Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama travel back in time

August 24th, 2006 // 98 Comments
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These shots of Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama were taken last Saturday but it look like they came from the 90′s. I didn’t even know it was possible to make Jessica Alba look this awkward, let alone dressed like she just finished shooting an episode of Saved by the Bell. And everytime I mention Fez I have to bring up the fact that he’s done it with Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan. And now he’s somehow working his mojo on Jessica Alba? Even forgetting that he was Fez, this is the guy responsible for MTV’s Yo Mama. Yo Mama! The creator of Yo Mama shouldn’t be allowed to be friends with Jessica Alba. The creator of Yo Mama should barely be allowed to eat.

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  1. Binky

    Drugs ? Latin Wang ?
    I’m sure she’s more interested in discussing how demographics and prevailing economic conditions resulted in the political rise in popularity of Hugo Chavez and how this might relate to future developments in Latin America.

    But…then again….it is Fez…

  2. Alie

    #45 hmm… I was around throughout the entire 90′s and I don’t get your lightening bolt reference. I’m sure (due to law of averages) I must have seen some article of clothing that had one, but none that I can recall and if it was a ‘theme’ of the times it didn’t do a very good job.

    I also don’t get the 90′s comment, with the possible exception of the tapered pants which most people now know better than to wear. I think those were more popular in the mid-late 80′s (maybe before, I was a bit young then) and faded out in the early 90′s. Except for Lindsay Lohan who still feels the need to wear leggings over a long and loose shirt. While those are not Jeans they are tapered and look terrible!

    The layered tank top is a very current thing. I think Jessica looks great when she’s not wearing those horrible sunglasses. I don’t like her shoes either (did we expect to like what Wilmer would be wearing?).

  3. PostAcidYouth

    Is it just me or is Jess looking rather A-Cup these days? I suspect she probably has help from the push-up department…

    She used to be passably attractive in Dark Angel, but I just don’t dig the extensions/collagen look.

  4. Dory

    Im not a huge fan of hers… I don’t hate her I just think she’s boring I mean look at the comments here all bland boring. She’s never even been in a good movie, her only claim to fame is she looks nice in a pair of togs but so do a lot of people… and her lips are getting way to fishy

  5. thesarahficial

    i don’t see the connection with the whole 90′s thing mr. superficial. you’re on crack.

  6. thesarahficial

    are they together or is he just that gay best friend that everybody has?

  7. Stephanie12

    Is Wilmer wearing Nike Pumps?

  8. Cruzadas

    Hey let’s face it: she has absolutely no idea how to dress properly. Have a look at this pics: http://www.x17online.com/blog/archive/2006/july/07/article/jessica-goes-to-alba-rtsons/

  9. whodatiz

    Is it just me or is she the Latina version of Britney Spears? The resemblance is particularly striking in the last pic.

  10. Star Maker Machinery

    He’s even wearing his shoes like Zack Morris (with the tongue pushed out). Not to mention the wallet chain … haven’t seen one of those since ’98.

  11. Sir Psycho Sexy

    54. Boring? Probably, she seems pretty vacant in the few interviews I have seen, and she is pure mahogany as an actress.

    When a woman looks that fine, she can doesn’t need to be deep, or interesting, or even literate. She’s probably not someone you’d spend a lot of time with, when you aren’t fucking her senseless, which would be most of the time ;^)

  12. LoneWolf

    That fuckin spic bastard gets more ass than a goddam toilet seat. W. T. F.? Coke, schlong, whatever….she’s gone down a few notches in my exalted opinion. He’s the goddam Scott Baio of his generation. Lucky asshole.

    I’m so drunk. (Eric Cartman voice) I love you guys…..

  13. Alie

    58. I dunno.. that hat is pretty cute. And those clothes while not exactly starting a fashion trend, seem very flimsy and like they could be removed in an instant.

    So I’m sold, I’ll take one of her in that please.

  14. RichPort

    #62 – Sad as it may be, spic bastards are fucking, have fucked, or will fuck your woman too. It’s a fact of life. Only Latinos and French guys can get away with looking like fruits and stil be considered sexy and spicy. Of course the French will surrender just as you walk in the bedroom when he’s plastering your wife’s pretty little face, while the Latino will say to her “Joo deedent tell me joo haf a boyfreng. I leeveng puta”, slap his dick on her cheek, then, naked, shake your hand and apologize on the way out.

  15. Selassie

    Your mom’s so fat they call her “moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom.”

    Jessica Alba, please call me. I am so sorry… Remember back in 2nd grade? Hide and go seek? Pitty-Pat? Red Light, Green Light? Just forgive me.. I have that famous ass picture of yours at the beach tatooed on the inside of my eyeballs… oh sleep, why dost thou leave me?

    ..so stoned.

  16. jrzmommy

    a 13″ dick and a pipeline straight from the coca fields still doesn’t justify this guys track record. I say he’s gay. He’s non-threatening to the ladies, they don’t have to sleep with him, it’s like hanging out with a girlfriend. In fact, it looks like they been doing a little product shopping together in these pictures. I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and he’s NEVER gone product shopping — ever. Wilmer is gay.

  17. jrzmommy

    “Yo mamma so fat you gotta take a bus and two trains to get on her good side.”

  18. RichPort

    #67 HA!!!

    Yo mama so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out all of the W’s.

    Yo mama has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavers.

  19. jrzmommy

    Yo momma so ugly her nickname is DAMN!

  20. RichPort

    Yo mama so fat she stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine.

  21. jrzmommy

    yo momma so old she remembers central park when it was just a shrub

  22. RichPort

    Yo mama so stupid she put a peep hole in a glass door.

  23. NewPortJoey

    Fez is packing SERIOUS heat!! Wish he went both ways. Lucky girl. Size DOES matter

  24. jrzmommy

    yo momma so fat when she sits around the house she sits AROOOOOOUUUUUUUNNNNNDDDDD the house.

  25. RichPort

    Oh yeah? Yo mama so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to EVERYBODY!

  26. cardio

    Yo momma so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

  27. jrzmommy

    yo momma so old her social security number is 0

  28. jrzmommy

    Hey rich, let’s replace Momma with DanYELL!!

    DanYELL so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower.

  29. RichPort

    damnYELL is like a screen door – after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.

  30. RichPort

    damnYELL is so stupid she sat on the TV and watched the couch!

    You’re right… this IS more fun…

  31. jrzmommy

    DamnYELL is so ugly she makes onions cry

  32. RichPort

    damnYELL is like chunky peanut butter… lumpy, brown, and easy to spread!

  33. jrzmommy

    DamnYELL is so poor her face is on foodstamps.

  34. RichPort

    damnYELL is fat when she step on the scale it says…’to be continued’…

  35. Bogart

    Congrats Vilmer!

  36. smartass

    I don’t get it. So men want a woman with no shape & no boobs & huge fish lips? There is no hope for those of us who have bodies that actually look like a woman.

  37. PostAcidYouth

    No shame in having small boobs…I was just surprised since everyone goes on about Jess’s boobs and they appear to be much smaller than in her photos.

    I suspect foul play and Wonderbra.

  38. GorillaGrod

    Gorilla not care about boobs. Jess has fine ass, me want.

    Gorilla want know where Screech fit into all this?

  39. mrs.t

    @ # 88: “Solomon Grundy not hold it! Solomon Grundy hold police car!”

  40. Dude he’s got a snake in his pants and Jessica wants it bad. That’s all it is homie. This is just the foreplay.

    http://wampoon.com/

  41. yourmomisgay

    YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING STUPID. YOU’RE MAKING FUN OF WILMER FOR BEING A SPIC BUT JESSICA IS ONE TOO.

  42. mrlithium

    <3 Jessica alba's body. Her arms and shoulders are so sexy, they look so smooth, i'm in love with them. They make me want to smother my face in her perfectly toned arms. She's got a sexy back too, I wish i could see a nice back shot of her :p

  43. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    What’s 90′s about this? If anything its 80′s. I will be SO PISSED if I find out this douche fucks her. She still holds the title as the hottest bitch in hollywood. I would lick her poop shoot until my tongue no longer had taste buds.

  44. PrincessMuMu

    Wouldn’t be too hard to “work his mojo” on that useless untalented brainless moron.

  45. SuperShallow

    What? No! She can’t be dating this guy! I liked Cash! What happened. As if I haven’t had enough crap today. That’s it, I’m jumping out this window. Goodbye world, I can’t take your cruelty….

  46. wilmersgurl

    F*** all of ya talking bout latinos dats y ya all drool when u actually c a latinos dick cuz its actualy a normal size not a 2 inch shit… and a normal size women body not the double aa chests ya have… ya talk crap bout him cuz ya wish ya can get as many bitches as he can… ya dont c neone else in hollywood whos not Latino geting as many bitches…and for all ya ignorants hes not mexican hes venezuelan and colombian…. y u think miss universe latinas are always da ones winning? u almost never c ms germany or something else winning because us latinos got the best bodies best COLOR…(cuz we actually got color) normal sized bodies and normal size dicks….so if ur hating then dont even come searching for shit about him and f*** off seriously. ya know da sayin once u f*** spanish or black theres no goin bak…LMAO!

  47. that’s ridiculous…and is he getting it on with jessica alba?

  48. Jess

    Fucking hell.. why are you hating? What the hell has she done to you? Why do you criticize every fucking thing. Do you know how pitiful it sounds to take someone amazing and try make them sound like crap with shit like “Uhm… well I hate her because she has uhm well… uhm well.. look at that nail polish. I mean, what a slut!”

    Celebrity gossip must be wear all the fucking losers hang out, and no need to point it out, yes I’m calling myself a fucking loser but at least I’m not such a pathetic ho lacking common sense. Damn. Damn, damn, damn.

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