Jessica Alba in swimwear, brandishing booze (Is this what Heaven looks like?)

December 2nd, 2008 // 84 Comments

Jessica Alba is featured in the 2009 Campari calendar, and God, she is so brave for posing like this after having a baby. Talk about empowering. It really gives women out there hope that they too can look awesome after child birth. (Provided they have access to a full-time physical trainer and someone who kicks ass at Photoshop.) Don’t stop dreamin’, ladies.

NOTE: I have no idea which pic is which month, but I do know this is Jessica Alba wearing a bathing suit. I win!

Photos: Campari
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Comments (84)

  1. Dlizze | December 2, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Bikini’s are made of two pieces…

    Reply
  2. Jizzle | December 2, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Could I be first? Alba! Yes!

    Reply
  3. Dlizze | December 2, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Bikini’s are made of two pieces…

    Reply
  4. jmg79 | December 2, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    She’s not wearing a bikini

    Reply
  5. jmg79 | December 2, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    She’s not wearing a bikini

    Reply
  6. first first | December 2, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    First

    Reply
  7. Christina | December 2, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    Umm… none of those pictures are her in a bikini. She looks great (obviously) but its either a one-piece suit or a dress…

    Reply
  8. Ryan the Canadian | December 2, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    Cracked out weekend for the Superficial writer?

    Reply
  9. Uncle Eccoli | December 2, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    Another schill.

    Reply
  10. Anna | December 2, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    blah blah she doesn’t impress me.

    Reply
  11. azzman | December 2, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    dude, she is smokin! dosnt matter what she wears, I would devour that!

    Reply
  12. havoc | December 2, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    Really, booze and any chick named Jessica has potential…..

    What bikini? LOL!!

    .

    Reply
  13. Turd Ferguson | December 2, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Uhhh….that’s not Heaven.

    If it were, she’d be handing ME a drink …..and sticking her hooters in my face.
    and… well, you get the point.

    Reply
  14. Kahlee | December 2, 2008 at 4:16 pm

    errr women can get their figure back after childbirth. Some don’t even lose it. You just have to exersize. And will you stop alienating your female readers? Gossip = largely female demographic

    Reply
  15. <---this number! | December 2, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    Why is she famous again?

    Reply
  16. B | December 2, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    The bikini is a lie.

    Reply
  17. Sell Porn Make Money | December 2, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    very hot

    Reply
  18. Rick | December 2, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    She must have been incredible before that baby head destroyed her pussy.

    Reply
  19. that one | December 2, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    what’s up with the brooke shields style eyebrows?

    Reply
  20. 10pound | December 2, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    worst bathing suit ever…………..its like they tried to make it “not sexy”

    Reply
  21. Bill Clinton | December 2, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    If heaven is photoshopped to the max!
    And Campari tastes like rotten Artichokes!
    Sad when a young beauty becomes a wrinkly MILF.
    She was so hot! Now nothing!

    Reply
  22. B | December 2, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Heh, nice fish, editing the post to remove the word “bikini.”

    Still not so sure any of that is swimwear, but hey, close enough. Bikini posts set off a “click me” alarm, which is not something to be toyed with, or misused.

    Also, if you’re going to listen to us, maybe you could listen to the parts where we complain about EMBEDDED GODDAMN VIDEOS AT THE TOP OF THE SCREEN. Maybe you could stop with those? I know Oxygen pays you a lot of money to turn this site into a hideous eyesore, but really…this isn’t better than the ads that play sound, or popups. I know you have to pay the bills, but still…have you actually LOOKED at your site lately? Like, maximize your browser and look at the top of the page. It’s atrocious. Nothing lines up. Everything looks half-assed. Ten years ago, I had geocities pages that looked better. This is really terrible.

    Reply
  23. NY Ted | December 2, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    Good Lord…I never knew her tits were so BIG! Wonderful…simply wonderful!

    Reply
  24. Pink | December 2, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    OK dont get me wrong jessica alba is a beautiful woman but by the looks of these picts they let her drink the whole photo shoot…she’s either drunk or stoned! look at her “u could blind-fold her with dental floss” eyes!

    Reply
  25. NY Ted | December 2, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    Good Lord…I never knew her tits were so BIG! Wonderful…simply wonderful!

    Reply
  26. NY Ted | December 2, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    Good Lord…I never knew her tits were so BIG! Wonderful…simply wonderful!

    Reply
  27. PunkA | December 2, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    Breastfeeding suits her. That rack is spectacular right now.

    Of course, since she is breastfeeding, she also is not drinking booze. And if she is, BAD BAD mother.

    Reply
  28. Mike Hawk | December 2, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    Not a fan

    Reply
  29. Miss Libra | December 2, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    She does look great – but notice how many of the photos have something blocking her mid section

    Reply
  30. Bob | December 2, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    Yeah, she’s still hot… and doable…

    http://internetmiscellanea.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  31. Miss Libra | December 2, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    She does look great – but notice how many of the photos have something blocking her mid section

    Reply
  32. p0nk | December 2, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    i’m not a big fan of herpes.

    Reply
  33. lulu | December 2, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    BRAVE? Brave enough to get pictures taken only for them to be photoshopped until she looks perfect?! fucking 200 lb fatass chic could do the same damn thing. doesn’t matter if she just had a kid or not, ‘shoppers erase that xtra shit.

    Reply
  34. ipa | December 2, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    so sad, so by the looks of the photoshoot, her stomach must be stretchmarked like hell, otherwise, why wouldn’t she wear a BIKINI??

    Reply
  35. Reed Richards | December 2, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    Such an air of self-importance…..yawn, I honestly do not understand what I ever saw in her…

    Reply
  36. ipa | December 2, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    btw, #22 is so totally right.

    Fish, you’re my idol, total hero and stuff but DAYUMN! can’t you get fucking rid of these fucking annoying embedded videos?? i have this really small asus pc laptop thingy and your site is toooo damn busy for its small RAM. i don’t even want to mention what utter stupid shit you have to promote with these embedded shit. good thing i always surf on mute.

    Reply
  37. hotty | December 2, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    Not to be a hater but I don’t get whats so hott about this chick. Her lips arent smooth, there full of small lumpy lumps of some sort (herpes?) but most important is her attitude. She is a stuck up bitch of a diva who thinks she is more important than anyone because of losers that tell her how hot she is. I am told I’m hot all the time but I cannot be a bitch if I tried. She is ugly to me inside and out.

    Reply
  38. Doggy Style | December 2, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    It loves anal.

    Reply
  39. Rough Daddy | December 2, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Just D-delicious man! even with her stinky attitudes…

    Reply
  40. ??????? | December 2, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    Is the Fish a faggot now?

    8===D – -(( |==D – -

    Reply
  41. Urbanspaceman | December 2, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    Heaven apparently smells like silicone.

    Reply
  42. venomhed | December 2, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    Ya, lets see that stomach after a kid or her now lightbulb shaped box. She is washed up. When a woman has a kid, the sex appeal goes down to nil.

    Her stomach probably looks like a Round Table Pizza with extra cheese and she probably says “Are you in yet” to her lover when they have sex.

    Ya, kids are just GREAT!

    NOT!

    Reply
  43. Sportsdvl | December 2, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    She’s fucking retarded and can’t act. Plus, she looks like crap unless she has on a ton of makeup or is photoshopped. And now, her pussy is ragged after having a baby push through it – why do we care about her again?

    Reply
  44. Thigh Highs | December 2, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    The pics are just really…korny?

    Reply
  45. Nancy K | December 2, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” B i l l i o n a i r e p a l . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now? ?????????????????

    Reply
  46. d | December 2, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    And she wants to be taken seriously…
    By the way, for those who are overwhelmed by her rack, just one word : photoshop.

    Reply
  47. Mal | December 2, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    People:

    1. Use Firefox.
    2. Install the AdBlock Plus extension.

    Voila, no ads. Site looks fine for me.

    Reply
  48. Duke Steele | December 2, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    Yeah, she is hot but, every time I see her, I can’t help but think shes just a high maintenance,self important, stuck up twat.

    Reply
  49. elizabeth | December 2, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Wow. She looks really good. This is a really good look for her – alot more womanly and glamorous.

    Reply
  50. ElectrocaineXxX | December 2, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    She filmed a couple of movies in the city I live in and she was just rude the entire time during both. Everyone treated her with respect and was very accommodating with the filming disruptions around town. But after all was said and done she complained about the city publicly and was simply a bitch in the press.

    Reply

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