Jessica Alba and Cash Warren hopped on the engagement bandwagon this week. Cash decided to make an honest woman out of Jessica who he met in 2004 on the set of Fantastic Four. It was recently announced that Cash put a baby up in that ass if I’m using the correct medical terminology which I’m 90% sure I am. The Associated Press reports:
“I can confirm that they are engaged,” Alba’s publicist, Brad Cafarelli, said in an e-mail to The Associated Press on Thursday.
The couple is expecting their first child in late spring or early summer, Cafarelli said.
I can’t believe all these young couples don’t realize that, Garth, marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries. I also can’t believe I just blatantly ripped off Wayne’s World. If I start quoting Coneheads, I want you to give me my medication. And by medication, I mean hit me with your car.
ihatealba | December 28, 2007 at 10:10 am
FRIST!
RichPort | December 28, 2007 at 10:11 am
Chotgun wedding, mang.
stephenj | December 28, 2007 at 10:14 am
Good bye career. Hello big azz. Oh yeah first!
gotmilk? | December 28, 2007 at 10:15 am
i’m shocked, really. everyone knows these days that you get knocked up, then engaged. it’s the only recipe for a successful hollywood marriage.
i like how they say they’ve been together since 2004 to make it seem more legit. more like they’ve been on & off since 2004.
RichPort | December 28, 2007 at 10:15 am
#3 – Hurts so bad, don’t it?
anon | December 28, 2007 at 10:16 am
Haha. Wayne’s World reference.. sweet. :)
Rufus | December 28, 2007 at 10:18 am
I wonder who’s ‘Cashing in’ on this????
Me | December 28, 2007 at 10:21 am
Party time! Excellent!
susan | December 28, 2007 at 10:22 am
Why is Cash’s nose so wide?
Auntie Kryst | December 28, 2007 at 10:25 am
WTF is up with that black dude standing behind them. Look at that huge motherf’n head!
Conscience Found | December 28, 2007 at 10:25 am
ALL YOU GOSSIP MONGERING TROLLS ARE JUST WAITING FOR THE MARRIAGE SO YOU CAN CELEBRATE THE SPLIT UP AND THE UNAVOIDABLE BATTLE OVER CUSTODY. WAY TO ROOT FOR SOMEONE’S MISERY. GOSSIP IS EVIL AND YOU WILL BATHE IN A LAKE OF FIRE.
RichPort | December 28, 2007 at 10:32 am
#11 – Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Oh, and you’re probably right…
#10 – Isn’t that Keenan from SNL?
#9 – Because air is free.
hgfhfd | December 28, 2007 at 10:37 am
sorry-but I prefer busty blondes.
Auntie Kryst | December 28, 2007 at 10:39 am
@11 You got a really great ministry going here Conscience, way to spread the loving good word. PS, Those that doth typeth all in capital letters are guilty of the sin of pride. Thou art doomed! Doomed I say!
smckattck | December 28, 2007 at 10:39 am
Can someone call me if and when they ever find her ass.
ph7 | December 28, 2007 at 10:43 am
I bet there are fist fights in their house to use the mirror.
D. Richards (Atheist.) | December 28, 2007 at 10:44 am
Who fucking cares about Jessica Alba? She’s a dim bulb.
#11? A lake-of fire? Do they have slides and rope swings a said lake-of fire? That would be so fucking fun, don’t ya’ think?
And, #11, you have found your niche in the very competitive world of ‘saving’ souls; The Superficial. Pack your bags, you did it! You just filled your quota. I’m saved!
You can now ascend to magic world. Heavens filled with ass-kissing nutsacs though, so you may have to climb your way up the janitorial work ladder. But you’ll make it. You’ve got the fire. You’ve got the tough, #11.
uno | December 28, 2007 at 10:47 am
She really isn’t tall enough to be as perfect as everyone thinks she is.
stephenj | December 28, 2007 at 10:49 am
Pic 1 – Alba – “I love that everyone can look past my looks, and see that I’m one of the decades greatest actresses”. Cash – “I know what you mean. My success is directly attributed to my cunning business sense, and not just about who I knock up!”
Pic 2 – Alba – “I yearn for a normal life. One in which we could walk hand in hand with our bastard love child, and not worry about the ills of fame. Lets ponder what life would be like, without Hollywood, and the paparazzi”
Pic 3 – Both – “Holy Christ, that would suck!”
Pic 4 – Cash – “God damn life is great. Just think, in 7 months US weekly will be paying us 1 million for exclusive photo’s. In 8 months I’ll be banging some new, fresh, Hollywood wannabe. In 9 months you’ll will be yesterday’s news. Hey at least I had you in your prime.”
RichPort | December 28, 2007 at 10:52 am
#17 – I disagree.. I’ve swam through a few lakes of fire in my day and other than a few singed hairs, it’s kinda boring. Besides, I kept bumping into Mischa Barton and Paris Hilton, which gets old fast.
funy | December 28, 2007 at 10:55 am
How in god’s name is it a bastard child? They chose to have a child out of wedlock, there’s NOTHING wrong with that. Stupid evangelicals.
shane | December 28, 2007 at 11:07 am
#13 – Doesn’t just about everyone prefer blondes? Especially natural ones. Alba as a blonde looked pretty weird – sort of like a Mexican albino, or should I say Albaino.
| December 28, 2007 at 11:14 am
He’s cuter than her.
Gosh, she’s so average. Can’t understand what people see in her or why some people find her attractive.
D | December 28, 2007 at 11:18 am
Congrats, Jessica! the guy didn’t want to marry you, you broke up for 2 weeks because he refused to, you got herpes, you went back to him begging to him to take you back, a month later or so you got intentionally knocked up and now you finally managed to get the guy to marry you.
Sheva | December 28, 2007 at 11:24 am
This guy should have his lawyers ready. Get custody, get paid.
Cash Warren is average dude no more.
linkue | December 28, 2007 at 11:25 am
Jessica is a cute babe…She was said to have a personal account on a millionaire&celebs online service “meetrich.com” with her hot pictures and blogs there. Quite a few fans and hot guys are found in her circle there.
sb82 | December 28, 2007 at 11:30 am
Every time I see a current photo of Jessica , she looks like should be in a Proactiv commercial. She’s always trying to hide her face full of zits with that stupid cap. I guess she got her wish and now people can “get past her hotness.” Misha Barton looks better in her mug shot.
LadyJane | December 28, 2007 at 11:45 am
Did Edna Bambrick figure out how to log on as a different username????
RENEE... | December 28, 2007 at 12:18 pm
How the hell are all these anorexic bitches getting pregnant anyways?! I thought the flow stopped once you stopped eating. Oh, maybe she binges and purges instead…Well, either way, she’s probably gonna be purging now…
Ript1&0 | December 28, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Hey Fish,
If you’re gonna spew….. Spew into this.
Nice reference!
lambman | December 28, 2007 at 12:43 pm
yawn, Jessica Alba is as boring as she is untalented
hermit crab | December 28, 2007 at 1:05 pm
i hope her kids come out dark. that’s the thing about mating with blacks. even if they are light skinned or mixed, there is a potential for the kids to come out darker. that would send jessica in a tailspin.
hank | December 28, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Alba can pick anyone in the world and she chooses this unibrow neanderthal? hahaha
63 % CRAZY | December 28, 2007 at 1:08 pm
i’m glad that rich, beautiful celebrity women have to resort to the same low brow tactics to secure a marriage that ordinary women do. they really are just like the rest of us.
DrPhowstus | December 28, 2007 at 1:12 pm
#32 – “Mating” with blacks? You’re a regular fucking Crocodile Dundee, aren’t you?
Vince Lombardi | December 28, 2007 at 1:30 pm
First, who names their kid “Cash?”
Second, who the hell IS Cash Warren, and who do I have to hire to kill him?
shut up | December 28, 2007 at 1:31 pm
@ 29: shut the fuck up. just because the average woman in america is fat, does not mean that someone at thier ideal weight is “anorexic.” she looks very healthy to me. as cliche as it is to say….you are just jealous.
hitler's good side | December 28, 2007 at 1:56 pm
#36 who names their kid Cash? a black pimp
sidv | December 28, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Jessica Alba always reminded me of Phoebe Cates – cuteness masquerading as sexiness. They both look Filipino, they both lack any discernible talent, and now that Alba is pregnant, hopefully she’ll retire and quit embarrassing herself with her “acting” just like Cates did.
Ooba Gooba | December 28, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Her last movie tanked. Gotta get knocked up to keep your name in the news these days. Or get a DUI. Or both.
sandi | December 28, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Wasn’t Cash cheating on her with some Russian model around the time Jessica got pregnant? Or were they “on a break”?
celebrity | December 28, 2007 at 3:54 pm
that’s good especially for their baby
shallow val | December 28, 2007 at 4:10 pm
39 – Nice. I know what you mean. Phoebe couldn’t even pull off “Drop Dead Fred.” I now know why Jessica Albass always reminded me of someone I couldn’t place.
walker | December 28, 2007 at 4:35 pm
The funny thing is that she doesn’t even look pregnant. Why would she make it public when it’s not even showing yet. You would think she would wait a bit longer to announce it since she hates all the attention.
She looks so miserable. That’s a shame because no one goes to her movies, no one has anything nice to say about her and all she can do get pregnant like everyone else to get attention. You know, if she wasn’t an actress, she’d be another unwed, pregnant Latina.
walkjer | December 28, 2007 at 4:44 pm
11:14am
He’s cuter than her.
Gosh, she’s so average. Can’t understand what people see in her or why some people find her attractive.
+++++++ It’s the media that tells the public who is sexy, hot and all that. That’s all. They make up those stupid “sexiest” lists and put Alba at the top of them when she’s got some promoting to do and also to remind people of who in the f*ck she is.
NOSE JOB | December 28, 2007 at 4:49 pm
http://www.hollywoodplastic.com/
It Must Suck When One Is That Desperate | December 28, 2007 at 5:36 pm
#33
Well, actually, she couldn’t pick Cash: she wanted him to commit and he nixed it. That’s why she ended the relationship but two weeks later begged him to take her back. And of course later she did the most creative and original thing: trapped him by getting pregnant.
Alexandra | December 28, 2007 at 5:59 pm
They look alike – to much of a similiar gene pool there. The kid will come out mongaloid.
Fakies | December 28, 2007 at 6:53 pm
#47 “Trapped him by getting pregnant?”
Are you kidding me?!?
Based on the facts of sexual reproduction, I believe it takes two people having unprotected sex in order to conceive.
Pikachelsea | December 28, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Holy crap, look at picture #3. She looks like she has Down Syndrome. wtf.