Jessica Simpson’s Still Pregnant, Everybody

April 23rd, 2012 // 44 Comments
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Seen here waiting in the car for her mom to get back with a bag bursting at the seams with Chili’s take-out (No, really.), Jessica Simpson apparently heard all the recent rumors that she’s already given birth and decided to let everyone know there’s still a baby in her stomach so four full racks of ribs is a completely acceptable breakfast, shut up:

To everyone who keeps congratulating me on the birth of my baby girl…I’m still pregnant!! Don’t believe what you read ladies and gents.

In the meantime, it’s been nearly three weeks since Jessica has been photographed out in the open – These Chili shots are from Friday where she stayed in the car because her mom forgot the door butter again. – so how they’re managing to hide her pretty much confirms David Copperfield‘s on her staff now.

PAPA JOE: Hello? David Copperfield? Joe Simpson here. Is it true you made the whole dang Statue a Liberty disappear?
DAVID: I did…
PAPA JOE: How’d you like to top that?
DAVID: You have my attention, Mr. Simpson.
PAPA JOE: Now hold’cher horses. First, you’re gonna tell me about that there secret island where you take women and touch their big ol’ pregnant breasts.
DAVID: Mr. Simpson, that is a sacred place you’re talking about. And, wait, did you say pregnant? Like your daughter?
PAPA JOE: Uh, bad connection. To hell with you, wizard! *hangs up*

Photos: INFdaily

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  1. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she’s enjoying 4-20.

  2. JC

    You know that when her mother got back to the car, most of the dashboard was gone. “Oh, punkin, I just Armor-All’d that. It ain’t good for the baby.”

  3. GrandDragon

    This woman has been pregnant longer than Bonnie from Family Guy

  4. Frank Burns

    Either her maternity clothing line needs more marketing, or a Chinese slave-driven factory hasn’t churned out enough baby clothes yet, is why she hasn’t delivered yet.

  5. Cock Dr

    Remarkable. I’m actually beginning to feel brief flickers of genuine interest…when WILL this pregnancy end and how big will it’s issue be? I’m thinking newborn weigh in has gotta be in the double digits.

  6. Angie

    She never was pregnant. One of her exes slipped and fell in. Did you ever notice how we haven’t seen John Mayer lately? Well?

  7. stacy

    At least we know Jessica is really pregnant. Not like that farce Beyonce tried to pull.

  8. BarB

    Honestly, I think she’s faking and using a surrogate. It’s taking so long because she got hungry and ate the first two.

  9. Buddy the Elf

    Would this fat slob even be relevant if she werent pregnant with whats-his-names kid?

  10. clint eatswood

    where’s the titty meat?? we were to have gallery upon gallery of tig ol’ bitties on full display by now…wtf.

  11. Crissy

    It just seems like she’s been pregnant for ever, because she’s LOOKED 6-months pregnant for about 3 years! Now, the real pregnancy has caught up to her and it aint pretty!

  12. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s actually the baby’s foot that’s just broken through her abdomen.

  13. Is she gonna be another Octomom? Surely there just isn’t 1 baby in that fat thing.

  14. Oogidyboogidy

    A moo-moo in a mumu.

  15. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Let’s pretend she’s not pregnant for a second so I can get this off my chest. When I see people with their bare fucking feet on dashboards or any part of the vehicle apart from the FLOOR (and at that put on some god damn shoes you’re a cobbler FFS), I develop a compulsion to beat them senseless. It’s not comfortable (especially not for someone who is 2 years pregnant – did she slide the seat all the way back in to the vehicle behind her?). It’s unsafe and it’s GROSS. I can’t look at this picture any more. It makes me not like her. And I do.

  16. Dude of Dudes

    Damn the fucking thing is coming out full grown.

  17. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Tricky Fish
    Commented on this photo:

    If her mom was five minutes later with the takeout, she’d come back to a recently amputated Jessica, the only tell tale sign being the barbeque sauce slathered from mid-calf to stump.

  18. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she seriously SMOKING? Not much more this woman can do to endanger that child’s health at this point.

  19. Clarence Beeks

    I hate when people put their bare feet up on the dashboard. So tacky. And people in other cars do not want to see your gross feet!

    • Jonas Grumby

      For Jessica its very practical, it gives her somewhere to put each corn dog stick while gets started on a fresh one.

  20. dooood

    a few years ago, we woulda given anything to watch
    jessica simpson make out with christina aguilera.
    now it would be like watching king of the monsters.

  21. Dramatic Puddle

    Jessica Simpson is living proof that a billion-dollar fashion empire cannot buy you brains or class. She’s another one of those “celebrities” who always looks like she stinks.

  22. She’s turned into Bonnie from Family Guy.

  23. anonym

    oh boy.

    I can’t imagine how she’ll lose all the weight and the stretch marks

  24. anonym

    i think eric johnson will get tired of her fat ass post pregnancy and divorce her

  25. Crispy Anus

    I feel sorry for those feet. What a fat tub of shit.

  26. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    I think it’s entirely possible she’s no longer pregnant because based off of this picture alone…
    How the fuck did she manage to get her feet up on the dashboard sitting so close to it??? If she’s still pregnant, there’s just no way for her to physically lift her leg up without her stomach bursting from the pressure. She’s been hiding away for the last 3 weeks because her body is most likely destroyed from giving birth to a 20 lb baby.

  27. jen

    sad that you people are so sarcastic? what has she ever done to any of ya’ll. Is it bacause she is not pencil thin? doesn’t rap? doesn’t use profanity? Are you jealous because she works and makes a better living than you do.

  28. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    gagirl
    Commented on this photo:

    I agree 100% with Issa. When I saw this pic the very first thing that came to mind was no way in hell would she be able to have her country-ass foot propped up on the dash. There’s just no way. This bitch has given birth and is waiting for a slow news day to announce it. Oh and by the way, the LAST place she needs to be is Chili’s.

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  30. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Jenny
    Commented on this photo:

    all of Jessica’s fans wanting to do as she does .WTF does that mean? Fans want to act like a bldnoe ditz with no talent? Seriously what does she do that fans would want to do? People should lose weight the right way not by a Jessica Simpson Promo or a Kardashian promoted Quik Trim go to the gym, eat right, and dont fall for the blogs promoting celebrity bs

  31. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Sofins
    Commented on this photo:

    ok … first line up I would have to agree with Tony Park! no questions about it … Jessica does it for me (particularly those boots and short sroths in the Dukes of Hazzard) – so she would have to be the root and comin home to a school uniform wearing wife … hmm!For the latest list posted would have to be:Shoot: Paris (she is so stupid and – courtesy of the web – I dont need to root her or marry her to see her with her kit off)Root: Jessica (boots and short sroths)Marry: Mary …the other list is unfortunately a bit tougher, so will refrain from answering at the moment!

  32. Jessica Simpson Hiding In Car Chillis Take Out Tina Simpson
    Nause
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh yeah, she’s definitely parengnt! That’s not just a pudge there, it’s definitely a baby belly! She’s been wearing a lot of black lately, and if you look, that shirt is pretty sheer, and you can see there the leggings come up OVER her belly, like maternity leggings!

  33. Jon

    THAT’S A HUGE BITCH!!

  34. Muhammad

    Its healthy yes, but ..If you didn;t work out daily proir to getntig pregnant it could be too much for your body. Keep in mind that Jessica Alba is in the public eye and there for worked out daily just to maintain, so for her it is the norm.If you did work out daily prior to getntig pregnant then before doing too much discuss with your doc. Some find that just modifying the workout is good enough. As your pregnancy progresses you will contunue to make modifications to your workout to accomodate your growing belly.

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