Jessica Alba & Cash Warren ‘quietly wed’

May 20th, 2008 // 28 Comments

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren apparently were married yesterday, according to People:

The couple quietly wed Monday, says her rep, Brad Cafarelli.
Alba, 27, is expecting a daughter with Warren, 31, this summer. The couple met while filming Fantastic Four and were engaged last December.

Quietly wed, huh? So does that mean no one talks through the whole service? Because that I like. And, shit, why stop there? How about no talking for the entire marriage? It’ll be a relationship built on love and head gestures. But sometimes crying when I specifically nodded for mustard and not mayo. C’mon!

The Superficial silently congratulates the happy couple.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. ph7

    Boring couple.

  2. Who fucking cares about these dumbshits getting married?

    Nobody CARES

  3. common sense

    Something tells me she ain’t doing ANYTHING quietly right now.

  4. nhbby

    dang.

  5. Derrick Coleman

    So she tricked him into marriage by getting pregnant and now she’s getting married. Woop Dee Damn Doo.

  6. Ted Mosby

    Yawn

  7. Rat

    Cash Warren never worked a day in his life. His father was a prolific actor but never in anything good, just tv and disney crap. He went to school with some guy who plays basketball. He is basically a complete loser!
    Except for Alba who I guess likes to dominate him.
    He is so un-deserving of her it brings her hotness down to a 3-4 from 10.
    She should really be dating me at least I have a job!

  8. Zid

    This is nothing compared to Amy’s open sores and talking mice.

  9. ToTellTheTruth

    Who gives a fuck about this bitch now, she’s pregnant and her pussy has been tainted and played in, so fuck her.

  10. @2 Sophie – you have a link to my favorite site.

  11. Eric

    her poor vag :( it has no idea what is coming…

  12. Pepper

    Geeeze Jessica, you’d think she’d have learnt from that Brit fiasco

  13. snarky

    Who really gives a shit? I mean, the girl can’t act, is average looking, and seems bitchy. And now the only thing she had going for her (hot body) will be long gone due to pregnancy and the fact that she’s nearing 30. Even if she tones up post preggo, her bod will never truly be the same. She was just a flash in the pan; Her 15 minutes are up. All that being said, I love her dress…even if it is pregnant-y.

  14. Quinn

    She shoulda taken notes from professor Mariah Carey

  15. STevec

    no one cares

  16. BitchyBlonde

    #13 is on point. Who gives a fuck?

    This broad is so average looking. She looks like any other chick walking down the street. Actually, the chicks here in New York are a lot better looking. Can’t comment on her “talent” since I’ve never seen her in anything, but I will take #13′s word for it that she sucks.

    I don’t know who the hell Cash is, but he looks like an asshat.

    I will give her some credit for actually marrying her baby daddy. How quaint !

  17. Real Chad

    Yeah…shotgun weddings always work out. Its really too bad. I’m guessing that she’ll bounce back in popularity, but if most of the reports on CW are correct, her person life from now on is probably going to suck. Ce la vie!!

  18. hi

    She’s so average. lmao. She’s the hottest woman in hollywood.

  19. IWONKY

    Ah, no wonder she’s been walking around with such a big pissy face – just look at this dude! She’s having nightmarea about what the baby is gonna look like! Makes total sense…and where is Conan O’brien when you need him?? You know….have ya seen the baby?….ya gotta see the ba-by,….it’s just breath-taking…ah shit, I mighta jinxed it…wait…nah.

  20. IWONKY

    Ah, no wonder she’s been walking around with such a big pissy face – just look at this dude! She’s having nightmares about what the baby is gonna look like! Makes total sense…and where is Conan O’Brien when you need him?? You know….have ya seen the baby?….ya gotta see the ba-by,….it’s just breath-taking…ah shit, I mighta jinxed it…wait…nah.

  21. Poor Child

    “Jessica, we need to discuss the plans for our child’s future education.”

    “Umm… Like… What? She’ll be, like, totally fine if we teach her to stare.”

  22. Stuey

    who the hell is he anyway?

  23. It'sNotHim

    Actually, she’s the jerk off in that relationship. I know Cash’s family. She really did get caught screwing someone else, and did break up with him over the phone (cuz she GOT CAUGHT), that’s no lie… then she panicked over how bad she was going to look when the press starting crucifying her so she tried to get back with Cash even after he told her he didn’t want to marry her. She “accidentally” gets pregnant then and traps this poor bastard. She IS a bitch. Never happy.. a complete WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME Diva… She’s NOTHING as a person and Cash is just some really, nice, poor fool who got caught up in her cheating and manipulation and is trying to do the right thing. Sorry, Cash… you should have run like hell when you had the chance. Have a good life with the Ice Princess.

  24. jumpin_j

    “The Superficial silently congratulates the happy couple.” Yeah right. Fish is crying 96 tears and looking for his gun to kill the bastard.

  25. You Can Always Spot The Losers Who've Never Fucked (Cute) Bimbos

    #25

    Yeah right. Fish is laughing 96 tears at Cash, who had to marry her after knocking her up. Even Cash knows Jessica is for fucking only because every Yale educated man will be scared to risk his children’s IQ’s by marrying bimbos.

  26. does anybody still care about the most overrated woman in the world anymore? how… AVERAGE in the looks department! how totally talentless, how, pathetic. Now turned into an ugly fat disgusting whale that got intentionally pregnant to get her boyfriend to marry her after he had dumped her and she had contracted herpes. Even Britney is way better looking than her these days.

  27. hi

    I think anybody is better looking than Britney nowadays.

  28. I am sorry, where is the news?

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