is not at all shocking. do they really think people are going to look at this is go vote? fuck off.
GetReal | October 2, 2008 at 9:59 am
Right Fury,
You’re an idiot. Vote on the 4th.
Daniella | October 2, 2008 at 9:59 am
THANK YOU. Finally somebody that isn’t worried about being politically correct in lieu of professing what is actually the case. I second your remark. If you don’t know anything about what you’re voting for, DON’T DO IT.
“Declare Yourself.” Declare what? Declare your ignorance? You (“you” being anyone indifferent about politics until the day they exercise their unfortunate right to vote for the next leader of the country) are not doing yourself or this country any favors by closing your eyes and pointing randomly. Which, conveniently, is exactly what you’d be doing if you didn’t just stay put and let those of us who know what’s going on handle the voting. Just because you have the right doesn’t mean you have the knowledge. It would be better for everyone if you just own the realization that you need to go ahead and chain yourself to your couch November 4.
I really had to get that out. You know, I’d like to start a campaign with the above message blaring as obnoxiously as the Declare Yourself ads. In fact, I’m going to do it. Watch for it.
Obama will lose to Palin | October 2, 2008 at 10:02 am
No, fury was right. Democrats vote on the 5th.
Jon | October 2, 2008 at 10:03 am
You don’t wanna move to Canada. It’s actually WORSE here. At least you can vote for the individual you want to lead and have one of the sexiest women ever telling you to get out there and vote. We vote for parties only and are told to vote by fat, nasty old women. Not to mention it’s expensive as hell (gas is around $5 a gallon and beer is about $50 a case), the TV SUCKS! and all you do for half the year is shovel snow.
God Bless America!!!!!
Rough Daddy | October 2, 2008 at 10:05 am
As cute as she is, I’m still undecided…
Daniella | October 2, 2008 at 10:06 am
Hahaha Jon. You just made my day. I sincerely thank you.
Agent 005 | October 2, 2008 at 10:07 am
I support the statements that tell people to stay the fuck home if they don’t know anything about politics. These political drives are mainly to get ignorant people out so they will vote for the promised lies that make the ignorant people feel better.
Instead of voting on the 4th, go take an economics class followed up by an ethics class. Then apply what you have learned to how the politicians on all sides of the isle have been fucking us all with their lies.
Ted from LA | October 2, 2008 at 10:09 am
#17,
McCain would still lose. Does anyone know what time The Sarah Palin Comedy Show starts tonight?
richcapo | October 2, 2008 at 10:12 am
It’s a shame not to vote — your statistically insignifanct contribution means so much to our political process. And if you don’t vote, this will set off the chain reaction of everybody not voting. “What if everybody didn’t vote?” Fail to cast your one measely vote, and we’ll see, dammit.
Richard McBeef | October 2, 2008 at 10:15 am
If this cunt really wanted to do some sort of public service, she should have talked about not spreading jeter’s herp all over the place.
myhusbandcallsmesquirt | October 2, 2008 at 10:16 am
I’m voting for Agent 005! Amen to that!!!!!
Jess | October 2, 2008 at 10:18 am
The mask is perfect for a bukakke session.
myhusbandcallsmesquirt | October 2, 2008 at 10:20 am
Now I really have to know…I, as a woman, can definately appreciate the sexiness of another woman. However, I really do not see it when it comes to Jessica Alba. Just to ease my curiosity, what it is about her that makes the boys so crazy?
Vag | October 2, 2008 at 10:21 am
Planet McCain – YouTube.
Obama wins.
dude | October 2, 2008 at 10:22 am
TCS foreclosures is a crappy company to work with. I just started last week, they recruit heavily on the net. Don’t take this job, fellow readers. It sucks.
Slut | October 2, 2008 at 10:25 am
Actually now that I think about it, this is a great ad. It shows that someone put a mask on a celebrity to shut them the hell up
Fatman the Terrible | October 2, 2008 at 10:26 am
@26: That mouth piece would be no good. What you need is a cup there to collect all the spunk, ready for her to knock it all back. You could call the series Mask-er-AIDS Ball.
scooby | October 2, 2008 at 10:28 am
i’m strangely turned on.
Miss Independent | October 2, 2008 at 10:31 am
Good point Superficial Writer. I didn’t think about it that way until now. (seriously)…. the only people who should vote are the ones who’ve taken the time to actually learn about the issues. And those people already are registered. So there.
jules | October 2, 2008 at 10:32 am
I want to F*** you even more now. You’re a great guy, Superfish.
mamadough | October 2, 2008 at 10:33 am
fuck the electoral college and their bullshit process. why the hell haven’t we made it by popular vote? then it would actually matter all the people who go out to vote, even those who don’t would get off their ass. oh that’s right, we keep the same process used for how many centuries? why don’t we do it the “lottery” way and just cast stones at people?
steve | October 2, 2008 at 10:33 am
Seriously, shut the fuck up jessica alba. You dumb bitch, didnt even finish High School let alone has any education I’d actually respect.
You are a Hollywood whore, prostituting yourself for millions of dollars per film, and I’m supposed to listen to the dumb shit someone paid you to say?
havoc | October 2, 2008 at 10:33 am
She just needs to show her hatchet gash and shut the fuck up….
.
Rough Daddy | October 2, 2008 at 10:33 am
Everyone agrees she should’ve worn a funnel…Thatll get me to vote twice…
richcapo | October 2, 2008 at 10:34 am
> Instead of voting on the 4th, go take an economics class followed up by an ethics class. Then apply what you have learned to how the politicians on all sides of the isle have been fucking us all with their lies.
And then what are you going to do? You’ve learned economics and you’ve learned that they lie, now what? Sit back in your chair and feel really, really smart? Vote for the next guy who’s going to lie? According to Gallup, 95% of Americans disapproved of Clinton’s intervention in Somalia after those fifteen US soldiers were killed — but this didn’t stop Clinton from quadrupling troop deployment within the theater of conflict within scant days, and sticking to the six-more-months plan that he already had.
At the end of the day, unless you’re executing a successful revolution, there really is nothing you can do to affect federal policy — being politically “informed” is merely being politically entertained.
Dave C | October 2, 2008 at 10:36 am
The SW is actually right on. If you do not fully grasp the ramifications of voting for either candidate, then don’t vote. If your vote is based on some vapid celebrity’s opinion, then stay home. My fear is that people will vote for Obama because A) he’s black, B) he’s Democrat, and therefore “different” from Bush, or C) he’s young. Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ. Those are not reasons to vote for someone! Dig into his economic plans, his tax plans, his plans for the military budget, health care, everything. And McCain’s too. Whomever you vote for, know what you’re doing!
We are so fucked this time.
Parker | October 2, 2008 at 10:40 am
She’s an adorable girl but not very bright. I’m sure if she understood more of what was going on around her she wouldn’t have made this ad. She looks silly and the idea that her opinions might shape those of others is a bit more than presumptuous considering she’s a barely competent actress known more for her tight little bikini-clad ass than her talent.
phoofiter | October 2, 2008 at 10:42 am
I’d like to live on planet MCcain. I just don’t know where to find it?…….
blah | October 2, 2008 at 10:47 am
I love it; I hope they keep her like that forever. No one needs to hear any crap coming out of her stupid trap….oh wait, Jessica Alba votes and thinks I should too…oh boy…let me get right on that! Riiiiiigghhhht. Anyways, just another celeb that thinks their opinion is relevant when it comes to politics, whatever. Go back to being the cocktease that you are Jess dear.
SomeChick | October 2, 2008 at 10:47 am
AMEN TO THAT!!!!
Ted from LA | October 2, 2008 at 10:48 am
Parker,
You say “tight little bikini-clad ass” like it’s a bad thing.
Here is my take. If you are still undecided between these two candidates you have no political conviction or you’re a dumb fuck. Either way, you should not vote. Just turn on your cable TV, sit back, eat a pizza and drink a six pack of Coors Light.
brutha! | October 2, 2008 at 10:49 am
Both candiates and their special olympic VP picks suck ass this year. I’m content with letting the Electorial College pick the president, much like it has for the past two elections anyway.
SmokingGirl | October 2, 2008 at 10:51 am
The Electorial College is there to give voice to other states who combined barely compare to the population of California, New York, and Florida. If it wasn’t for the Electorial College, states like Kansas, Montana, and many others would be drowned out by the sheer number of voters in the aforementioned states.
The Electorial Colleges is either blue or red depending on the popular vote within it’s particular state. So yes, your vote does count. And only on a few occassions has the Electorial College gone AGAINST the popular vote of a particular state.
So there you go. Learn something new everyday.
whistle | October 2, 2008 at 10:52 am
That mask will not prevent you from speaking. It does prevent you from biting someone, though. So, I’m supposed to be concerned that if I don’t vote I won’t be able to bite someone?
nipolian | October 2, 2008 at 10:56 am
I think they should add a “I want two more cadidates to select from” option on this year’s ballot.
Bruce | October 2, 2008 at 10:57 am
Jesus GOD I hate these cretins.