Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama travel back in time

August 24th, 2006 // 98 Comments

These shots of Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama were taken last Saturday but it look like they came from the 90′s. I didn’t even know it was possible to make Jessica Alba look this awkward, let alone dressed like she just finished shooting an episode of Saved by the Bell. And everytime I mention Fez I have to bring up the fact that he’s done it with Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan. And now he’s somehow working his mojo on Jessica Alba? Even forgetting that he was Fez, this is the guy responsible for MTV’s Yo Mama. Yo Mama! The creator of Yo Mama shouldn’t be allowed to be friends with Jessica Alba. The creator of Yo Mama should barely be allowed to eat.


  1. Miss_Marple

    Alba is a fucking bitch. I hope she knows that Vancouver can’t stand her spoiled ass and we can’t fucking wait until she takes her shitty fucking attitude back to the US.

  2. Jacq

    It appears as though she’s pooping her pants in the second photo. Yes, even pretty girls go #2.

    As for him, meh. I don’t get the attraction. He had a Mickey Mouse on his bad in his Cribs episode. Puss.

  3. StomachPunch

    yeah jessica alba might look like she just came out of saved by the bell and as awkward as she might be i still hit up that fine ass biotch….even if she only had one arm and on the other arm was a festering wart…id still hit it.

  4. Jacq

    #4 – Actually, then you’d be doing Paris Hilton.

  5. jemsinamood

    Will someone please kick the ass of whoever said that sunglasses with lenses larger than a dinner plate was cool? Ridiculous.

  6. “YO Mama so black, if you throw salt on her she looks like space”

  7. RichPort

    Maybe he offered he “wun douseeng dollers gash muhnee” to be seen with him. If so, I’ll give her twice that to run around my bed naked with a “RICHPORT RULES” sign… just as long as she doesn’t wake up my wife.

  8. “YO Mama so black, if you throw salt on her she looks like space”

  9. jemsinamood

    @9 hahahahaha!

  10. your site is acting weird. maybe its me. the first time i commented it told me “timed out bad gateway”. so i sent it again and look two posts. I look like a FREAKING MORON! That was supposed to be SECRET!

  11. IFuckingHateYou

    Glad to see Jessica is still smiling from the nice, hard fucking I gave her a few weeks ago.
    I like to see my bitches happy.

  12. DancingQueen

    She is really cute and I think she looks fine except for her Chuck Taylors. Shoot, compared to Blohan she looks like a fashion plate. Fez on the other hand… I just don’t get it with him. He’s short and seems really obnoxious and full of himself. He must have a great drug connection or something. Hey, isn’t he going to play Ponch in an upcoming Chips remake?

  13. Britney Spears was right – people really can time travel…

  14. @3- I would like to watch you go #2…

    through a necklace of beer can tabs!

  15. jemsinamood

    In pic #3 she looks like she’s about to grab his crotch.

  16. Actually, it’s not “Fez” but “FES” for Foriegn Exchange Student. Surprised you didn’t know that. (And a special bonus goes to whomever names the movie that quote came from.)

  17. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    What’s ‘Yo Mama’? Or will I be sorry I asked? I’m glad I haven’t seen it if Fes/z is in it – he’s one fugly mutha. How can he pull a pretty girl like this after Paris/Blohan skanks? Think of the diseases he must have!

  18. vainandlovingit

    Jessica is the hottest woman in Hollywood.

  19. BarbadoSlim

    I’m stating this as irrefutable absolute and universal facts: Wilmer Valderrama is a tool and a douchebag.

    do SOMETHIN’ big boy!

    yeah, you better keep walkin’

    pussy ass Goya beaner

  20. PandoraKnight

    Maybe you think they look so weird because they look “normal”- despite Alba’s fish lips.

  21. PandoraKnight

    #18- 16 Candels

  22. vainandlovingit

    i miss lindsay lohan’s bikini shots…we have not seen any new ones in weeks!

  23. Equalparts

    This is a stupid post and I don’t get it.

    What looks so saved by the bell about it? Just looks like a casual day.

  24. Bioplant

    Gee, Lainey Gossip calls Alba a diva and apparently Alba is a diva. Here’s a newsflash – if you are one of the hottest women in North America, you are allowed to be a bitch.

    If I looked like Jessica Alba, I’d be twice as bitchy and a bona fide lesbian.

  25. Jacq

    #16 – Is that you? I noticed the ‘Stros link. I miss getting hit-on by your Southern accent!

  26. babydollz217

    he did Mandy M.? Yo Mamma show is horrible, he tries to look and act so cool. the skinny pant thing isnt her look

  27. Italian Stallion

    This fucker was one ugly gene away from picking bananas in whatever fucking country he’s from and now he’s dating Alba, WTF………………

  28. YoMamma

    well, since I AM YoMomma, i feel i need to post. Not sure what about, since this story sucks.
    umm so yeah. Fez sucks. Jessicas pants suck.

  29. I don’t care what Tranny says…after seeing this…we are NOT having threesomes with Jessica Alba anynmore!

    Well, not until the next time.

  30. DirtyJeans

    Jessica Alba looks amazing.

    I hope her and Fez are just friends and not doing anything together…

    Fez is so nasty.

  31. @27- Yep! Believe the Buzz!!!
    The DisAstros ain’t been doing so hot.
    Berkman and Ensberg need to get on the stick
    and Biggio needs to get himself out of his slump, etc.

    Yo Mamas so fat
    She fell in love and broke it

  32. Guess Jessica likes her blow. That, supposedly, is how a guy named Wilmer who looks like a Venezuelan fag is able to consort with Hollywood’s hotties. He’s young Hollywood’s coca connection. Before you dismiss this as bullshit, think about it. From interviews given, the guy has little personality and no class (Howard Stern revelations). He was the goofy fuck on That 70′s Show and he has a pathetic excuse for a television show on MTV called “Yo Momma”. He was only in this country 2 years before getting That 70′s Show gig and could barely speak English. Now contrast that meager resume with whom his banana has supposedly been in – Mandy Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Ashlee Simpson, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. I’m certain there are even a few I’ve left out. He’s like 5’4, speaks with an accent, and is in no way a major Hollywood star and he pulls that kind of ass? Bullshit.

  33. DrDanny

    THis is just SO WRONG!
    He is just such a tool, and she is just so fine.

  34. Tabroid

    I can’t believe you based a post on saying Alba’s clothes are “like, so 90′s”.

    You’re officially a fag now.

  35. mrs.t

    One word came to mind immediately when I saw his wide-open Air Jordans: Cutter. For anyone under the age of 35-ok 40, goddam you all-rent Breaking Away.

  36. mrs.t

    And kids can taunt MY kids with: “Yo Mamma’s so old she references movies from the early eighties.” And then the baby will projectile-shit all over them and they will STFU.

  37. Nice to see her make a fashion faux pas.

  38. bigponie

    Fuck, I still don’t fucking know who the fuck this fucking fucker is with this fucking beautiful fuckable fucking girl.

  39. lawfulsexslave

    I don’t care what you guys say, I think Valderamma is a fricking hottie. I hear he has an ENORMOUS cock and is an absolute stud in bed, which is why so many ladies love him. The “Latin Lover” kinda thing. Not drugs.

  40. @38- “It’s Heidi food. Linguini, Zucchini.
    Anything that ends in “ini” is Heidi food.”

  41. radically4peace

    Oh my God….

    High Tops…

    Loosely Laced…

    Tongues folded out…

    Jeans Tucked into shoes…

    My brother totally rocked this look ten years ago… except his High Tops were pumps… and pumps were freaking awesome.

  42. radically4peace

    I also forgot to mention that her jeans are tapered which makes ANYONE look bad…

    I still like Chuck Taylors, so I’m glad she brought that one back…

    Although, whoever said this wasn’t 90s, I guess you also missed that he is wearing a shirt with lightning bolts.

  43. biatcho

    someone else may have pointed this out already but if not… the fucking creepy guy in the white shirt in the last pic is fucking Jon Mark Karr!!! Maybe he’ll accidentally kill those two as well and do us all a favor.

  44. LilRach

    Well good on him if he is fucking her! What a score for him and a BIG score for her considering the rumours about his massive cock! I don’t see what the big deal is about this post. For all we know they are probably just friends!
    Everyone’s so touchy and acting as if they know them personally – it’s funny!
    oh yeah and get over the clothes – fuck she’s just dressed casually and everyone takes the piss – at least this chick has some dignity and never dresses like a skank! Anyway that’s my moan and groan for the day! Later

  45. combustion8

    The chicks only like him cus they can see eye-to-eye with him.

    get it?


  46. boredatwork22

    wow look at all her fake new hair! and she better stop getting those lip injections, they’ll be screwed up when she’s older. file her in the just another girls gone wild bim look. i can’t wait for the porn generation to get old they are going to be so f*&%$! up

  47. The Cotb

    Jessica could poop in her hand and eat it and I would still have an overwhelming desire to kiss her.

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