Let’s Talk About Jessica Simpson’s Instagram

May 27th, 2014 // 51 Comments
Things Were Going So Well
Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
This. Go Back To This. Read More »

Early this morning, Jessica Simpson posted two swimsuit photos of her new skinny body which are way more disturbing than they are sexy because her legs are dying. They’re dead. Even worse, they draw your attention to Jessica Simpson’s Instagram account which is a terrifying shitshow of crazy eyes, duck lips and Eric Johnson‘s tongue. It’s almost like she’s trying to make me miss when she was pregnant which she wins because I do. (There’s a basal thermometer in the mail.)

Photos: Instagram


  1. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    This is the face of a woman who’s on the StairMaster 6 hours every day.

    • Deacon Jones

      I was going to say its the face of a woman who just saw the online pics of her 60-some year old dad photographing a gay teen on a beach.

  2. The only thing good (for me) about this post is that it reminded me that I haven’t looked at Emily Ratajkowski’s Instagram page since she posted the FHM photo in the middle of May.

  3. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    The Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? Scary.
    Emmy award though for being able to do duck lips while holding your breath and waist in.

  4. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:


  5. Teenagers do this. Airheaded teenagers. Running her fashion empire doesn’t take up enough of her time, apparently. When’s that wedding??

    • That’s cute you think she is actually running that company and is nothing more than a figurehead, a name.

      • Well some say she does and some say no, but I have to agree with you because the active brain cells on the go most of the time are extremely few and far between. Let’s see… what’ she done lately… bragged about how good-looking her kids are… hmm. Another mystery because her boyfriend looks like an unshowered douchebag. So you raise a good point.

      • She named her son Ace. I just enjoy reminding people of that whenever possible. :) I think there’s a link to the brain cells conversation, also.

  6. smokin hot. Just stop wearing those damn granny bathing suits and get in a bikini so we can see those curves.

  7. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Only time she ever looked good is during the Dukes of Hazzard time period.

    Now that she’s back to being fit, she aging horribly.

    Hard to believe she’s only in her early 30′s.

    • Of course she’s aging. Horribly? Nahhh…just aging — like every other being in creation, you fucking nimrod!

    • The difference between Young-Fit and Old-Fit when it comes to women.

      Young-Fit is toned but smooth and soft.

      Old-Fit is hard and angular and more masculine looking.

      • …i hate to say it, but there’s something to that …she’s lost the natural lines/contours she once had, and it’s been replaced by that flat, drawn look females get when they diet too restrictively and cardio way too much …i truly did prefer her in her per-prgnancy thickness.

  8. She is such an oddly shaped creature. Kind of like a Pinocchio… With tits.

  9. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    steel murkin
    Commented on this photo:

    When did she go blind?

  10. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:


  11. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember back when she was Daisy Duke smoking hot? Pepperidge Farm remembers. And they accept their share of the blame

  12. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I see that Fish did not comment on Santa Barbara killings, because where would his website be if he didn’t make a full time living off of objectifying women and their bodies (and he normally always has an opinion about a national tragedy)? If his whole life existence and his financial well-being was contingent upon his misogynistic view of how a woman’s body should look-whether they’re too skinny one week or too fat another, how their legs, their butts, their faces, and every aspect of their physical body should look (to him, if not the whole world, right?)?
    You keep preaching, Fish. Hopefully your appraisal of duck lips, and skinny legs provides a lullaby of sorts for you at night to keep you from going and shooting up a bunch of women who don’t match your standards (who incidentally, just like the killer Elliot Rodger, would probably not touch you with a 10 ft pole). We feel your physical neglect and loneliness, we really do.

    • First you seem irritated because Fish didn’t comment on the tragedy in Santa Barbara, then you seem irritated that he didn’t write some misogynistic rant against women. Seems like you’re just plain irritated. Go away until you’re UN-irritated.

      • Most of his posts are misogynistic rants against women, including this one. I remember the days where he was bashing Simpson for being too fat and now her legs are “dead”. It’s funny until it just stops being. And I think I’m on the entirely ‘right’ site to call out how awful all of these sites actually are.

    • Oh, fuck off. You’re on the wrong site. It’s a comical, bash-the-celebrities vent site. It’s hilarious. We love it here. You apparently don’t get it.

    • hamtime

      There’s a contextual issue here. The name of the site should give you a hint.

      It also seems that you are somewhat selective in your observations. While ‘Fish does make a large percentage of the superficial comments regarding women, it is not women exclusively. Poor Jonah Hill has had a chubby tummy full of criticism directed his way.

      So stop being so f’ing offended or go somewhere else.

    • So evalina drank the feminist kool-aid that Elliot Rodger was a misogynist and his actions are indicative of society’s view of women as a whole. I bet “she” visited a few Men’s rights sites to call them misogynists because her feminist overlords told her they were and anybody who disagrees with women on anything must be misogynist.

      Nevermind the fact that Elliot killed more men than women, never mind the fact that he wasn’t an MRA or even a PUA just focus on the minority of women he killed because he was a frustrated virgin. Feminists aren’t going to let a little thing like facts fuck up their hysterical ramblings.

      Things like this is why I say feminists are disgusting. Feminism has become a hate movement. Hatred and demonization is their business. That they would attribute this horrible act of violence on the Men’s rights movement shows their level of desperation to find something, anything, they can pin of the MRM to discredit them. If you can’t beat them intellectually, just lie and smear the shit out of them, right?

      This is obviously a misogyny issue, right? Not a gun control issue? Or a mental health issue? He had a problem with women and that cannot be tolerated.

      Fuck you, evalina2004. Grow a sense of humour and take your feminist bullshit to the echo chambers of Jezebel or Salon or the many other sites where women gather to stroke each other off about how bad they have it.

      • *Yawn* You posted that article after I posted my comment. Make the issue about gun control all you want to redirect the attention away from the fact that you have, essentially, created a website mocking women (and treating celebrities, especially women) as if they are subhuman. We can joke and dance around the issue if you like, but that inherent aspect in American culture (along with abhorrent gun control policies) create these monstrosities, create little boys who hate girls, create little girls who hate themselves, create vile. I have been reading this site for years, and once upon a time I thought it was funny but I just don’t find it funny anymore. It just hurts my stomach.

      • I’m an atheist but….you have a good day, fish.

      • The truth is that many issues in this country need to be addressed- mental health, horribly lax gun control laws among them. But we kid ourselves if we think that the way women are portrayed in public media (including the internet) does not affect and shape the minds of all-especially the young. We’ve got to do better. And I bring up this particular issue because this is what this site is dedicated to.

      • evalina2004, if you want serious gut wrenching news, go to CNN or Fox news. com etc, but for gods sake let the rest of us enjoy this place for what it is.
        If I wanted to debate death, poverty and politics, I know where to go, but it just so happens that those of us who visit this site actually do so because we don´t fucking want to!
        This is called The superficial – get over yourself and take your feminism and your sermons elsewhere.

      • Yes, quote what must be one of the most stupid, rambling pieces of brain-damaged lefty college geek bullshit ever seen on this site.
        You spent more time polishing the “hate Sarah Palin” pole than you did commenting on the latest Democrat loser gun-waving lunatic.

  13. Cher X

    “Jessica did not have anything done to her lips,” her rep says. “She tried Restylane some time ago and did not like the way that it looked” – 2007
    Flash forward to today…..yeah her lips look hideous. Someone tell these girls that trout pouts just make them look silly.

  14. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Dayam! She’s got a helluva tongue, and I can think of several things she could do with it that would please me immensely.

  15. I see the genes of Papa Joe are strong in Jessica

  16. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    The sad thing is that Fish and Photo Boy are fully aware of how awful their website actually is. I don’t know if that makes their ‘superficial’ ramblings better or worse.

  17. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    I think her lips are just like that now.

  18. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Now I see why men marry her so quickly. You got to lock that shit down.

  19. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Don Draper's Dad
    Commented on this photo:

    I swear to god she is channeling the Ultimate Warrior in this photo. Put some face paint and neon arm bands on her.

  20. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    There is nothing good about this

  21. Bud Haven

    You can almost see the hot chubby chic trying to claw her way out.

  22. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    Ke$ha is looking rough again!

  23. Mrfknhappy

    Admittedly, I never found her attractive to begin with, but now she just looks terrible. All she needed to do was to lose a few pounds and tone up, but she obviously took it to a whole new level. Looks like way too much cardio and drastic caloric restriction is to blame.

  24. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:


  25. Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
    Commented on this photo:

    She doesn’t look good in the picture because she has small hips and wide shoulders.

    The bathing suit doesn’t help either.

    I bet she looks insane from the back.

  26. Mel

    Man, I hope each of you is absolutely perfectly flawless in appearance. I don’t even know who she is or why she’s famous (didn’t she say something about tuna being chicken?) but I sincerely hope each of you bashing her are as pretty as a flipping peach. Cause your comments are uglier than any pic of her that I just saw.

Leave A Comment